Where are they now?
HAHAHAH this is HYSTERICAL. I didn't make this, though. It's this interactive meme that you can find here: shrineofinsanity.com. Kills boredom. Makes laughs. Here's a Where Are They Now meme based off Devil May Cry characters with a few surpirse cameos.
Where Are They Now?
By: Flibble
Welcome to another episode of 'Where Are They Now?', the show where we document the lives of those people in 80's sitcoms that no one remembers or cares about anymore! And now, would you welcome your host, Gackt!
Gackt walks onto a threadbare set with a wall covered with pictures of people you can never remember the names of and a desk, in what looks like a cheap Rent-A-Suit.
Gackt: Hello and welcome to 'Where Are They Now? - By Request!'. It seems a lot of people remember Wanky McWankyPants, the youngest child from ''A Show About Nothing'' but can't, for the life of them, name the person who played the ignorant little cretin! It surprises these same people that this person has lead such a turbulent life that landed him in many tabloids and papers. So come with us as we document the life of Dante Sparda!
Some cheesy music plays while the scene changes to a really poor quality home video of Dante running around as a toddler.
Gackt: Dante was born...sometime. I guess that's a lesson in keeping your birth certificate in a safe place.
Sparda's voice takes over the commentary, playing over a video of Dante eating what looks like a cat.
Sparda: Dante could be a handful at times, that's for sure. In fact, I remember a time... Well, several times to tell you the truth... Where I was almost eaten by the stupid little critter. But he was great, I'll always remember the time we spent together... Even if my therapy does eventually work properly.
Gackt: When Dante reached the age of nine, an offer came in from Hyde Inc., a high-profile production studio in those days.
Hyde: We needed a person who we could pay next to nothing, because the other twelve cast members took so much. So I was driving along one day with the other writers and various other people now out-of-work, when someone said 'What about that kid with their head stuck in the doghouse?' and I replied, 'Yeah, why not?'
Gackt: The show was of course, ''A Show About Nothing'', and the character was Wanky McWankyPants the youngest of six children, belonging to a florist and a whale groomer at the zoo. The weekly adventures of that lovable family amused and educated a nation. But behind the cameras, trouble was brewing.
Mary Ann: Who? Oh yeah, Dante, I remember him. They became a menace when we reached the fourth series. I recall one time where they just leapt at a cameraman and shaved his moustache off with a rusty nail. We asked why, but Dante just got up and said to Hyde, the director, 'If you don't free Nelson Mandela, I'll take my Raisin Toast army and invade Ireland.' Dante was sufering personal problems at the time, I should add in his defense.
Gackt: Eventually, in the twelfth season, Dante had to leave due to a completely irrational, utterly unprovoked and heavily publicised fight on-stage.
A picture of Dante punching Gackts lights out is shown.
Gackt: *sigh* Dante was always in the spotlight. A fortnight after leaving 'A Show About Nothing', Dante met Vergil. Vergil was at least sixteen years older than Dante and was known to the police for muggings, outlawed S&M related activities, several unproven robberies, and excessive drink driving. Vergil seemed to have a surprising effect on Dante, who did anything Vergil said. They spent most of their time together on nudist beaches, attending KKK meetings (Disclaimer: not yet proven) and spamming the Shrine of Insanity Forum. They were to marry less than ten days later. Their bizarre lives were always making headlines.
A montage of newspaper headlines is shown: Vergil Burns Down Hotel, Dante Joins Jamaican Nazi Party, Vergil Shoots Self in Foot, Dante To Kill Self on New Years Day, Vergil Shoots Self in Other Foot, and finally, Dante Strips Nude On 'Vergil Live'.
Vergil: I remember that show well. Dante just stood up, stripped off and started running all over the set. I told him, 'Well if you want to be on the show this badly, I'll interview you now!'. Sadly, security came in and put a stop to the antics. It did get past the censor though, so it wasn't a complete loss.
Gackt: It was this string of weird events that forced 'A Show About Nothing' co-star and long time friend Trish to confront Dante. The meeting went rather badly - Trish was killed. It remains a mystery to this day the fate that befell Trish. Dante claims they talked for thirty seconds, whereupon Trish left in a huff when Dante refused to reign-in the strange behaviour.
Gackt: It is a popular theory in conspiracy circles that Vergil killed Trish, but it is more accepted by the media that it was Trish's own Mafia debts that lead to the death. In any case, the death shocked Dante. He went into several rehab programs and Vergil was eventually convinced to attend them too.
Gackt: A few years later, Dante was approached by Mary, the head producer of 'Cerberus in a pink tutu', the top-rating medical drama, about a three-episode guest appearance as Doctor Everybody Loves Dante's Cock a disillusioned dentist with a criminal record. Dante leapt at the chance to get back into acting.
A clip of Dante on 'Cerberus in a pink tutu' now plays.
Dante: Damnit Louise, I don't have time to observe the Medical Code of Practice! The life of this man lies...in...my...hands...
Dante walks towards the camera.
Dante: (Slowly and dramatically) In...My...Hands!
Gackt: The appearance revitalised Dante's career. The character was written into the remaining scripts, and for the next two seasons, Dante was hot property. A movie appearance in Pride and Nosepicking, which won Dante a Golden penis, was to shortly follow. Vergil also seemed to benefit, netting several guest appearances in various shows and movies.
Gackt: In the end however, the recognition seemed to turn the couple back into their old selves. Their careers were dead and buried by the time Dante and Vergil turned up in a public restroom, stark naked with a ten year old girl covered in petrol, Arkham wearing a saddle and one of those hats with a propeller on it, a sheep that had been painted red and six cans of tinned spaghetti. This ten-minute video was available from the internet no less than two hours later.
There will now be a ten-minute break in this test, as the video is truly disgusting. No, I don't care how open-minded you are, I don't want my Hotmail inbox bombarded with ten billion complain emails that I'd just delete immediately anyway. We can, however, make it available to all those people who send an e-mail with credit card details to mixmasterflibble@ididn'trealiseitwasajoke.com.
Gackt: (Panting slightly) This turned out to be the end, as not only did it cost Dante and Vergil their careers, but it also got them sent to prison, where they are five years into a seventy year sentence. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the career of Dante Sparda. Join us again next week, when we review the dead and buried career of...Uh, me.
[Copyright © by The Shrine of Insanity - Mixed With A Little Bit of Rock and Roll All Rights Reserved.]
And a more Castlevania-centric/Star-Trek(HAHAH)meme with Emo Kid!Leon Belmont and BSDM fetishes!:
The starship Enterprise travels soundlessly through space towards the planet Ur-Bleedin-Anus where they are to rendezvous with the alien race of Emo Kid Hybrids. Suddenly...alarms begin to go off.
Vergil: Captain Trevor! We are in big trouble! The evil leader of the Emo Kid Hybrid have decided to attack us!
Trevor: What? You mean...Leon Belmont is attacking us?
Vergil: Yes! If we do not surrender Leon Belmont is going to kidnap us and keep us as sex slaves to fulfil their freakish fetish for...
Trevor: Oh no not...
Vergil: Yes. Leon Belmont seeks to convert us to the side of evil to fulfil their BSDM fetish...
Trevor: We must not tolerate this! Prepare the ship for battle!
Vergil: Okay!
Vergil bursts into action, flicking switch after switch, readying missiles to be fired at the ship of the evil Leon Belmont. Within seconds it is ready.
Trevor: Okay do we have our phaser-cannons ready?
Vergil: We most certainly do!
Trevor: Then fire them you ass!
The cannons are fired at the enemy ship, explosions can be heard outside...
Trevor: Do we have a hit? Do we? Do we?
Isaac comes dashing into the bridge, wearing only a towel.
Isaac: What the hell is happening here? I was taking a peaceful shower when...
The ship rocks violently to the side and the lights flicker. Isaac flings themself into Trevor's arms.
Isaac: Hold me!
Vergil: We're all going to die!
Isaac: We ARE?
Trevor: No. No we're not...it's just that...
The ship rocks again, even more violently...and this time the lights switch off. Except for the glowing control panels there is no light.
Trevor: Oh God help us! We're all going to die!
A voice suddenly booms out of the speakers...
Voice: We will only stop firing when you pledge your alliegence to the ungodly Leon Belmont eater of Big Foot's Dick and vow to fulfil their absolutely terrible BSDM fetish!
Isaac: No! Oh God no I'd never pledge alliance to -
Vergil: Hold on a second did you say that Leon Belmont has a BSDM fetish?
Voice: Well...erm...yes...
Vergil: That's amazing...really...because, well I'm a BSDM fetishist from way back! I just never told you before because...well I was nervous...
Isaac and Trevor stare at Vergil with absolute disgust.
Trevor: Well...hey then. Why don't you just take Vergil and leave the rest of us here? Hey?
Voice: Well yes. Yes, I believe that I could do that...
There is a high pitched whistling noise and Vergil disintegrates into nothing as they are beamed aboard Leon Belmont's ship for a lifetime of BSDM.
Trevor: Ahem. Well then, now that all of that is sorted out I guess we should continue onto Ur-Bleedin-Anus.
The lights flicker back into life and everything begins to go back to normal...of course once you look past the missing crew member. As this happens Isaac steps turns to look at Trevor
Isaac: I'd just like to tell you...
Trevor: Yes?
Isaac: ...I think you're really brave.
Isaac leans towards Trevor and plants a kiss on their cheek. The Enterprise begins to pick up speed before shooting off into the darkness of space... In search of their next adventure...
[Copyright © by The Shrine of Insanity - Mixed With A Little Bit of Rock and Roll All Rights Reserved.]
Where Are They Now?
By: Flibble
Welcome to another episode of 'Where Are They Now?', the show where we document the lives of those people in 80's sitcoms that no one remembers or cares about anymore! And now, would you welcome your host, Gackt!
Gackt walks onto a threadbare set with a wall covered with pictures of people you can never remember the names of and a desk, in what looks like a cheap Rent-A-Suit.
Gackt: Hello and welcome to 'Where Are They Now? - By Request!'. It seems a lot of people remember Wanky McWankyPants, the youngest child from ''A Show About Nothing'' but can't, for the life of them, name the person who played the ignorant little cretin! It surprises these same people that this person has lead such a turbulent life that landed him in many tabloids and papers. So come with us as we document the life of Dante Sparda!
Some cheesy music plays while the scene changes to a really poor quality home video of Dante running around as a toddler.
Gackt: Dante was born...sometime. I guess that's a lesson in keeping your birth certificate in a safe place.
Sparda's voice takes over the commentary, playing over a video of Dante eating what looks like a cat.
Sparda: Dante could be a handful at times, that's for sure. In fact, I remember a time... Well, several times to tell you the truth... Where I was almost eaten by the stupid little critter. But he was great, I'll always remember the time we spent together... Even if my therapy does eventually work properly.
Gackt: When Dante reached the age of nine, an offer came in from Hyde Inc., a high-profile production studio in those days.
Hyde: We needed a person who we could pay next to nothing, because the other twelve cast members took so much. So I was driving along one day with the other writers and various other people now out-of-work, when someone said 'What about that kid with their head stuck in the doghouse?' and I replied, 'Yeah, why not?'
Gackt: The show was of course, ''A Show About Nothing'', and the character was Wanky McWankyPants the youngest of six children, belonging to a florist and a whale groomer at the zoo. The weekly adventures of that lovable family amused and educated a nation. But behind the cameras, trouble was brewing.
Mary Ann: Who? Oh yeah, Dante, I remember him. They became a menace when we reached the fourth series. I recall one time where they just leapt at a cameraman and shaved his moustache off with a rusty nail. We asked why, but Dante just got up and said to Hyde, the director, 'If you don't free Nelson Mandela, I'll take my Raisin Toast army and invade Ireland.' Dante was sufering personal problems at the time, I should add in his defense.
Gackt: Eventually, in the twelfth season, Dante had to leave due to a completely irrational, utterly unprovoked and heavily publicised fight on-stage.
A picture of Dante punching Gackts lights out is shown.
Gackt: *sigh* Dante was always in the spotlight. A fortnight after leaving 'A Show About Nothing', Dante met Vergil. Vergil was at least sixteen years older than Dante and was known to the police for muggings, outlawed S&M related activities, several unproven robberies, and excessive drink driving. Vergil seemed to have a surprising effect on Dante, who did anything Vergil said. They spent most of their time together on nudist beaches, attending KKK meetings (Disclaimer: not yet proven) and spamming the Shrine of Insanity Forum. They were to marry less than ten days later. Their bizarre lives were always making headlines.
A montage of newspaper headlines is shown: Vergil Burns Down Hotel, Dante Joins Jamaican Nazi Party, Vergil Shoots Self in Foot, Dante To Kill Self on New Years Day, Vergil Shoots Self in Other Foot, and finally, Dante Strips Nude On 'Vergil Live'.
Vergil: I remember that show well. Dante just stood up, stripped off and started running all over the set. I told him, 'Well if you want to be on the show this badly, I'll interview you now!'. Sadly, security came in and put a stop to the antics. It did get past the censor though, so it wasn't a complete loss.
Gackt: It was this string of weird events that forced 'A Show About Nothing' co-star and long time friend Trish to confront Dante. The meeting went rather badly - Trish was killed. It remains a mystery to this day the fate that befell Trish. Dante claims they talked for thirty seconds, whereupon Trish left in a huff when Dante refused to reign-in the strange behaviour.
Gackt: It is a popular theory in conspiracy circles that Vergil killed Trish, but it is more accepted by the media that it was Trish's own Mafia debts that lead to the death. In any case, the death shocked Dante. He went into several rehab programs and Vergil was eventually convinced to attend them too.
Gackt: A few years later, Dante was approached by Mary, the head producer of 'Cerberus in a pink tutu', the top-rating medical drama, about a three-episode guest appearance as Doctor Everybody Loves Dante's Cock a disillusioned dentist with a criminal record. Dante leapt at the chance to get back into acting.
A clip of Dante on 'Cerberus in a pink tutu' now plays.
Dante: Damnit Louise, I don't have time to observe the Medical Code of Practice! The life of this man lies...in...my...hands...
Dante walks towards the camera.
Dante: (Slowly and dramatically) In...My...Hands!
Gackt: The appearance revitalised Dante's career. The character was written into the remaining scripts, and for the next two seasons, Dante was hot property. A movie appearance in Pride and Nosepicking, which won Dante a Golden penis, was to shortly follow. Vergil also seemed to benefit, netting several guest appearances in various shows and movies.
Gackt: In the end however, the recognition seemed to turn the couple back into their old selves. Their careers were dead and buried by the time Dante and Vergil turned up in a public restroom, stark naked with a ten year old girl covered in petrol, Arkham wearing a saddle and one of those hats with a propeller on it, a sheep that had been painted red and six cans of tinned spaghetti. This ten-minute video was available from the internet no less than two hours later.
There will now be a ten-minute break in this test, as the video is truly disgusting. No, I don't care how open-minded you are, I don't want my Hotmail inbox bombarded with ten billion complain emails that I'd just delete immediately anyway. We can, however, make it available to all those people who send an e-mail with credit card details to mixmasterflibble@ididn'trealiseitwasajoke.com.
Gackt: (Panting slightly) This turned out to be the end, as not only did it cost Dante and Vergil their careers, but it also got them sent to prison, where they are five years into a seventy year sentence. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the career of Dante Sparda. Join us again next week, when we review the dead and buried career of...Uh, me.
[Copyright © by The Shrine of Insanity - Mixed With A Little Bit of Rock and Roll All Rights Reserved.]
And a more Castlevania-centric/Star-Trek(HAHAH)meme with Emo Kid!Leon Belmont and BSDM fetishes!:
The starship Enterprise travels soundlessly through space towards the planet Ur-Bleedin-Anus where they are to rendezvous with the alien race of Emo Kid Hybrids. Suddenly...alarms begin to go off.
Vergil: Captain Trevor! We are in big trouble! The evil leader of the Emo Kid Hybrid have decided to attack us!
Trevor: What? You mean...Leon Belmont is attacking us?
Vergil: Yes! If we do not surrender Leon Belmont is going to kidnap us and keep us as sex slaves to fulfil their freakish fetish for...
Trevor: Oh no not...
Vergil: Yes. Leon Belmont seeks to convert us to the side of evil to fulfil their BSDM fetish...
Trevor: We must not tolerate this! Prepare the ship for battle!
Vergil: Okay!
Vergil bursts into action, flicking switch after switch, readying missiles to be fired at the ship of the evil Leon Belmont. Within seconds it is ready.
Trevor: Okay do we have our phaser-cannons ready?
Vergil: We most certainly do!
Trevor: Then fire them you ass!
The cannons are fired at the enemy ship, explosions can be heard outside...
Trevor: Do we have a hit? Do we? Do we?
Isaac comes dashing into the bridge, wearing only a towel.
Isaac: What the hell is happening here? I was taking a peaceful shower when...
The ship rocks violently to the side and the lights flicker. Isaac flings themself into Trevor's arms.
Isaac: Hold me!
Vergil: We're all going to die!
Isaac: We ARE?
Trevor: No. No we're not...it's just that...
The ship rocks again, even more violently...and this time the lights switch off. Except for the glowing control panels there is no light.
Trevor: Oh God help us! We're all going to die!
A voice suddenly booms out of the speakers...
Voice: We will only stop firing when you pledge your alliegence to the ungodly Leon Belmont eater of Big Foot's Dick and vow to fulfil their absolutely terrible BSDM fetish!
Isaac: No! Oh God no I'd never pledge alliance to -
Vergil: Hold on a second did you say that Leon Belmont has a BSDM fetish?
Voice: Well...erm...yes...
Vergil: That's amazing...really...because, well I'm a BSDM fetishist from way back! I just never told you before because...well I was nervous...
Isaac and Trevor stare at Vergil with absolute disgust.
Trevor: Well...hey then. Why don't you just take Vergil and leave the rest of us here? Hey?
Voice: Well yes. Yes, I believe that I could do that...
There is a high pitched whistling noise and Vergil disintegrates into nothing as they are beamed aboard Leon Belmont's ship for a lifetime of BSDM.
Trevor: Ahem. Well then, now that all of that is sorted out I guess we should continue onto Ur-Bleedin-Anus.
The lights flicker back into life and everything begins to go back to normal...of course once you look past the missing crew member. As this happens Isaac steps turns to look at Trevor
Isaac: I'd just like to tell you...
Trevor: Yes?
Isaac: ...I think you're really brave.
Isaac leans towards Trevor and plants a kiss on their cheek. The Enterprise begins to pick up speed before shooting off into the darkness of space... In search of their next adventure...
[Copyright © by The Shrine of Insanity - Mixed With A Little Bit of Rock and Roll All Rights Reserved.]