Comments | blackrain588: help please ::flutters eyelashes::

blackrain588

help please ::flutters eyelashes::

Feb 09, 2006 20:07

ok ok, so this is a one act play that i had to write for creative writing, the final draft is due on monday and i would be much oblidged if anyone who happened to have some time and the need to critique in a way that might make grown men cry to please help me out some. show no mercy, even just spelling errors and such would be helpful. thanks ( Read more... )

Comments 7

*shrugs* kkzmissshrtcake February 10 2006, 01:48:37 UTC

I liked it the first time I read it.
Sorry hunny, plays aren't my thing... it seemed like a good play.... so I will not be the one to cut you to pieces, thereby helping you in the long run improve it, because I think it's good as is.
:-)

Re: *shrugs* blackrain588 February 10 2006, 03:35:20 UTC

aww yer too sweet. thats no good :-P

fweever February 10 2006, 01:53:24 UTC

under a cut next time ( ... )

blackrain588 February 10 2006, 03:34:50 UTC

dude, totally didnt even notice th colin thing thanks a bajillion ( ... )

this is only becuase of how nit-picky I am... debonairdebbie February 10 2006, 17:43:30 UTC

(Everyone sits around the table. They sit horseshoed with Ian on the stage right side, next to Jay, who is in between Jay and Tony, and Keith sits on the other side of Anthony.)
> you might want to be a bit more clear about howthey are arraninged. I know with me I definitely didn’t understand it the few million times I’ve read it... or maybe it is just me.

(Ian relaxes slightly)
Keith
Fine, whatever don’t have anything to lose anymore.

(Everyone looks at Ian.)
Anthony
Well, are you gunna pussy out Ian, or are you gunna go?

Jayson
(Takes the gun and starts spinning the chamber.) Just like old times. Missing a few people but who wants them anyways.
Keith
Obviously, someone, or else they’d be here too.
> this are my FAVORITE lines. they really set the tone for the play really well.

(The gun goes off killing Keith. Ian, Jayson, Nikki, Colin, and Anthony inhale, unsure what to do or say. All of them sit very still until Anthony stands up bends down over Keith’s body takes the gun puts it on the table, and reaches into Keith’s back ( ... )

theresita February 11 2006, 21:37:05 UTC

My favorite segment ( ... )

blackrain588 February 11 2006, 22:44:01 UTC

basically all lines that anthony say are my favorite hehe... hes my favorite.... secretly.

hehe---so basically nikki is me??

and thanks for the idea i might just use it if i have some extra time-- hope so, if not ill add it later