And to top it all off, I'm getting sick AND I have a severe backache so I can't go to the meeting. I'm lying in bed to write this right now. Thank goodness for my laptop!
I may attend via Skype, since they broadcast them for people who can't physically go. But still, it was a hard decision to make, since not going would be a sign of weakness. ...wouldn't it? Someone else told me that it was ironic that I was worried about seeming brave since others percieve me, according to her, as so brave and outgoing that I come across as intimidating.
...is that the case? Because I can't see how but it seems to be extremely common.
I'm not sure, but...I think I get it...to some extent.
I'm always afraid about coming off as rude or arrogant, so i try to avoid being in some kind of leadership role or any thing that will put me at the center of attention. Even then, sometimes I don't notice that I talk or act arrogantly until a little later, then I feel bad about it and I usually become very upset at myself. I don't like arrogant or rude people, which is why I hate it even more when I come across as such.
I'm not even sure if that's the answer you were looking for...or whatever.
See, to me, I'm not letting anything sabotage me. To me, I had perfectly reasonable reactions that other people are insisting are unreasonable for reasons beyond logic. I feel perfectly fine about myself. It's that I'm surrounded by idiots, is all.
It's not so much really whether you feel contented -about- yourself as whether you feel contented -within- yourself. Within yourself isn't to do with your sense of identity, it's your direct experience. You can sabotage your whole self without sabotaging your 'sense of self'.
By the journal entry I would guess you feel very unhappy and frustrated about these situations, and while you might feel fine about how you acted in response to other people, that's just one closed off aspect. Your total experience of the matter is not at all fine or positive, otherwise you wouldn't be so furious about it. In the big picture and on the most basic level, the negative feelings aren't separate from you, they exist within you and are part of you.
Comments 9
No real clue how to react this. ;;
*hugs*
This is all so disconcerting.
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And to top it all off, I'm getting sick AND I have a severe backache so I can't go to the meeting. I'm lying in bed to write this right now. Thank goodness for my laptop!
I may attend via Skype, since they broadcast them for people who can't physically go. But still, it was a hard decision to make, since not going would be a sign of weakness. ...wouldn't it? Someone else told me that it was ironic that I was worried about seeming brave since others percieve me, according to her, as so brave and outgoing that I come across as intimidating.
...is that the case? Because I can't see how but it seems to be extremely common.
Reply
I'm not sure, but...I think I get it...to some extent.
I'm always afraid about coming off as rude or arrogant, so i try to avoid being in some kind of leadership role or any thing that will put me at the center of attention. Even then, sometimes I don't notice that I talk or act arrogantly until a little later, then I feel bad about it and I usually become very upset at myself. I don't like arrogant or rude people, which is why I hate it even more when I come across as such.
I'm not even sure if that's the answer you were looking for...or whatever.
Reply
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By the journal entry I would guess you feel very unhappy and frustrated about these situations, and while you might feel fine about how you acted in response to other people, that's just one closed off aspect. Your total experience of the matter is not at all fine or positive, otherwise you wouldn't be so furious about it. In the big picture and on the most basic level, the negative feelings aren't separate from you, they exist within you and are part of you.
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