Juxtaposition
Title: Juxtaposition
Author: Me, duh
Fandom: A7X
Pairing: Matt/Val, Matt/Johnny [mentions of Matt/Michelle, Val/Duke]
Rating: PG-13 [Ooh, one swear word]
Summary: Matt just needed to find his self-identity. Too bad Val wasn't included in it.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue
The stunned look on Matt's face had yet to cease gracing his soft features. As he sat silently on the steps of the small house he and Val shared in the suburbs, or he supposed now it would be had shared, he began to mull things over in his mind. Not thirty minutes earlier, Val had stormed out in a rage, swearing that she hated him and she wouldn't be returning. While the vocalist was desperately hoping she was just upset and she would be back, something told him she wouldn't. He didn't even really understand what he'd done wrong. She'd slept with Duke, so he'd slept with Michelle. Of course, he hadn't felt anything for Val in a long time and he certainly felt nothing for Michelle. She just didn't understand the latter. He hadn't even told her the former.
In fact, the singer had been meaning to break it off for a long time. Truth be told, he didn't have the guts to. He would rather face a savage dock buck naked than admit to Val that he didn't love her anymore. This was partially a lie, as he still loved her, but it was as a sister. He simply wasn't interested in her anymore, or any girls, for that matter. He'd decided that breasts weren't all they were cracked up to be and that men could be just as delicate and feminine. Hell, even Johnny had proved to be a good lay, despite the extra meat on his bones.
Matt felt horribly guilty for hurting her. He had to admit it. He hadn't thought about what he was doing, but rather, how he felt about her. She just wasn't that attractive to him anymore and he actually felt slightly bad for her. She didn't deserve a douchebag like him. He'd tried explaining this to her, but instead she'd just screamed at him that he was a worthless asshole that wasn't worth the time of day. This had really hurt him, despite his lack of love for her. He'd hoped to still remain friends, but then again, he reminded himself, nobody did after a break up like that.
As he sat, knees to his chest and bundled up in an oversized hoodie, he began to wonder when exactly he'd started liking guys. He'd always had an inkling in high school, hell, even in middle school, that he was bisexual, but he realized he'd slowly been transitioning into more of a "fag" as Val liked to put it. He'd always hated the word; it was so harsh and cruel.
Though, now that he was one for sure, he hated the word more than ever. At one point, he’d even snapped at Brian for calling something gay. This had caused raised eyebrow from all but Johnny, who was the only one who knew of his plight. He just couldn’t bear to tell the others, somewhat afraid of what they’d do to him. He was a man, damnit, but this was something he couldn’t own up to. Knocking a girl up? Sure. Getting drunk and fucking a groupie? Sure. Liking gay sex? Absolutely not. That was just something you didn’t fess up about.
His secret affairs with Johnny continued. Sure, they constantly risked getting caught, but at this point in the game, he didn’t care. He was falling fast and falling hard, but nobody was stopping him or noticing, other than Jimmy. He knew he couldn’t hide it forever, though. Finally, it would be time to admit what he’d been doing.
Jimmy’s initial reaction had been silence. Just cold, heavy, awkward silence. Zacky had shrugged it off, not really seeming to mind at all. Brian, however, showed harsh disgust. Going so far as to tell Matt right to his face with no hesitation that he was a sick, disgusting fag and that he’d better not get any ideas. Nobody in the band could register ever seeing that hurt in Matt’s eyes before, save for when Val had broken up with him.
As Brian stormed off the bus, Matt just sat and stared blankly at the floor, no longer showing any emotion whatsoever. Whenever anyone tried to speak to him, he just ignored them. Finally, it got to the point where he just moved away from them all, climbed into his bunk, and closed the curtain behind him. The only person he allowed with him all night was Johnny.
During the next few weeks, the shows were nowhere near what they had once been. It seemed the entire band was avoiding Brian and shunning him for what he’d said. Nobody deserved to be treated like Brian had done to Matt and they deemed it as nearly unforgivable. Brian’s only saving grace came in the form of a phone call from Val. The blonde seemed to have realized her wrong and realized how badly she’d hurt Matt and that he’d only acted out of revenge. She’d also missed every warning, though she’d realized it all the moment Johnny had told her they were together.
With Johnny, Matt could be himself. He could be happy, genuine, and faithful. No more late night affairs, no more lying, no more depression. It was easy to see how much better off he was with someone he loved. He was no longer lying to himself and it seemed as though an enormous weight had lifted off his shoulders.
Realizing the change in the vocalist, Brian decided he would just need to accept it all. Cornering Matt in the dressing room after a particularly rough show, Brian had come clean and flat out apologized to Matt, explaining his actions. Matt had never seen the band gawk so badly as when he’d come out of that room with his arm around Brian’s neck, laughing and joking with him like old times.
At the end of the day, though, it would always be his little Johnny that he came home to. Nothing gave him a better sense of self-identity than holding the younger man in his arms and kiss him. He’d never felt anything more right than making love to him and peppering his pale, freckled skin with kisses. Running his hands through his dark, fuzzy hair just before they drifted off to sleep at night gave him a sense of security. He was finally free to be himself again.
Author: Me, duh
Fandom: A7X
Pairing: Matt/Val, Matt/Johnny [mentions of Matt/Michelle, Val/Duke]
Rating: PG-13 [Ooh, one swear word]
Summary: Matt just needed to find his self-identity. Too bad Val wasn't included in it.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue
The stunned look on Matt's face had yet to cease gracing his soft features. As he sat silently on the steps of the small house he and Val shared in the suburbs, or he supposed now it would be had shared, he began to mull things over in his mind. Not thirty minutes earlier, Val had stormed out in a rage, swearing that she hated him and she wouldn't be returning. While the vocalist was desperately hoping she was just upset and she would be back, something told him she wouldn't. He didn't even really understand what he'd done wrong. She'd slept with Duke, so he'd slept with Michelle. Of course, he hadn't felt anything for Val in a long time and he certainly felt nothing for Michelle. She just didn't understand the latter. He hadn't even told her the former.
In fact, the singer had been meaning to break it off for a long time. Truth be told, he didn't have the guts to. He would rather face a savage dock buck naked than admit to Val that he didn't love her anymore. This was partially a lie, as he still loved her, but it was as a sister. He simply wasn't interested in her anymore, or any girls, for that matter. He'd decided that breasts weren't all they were cracked up to be and that men could be just as delicate and feminine. Hell, even Johnny had proved to be a good lay, despite the extra meat on his bones.
Matt felt horribly guilty for hurting her. He had to admit it. He hadn't thought about what he was doing, but rather, how he felt about her. She just wasn't that attractive to him anymore and he actually felt slightly bad for her. She didn't deserve a douchebag like him. He'd tried explaining this to her, but instead she'd just screamed at him that he was a worthless asshole that wasn't worth the time of day. This had really hurt him, despite his lack of love for her. He'd hoped to still remain friends, but then again, he reminded himself, nobody did after a break up like that.
As he sat, knees to his chest and bundled up in an oversized hoodie, he began to wonder when exactly he'd started liking guys. He'd always had an inkling in high school, hell, even in middle school, that he was bisexual, but he realized he'd slowly been transitioning into more of a "fag" as Val liked to put it. He'd always hated the word; it was so harsh and cruel.
Though, now that he was one for sure, he hated the word more than ever. At one point, he’d even snapped at Brian for calling something gay. This had caused raised eyebrow from all but Johnny, who was the only one who knew of his plight. He just couldn’t bear to tell the others, somewhat afraid of what they’d do to him. He was a man, damnit, but this was something he couldn’t own up to. Knocking a girl up? Sure. Getting drunk and fucking a groupie? Sure. Liking gay sex? Absolutely not. That was just something you didn’t fess up about.
His secret affairs with Johnny continued. Sure, they constantly risked getting caught, but at this point in the game, he didn’t care. He was falling fast and falling hard, but nobody was stopping him or noticing, other than Jimmy. He knew he couldn’t hide it forever, though. Finally, it would be time to admit what he’d been doing.
Jimmy’s initial reaction had been silence. Just cold, heavy, awkward silence. Zacky had shrugged it off, not really seeming to mind at all. Brian, however, showed harsh disgust. Going so far as to tell Matt right to his face with no hesitation that he was a sick, disgusting fag and that he’d better not get any ideas. Nobody in the band could register ever seeing that hurt in Matt’s eyes before, save for when Val had broken up with him.
As Brian stormed off the bus, Matt just sat and stared blankly at the floor, no longer showing any emotion whatsoever. Whenever anyone tried to speak to him, he just ignored them. Finally, it got to the point where he just moved away from them all, climbed into his bunk, and closed the curtain behind him. The only person he allowed with him all night was Johnny.
During the next few weeks, the shows were nowhere near what they had once been. It seemed the entire band was avoiding Brian and shunning him for what he’d said. Nobody deserved to be treated like Brian had done to Matt and they deemed it as nearly unforgivable. Brian’s only saving grace came in the form of a phone call from Val. The blonde seemed to have realized her wrong and realized how badly she’d hurt Matt and that he’d only acted out of revenge. She’d also missed every warning, though she’d realized it all the moment Johnny had told her they were together.
With Johnny, Matt could be himself. He could be happy, genuine, and faithful. No more late night affairs, no more lying, no more depression. It was easy to see how much better off he was with someone he loved. He was no longer lying to himself and it seemed as though an enormous weight had lifted off his shoulders.
Realizing the change in the vocalist, Brian decided he would just need to accept it all. Cornering Matt in the dressing room after a particularly rough show, Brian had come clean and flat out apologized to Matt, explaining his actions. Matt had never seen the band gawk so badly as when he’d come out of that room with his arm around Brian’s neck, laughing and joking with him like old times.
At the end of the day, though, it would always be his little Johnny that he came home to. Nothing gave him a better sense of self-identity than holding the younger man in his arms and kiss him. He’d never felt anything more right than making love to him and peppering his pale, freckled skin with kisses. Running his hands through his dark, fuzzy hair just before they drifted off to sleep at night gave him a sense of security. He was finally free to be himself again.