Oh, You Boys Never Care
^ Lyric belongs to Franz Ferdinand^
Okay, now, this one's gonna be long, so if you're not ready to hear a 15 year old whine about a guy, please exit the blog immediately
I don't remember if I've said this already, but on my 15th birthday, my crush gave me a homemade card and a CD. Then, I left for Mexico for two weeks. When I came back, we picked up right where we left off. He complimented my newly dyed black hair, my new Chuck Taylors, and my jeans. On Wednesday, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to know if he liked me back, so as he was walking me to class, I asked, "Hey, uh, I have a question. It's been bugging me for awhile. Do you like me?" I waited for his response, which was a very politely spoken, "No, but I think you're a cool friend".
That right there, crushed me, so I was pretty bummed the rest of the day. But yesterday, it got way worse. My friend, let's call her Kiki, was walking home with him and they were talking about basically random things that popped into their heads. The topic of dislikes was touched upon and he said, "Bi girls" to which my friend, in what I hope was en episode of word vomit blurted out, "Oh, well, Nini dated a chick once."
She told me she turned to face him, disappointment was written in his eyes and he said, "Oh, I thought she was really, really cute". As Kiki said this to me over the phone on Friday, I felt the tears welling up in the back of my eyes. One or two spilled over, but I wiped them off quickly.
It felt like my world was crashing down all around me.
He's gonna hate me, I know it. He's gonna think I'm some gross freak and he's not gonna like me anymore. He's gonna ask to get his seat moved in Science class so he won't sit to me anymore. As soon as I hung up with Kiki, I asked my dad to drive me to Rite-Aid, where I wandered for about 45 minutes and talked to Kiki as I picked out what I would binge on. Chips? Nah, too filling. Ice cream. Perfect. I picked out my quart of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, paid, and went on my way. I got home, waited an hour or so, and then piled as much ice cream as I could into my favorite bowl and locked myself in my room (of course I woke up sick this morning).
As I waited for "Hard Candy" to start, I texted numerous friends and started to organize my plan.
Should I write him a note? Should I tell him in person? No, because I'll burst into tears and my word vomit will get outta hand. I'll write him a note, explain the situation, and then ask him to meet me at the flagpole.
So, today, I wrote my note (it's more like a letter, sounds a bit desperate, too :p), and now it sits in my backpack, waiting for Monday morning when I walk into C8 for Geo.Physical Science.
I don't know why I'm trying so hard. Normally, I wouldn't be doing this. But there's something about him that just draws me in...maybe it's the fact that he's nice and he likes John Mayer? Or is it the skinny jeans? Or his smile? Or is it all these things? I think that's it.
Ever since the first time he talked to me, I felt something different with him. I can't stop smiling when he's next to me, when his hand accidentally touches mine as I flip the textbook pages, when he says something funny and makes me laugh.
Well, hopefully everything goes well, I'll try and write about how everything goes.
Rock It!
-Nini