(no subject)
I'm a terrible mix of emotions right now.
First, to start this circle, I am at conflict with the le rationship thing.
Which is complicated because I'm going to college soon.
Which is complicated because I don't know where to go.
Which is complicated by the probability that I will not actually make it into Wellesley.
Which is complicated by me listening to a song 24/7 that reminds me of Wellesley.
Which makes me ponder what I could have done to "achieve" more in the four years.
Which has stirred in me bitterness over working.
Which has given me time to think about the bitterness.
And because of which, I cannot attend a myriad of social events.
Blargh.
Also: met Matt (car note leaver) at Barstucks. Totally platonic, besides imposing smiles. Not even a hug. He's very interesting, and he's the most knowledgeable person with whom I've spoken about the middle east. Catalyzed a series of epiphanies undermining the power of religion. But I feel sort of conflicted about Jacob: part of me wants to be this dashing play girl, since in all nonseriousness, Jacob and I are dunzo in a few months. I'm not going to marry him, for Christ's sake. But the other part says have some dignity. But I smell formality and tradition! I guess, like I said before, I'll just carry on another one of my sexless affairs with Matt (likely).
Oh, I know why I'm in a bad mood: Stephanie (hostess) will probably never mail me back my sweater :/ She won't contact me back on Facebook to give me her address even to send her money for the shipping. Bitch! And Camille hasn't gotten back to me about her address (so I can send at the very least a thank you card) and it just reconfirms the idea/delusion? I have that I was a complete burden for the entire trip
First, to start this circle, I am at conflict with the le rationship thing.
Which is complicated because I'm going to college soon.
Which is complicated because I don't know where to go.
Which is complicated by the probability that I will not actually make it into Wellesley.
Which is complicated by me listening to a song 24/7 that reminds me of Wellesley.
Which makes me ponder what I could have done to "achieve" more in the four years.
Which has stirred in me bitterness over working.
Which has given me time to think about the bitterness.
And because of which, I cannot attend a myriad of social events.
Blargh.
Also: met Matt (car note leaver) at Barstucks. Totally platonic, besides imposing smiles. Not even a hug. He's very interesting, and he's the most knowledgeable person with whom I've spoken about the middle east. Catalyzed a series of epiphanies undermining the power of religion. But I feel sort of conflicted about Jacob: part of me wants to be this dashing play girl, since in all nonseriousness, Jacob and I are dunzo in a few months. I'm not going to marry him, for Christ's sake. But the other part says have some dignity. But I smell formality and tradition! I guess, like I said before, I'll just carry on another one of my sexless affairs with Matt (likely).
Oh, I know why I'm in a bad mood: Stephanie (hostess) will probably never mail me back my sweater :/ She won't contact me back on Facebook to give me her address even to send her money for the shipping. Bitch! And Camille hasn't gotten back to me about her address (so I can send at the very least a thank you card) and it just reconfirms the idea/delusion? I have that I was a complete burden for the entire trip