Fic: Unloved

[blackash26]

Title: Unloved
Fandom: Batman
Characters: Tim Drake, Dick Grayson
Summary: “It isn’t okay.”

Notes: I didn’t intend to write a follow up to Beloved, but then this happened.

Warning: Includes oblique and not so oblique references non-graphic sexual abuse of a minor, parent-child incest, underage, screwed up ideas of love and intimacy. Read at your own

Comments

[the_protagonist]

*SOBS*

Tim! God. He's so messed up. Of *course* Tim thinks love is conditional. Of *course* he does. No one has ever shown him otherwise. I mean - even when he became Robin, Bruce didn't want him. Not right away at least. Tim had to do something - had to prove himself worthy of Bruce's time.

And now he has this abuse to work through.

Ouch.

And it's singular to Tim - that Tim think he's not good enough to love outright.

He probably think Dick and Jason deserved love. But not himself. Not Tim.

D:

God.

Ow.

I need more of this. D: It hurts and you have to make it just at least a little better, okay?
D:

[blackash26]

Yes. He is incredibly messed up.

It's my first time writing with such an unreliable narrator so it's hard to say what exactly he thinks was happening between Bruce and Dick and Jason, but he definitely thinks they both deserve love. And he only knows one way that people express love. He on the other hand certainly doesn't.

So. I blame you completely and utterly for the fact that this is turning into a verse. I went to bed two nights ago after reading your comment with the thought that this was the end because I had no idea what to do with next or even what my timeline was. Then thirty minutes later I'm up and scribbling a timeline down in my journal and can't the idea of Jason meeting Beloved!Tim out of my head.

It looks like there's definitely going to be more. Whether or not it will get better remains to be seen, though.

[the_protagonist]

So. I blame you completely and utterly for the fact that this is turning into a verse.

*cackles madly*

I regret absolutely nothing.

[blackash26]

This fic should probably come with a free tissue box.

(To be fair, your entire tumblr should come with a complementary lifetime supply of tissue boxes...)

Don't worry. It will get better...ish. Maybe. (That's not very comforting, is it? Sorry...)

[malkavianlove]

Poor Tim, of course he doesn't see what's wrong isn't him. He was never taught anything else. How can he believe that the only affection or comfort he was ever given is harmful and bad? How can possibly think that the only thing he recieved approaching love was really abuse?

He was taught that love *is* conditional. That it isn't something you inherently deserve. He was never taught that he had value, a right to respect, a right to be happy. It's not just the sexual abuse that's the problem. The abandoment, neglect, degredation, psychological abuse, and the likely non-sexual physical abuse all combined to make him feel like the sexual abuse was a reward. It's heartbreaking that he had to endure any of it. It's even more painful that he doesn't know any way to be loved without being Beloved.

(And since I didn't mention it earlier in the comment; You're amazingly talented and this is an evocative story. It takes skill to write such a triggery subject in a way that rings honest and touching even to somebody who has been abused.)

[blackash26]

Yes, exactly.

He definitely feels that the sexual abuse is a reward. He really has no conception of love that doesn't involve being Beloved. But it's not just about love. Being Beloved is also the only way he ever received physical contact, affection, positive attention, or any sense of self-worth. And that makes Bruce's rejection that much worse for Tim.

(Oh, thank you. So much. You're too kind.)

[the_protagonist]

So... I plugged this on my tumblr! Hope you don't mind!

http://protagonistically.tumblr.com/post/20809840970/guiz-guiz

[blackash26]

Oh, I don't mind at all. Thank you!

You're impossibly sweet.