][Dan Rhodes
Honest
January said it was important for couples to be completely honest with each other, and I agreed. I told her very honestly how much time I spent thinking about her, that whenever I pictured the future she was always there by my side, and how even after three years together I sometimes couldn't help feeling a little nervous when she was around. She told me to stop. 'That wasn't what I meant', she said. 'I meant I just don't love you any more.' She looked away. 'And the more I think about it, the more I realise I never really did.'
Kiss
Orchid is resolute that her first kiss be perfect. I took her to Paris in the springtime. As we gazed across the Seine at the Eiffel Tower, I made my move. She pushed me away. 'No,' she said. "It's just not romantic enough. I'm sorry.' I took her to a deserted, palm-fringed Bahamian beach, and her response was the same. I saved and saved until finally we stood at sunset before the Taj Mahal. 'It smells funny,' she said. 'It smells, and there's poor people everywhere.' I was disappointed too. The supposedly magnificent structure paled beside those untouched, velvet lips.
Shipwreck
After the shipwreck I was devastated and cried for weeks. When I emerged from my grief, I realized that my girlfriend's death shouldn't be the end of me. I found someone as pretty and nice as her and eventually I invited her on a beach holiday. My old girlfriend was washed up on the shore. She'd been clinging to a plank for fourteen months, living on raw fish, rainwater and her love for me. I was faced with a choice. My new girl won because the old one was skinny and bedraggled, and besides, the water had made her all crinkly.