Read if you want.
So Cody's feeling bad that I can't spend time with him. I think he thinks that I don't feel bad about it. I think he thinks I'm just having a peachy life without him there. I miss him every minute of every day, but apparently, he just doesn't see that.
Last night, he told Danielle that 1) he wanted to break up with me, and 2) that there were "plenty more girls out there who could spend all their time" with him, two things of which he failed to mention about the conversation he had with Danielle. He told me that she said we should take a break and he should give me my space. I told him today if he wanted to break up with me, then do it now before it really started to hurt. He excused the whole thing as he "was really mad, and not thinking." Call me crazy, but you don't threaten to break up with someone you love because you were really mad. He is my first priority over everything. I don't seem to be his.
He also denied saying anything about other girls. I honestly don't know what to believe because of the way he has been acting.
I can't believe he would even complain about this. I turned down a trip to St. Louis and see my brother to stay here because of how much I loved him. I just can't believe he would do this to me. It hurts to deep to even describe. It's like it means nothing to him, and all that does mean anything to him is to have me there at his wish.
Yes, I do have other things to do. Yes my mother is home from surgery and I have to take care of her. Yes I have a lot of homework to do, it's only my future after all. Yes, my new horse is hurt and I'm worried sick about him. Yes, I feel bad when I don't get to spend every waking moment with Cody. So I'm sorry that when I'm in homework up to my eyeballs and stay up till I can't see straight I fall asleep and am therefore unable to call. I'm sorry that I can't be there every night. I'm sorry I have a life and I can't be a brainless sack of pussy for you whenever you need it.
I can't do this anymore. This stress of everything, maybe perhaps especially of making you happy is what is killing me the most. You take advantage of me all the time, I think without even realizing it. I'm dealing with and have dealt with so much shit that no 16-year-old should ever have to deal with. I'm sorry I'm not what you want.