Eh, people who are used to treating you a certain way don't really tend to stop overnight. Instead, you have to work on setting up strong boundaries and sticking to them. If you ask someone to (or not to) do something, you have every reasonable expectation that they'll do as you asked. If they go against your wishes, especially while knowing that they're acting against your wishes, they're in the wrong, not you. You have to make it clear to such people that you won't stand for that. Tell your mom "I asked you not to do x. You did x anyway. From now on, I expect you to respect my wishes. If you can't do that, you are not welcome in my living space/I won't speak to you for __ amount of time/I will do other things to show my displeasure that you won't like."
Next time she calls, tell her you don't want to speak to her and hang up. If she shows up, tell her she isn't welcome and close the door. You can choose whether or not to include an explanation, and when your "silent treatment" ends. Any time she tries to guilt you about it, end the conversation immediately. You have to figure out what would best get the message through to your mom (ie. whatever she dislikes the most), and use that when she does something like this to show that I Am Not Okay With This. Setting boundaries is difficult because she will constantly be pushing back, but once they're up it can start getting easier.
Did you take a look at Captain Awkward? I'd recommend looking at her advice about boundaries and how to say no.
I have no problems saying no. She doesn't *take* no. I do all this stuff and she flat out refuses to acknowledge that she could ever be wrong about anything, and whenever I say she is she insists "Oh so I'm ALWAYS wrong, and you're ALWAYS right!" It's a long-standing problem with her, which is why I call her St Mara the Martyr. It's like she isn't happy unless she's bringing someone down.
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Eh, people who are used to treating you a certain way don't really tend to stop overnight. Instead, you have to work on setting up strong boundaries and sticking to them. If you ask someone to (or not to) do something, you have every reasonable expectation that they'll do as you asked. If they go against your wishes, especially while knowing that they're acting against your wishes, they're in the wrong, not you. You have to make it clear to such people that you won't stand for that. Tell your mom "I asked you not to do x. You did x anyway. From now on, I expect you to respect my wishes. If you can't do that, you are not welcome in my living space/I won't speak to you for __ amount of time/I will do other things to show my displeasure that you won't like."
I learned this stuff from http://captainawkward.com and I would hiiiighly recommend it!
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Did you take a look at Captain Awkward? I'd recommend looking at her advice about boundaries and how to say no.
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And she's a psych nurse.
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On the bright side, I was surprised to find that I quite enjoy my family in smaller doses.
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