PRIVATE ENTRY - Thursday night
PRIVATE ENTRY
What in Merlin's name is wrong with me?
I have always been in control of situations.
The other day when Pansy caught me trying to sneak back into the Slytherin dungeons in his clothing, she mentioned how wrapped up in him I am. At the time I brushed what she said aside, telling her I had it all under control and it was going the way I wanted it to. I didn't give it a second thought.
But what happened to me? What happened to the boy that didn't give a fuck about other's feelings? What happened to wanting to sleep with the sexy population of the school. What happened to me having Fling after Fling? What happened to me wanting someone different after I'd had someone once?
HE happened.
Pansy's right.
You bloody dickhead Blaise. You have gone and gotten yourself involved with someone you actually have feelings for. Someone who you would do anything for. Someone that your life does infact now want to revolve around.
It's pitiful. Since when did a Zabini give into anyone? Since when did I let anyone order me around?
What's worse is that I fear I may actually love him. Love someone. Love...
Not as in the love I feel for my best friends. Perhaps that's where I got confused with Theo. I'd never been in love, and I thought I was with him, until Boot came along.
What the fuck is Father going to say when he finds out. Worse yet, what the bloody hell is he going to do to me this time when he finds out. Thank Merlin I got hold of the Owl that McGonagall was going to send my Father. If he found out that his only son had strong feelings for another, and of the same sex. I would be dead.
He can never find out.