HEAVEN KNOWS (SongFic)
Title: Heaven Knows
Author: kaochii
Pairing: Arioka Daiki x OC [Nakajima Yukiko]
Rating: G
Genre: Angst
Summary: He loves her so much that he decided to set her free for it wasn't him she loves anymore.
It is already noon that fine day of winter but Daiki is still on his bed ignoring the time that pass by and everything around him. He’s already awake that time since 8 in the morning but he is not in the mood of getting up, it’s like he is being pulled back with every move he makes and he feels like all his strength was drain out of him. He was just lying in the bed with his clothes worn since yesterday and his eyes covered by his arm, he was facing the ceiling.
“She’s always on my mind
From the time I wake up
‘Till I close my eyes”
Then something came to his thought and it was what his girlfriend told him, while it keeps on lingering in his mind his tears came running down from his eyes. “Daiki, I’m sorry but I don’t love you anymore” were what she said, those were only words but it pierce deeply right to his heart and just like a poison it spreads and kills him slowly but painfully. He can’t believe those word came from his beloved girlfriend’s mouth so he wipe away the tears and got up from his bed and went to his bathroom, there in the sink he wash his face.
“She’s everywhere I go
She’s all I know”
After washing his face, looking at the mirror he saw his girlfriend’s appearance but he shook his head telling himself to forget about her and wash his face once again and there he looks at his face with his bloodshot eyes and big puffy eye bags. He tried to convince himself to forget about what she said but not contacting her and communicating with her, leaves him seeing her in every places he look at, even at work, at the train and most of the time in the crowded places.
“And though she’s so far away
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she’s gone
I’m still holding on”
But he still can’t accept the fact that his girlfriend, Yukiko wants to break up with him just because she fell in love with someone else and that person liked her back but he didn’t agree with it and just kept his problem to himself thou he know that keeping it to himself and not wanting to talk about it won’t make any process but even she’s not with him even she’s with that guy he still hopes that she’d realize her true feelings and come back to him.
“So tell me, where I start
'Coz it's breaking' my heart
Don't wanna let her go”
But it looks like her love towards him totally fades away and it seems like he needs to move on and totally forget about her but he can’t find a way to, he doesn’t know where to start cause every time he thinks of his live without her, he’d just break down and cry. He love his girl more than anything and he thought she was the one that would stand next to him for the rest of their lives but he never thought that there is someone who would take away his girl’s heart but even he knows that he doesn’t have any chance anymore he still won’t let go.
“Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.”
Cause deep down inside his heart he still believes that someday she would come back to his arms and their hearts would be united into one again and if that would happen he would be there waiting for her to come back but as for now all he could do just hope and pray that she would come and tell him that it was him all along the person she truly loves.
“My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine”
But keeping this problem to himself isn’t doing well at all it affects his personality and his work so the JUMP confront him but he lied and said it just a family matter but his family doesn’t really have that sort of problem and his best friend knows about it, knowing it was an excuse to other’s Yamada Ryosuke confronted him just only the two of them and there he told him everything, the younger guy didn’t told him anything instead he secretly asked for the JUMP’s advice with this matter and one by one the members talk to him and give him advice saying “If you love her fight of her” but most of them especially from BEST said “ If you really love her and she loves someone else you should let her go, cause seeing her happy would be the right choice than being with her but she wouldn’t be happy”. So he talk to Yukiko, he decided to end their relationship since you can’t have three people in love so he break up with her.
“Yuki, let’s end this. I know you don’t love me anymore and you found yourself someone else so there is no more point being in a relationship with me, so now I let you go” he said straight forwardly, with no emotion in front of Yukiko.
But as he turn tears came running to his cheeks so before Yukiko could say anything he already left not wanting to show his weak and vulnerable side for he decided to set her free even his heart protest so badly.
“But tell me, where do I start'
Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go”
Since then Daiki never went out of his room and it bothers his friends because they never saw their friend acted that way but they understand what he’s going through right now. He just stayed in his room for days curled up in his bed he can’t find a good reason to carry on with his life it’s like his world crumbled. He didn’t want to talk to anyone not with the JUMP and not even with his other friends, he even turns off his phone and there he isolated himself.
“Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
Coz wide awake or dreaming
I know she’s never there”
Locking himself in the room and staying in bed, waking in every sleep from a long overnight sobbing he tries to convince himself that everything was just a bad dream or just a nightmare that every time he open his eyes what happened was just his imagination but to his dismay it was all real that the person he truly loves was no longer his.
“And all this time I act so brave
I’m shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so?”
As he was convince by his friends to go back to work he just ignore what he felt and act as professional in front of the camera, staffs and fans during their interview, shows, guesting and concerts but deep inside whenever he’s alone he silently cries and it doesn’t help that they just stay in one house. He asked for a leave for at least a month or two but it was disapprove so he just avoids her whenever they pass by or ignore her if they’re in the dining table or together in one place, he pretends that he already moved on and everything’s fine but inside it hurts him whenever he saw her like there was nothing happened.
“Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows”
But feeling those pain, along with it there is still this hope he had that someday she’ll return to him and things can go back to how it was before and he makes sure to himself that he’s still there waiting when that time comes but for now he’ll just let Kami-sama decide for their fate and pray that Kami-sama will listen to his only wish for only heaven knows when that time would come.
a/n: sorry for the wrong grammars, this story is just a rush and i got the idea while listening to our sensie's radio