I now fully believe that putting on an effective mask is sometimes preferable to honesty.
This is actually a line of thought I've struggled with quite a bit. I'm bad at situational personality, putting on different "masks" in different situations. I'd like to say that honesty is better, but that may just be because it's more comprehensible to me.
During my post-denial phase (arguably still in progress), I often wondered whether my "true self" was just a "mask" and consequently was worried that I didn't have a "true" personality at all. Alternately, I was worried that if I ever did put on such a mask, my true self would somehow disappear.
Being able to act differently (to be differently?) in different situations is indeed an important tool, though. I wish I had a clearer idea of how and when to use it.
*hug* I have things like that happen all the time. I dont know if all those things you listed are connected, but you're allowed to feel introverted and less than social. I hope people didnt fault you because you werent what their idea of 'fun' was exactly when they wanted it.
On another note, I wouldnt dispute a 'mask' (although I dont call it a mask so much as an awareness of appropriate/healthy place and time). But moreso, particularly in the case of someone thinking you were mad at them, it always helps when you know you're in a bad mood to simply tell them that you're in a bad mood. Then it's on them if they take personal offense, unless you really are just using them as a punching bag.
Sadly, I don't think it always helps. The it's-on-them thing is not without consequences, and you have no way of knowing how they interpret what you said.
Someone once asked me which mask I wore with them, because they finally realized just how much variation could exist in my personality. I had a hard time answering, because I was pretty convinced that they were seeing as much of the real me as was possible.
Why are we always considered as wearing masks? Can't we just act differently in different situations and have the composite be *us*? And if we do indeed wear masks.. wouldn't the mask be the face that we show less often?
Re: which mask?smoketheworldJuly 23 2008, 00:30:52 UTC
I was trying to say something like this but couldnt find the words...the concept of a 'real' you underneath all the stuff you do while you're living makes for much unnecessary confusion. You can be doing something you dont like, but the fact that you're doing it anyway for whatever healthy or unhealthy reasons is still 'you'. 'You' can change, evolve, etc, but that doesnt mean that one part of you wasnt real.
Re: which mask?blacktartJuly 23 2008, 03:20:49 UTC
I absolutely don't mean to imply that I'm somehow becoming someone else. All any of us can be is ourselves, no matter how many sides or facets of us there are.
But sometimes situations are volatile, delicate, or in some way uncertain. Sometimes words can only do so much.
A mask is a facade to hide under. And what I will occasionally need to hide is how I'm feeling.
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This is actually a line of thought I've struggled with quite a bit. I'm bad at situational personality, putting on different "masks" in different situations. I'd like to say that honesty is better, but that may just be because it's more comprehensible to me.
During my post-denial phase (arguably still in progress), I often wondered whether my "true self" was just a "mask" and consequently was worried that I didn't have a "true" personality at all. Alternately, I was worried that if I ever did put on such a mask, my true self would somehow disappear.
Being able to act differently (to be differently?) in different situations is indeed an important tool, though. I wish I had a clearer idea of how and when to use it.
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that realization is step 348 in "growing up".
*hugs* :-(
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Why are we always considered as wearing masks? Can't we just act differently in different situations and have the composite be *us*? And if we do indeed wear masks.. wouldn't the mask be the face that we show less often?
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But sometimes situations are volatile, delicate, or in some way uncertain. Sometimes words can only do so much.
A mask is a facade to hide under. And what I will occasionally need to hide is how I'm feeling.
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