Bittersweet
In response to yesterday's post, here's how it went down today.
I love him for making it sooooo much easier on me.
So, I walked into Science class, dreading looking at him. He acted very polite and nonchalant, before he asked "Are you okay? You seem a little off".
And after me talking in riddles for about 10 minutes, trying desperately to change the subject, I finally blurted it out. I said everything: how scared I was that he wouldn't talk to me, or that he'd think I was a freak and how I hoped he still liked me or thought I was cute and whatnot. He responded with, "I wouldn't do that, ever. I still like you and I still think you're cute, that hasn't changed at all. Just because it happened once doesn't mean you're gonna do it again, you were just trying it to see what it was like and that's okay".
I breathed a huge sigh of relief and we talked the rest of the period (I brought up the subject of cutting my hair [he cut his] and he quickly responded with "Not too short. I like your hair the way it is") and we went our separate ways when the bell rang. I felt like nothing could bring my mood down, and then it got to 3rd period, which is my favorite class: Art.
My guy friend, let's call him Charles, sent me a text that said, "Hey I don't think Chris likes you". When I asked him to explain the situation, it felt like my heart was going to drop out of my chest and onto the linoleum floor. Charles said that Chris asked him if his cousin, let's call her The Competition, would go out with him. My friend asked why and Chris blabbed, "Because she's so hot". Charles said The Competition only likes pretty boys, but Chris stood his ground. This basically crapped up the rest of my day.
Is it better to be cute or hot? What's the difference? From the friends I asked, they all said cute was better than hot because hot just meant that the guy wants you for your body. If he says you're cute, that means he likes you on a deeper level, that he likes you and your personality and he doesn't just want you for looks.
It seems like my good luck streak doesn't last long, does it? Well, he did call my cute, so that means he likes me more than The Competition, right? I sure hope it is... I've lost too much fucking sleep and time on this boy for all of this to go to waste. I can't lose to The Competition! She's all hairspray and toilet paper in her bra (This is an educated guess, my friends) and shirts that are too tight for her.
I shouldn't say "I can't lose...." because I might, and we all know I probably will. And what happens if I lose to The Competition? Well, that's in the hands of my heart and my polluted little brain.
Rock It
-Nini