The Aristocrats!1!1!
I watched the Aristocrats movie and decided to write an Aristocrats joke. The point is to be as vulgar as possible. Its a regular opus, if I do say myself. Also, it's behind a cut so look at your own disgression.
"A man walks into a talent agency and begs to speak with the agent.
"The man begs and begs to be allowed to see the agent that finally the secretary lets him in.
"The agent, in obvious anger, says, 'What is this?!?!'
"The secretary replies 'This man begged and begged to be allowed to pitch his act.'
"The agent says 'Fine, I guess it can't hurt'
"The man begins to speak
"He says 'We've got this family act.'
"The agent says 'We've got a lot of those, what makes yours special?'
"The man then replies, 'Oh, I think you'll really find ours unique.
"The agent says 'Do tell'
"So the man begins with his act. He says, 'First my wife and I come out onto stage with a spiked club and shotgun.
"’Now my wife begins to sing “Swing Low Sweet Chariot” while I start to river dance. After the song finishes she sits down at the piano that was behind the curtain and begins to play. I grab the shotgun, use it as a cane, and begin another little dance number. At the climax of the song I shoot a random person in the audience.
"’At this point a trapdoor in the ceiling opens and an artificial rain of amniotic fluids and fetuses. I use the shotgun as a bat and hit the fetuses into the crowd, specifically aiming for the person I shot earlier.
"'After that we strip off all of our clothes, and I penetrate my wife with the spiked club.
"'Then while I am penetrating my wife with the club I go behind her and start to penetrate her asshole with my penis.
"’Then I get out a rock of crack cocaine that I had been hiding up my ass and proceed to do the entire thing off of her breasts.
"'Soon after that two of our children, ages 7 and 12, and the family dog come out.
"'My son, the seven year old, begins to take off my daughter’s clothes.
"'Then he goes down on her, and, after she cums, he begins to finger her while tossing her salad.
"'Mind you during all of this I am fucking my son up the ass.
"'Of course since my wife is free she needs some satisfaction, and puts peanut butter in her vagina as to lure her dog over.
"'So the dog is basically going down on my wife, while she is penetrating her anus with the club.
"’Now at this point I am finishing up with my son and my daughter, and as I’m pulling out of my son he takes a huge shit on my penis.
"’I smear the shit on my penis then go over and begin to fuck the dog, who is still giving my wife head.
"’Then my other three children, two boys and one girl, who are 8, 1, and 15, respectively, come out.
"’The eight year old, who is carrying the one year old, smashes his brothers head against the ground.
"’He then uses the brains as lube and penetrates his older sister with his abnormally large penis. I mean this thing is almost a foot, a third leg if you will.
"’Then my other son and daughter join their siblings and the two girls finger each other while the boys take them from behind.
"’Now me, my wife and the dog have progressed to sixty-nine-ing, with the dog tossing me wife’s salad.
"’While all of this is going on nobody notices the trapeze drop from the ceiling. Suddenly, my mother and father jump from one of the balcony seats and start to swing on the trapeze.
"‘Then grandma does a quadruple back flip and is caught by grandpa, except, and here’s the kicker, she has explosive diarrhea that night, and while she’s doing the back flip she lets it all go. I mean all over the audience.
"’Then they land of the stage and down like a gallon of prune juice. Then they proceed to take a huge watery nasty shit all over the stage. Then everyone who was already one stage finishes up what they were doing and goes over and pisses in the shit.
"’Then everyone jumps into the vile concoction and a huge orgy ensues. Now I don’t really know what happens at this point because it changes every time.
"’No when we finish up, we all time our orgasms to coincide with each other for a, wait for it.., positively ‘orgasmic’ finish, heh heh.
"'Then we scoop up 16 buckets full of the defecation and put it on our feet and do another dance number, ending with a conga line. Now we do the conga line because we kick each of the buckets off into the audience hopefully hitting someone in the face.
"’After that we all get up, with shit and piss and cum dripping off of us, and take a bow.
"’And if they’ve been a particularly good audience I do a grand finale. Remember the shotgun from earlier? Well, I use that to shoot my wife several times and then my sons and I come out and fuck the bleeding wounds, bukkake style. Then we exit by taking some oars and rowing my wife’s dead body off the stage thru the puddle of excrement.
"At this point the scence jumps back to the office and the secretary is throwing up in the back.
"Agent says, 'Wow, that's some act.'
"Man says, 'Sure is.'
"Agent goes, 'You know it sounds good, but I think I may have to see it live. But just out of curiosity, what do you call it?’
"The man replies, 'The Aristocrats!'"
"A man walks into a talent agency and begs to speak with the agent.
"The man begs and begs to be allowed to see the agent that finally the secretary lets him in.
"The agent, in obvious anger, says, 'What is this?!?!'
"The secretary replies 'This man begged and begged to be allowed to pitch his act.'
"The agent says 'Fine, I guess it can't hurt'
"The man begins to speak
"He says 'We've got this family act.'
"The agent says 'We've got a lot of those, what makes yours special?'
"The man then replies, 'Oh, I think you'll really find ours unique.
"The agent says 'Do tell'
"So the man begins with his act. He says, 'First my wife and I come out onto stage with a spiked club and shotgun.
"’Now my wife begins to sing “Swing Low Sweet Chariot” while I start to river dance. After the song finishes she sits down at the piano that was behind the curtain and begins to play. I grab the shotgun, use it as a cane, and begin another little dance number. At the climax of the song I shoot a random person in the audience.
"’At this point a trapdoor in the ceiling opens and an artificial rain of amniotic fluids and fetuses. I use the shotgun as a bat and hit the fetuses into the crowd, specifically aiming for the person I shot earlier.
"'After that we strip off all of our clothes, and I penetrate my wife with the spiked club.
"'Then while I am penetrating my wife with the club I go behind her and start to penetrate her asshole with my penis.
"’Then I get out a rock of crack cocaine that I had been hiding up my ass and proceed to do the entire thing off of her breasts.
"'Soon after that two of our children, ages 7 and 12, and the family dog come out.
"'My son, the seven year old, begins to take off my daughter’s clothes.
"'Then he goes down on her, and, after she cums, he begins to finger her while tossing her salad.
"'Mind you during all of this I am fucking my son up the ass.
"'Of course since my wife is free she needs some satisfaction, and puts peanut butter in her vagina as to lure her dog over.
"'So the dog is basically going down on my wife, while she is penetrating her anus with the club.
"’Now at this point I am finishing up with my son and my daughter, and as I’m pulling out of my son he takes a huge shit on my penis.
"’I smear the shit on my penis then go over and begin to fuck the dog, who is still giving my wife head.
"’Then my other three children, two boys and one girl, who are 8, 1, and 15, respectively, come out.
"’The eight year old, who is carrying the one year old, smashes his brothers head against the ground.
"’He then uses the brains as lube and penetrates his older sister with his abnormally large penis. I mean this thing is almost a foot, a third leg if you will.
"’Then my other son and daughter join their siblings and the two girls finger each other while the boys take them from behind.
"’Now me, my wife and the dog have progressed to sixty-nine-ing, with the dog tossing me wife’s salad.
"’While all of this is going on nobody notices the trapeze drop from the ceiling. Suddenly, my mother and father jump from one of the balcony seats and start to swing on the trapeze.
"‘Then grandma does a quadruple back flip and is caught by grandpa, except, and here’s the kicker, she has explosive diarrhea that night, and while she’s doing the back flip she lets it all go. I mean all over the audience.
"’Then they land of the stage and down like a gallon of prune juice. Then they proceed to take a huge watery nasty shit all over the stage. Then everyone who was already one stage finishes up what they were doing and goes over and pisses in the shit.
"’Then everyone jumps into the vile concoction and a huge orgy ensues. Now I don’t really know what happens at this point because it changes every time.
"’No when we finish up, we all time our orgasms to coincide with each other for a, wait for it.., positively ‘orgasmic’ finish, heh heh.
"'Then we scoop up 16 buckets full of the defecation and put it on our feet and do another dance number, ending with a conga line. Now we do the conga line because we kick each of the buckets off into the audience hopefully hitting someone in the face.
"’After that we all get up, with shit and piss and cum dripping off of us, and take a bow.
"’And if they’ve been a particularly good audience I do a grand finale. Remember the shotgun from earlier? Well, I use that to shoot my wife several times and then my sons and I come out and fuck the bleeding wounds, bukkake style. Then we exit by taking some oars and rowing my wife’s dead body off the stage thru the puddle of excrement.
"At this point the scence jumps back to the office and the secretary is throwing up in the back.
"Agent says, 'Wow, that's some act.'
"Man says, 'Sure is.'
"Agent goes, 'You know it sounds good, but I think I may have to see it live. But just out of curiosity, what do you call it?’
"The man replies, 'The Aristocrats!'"