Watch now as I attempt and inevitably fail at keeping a daily journal schedule
I was going to post this on LL for a while but people didn't seem interested, so for now I think I'll keep this here only.
Under the cut: The introduction to and the first few posts of my topic about starting my medication, to be followed by a post shortly afterwards with today's update.
From: BlastoiseMaster | Posted: 1/7/2009 05:22:36 PM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
Introduction: I'm 20 years old, and I've been depressed for quite some time now. It's been at least a year and a half since things have been noticeably, constantly bad, and six months since I started going to therapy on a regular basis. Today I met with a psychiatrist, who prescribed me Wellbutrin ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wellbutrin ), and as I write this, I sit with my first dose in front of me.
I'm feeling very apprehensive about taking it. I don't know how my personality will change, I don't know what side effects might occur as it begins to take effect over the next few weeks, and I don't know how much of my life I can pull together even if I do start feeling better.
So I decided that I wanted to keep a record of how I'm feeling day to day. But, given that I have a hard time motivating myself to do anything regularly, I decided to post this on LL. And given that I really don't want to be trolled about something that's kind of a sensitive subject for me, I thought I would post it on SD. Beyond that, I hope that maybe my posting will be at least interesting to some of you interested in psychiatry, and possibly even helpful to someone considering antidepressants, if everything goes well.
I'll try to post at least once a day, and I'll be happy to answer any questions about my life, my feelings, etc., that anyone might have for me.
I'm going to take my pill now and maybe take a nap, and I'll be around in a bit if there are any questions, or at the very least to give some background about what led me to this point.
From: BlastoiseMaster | Posted: 1/7/2009 08:28:55 PM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
From: The Fish | Posted: 1/7/2009 05:54:42 PM
I have not had to take anti-depressants before, however I take ADD meds. Perhaps this might be of help because I struggled a lot when I first started taking medication. After I started taking ADD meds I had a huge academic improvement but I wasn't spontaneous at all, and because the ADD meds calmed me down I really almost separated myself into two people, non medicated and medicated me. It sucked because I never really felt in equilibrium because part of me probably wanted to keep my feelings compartmentalized and separate. When the difference became apparent after starting meds I kind of "watched" over myself to make sure I didn't fall into any of the unpleasant and annoying behaviors I had previously experienced. Watching over and thinking about the differences in how I felt really put me in a lower place. like I said, the best advice I can give you is take ownership of how you feel, the anti-depressants might change your feelings towards but that doesn't mean they aren't yours. However alienated from what you think your feelings are when you start taking them, try to keep in mind that they are still YOURS. Also, be weary of resentment, if you have issues with the medicine (side effects, the way you feel on them) take them up with your therapist before you get to the point where you resent the person for prescribing it to you. I hope you feel better man.
That's actually some really helpful advice, thank you. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with what I'm worried about as far as personality changing. In a weird way, I've gotten so used to depression that I'm terrified of being without it, and I have this fear that I'm going to be somehow less-interesting or dumber or different somehow once I start feeling better.
The resentment was something I actually hadn't considered before. But luckily I usually have a pretty easy time being open with my therapist, and I imagine I can do the same with my psychiatrist (two different people, for clarification). She seems like I can trust her to listen to my complaints.
From: evilchao2 | Posted: 1/7/2009 05:57:23 PM
Good luck man. I was on Wellbutrin for a few months before, all it did for me was kill my sex drive. I hope it works better for you, I'll definitely be watching this topic.
Huh, that's strange. From what I've read, Wellbutrin is one of the few drugs that actually doesn't kill the sex drive as much. I guess I'll keep an eye on that too.
Later tonight: Daily status update (mostly for posterity's sake).
From: BlastoiseMaster | Posted: 1/8/2009 10:48:36 AM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
Day 2, recap of day 1:
I felt pretty low most of the day, in large part due to lack of sleep the night before psychiatry. I was up worried almost all night, and for some reason didn't take a nap when I got home.
My first pill yesterday was taken without incident, and it was actually sort of fun getting to cut it in half with the little plastic pill cutter they gave me. My dosage for this first week is one half-pill a day at 11am every week (excluding yesterday, when I was told to just take it sometime in the afternoon), and then after this week, one half pill at 9, and the other half at 4. I'm worried about waking up that early, because I'm pretty used to sleeping until noon. But I imagine I'll get used to it, and possibly even might have to, with school coming up at the end of the month.
I was told to watch out for trouble sleeping, but I was so tired I passed out pretty easily last night, sometime around 1. I don't remember the sleep being particularly fitful or restless, and I woke up this morning feeling... for some reason not completely rested, actually still a bit groggy, like I had slept, but I could have used a couple more hours. But then again, I've only been up for half an hour.
I'm going to try to eat breakfast (a very rare occurrence), and then take my pill in a few minutes, and then figure out what I'm going to do later on for exercise. The psychiatrist is also telling me to get at least 30 minutes of exercise every day, which I hate the idea of, but then, I'm trying to do this properly, so I'm going to give it a shot at least. I may just take a walk, there's a park nearby my house that I kinda like. She told me when I go on walks to try not looking at the ground, look at the scenery, look at people there, all that stuff. Like with everything I hear somebody suggest me to do, it sounds really boring and tiring and a hassle, but that's depression.
I don't feel terribly sad right this second, but it usually takes a little while after waking up to have that set in. I'll see how I feel later on.
From: BlastoiseMaster | Posted: 1/9/2009 12:36:20 AM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
Day 2 report:
Well, the medication is at least having some kind of effect. Most of the morning/early afternoon I think I felt mostly okay at times when I'd normally be generally depressed. I also noticed a really big difference in appetite. Usually I snack a lot before and after meals (if I didn't mention it in a previous post, I'm overweight), whereas I felt somewhat hungry, enough to eat lunch, but didn't feel like eating again until later.
I did a little check to see if I could still be somewhat depressed by things. I went and listened to the saddest song I could think of, and I still felt a good solid bit of sadness, but it didn't seem to cling to me so much. Could have just been a side effect of the time of day, or a placebo effect though.
Unfortunately, I didn't quite manage to go on a walk today, instead I ended up falling asleep. I had kind of a headache, but that's been coming and going for a few days now, so I doubt it's medication related. Also the naps are a semi-frequent thing with me. All that has to change eventually though, I'm still going to try to put effort towards having regular sleep hours and exercise.
When I woke up from my nap, I could feel a pretty big difference between waking up in the morning and waking up in the evening. I felt the usual constant depression again, had another sad song stuck in my head everywhere I went, got irritated/depressed by little insignificant pieces of conversation again. I also feel like eating a lot, despite having a pretty good dinner not too long ago. Pretty much what I expected, considering that I'm supposed to be taking morning and afternoon doses after this week.
I'm kind of bummed right now for no reason, but I guess I should feel somewhat optimistic that at least some effect is being made by the stuff. It kind of makes me wish I could just start the regular dosage now though, rather than having to acclimate for a week. I'm interested to see how much of the difference in how I feel is just a time of day thing, and how much is the meds.
I have to go to sleep soon, which is annoying, because I still feel like I want to pass out around 5. It's 12:30 now, and I think I'll aim for going to bed at 2, waking up at 10, and seeing how that goes.
Under the cut: The introduction to and the first few posts of my topic about starting my medication, to be followed by a post shortly afterwards with today's update.
From: BlastoiseMaster | Posted: 1/7/2009 05:22:36 PM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
Introduction: I'm 20 years old, and I've been depressed for quite some time now. It's been at least a year and a half since things have been noticeably, constantly bad, and six months since I started going to therapy on a regular basis. Today I met with a psychiatrist, who prescribed me Wellbutrin ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wellbutrin ), and as I write this, I sit with my first dose in front of me.
I'm feeling very apprehensive about taking it. I don't know how my personality will change, I don't know what side effects might occur as it begins to take effect over the next few weeks, and I don't know how much of my life I can pull together even if I do start feeling better.
So I decided that I wanted to keep a record of how I'm feeling day to day. But, given that I have a hard time motivating myself to do anything regularly, I decided to post this on LL. And given that I really don't want to be trolled about something that's kind of a sensitive subject for me, I thought I would post it on SD. Beyond that, I hope that maybe my posting will be at least interesting to some of you interested in psychiatry, and possibly even helpful to someone considering antidepressants, if everything goes well.
I'll try to post at least once a day, and I'll be happy to answer any questions about my life, my feelings, etc., that anyone might have for me.
I'm going to take my pill now and maybe take a nap, and I'll be around in a bit if there are any questions, or at the very least to give some background about what led me to this point.
From: BlastoiseMaster | Posted: 1/7/2009 08:28:55 PM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
From: The Fish | Posted: 1/7/2009 05:54:42 PM
I have not had to take anti-depressants before, however I take ADD meds. Perhaps this might be of help because I struggled a lot when I first started taking medication. After I started taking ADD meds I had a huge academic improvement but I wasn't spontaneous at all, and because the ADD meds calmed me down I really almost separated myself into two people, non medicated and medicated me. It sucked because I never really felt in equilibrium because part of me probably wanted to keep my feelings compartmentalized and separate. When the difference became apparent after starting meds I kind of "watched" over myself to make sure I didn't fall into any of the unpleasant and annoying behaviors I had previously experienced. Watching over and thinking about the differences in how I felt really put me in a lower place. like I said, the best advice I can give you is take ownership of how you feel, the anti-depressants might change your feelings towards but that doesn't mean they aren't yours. However alienated from what you think your feelings are when you start taking them, try to keep in mind that they are still YOURS. Also, be weary of resentment, if you have issues with the medicine (side effects, the way you feel on them) take them up with your therapist before you get to the point where you resent the person for prescribing it to you. I hope you feel better man.
That's actually some really helpful advice, thank you. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with what I'm worried about as far as personality changing. In a weird way, I've gotten so used to depression that I'm terrified of being without it, and I have this fear that I'm going to be somehow less-interesting or dumber or different somehow once I start feeling better.
The resentment was something I actually hadn't considered before. But luckily I usually have a pretty easy time being open with my therapist, and I imagine I can do the same with my psychiatrist (two different people, for clarification). She seems like I can trust her to listen to my complaints.
From: evilchao2 | Posted: 1/7/2009 05:57:23 PM
Good luck man. I was on Wellbutrin for a few months before, all it did for me was kill my sex drive. I hope it works better for you, I'll definitely be watching this topic.
Huh, that's strange. From what I've read, Wellbutrin is one of the few drugs that actually doesn't kill the sex drive as much. I guess I'll keep an eye on that too.
Later tonight: Daily status update (mostly for posterity's sake).
From: BlastoiseMaster | Posted: 1/8/2009 10:48:36 AM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
Day 2, recap of day 1:
I felt pretty low most of the day, in large part due to lack of sleep the night before psychiatry. I was up worried almost all night, and for some reason didn't take a nap when I got home.
My first pill yesterday was taken without incident, and it was actually sort of fun getting to cut it in half with the little plastic pill cutter they gave me. My dosage for this first week is one half-pill a day at 11am every week (excluding yesterday, when I was told to just take it sometime in the afternoon), and then after this week, one half pill at 9, and the other half at 4. I'm worried about waking up that early, because I'm pretty used to sleeping until noon. But I imagine I'll get used to it, and possibly even might have to, with school coming up at the end of the month.
I was told to watch out for trouble sleeping, but I was so tired I passed out pretty easily last night, sometime around 1. I don't remember the sleep being particularly fitful or restless, and I woke up this morning feeling... for some reason not completely rested, actually still a bit groggy, like I had slept, but I could have used a couple more hours. But then again, I've only been up for half an hour.
I'm going to try to eat breakfast (a very rare occurrence), and then take my pill in a few minutes, and then figure out what I'm going to do later on for exercise. The psychiatrist is also telling me to get at least 30 minutes of exercise every day, which I hate the idea of, but then, I'm trying to do this properly, so I'm going to give it a shot at least. I may just take a walk, there's a park nearby my house that I kinda like. She told me when I go on walks to try not looking at the ground, look at the scenery, look at people there, all that stuff. Like with everything I hear somebody suggest me to do, it sounds really boring and tiring and a hassle, but that's depression.
I don't feel terribly sad right this second, but it usually takes a little while after waking up to have that set in. I'll see how I feel later on.
From: BlastoiseMaster | Posted: 1/9/2009 12:36:20 AM | Filter | Message Detail | Quote
Day 2 report:
Well, the medication is at least having some kind of effect. Most of the morning/early afternoon I think I felt mostly okay at times when I'd normally be generally depressed. I also noticed a really big difference in appetite. Usually I snack a lot before and after meals (if I didn't mention it in a previous post, I'm overweight), whereas I felt somewhat hungry, enough to eat lunch, but didn't feel like eating again until later.
I did a little check to see if I could still be somewhat depressed by things. I went and listened to the saddest song I could think of, and I still felt a good solid bit of sadness, but it didn't seem to cling to me so much. Could have just been a side effect of the time of day, or a placebo effect though.
Unfortunately, I didn't quite manage to go on a walk today, instead I ended up falling asleep. I had kind of a headache, but that's been coming and going for a few days now, so I doubt it's medication related. Also the naps are a semi-frequent thing with me. All that has to change eventually though, I'm still going to try to put effort towards having regular sleep hours and exercise.
When I woke up from my nap, I could feel a pretty big difference between waking up in the morning and waking up in the evening. I felt the usual constant depression again, had another sad song stuck in my head everywhere I went, got irritated/depressed by little insignificant pieces of conversation again. I also feel like eating a lot, despite having a pretty good dinner not too long ago. Pretty much what I expected, considering that I'm supposed to be taking morning and afternoon doses after this week.
I'm kind of bummed right now for no reason, but I guess I should feel somewhat optimistic that at least some effect is being made by the stuff. It kind of makes me wish I could just start the regular dosage now though, rather than having to acclimate for a week. I'm interested to see how much of the difference in how I feel is just a time of day thing, and how much is the meds.
I have to go to sleep soon, which is annoying, because I still feel like I want to pass out around 5. It's 12:30 now, and I think I'll aim for going to bed at 2, waking up at 10, and seeing how that goes.