always busy being make believe: part two
<- Part One | Part Three ->
Saturday
Breakfast with Ashley started pretty much the way Chris expected it would. She gave him approximately seven minutes to eat his grapefruit and talk about the fans he'd met the night before while she just watched him. Eventually, she spoke.
"So are you going to talk about what you actually wanted to talk about? Because I realise you're due for a photoshoot at nine, but I don't have to be there for another hour after that and since Jenna and I only got to bed like three hours ago, I'm doing you a huge solid by even having my eyes open right now. If you don't elaborate on 'I can't stop thinking about Darren naked' some time in the next two sentences, I reserve the right to go back to bed."
Chris sighed and stabbed his spoon at his breakfast. "Fine." He sighed. "Long version or short version?"
"That's two sentences. I'm out of here."
Chris stuck his tongue out at her. "Those were fragments. No verbs. They don't count."
"Whatever. Short version please."
"I walked into Darren's bathroom yesterday as he was getting out of the shower. You got the rest from my text."
Ashley's mouth dropped open. "Wait - you're talking actual naked Darren? I assumed you meant the imaginary naked Darren who lives in your head. Because we all have one of those." She looked around her and waved her hand towards a server. "I need coffee to process this."
Chris concentrated on his grapefruit again until Ashley was sufficiently caffeinated. "Okay. Long version now, please."
She listened as Chris filled in the details, from the moment he invaded Darren's bathroom - "You just walked in? Of all the bathroom activities he could have been doing, the majority of them require at least partial nudity. What were you thinking?!" - to Darren falling asleep on his bed. And then stared Chris for a good minute and a half, until he was wriggling uncomfortably under her gaze.
"Say something."
She cocked her head and stared at him for a few seconds longer. "I can't believe you saw Darren naked over twelve hours ago and it took you until now to tell me."
"Super helpful, Ash. Awesome job."
"Look, the way I see it, you two are basically boyfriends without any of the benefits. If you're going to start getting all awkward about it, you might as well just fuck him so that at least you have a reason for it."
"Seriously, why do I tell you things?"
"Because I'm your best friend and you love me?"
"Mmm. Maybe. Or maybe it's because my choice right now is between you and Jenna, and Ushkowitz is a blabbermouth?"
"Do you want my advice or not?"
"Yes. Wait. No? I don't know. Give me a clue?"
"You're being super difficult for somebody in the middle of an emotional crisis, Christopher."
Chris sighed and slumped back in his chair. "I'm-"
"Deflecting attention from your actual feelings with humour. I know."
He pouted and stared into his grapefruit while Ashley finished her coffee and munched on a bagel, and then whined at her. "Help me?"
"You're not going to like it."
"You're going to tell me to tell him I like him, aren't you?"
"Yes."
"No."
She sighed. "Here's what I think. Don't look at me like that, you asked for it."
"Fine."
"You like him. He at least acts like he likes you. You're completely obnoxious when you're together in that way that only couples are, except you're not getting any of the best parts of actually dating somebody, which totally blows. So yes. I think you should tell him."
"But what if-"
"If he doesn't like you like that?" She smiled as Chris nodded glumly. "Then he's a fool. And he's Darren. He's not likely to let things be awkward." She stuffed the last piece of her bagel into her mouth as she stood up. "I'm going back to bed."
"For an hour?"
"Better than nothing."
"You're ridiculous."
"You should tell him. And then at least you know, you know?"
-
The rest of Saturday was a blur of photoshoots, interviews, and a surreal hour on stage with Ashley where they were questioned about everything from who they would crap on if they were pigeons, to Chris's personal favourite question ever - "if you could go back in time and hug yourself, would you be happier now or then?"
(He had responded that he would definitely be happier now, because apart from anything else he would actually be aware of why he was there, whereas past-Chris would just be incredibly freaked out that some older guy who looked exactly like him was trying to hug him.)
So by the time it rolled around to mid-afternoon and the start of the day's autograph session, Chris was already creeping towards exhausted. Getting the opportunity to chat to everybody while he signed was the only thing that kept him going. After an hour his aching hand meant that for the first time he was incredibly grateful that the release date for his book had been pushed back two weeks, as it meant most people were just having him sign one or two Glee things. Every time he glanced at Darren's table the person standing there had a pile of items from Starkid stuff to posters from solo shows to How To Succeed playbills. Considering nobody had known Darren was coming it looked as though everybody had still brought things just in case he did.
He'd just said goodbye to an adorable little girl who he wasn't entirely sure was old enough to be watching Glee when a blue Sharpie came flying at him from the direction of Darren's table.
"Ow!" He glared at Darren. "What?"
"Bathroom break?"
Chris nodded - his hand would appreciate the rest - and Sally apologised to the next person in the queue before leading the two of them out to the hotel room that had been reserved for quick breaks during the day. She waited outside while they went in, neither of them moving towards the bathroom but instead both sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"You're such a girl, can't even take a bathroom break without company," Chris teased.
"Yeah, yeah. Man, my hand is killing me. I just needed five minutes."
Chris laughed. "I know what you mean. At least it looks like you're getting an interesting variety of things to sign."
"I am!" He grinned. "One girl brought a freaking Eastwick poster! It was signed by the others, too - she got it at Comic Con that first year I went, the time when I slept in my car. She gushed in great detail about her childhood crush on Paul Gross being the reason she watched Eastwick and therefore being to thank for knowing who I am."
"And what did you say to that?"
"I said I'd thank him if I saw him again."
After grabbing drinks to take with them they headed back to it, and a couple of hours later they emerged victorious. They'd both managed to sign for half the people there and half were left for Sunday. Chris made a mental note to have an ice pack or something on hand for that session.
As Chris had expected, the fancy dress was one of the most ridiculous (but amazing) things he'd ever seen, and he was mad at himself for not bringing a costume so that he could enter too. Maybe next year. After a rather heated discussion they awarded first prize to a group who had come dressed as the New Directions in Gaga vs Kiss mode, and then the tables were hastily removed from in front of the stage as the audience were invited forward onto the dancefloor for Darren's mini concert.
Chris had always loved watching Darren perform, even from the first time he'd watched A Very Potter Musical at home on his laptop, and that hadn't changed. The audiences were almost as energetic when they were watching as Darren was on the stage, and he was thrilled to be able to sit at the side and watch this particular performance.
Darren called on Jenna to help him sing a couple of Glee numbers, and as she left the stage to a thunderous applause she slipped the microphone to Chris. He smiled at her as he accepted it, and then tuned back into what Darren was saying.
"So I've done a few Glee tracks already tonight, and I know this is a Glee convention but I always like to mix it up a bit - and I think it's clear from the number of Starkid things I've signed today that there's a number of fans amongst you." He laughed as they cheered again, and waited for it to die down before he carried on. "Okay, then since you're all agreeable, this song's called Granger Danger. You guys with video settings on your cameras might want to record this one."
Chris smiled as he watched everybody sing along with Darren as he made his way through the first verse, and then he stood up, taking a deep breath and stepping onto the stage as he launched into the first of Draco's lines.
When Darren had called him last week and asked if he wanted to sing this with him, he'd almost dropped the phone. He felt totally honoured to be asked to do a Starkid song - he knew it wasn't something Darren had done at any of his other solo shows when he'd had Glee cast members perform with him. Granted, it was usually because there was a Starkid or two there to do that, but Chris had still asked if Darren was sure seven times before he said he'd do it, and even then he'd basically demanded written permission from Lauren before he even attempted to tackle her part. Permission which he'd received in email form first thing the next morning.
There was something so exhilarating about singing in a show like this, just him and Darren and his guitar, and every single member of the audience singing along at a volume that meant they could barely hear themselves. It was totally different to the vibe at the arena dates he'd played on the Glee tour and that was all he really had to compare it to.
When they reached the end of the song, Darren was grinning at him and everybody was applauding, and Chris was laughing as he took a bow. Darren clapped along with them, and then leant into his microphone. "So Chris and I want to sing another one together for you, maybe something from Glee this time?"
Chris nodded. "We thought that Perfect would be the obvious choice." For the second time that weekend Chris found himself wishing he'd brought earplugs, as he was close to being deafened by the screaming in the room. "Clearly you agree."
Darren began to strum the chords with a smile, and Chris launched into the song. It had been one of his favourites they'd performed together on the show, and it worked well at this kind of show.
When they'd finished, Chris was all ready to retreat from the stage and let Darren have the limelight back, but at dinner they had vaguely discussed the possibility of performing a third song and Darren obviously remembered the conversation.
"Do you want Chris to stay out here for one more song? I asked him earlier if he wanted to do Candles, but he-"
"I said no way! It's a break up song!"
Darren snorted. "So I suggested Baby It's Cold Outside-"
"And I said it's July."
"But it's England. It is cold outside."
"It's a Christmas song, Darren."
"The lyrics don't actually specifically mention Christmas, you know." When Chris looked up at Darren, Darren was beaming back at him and pointing at the cheering crowd, his smile cracked wide in that way Chris knew he could never say no to. "I think they want us to do Baby It's Cold Outside, Chris."
-
Chris stumbled into the green room and flopped down next to Darren on the sofa with a sigh. He'd gotten his second wind for a while after Darren's show, but it was definitely wearing off now - unlike Darren, who was clearly still running on the adrenaline from performing if the way he was talking animatedly with Romy was anything to go by.
Ashley and Jenna had come bounding into the room around twenty minutes earlier, with Ashley yelling "Seriously dude, you've got to come see this. It's total crazy shit!" as she yanked him up from his seat. So he'd followed them, and stood in the corner of the hall watching as three hundred people danced in perfect time with each other. Every song seemed to have its' own routine and after laughing while he watched three or four dances, Ashley dragged him out to the dance floor to try and join in with a dance set to a song based on the Doctor Who theme tune.
He knew that by agreeing to do what Ashley wanted, he'd be able to sneak off when the song was done, and he was right. While Ashley whooped as the music changed and the Macarena started, he slipped through the throng of people - stunned (yet incredibly thankful) that they were all more interested in keeping time with their dancing than trying to touch him or talk to him - and returned to the green room.
Which was when he'd collapsed beside Darren, closing his eyes and settling his face against Darren's shoulder as he carried on talking with Romy.
Their conversation floated over him as he relaxed, still awake enough to hear what they were saying, but not enough to make the effort to join in. She was still laughing at something Darren had said before Chris came into the room, and then took a sip from the wine glass in her hand. "I think the worst one I had was some lady who came up to me on the subway and started screaming at me that I'm not good enough for Burt. I think she wanted him for herself."
Darren cackled as he took a swig of his beer. "What did you do?"
Romy laughed and shrugged. "She was a subway crazy. I just let her have her say and then ignored her. I think that just made her angrier - I got off the train right after that so I don't know what happened next. I was just glad she didn't follow me!"
While she talked, Darren shifted a little and freed his arm from the space between him and Chris. She watched as he moved it to lie along the back of the sofa, his fingers resting gently at the base of Chris's neck. She wasn't even sure that he'd realised he'd done it, but beside him, Chris was acutely aware. As Darren began to trace circles there he relaxed even more into Darren's side, even while feeling a little thrill shoot down his spine. He'd completely tuned Darren and Romy out now, his brain unable to concentrate on anything other than Darren's fingers, until the movement stopped and Darren sat up, pulling away from Chris a little.
He blinked up at Romy, who was standing in front of them now, obviously saying goodnight to Darren. She looked down at him and smiled. "Are you coming with me? The car's going back to our hotel if you want to come."
Chris shook his head and yawned, closing his eyes again but this time leaning straight back against the sofa. "Always a such a mom, Romy. I'm fine. Just resting, then maybe some more dancing."
She rolled her eyes as she leant down to kiss him on the cheek. "Fine. But don't bitch at me in the morning - I tried."
After she left, he felt Darren lean back into the couch and he nudged Chris's shoulder with his own until he took the hint and pressed his face back into Darren's shoulder. His hand fell loosely from where it had been resting on his leg to settle palm up with his knuckles grazing Darren's thigh.
Chris wasn't sure how much later it was when Darren moved his hand. It felt like seconds, but it was probably at least five minutes. His eyes were still closed when he felt Darren's fingertips trail over his wrist and rest in his palm, rubbing gently back and forth a few times before sliding his hand further up so that their fingertips aligned. Chris couldn't help but stretch his hand out against Darren's and Darren pressed back before moving again and lacing their fingers together.
Chris briefly held back, keeping his hand straight beneath Darren's warm grip, before giving in and curling his fingers around Darren's. After one last brief hesitation, he started to rub his thumb slowly between Darren's wrist and the back of his thumb.
Chris was too tired to try and figure out what this meant, if it meant anything at all. Darren had always been handsy and affectionate, but this was way more intimate. On the other hand, though, it was nice. So he figured why not just go with it - he could always claim he'd been asleep the whole time, if things seemed awkward tomorrow. It's not like that would be unusual for him.
Of course, Darren's like a freaking mind reader. "Are you awake?" His voice was rough and low, and Chris could feel Darren's breath on his cheek. He blinked a couple of times, getting used to the light in the room again, and then turned his face to look up at Darren. He nodded ever so slightly and smiled a little, before closing his eyes again.
He felt Darren start to move his hand, separating their fingers, and he fought the urge to grip tighter and stop Darren from pulling away. If Darren was only being friendly when he thought Chris was asleep, then he didn't want to make things weird by becoming all clingy about it. He could easily just- oh.
Chris interrupted his own thoughts when he felt Darren's hand come to rest on his thigh, and pick up the gentle back-and-forth stroking again almost immediately. After a few minutes where Chris felt like he'd forgotten how to breathe, he managed to force some air back into his lungs and opened his eyes, tilting his head back against the back of the sofa and looking up at Darren. "Um," he started. He wished he could hear something other than his heart beating in his ears; he would just have to assume the words were actually making it out of his mouth. "Darren-"
And then suddenly Darren leapt up from his seat and turned back to face Chris, grinning. He held out his hands towards Chris. "Up! We have to dance!"
Chris let Darren pull him up to standing, confused and still tired. "Dance? Now?"
Instead of answering, Darren tugged on his hand and dragged him out of the door and down the hallway towards the party. The cool air worked to wake him up and calm him down almost as well as if somebody had thrown a glass of water in his face, as he heard the music floating out from the disco and realised the reason Darren had stopped whatever that had been in there was because the song playing was Teenage Dream, not because Chris had ruined the moment by speaking.
"You are a dork and you have bat ears," he mumbled, tripping over his feet a little as he followed Darren towards the music.
"What?" Darren was yelling, despite still having hold of Chris's hand and still only being a yard or two ahead of him, and Chris wasn't sure if that was a terrible attempt at a joke or he actually hadn't heard him.
"I'm having deja vu from the last time we ran through a corridor together with this song playing."
Darren grinned as they walked into the party, coming around from behind the stage. "It was a different version, though."
"Thank god. I would hope even you don't have an ego big enough to run the length of a hotel to dance to a song you sung."
"Just... don't make any bets about that, okay?" Darren laughed a little sheepishly, and Chris rolled his eyes. It was such a contrast from the way they'd been just a few minutes earlier, when the tension in the room had been so thick. But no; this was exactly the way they had always been with each other, easy banter and gentle teasing. He was starting to wonder if he'd imagined the entire encounter, and part of him wanted to just turn around and leave again, to go somewhere where he could ask Darren what just happened.
Darren had already launched himself into the party, though, and was throwing some truly terrible shapes with Ashley. Chris laughed as Jenna bounced over to him, taking his hand and twirling him around, more or less in time with the music. He looked around; the room was still full of the convention attendees, despite it being almost two in the morning, and he spotted Sally dancing nearby with Jenna and Ashley's assistants and a couple of other staff members that he recognised. He caught Sally's eye as he spun past her and she smiled at him. He knew the drill - as guests they were entitled but not obligated to attend the parties, and if they chose to spend time in the room they would be protected from people asking for photos or autographs or attempting to grope. He knew they'd all experienced first-hand what it could be like when fans got overexcited about being within touching distance of them, but at the same time they were all aware that something as simple as somebody being able to say they had danced in the same room as any of them without them being behind a cordon or sequestered in a VIP section could easily make that person's year.
He turned his attention back to his friends and spun Jenna out, and she let go of his hand as Darren reached for her and Ashley shimmied over to him in Jenna's place. "You're stealing my move," he commented, laughing, and Ashley grinned and produced a glow stick from god knows where and handed it to him while she danced.
He snapped the stick as the song hit the chorus, copying everybody else in the room as he jumped and pumped the air. He could feel Darren's eyes on him and looked up, watching as he and Jenna managed to incorporate what looked like cha-cha-cha moves into their dancing without any discussion at all. Occasionally Chris felt like his life was actually becoming an episode of Glee.
Darren was still looking at him, not breaking eye contact with Chris despite the complicated choreography he was pulling off with Jenna. He felt his mouth drying out as he watched the way Darren moved, aware that his own dancing was quickly becoming less of a dance and more of a sway, but unable to care enough to pull his attention back to Ashley. He knew she'd understand. She had a naked Darren living in her head too, after all.
As the song ended, Ashley launched herself back into the crowd, apparently unconcerned about security or groping - in fact, knowing Ashley she was probably hoping for some groping - and Darren draped an arm around Jenna's shoulder as he raised one eyebrow, still looking at Chris. He licked his lips and then opened his mouth to speak. "Want to get out of here?"
"No, I think-" Jenna started, unable to see Darren's face from where he stood behind her, but even in the dark she could make out the blush spreading across Chris's cheeks. She untangled herself from Darren's arm and looked at him, and then back at Chris. "I think I'd better check on Ashley." She bounced away, her eyes sparkling as she grinned suggestively at Chris before she disappeared into the party again.
"Well?"
Chris realised that they were just standing there, staring at each other, while some song he didn't recognise blared out of the speakers and everybody around them was dancing. He nodded, not really trusting himself to speak and still not really sure what Darren was expecting, and Darren moved his arm in the universal gesture for 'you first'.
Darren was only a step behind as they walked out of the room and as they slipped into the elevator he closed the space altogether. He stood behind Chris, resting his chin on his shoulder and letting one hand rest on Chris's waist. "The car is waiting."
Chris didn't have the presence of mind to question how Darren knew this; right now he knew there were other important questions he should be asking (like what are we doing or why now) but he couldn't even manage to verbalise those. He just closed his eyes and took a breath, letting himself lean back into Darren as he thanked whoever was listening that the elevator didn't have mirrored walls so that he was able to know for sure that Darren couldn't see his face. "Okay." His voice was little more than a croak. "That's good."
Just before they reached the ground floor, Chris stepped forward slightly out of Darren's grasp, in case there was anybody around. As they slipped out the back door into the parking lot, Chris saw that Darren had been right and the car was waiting for them, and he walked a little faster to make sure he got there first. He pulled open the passenger side door and got in to the front before Darren could say anything else. He knew it was going to be safest if he sat where they couldn't touch each other - for now at least.
He settled into the seat next to the driver and Darren slid into the back. The drive between the event hotel and the hotel they were all staying in usually took less than five minutes, but typically they hit every red light despite the roads being empty at this time of night. All Chris could hear was Darren breathing in the back and he gripped the inside of the door and tried to ignore it.
When they pulled up outside the hotel Darren politely declined the driver's offer of accompanying them up to their rooms and jumped out, thanking the driver and opening the door for Chris. They walked into the hotel in silence, Darren pressing closer than usual to Chris's side as they took the stairs to their floor instead of risking running into anybody in the elevator. When they reached Darren's room, Darren stopped. "Come in?"
Chris's breath hitched and he just nodded as Darren unlocked the door and held it open. Chris stepped just far enough into the room that Darren could close the door behind him, and then stood with his back to the door as Darren stepped closer. Chris could hear his heart beating ridiculously fast and was convinced that Darren could too, tilting his head back against the door to watch Darren's hand as it reached above his shoulder. Chris laughed softly as Darren slid the chain into place. "You're learning."
Darren's eyes sparkled as they flicked down from Chris's eyes to his lips, a smile playing at the edges of his mouth as he leant in closer to his friend. "You're a good teacher." The words had barely left his mouth before he'd closed the gap between them, joining their lips in a hungry kiss and sucking on Chris's tongue. Chris's arms came up to rest gently on Darren's shoulders, muscle memory from all the times they'd done this on set. This wasn't on set, though, this was them, and Darren had never kissed him like this in all the times they'd been Kurt and Blaine.
He was glad he was leaning against the door because otherwise he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stay standing up. He kissed back, unable to stop those images of Darren stepping out of the shower from worming their way back into his brain and a little moan escaped his lips as Darren's fingers slipped underneath his shirt and touched his skin. Oh, God. "Darren, wait."
Darren stopped kissing but left his hands against Chris's back as he pulled back a little and looked at Chris inquisitively.
"What are we doing?" Chris's arms were still looped around Darren's neck, gently stroking the hair at the base of Darren's neck with his fingertips. He didn't want Darren to think he was mad, or that he didn't want this, he just needed to know where it had all come from.
"Um. Kissing?" Darren smiled at him - not his usual bright, wide grin, but a small smile that was almost shy. This was a side of Darren that didn't come out very often and Chris liked it.
"I know that," he rolled his eyes, trying to steady his nerves. Darren was still close enough that he could feel his breath on his cheek, and it was distracting. "Why, though? I mean - why now? Why..." he sighed. "You know, I actually can't do this."
Darren frowned. "Did I do something wrong?"
Chris shook his head a little, smiling slightly as he pressed another, much more chaste, kiss to Darren's lips. "No. It's just- I'm exhausted to the point where I've gone so far past my second wind I'm on about wind number six, we have to be working in like five hours, and I know that if I stay here much longer then we're going to do anything but sleep." He licked his lips and noticed Darren's eyes drop down to his mouth again as he did. "I just- yeah. I should go."
He took a deep breath as he ran a hand through his hair, and twisted in Darren's arms, reaching for the chain. Before he could slide it out of the lock, Darren's hand was covering his and Darren's lips were hot on his neck. He moaned quietly again, resisting the urge to either bash his head against the door or just turn around right there and then and drag Darren over to the bed.
"What happens in London stays in London?" Darren mumbled hopefully, against Chris's neck.
Chris barked a laugh and it pulled him out of the moment. "You are not turning my life into a fucking episode of Friends, Darren." He undid the chain, feeling bolder now he knew Darren was interested in him in return. Turning back to Darren so that they could step away from the door, he reached for Darren's hand and squeezed it a little. "We'll talk tomorrow. Get some sleep. People have paid for pictures with us and we can't let them down by looking like death."
Darren laughed a little as he nodded and stepped aside, letting Chris leave the room.
It wasn't until Chris was safely back in his own room, the door was locked and he was collapsed on the bed that he pulled out his phone and composed a new message to Ashley.
Fucking Darren.
As usual, her reply arrived within minutes. Like literally? Then why are you texting? Is it bad? Is he bad? That's disappointing.
Part Three: Sunday
Saturday
Breakfast with Ashley started pretty much the way Chris expected it would. She gave him approximately seven minutes to eat his grapefruit and talk about the fans he'd met the night before while she just watched him. Eventually, she spoke.
"So are you going to talk about what you actually wanted to talk about? Because I realise you're due for a photoshoot at nine, but I don't have to be there for another hour after that and since Jenna and I only got to bed like three hours ago, I'm doing you a huge solid by even having my eyes open right now. If you don't elaborate on 'I can't stop thinking about Darren naked' some time in the next two sentences, I reserve the right to go back to bed."
Chris sighed and stabbed his spoon at his breakfast. "Fine." He sighed. "Long version or short version?"
"That's two sentences. I'm out of here."
Chris stuck his tongue out at her. "Those were fragments. No verbs. They don't count."
"Whatever. Short version please."
"I walked into Darren's bathroom yesterday as he was getting out of the shower. You got the rest from my text."
Ashley's mouth dropped open. "Wait - you're talking actual naked Darren? I assumed you meant the imaginary naked Darren who lives in your head. Because we all have one of those." She looked around her and waved her hand towards a server. "I need coffee to process this."
Chris concentrated on his grapefruit again until Ashley was sufficiently caffeinated. "Okay. Long version now, please."
She listened as Chris filled in the details, from the moment he invaded Darren's bathroom - "You just walked in? Of all the bathroom activities he could have been doing, the majority of them require at least partial nudity. What were you thinking?!" - to Darren falling asleep on his bed. And then stared Chris for a good minute and a half, until he was wriggling uncomfortably under her gaze.
"Say something."
She cocked her head and stared at him for a few seconds longer. "I can't believe you saw Darren naked over twelve hours ago and it took you until now to tell me."
"Super helpful, Ash. Awesome job."
"Look, the way I see it, you two are basically boyfriends without any of the benefits. If you're going to start getting all awkward about it, you might as well just fuck him so that at least you have a reason for it."
"Seriously, why do I tell you things?"
"Because I'm your best friend and you love me?"
"Mmm. Maybe. Or maybe it's because my choice right now is between you and Jenna, and Ushkowitz is a blabbermouth?"
"Do you want my advice or not?"
"Yes. Wait. No? I don't know. Give me a clue?"
"You're being super difficult for somebody in the middle of an emotional crisis, Christopher."
Chris sighed and slumped back in his chair. "I'm-"
"Deflecting attention from your actual feelings with humour. I know."
He pouted and stared into his grapefruit while Ashley finished her coffee and munched on a bagel, and then whined at her. "Help me?"
"You're not going to like it."
"You're going to tell me to tell him I like him, aren't you?"
"Yes."
"No."
She sighed. "Here's what I think. Don't look at me like that, you asked for it."
"Fine."
"You like him. He at least acts like he likes you. You're completely obnoxious when you're together in that way that only couples are, except you're not getting any of the best parts of actually dating somebody, which totally blows. So yes. I think you should tell him."
"But what if-"
"If he doesn't like you like that?" She smiled as Chris nodded glumly. "Then he's a fool. And he's Darren. He's not likely to let things be awkward." She stuffed the last piece of her bagel into her mouth as she stood up. "I'm going back to bed."
"For an hour?"
"Better than nothing."
"You're ridiculous."
"You should tell him. And then at least you know, you know?"
-
The rest of Saturday was a blur of photoshoots, interviews, and a surreal hour on stage with Ashley where they were questioned about everything from who they would crap on if they were pigeons, to Chris's personal favourite question ever - "if you could go back in time and hug yourself, would you be happier now or then?"
(He had responded that he would definitely be happier now, because apart from anything else he would actually be aware of why he was there, whereas past-Chris would just be incredibly freaked out that some older guy who looked exactly like him was trying to hug him.)
So by the time it rolled around to mid-afternoon and the start of the day's autograph session, Chris was already creeping towards exhausted. Getting the opportunity to chat to everybody while he signed was the only thing that kept him going. After an hour his aching hand meant that for the first time he was incredibly grateful that the release date for his book had been pushed back two weeks, as it meant most people were just having him sign one or two Glee things. Every time he glanced at Darren's table the person standing there had a pile of items from Starkid stuff to posters from solo shows to How To Succeed playbills. Considering nobody had known Darren was coming it looked as though everybody had still brought things just in case he did.
He'd just said goodbye to an adorable little girl who he wasn't entirely sure was old enough to be watching Glee when a blue Sharpie came flying at him from the direction of Darren's table.
"Ow!" He glared at Darren. "What?"
"Bathroom break?"
Chris nodded - his hand would appreciate the rest - and Sally apologised to the next person in the queue before leading the two of them out to the hotel room that had been reserved for quick breaks during the day. She waited outside while they went in, neither of them moving towards the bathroom but instead both sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"You're such a girl, can't even take a bathroom break without company," Chris teased.
"Yeah, yeah. Man, my hand is killing me. I just needed five minutes."
Chris laughed. "I know what you mean. At least it looks like you're getting an interesting variety of things to sign."
"I am!" He grinned. "One girl brought a freaking Eastwick poster! It was signed by the others, too - she got it at Comic Con that first year I went, the time when I slept in my car. She gushed in great detail about her childhood crush on Paul Gross being the reason she watched Eastwick and therefore being to thank for knowing who I am."
"And what did you say to that?"
"I said I'd thank him if I saw him again."
After grabbing drinks to take with them they headed back to it, and a couple of hours later they emerged victorious. They'd both managed to sign for half the people there and half were left for Sunday. Chris made a mental note to have an ice pack or something on hand for that session.
As Chris had expected, the fancy dress was one of the most ridiculous (but amazing) things he'd ever seen, and he was mad at himself for not bringing a costume so that he could enter too. Maybe next year. After a rather heated discussion they awarded first prize to a group who had come dressed as the New Directions in Gaga vs Kiss mode, and then the tables were hastily removed from in front of the stage as the audience were invited forward onto the dancefloor for Darren's mini concert.
Chris had always loved watching Darren perform, even from the first time he'd watched A Very Potter Musical at home on his laptop, and that hadn't changed. The audiences were almost as energetic when they were watching as Darren was on the stage, and he was thrilled to be able to sit at the side and watch this particular performance.
Darren called on Jenna to help him sing a couple of Glee numbers, and as she left the stage to a thunderous applause she slipped the microphone to Chris. He smiled at her as he accepted it, and then tuned back into what Darren was saying.
"So I've done a few Glee tracks already tonight, and I know this is a Glee convention but I always like to mix it up a bit - and I think it's clear from the number of Starkid things I've signed today that there's a number of fans amongst you." He laughed as they cheered again, and waited for it to die down before he carried on. "Okay, then since you're all agreeable, this song's called Granger Danger. You guys with video settings on your cameras might want to record this one."
Chris smiled as he watched everybody sing along with Darren as he made his way through the first verse, and then he stood up, taking a deep breath and stepping onto the stage as he launched into the first of Draco's lines.
When Darren had called him last week and asked if he wanted to sing this with him, he'd almost dropped the phone. He felt totally honoured to be asked to do a Starkid song - he knew it wasn't something Darren had done at any of his other solo shows when he'd had Glee cast members perform with him. Granted, it was usually because there was a Starkid or two there to do that, but Chris had still asked if Darren was sure seven times before he said he'd do it, and even then he'd basically demanded written permission from Lauren before he even attempted to tackle her part. Permission which he'd received in email form first thing the next morning.
There was something so exhilarating about singing in a show like this, just him and Darren and his guitar, and every single member of the audience singing along at a volume that meant they could barely hear themselves. It was totally different to the vibe at the arena dates he'd played on the Glee tour and that was all he really had to compare it to.
When they reached the end of the song, Darren was grinning at him and everybody was applauding, and Chris was laughing as he took a bow. Darren clapped along with them, and then leant into his microphone. "So Chris and I want to sing another one together for you, maybe something from Glee this time?"
Chris nodded. "We thought that Perfect would be the obvious choice." For the second time that weekend Chris found himself wishing he'd brought earplugs, as he was close to being deafened by the screaming in the room. "Clearly you agree."
Darren began to strum the chords with a smile, and Chris launched into the song. It had been one of his favourites they'd performed together on the show, and it worked well at this kind of show.
When they'd finished, Chris was all ready to retreat from the stage and let Darren have the limelight back, but at dinner they had vaguely discussed the possibility of performing a third song and Darren obviously remembered the conversation.
"Do you want Chris to stay out here for one more song? I asked him earlier if he wanted to do Candles, but he-"
"I said no way! It's a break up song!"
Darren snorted. "So I suggested Baby It's Cold Outside-"
"And I said it's July."
"But it's England. It is cold outside."
"It's a Christmas song, Darren."
"The lyrics don't actually specifically mention Christmas, you know." When Chris looked up at Darren, Darren was beaming back at him and pointing at the cheering crowd, his smile cracked wide in that way Chris knew he could never say no to. "I think they want us to do Baby It's Cold Outside, Chris."
-
Chris stumbled into the green room and flopped down next to Darren on the sofa with a sigh. He'd gotten his second wind for a while after Darren's show, but it was definitely wearing off now - unlike Darren, who was clearly still running on the adrenaline from performing if the way he was talking animatedly with Romy was anything to go by.
Ashley and Jenna had come bounding into the room around twenty minutes earlier, with Ashley yelling "Seriously dude, you've got to come see this. It's total crazy shit!" as she yanked him up from his seat. So he'd followed them, and stood in the corner of the hall watching as three hundred people danced in perfect time with each other. Every song seemed to have its' own routine and after laughing while he watched three or four dances, Ashley dragged him out to the dance floor to try and join in with a dance set to a song based on the Doctor Who theme tune.
He knew that by agreeing to do what Ashley wanted, he'd be able to sneak off when the song was done, and he was right. While Ashley whooped as the music changed and the Macarena started, he slipped through the throng of people - stunned (yet incredibly thankful) that they were all more interested in keeping time with their dancing than trying to touch him or talk to him - and returned to the green room.
Which was when he'd collapsed beside Darren, closing his eyes and settling his face against Darren's shoulder as he carried on talking with Romy.
Their conversation floated over him as he relaxed, still awake enough to hear what they were saying, but not enough to make the effort to join in. She was still laughing at something Darren had said before Chris came into the room, and then took a sip from the wine glass in her hand. "I think the worst one I had was some lady who came up to me on the subway and started screaming at me that I'm not good enough for Burt. I think she wanted him for herself."
Darren cackled as he took a swig of his beer. "What did you do?"
Romy laughed and shrugged. "She was a subway crazy. I just let her have her say and then ignored her. I think that just made her angrier - I got off the train right after that so I don't know what happened next. I was just glad she didn't follow me!"
While she talked, Darren shifted a little and freed his arm from the space between him and Chris. She watched as he moved it to lie along the back of the sofa, his fingers resting gently at the base of Chris's neck. She wasn't even sure that he'd realised he'd done it, but beside him, Chris was acutely aware. As Darren began to trace circles there he relaxed even more into Darren's side, even while feeling a little thrill shoot down his spine. He'd completely tuned Darren and Romy out now, his brain unable to concentrate on anything other than Darren's fingers, until the movement stopped and Darren sat up, pulling away from Chris a little.
He blinked up at Romy, who was standing in front of them now, obviously saying goodnight to Darren. She looked down at him and smiled. "Are you coming with me? The car's going back to our hotel if you want to come."
Chris shook his head and yawned, closing his eyes again but this time leaning straight back against the sofa. "Always a such a mom, Romy. I'm fine. Just resting, then maybe some more dancing."
She rolled her eyes as she leant down to kiss him on the cheek. "Fine. But don't bitch at me in the morning - I tried."
After she left, he felt Darren lean back into the couch and he nudged Chris's shoulder with his own until he took the hint and pressed his face back into Darren's shoulder. His hand fell loosely from where it had been resting on his leg to settle palm up with his knuckles grazing Darren's thigh.
Chris wasn't sure how much later it was when Darren moved his hand. It felt like seconds, but it was probably at least five minutes. His eyes were still closed when he felt Darren's fingertips trail over his wrist and rest in his palm, rubbing gently back and forth a few times before sliding his hand further up so that their fingertips aligned. Chris couldn't help but stretch his hand out against Darren's and Darren pressed back before moving again and lacing their fingers together.
Chris briefly held back, keeping his hand straight beneath Darren's warm grip, before giving in and curling his fingers around Darren's. After one last brief hesitation, he started to rub his thumb slowly between Darren's wrist and the back of his thumb.
Chris was too tired to try and figure out what this meant, if it meant anything at all. Darren had always been handsy and affectionate, but this was way more intimate. On the other hand, though, it was nice. So he figured why not just go with it - he could always claim he'd been asleep the whole time, if things seemed awkward tomorrow. It's not like that would be unusual for him.
Of course, Darren's like a freaking mind reader. "Are you awake?" His voice was rough and low, and Chris could feel Darren's breath on his cheek. He blinked a couple of times, getting used to the light in the room again, and then turned his face to look up at Darren. He nodded ever so slightly and smiled a little, before closing his eyes again.
He felt Darren start to move his hand, separating their fingers, and he fought the urge to grip tighter and stop Darren from pulling away. If Darren was only being friendly when he thought Chris was asleep, then he didn't want to make things weird by becoming all clingy about it. He could easily just- oh.
Chris interrupted his own thoughts when he felt Darren's hand come to rest on his thigh, and pick up the gentle back-and-forth stroking again almost immediately. After a few minutes where Chris felt like he'd forgotten how to breathe, he managed to force some air back into his lungs and opened his eyes, tilting his head back against the back of the sofa and looking up at Darren. "Um," he started. He wished he could hear something other than his heart beating in his ears; he would just have to assume the words were actually making it out of his mouth. "Darren-"
And then suddenly Darren leapt up from his seat and turned back to face Chris, grinning. He held out his hands towards Chris. "Up! We have to dance!"
Chris let Darren pull him up to standing, confused and still tired. "Dance? Now?"
Instead of answering, Darren tugged on his hand and dragged him out of the door and down the hallway towards the party. The cool air worked to wake him up and calm him down almost as well as if somebody had thrown a glass of water in his face, as he heard the music floating out from the disco and realised the reason Darren had stopped whatever that had been in there was because the song playing was Teenage Dream, not because Chris had ruined the moment by speaking.
"You are a dork and you have bat ears," he mumbled, tripping over his feet a little as he followed Darren towards the music.
"What?" Darren was yelling, despite still having hold of Chris's hand and still only being a yard or two ahead of him, and Chris wasn't sure if that was a terrible attempt at a joke or he actually hadn't heard him.
"I'm having deja vu from the last time we ran through a corridor together with this song playing."
Darren grinned as they walked into the party, coming around from behind the stage. "It was a different version, though."
"Thank god. I would hope even you don't have an ego big enough to run the length of a hotel to dance to a song you sung."
"Just... don't make any bets about that, okay?" Darren laughed a little sheepishly, and Chris rolled his eyes. It was such a contrast from the way they'd been just a few minutes earlier, when the tension in the room had been so thick. But no; this was exactly the way they had always been with each other, easy banter and gentle teasing. He was starting to wonder if he'd imagined the entire encounter, and part of him wanted to just turn around and leave again, to go somewhere where he could ask Darren what just happened.
Darren had already launched himself into the party, though, and was throwing some truly terrible shapes with Ashley. Chris laughed as Jenna bounced over to him, taking his hand and twirling him around, more or less in time with the music. He looked around; the room was still full of the convention attendees, despite it being almost two in the morning, and he spotted Sally dancing nearby with Jenna and Ashley's assistants and a couple of other staff members that he recognised. He caught Sally's eye as he spun past her and she smiled at him. He knew the drill - as guests they were entitled but not obligated to attend the parties, and if they chose to spend time in the room they would be protected from people asking for photos or autographs or attempting to grope. He knew they'd all experienced first-hand what it could be like when fans got overexcited about being within touching distance of them, but at the same time they were all aware that something as simple as somebody being able to say they had danced in the same room as any of them without them being behind a cordon or sequestered in a VIP section could easily make that person's year.
He turned his attention back to his friends and spun Jenna out, and she let go of his hand as Darren reached for her and Ashley shimmied over to him in Jenna's place. "You're stealing my move," he commented, laughing, and Ashley grinned and produced a glow stick from god knows where and handed it to him while she danced.
He snapped the stick as the song hit the chorus, copying everybody else in the room as he jumped and pumped the air. He could feel Darren's eyes on him and looked up, watching as he and Jenna managed to incorporate what looked like cha-cha-cha moves into their dancing without any discussion at all. Occasionally Chris felt like his life was actually becoming an episode of Glee.
Darren was still looking at him, not breaking eye contact with Chris despite the complicated choreography he was pulling off with Jenna. He felt his mouth drying out as he watched the way Darren moved, aware that his own dancing was quickly becoming less of a dance and more of a sway, but unable to care enough to pull his attention back to Ashley. He knew she'd understand. She had a naked Darren living in her head too, after all.
As the song ended, Ashley launched herself back into the crowd, apparently unconcerned about security or groping - in fact, knowing Ashley she was probably hoping for some groping - and Darren draped an arm around Jenna's shoulder as he raised one eyebrow, still looking at Chris. He licked his lips and then opened his mouth to speak. "Want to get out of here?"
"No, I think-" Jenna started, unable to see Darren's face from where he stood behind her, but even in the dark she could make out the blush spreading across Chris's cheeks. She untangled herself from Darren's arm and looked at him, and then back at Chris. "I think I'd better check on Ashley." She bounced away, her eyes sparkling as she grinned suggestively at Chris before she disappeared into the party again.
"Well?"
Chris realised that they were just standing there, staring at each other, while some song he didn't recognise blared out of the speakers and everybody around them was dancing. He nodded, not really trusting himself to speak and still not really sure what Darren was expecting, and Darren moved his arm in the universal gesture for 'you first'.
Darren was only a step behind as they walked out of the room and as they slipped into the elevator he closed the space altogether. He stood behind Chris, resting his chin on his shoulder and letting one hand rest on Chris's waist. "The car is waiting."
Chris didn't have the presence of mind to question how Darren knew this; right now he knew there were other important questions he should be asking (like what are we doing or why now) but he couldn't even manage to verbalise those. He just closed his eyes and took a breath, letting himself lean back into Darren as he thanked whoever was listening that the elevator didn't have mirrored walls so that he was able to know for sure that Darren couldn't see his face. "Okay." His voice was little more than a croak. "That's good."
Just before they reached the ground floor, Chris stepped forward slightly out of Darren's grasp, in case there was anybody around. As they slipped out the back door into the parking lot, Chris saw that Darren had been right and the car was waiting for them, and he walked a little faster to make sure he got there first. He pulled open the passenger side door and got in to the front before Darren could say anything else. He knew it was going to be safest if he sat where they couldn't touch each other - for now at least.
He settled into the seat next to the driver and Darren slid into the back. The drive between the event hotel and the hotel they were all staying in usually took less than five minutes, but typically they hit every red light despite the roads being empty at this time of night. All Chris could hear was Darren breathing in the back and he gripped the inside of the door and tried to ignore it.
When they pulled up outside the hotel Darren politely declined the driver's offer of accompanying them up to their rooms and jumped out, thanking the driver and opening the door for Chris. They walked into the hotel in silence, Darren pressing closer than usual to Chris's side as they took the stairs to their floor instead of risking running into anybody in the elevator. When they reached Darren's room, Darren stopped. "Come in?"
Chris's breath hitched and he just nodded as Darren unlocked the door and held it open. Chris stepped just far enough into the room that Darren could close the door behind him, and then stood with his back to the door as Darren stepped closer. Chris could hear his heart beating ridiculously fast and was convinced that Darren could too, tilting his head back against the door to watch Darren's hand as it reached above his shoulder. Chris laughed softly as Darren slid the chain into place. "You're learning."
Darren's eyes sparkled as they flicked down from Chris's eyes to his lips, a smile playing at the edges of his mouth as he leant in closer to his friend. "You're a good teacher." The words had barely left his mouth before he'd closed the gap between them, joining their lips in a hungry kiss and sucking on Chris's tongue. Chris's arms came up to rest gently on Darren's shoulders, muscle memory from all the times they'd done this on set. This wasn't on set, though, this was them, and Darren had never kissed him like this in all the times they'd been Kurt and Blaine.
He was glad he was leaning against the door because otherwise he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stay standing up. He kissed back, unable to stop those images of Darren stepping out of the shower from worming their way back into his brain and a little moan escaped his lips as Darren's fingers slipped underneath his shirt and touched his skin. Oh, God. "Darren, wait."
Darren stopped kissing but left his hands against Chris's back as he pulled back a little and looked at Chris inquisitively.
"What are we doing?" Chris's arms were still looped around Darren's neck, gently stroking the hair at the base of Darren's neck with his fingertips. He didn't want Darren to think he was mad, or that he didn't want this, he just needed to know where it had all come from.
"Um. Kissing?" Darren smiled at him - not his usual bright, wide grin, but a small smile that was almost shy. This was a side of Darren that didn't come out very often and Chris liked it.
"I know that," he rolled his eyes, trying to steady his nerves. Darren was still close enough that he could feel his breath on his cheek, and it was distracting. "Why, though? I mean - why now? Why..." he sighed. "You know, I actually can't do this."
Darren frowned. "Did I do something wrong?"
Chris shook his head a little, smiling slightly as he pressed another, much more chaste, kiss to Darren's lips. "No. It's just- I'm exhausted to the point where I've gone so far past my second wind I'm on about wind number six, we have to be working in like five hours, and I know that if I stay here much longer then we're going to do anything but sleep." He licked his lips and noticed Darren's eyes drop down to his mouth again as he did. "I just- yeah. I should go."
He took a deep breath as he ran a hand through his hair, and twisted in Darren's arms, reaching for the chain. Before he could slide it out of the lock, Darren's hand was covering his and Darren's lips were hot on his neck. He moaned quietly again, resisting the urge to either bash his head against the door or just turn around right there and then and drag Darren over to the bed.
"What happens in London stays in London?" Darren mumbled hopefully, against Chris's neck.
Chris barked a laugh and it pulled him out of the moment. "You are not turning my life into a fucking episode of Friends, Darren." He undid the chain, feeling bolder now he knew Darren was interested in him in return. Turning back to Darren so that they could step away from the door, he reached for Darren's hand and squeezed it a little. "We'll talk tomorrow. Get some sleep. People have paid for pictures with us and we can't let them down by looking like death."
Darren laughed a little as he nodded and stepped aside, letting Chris leave the room.
It wasn't until Chris was safely back in his own room, the door was locked and he was collapsed on the bed that he pulled out his phone and composed a new message to Ashley.
Fucking Darren.
As usual, her reply arrived within minutes. Like literally? Then why are you texting? Is it bad? Is he bad? That's disappointing.
Part Three: Sunday