(no subject)
OK. So the day before school goes back my "friend" calls me up and says lets meet. This friend though had hurt me a lot...she told nearly everybody she knew that I had overdosed and before I knew it the whole school had found out. But me being me, stupid doormat me, thought I'd give her another chance so I agreed to meet her.
So I rock up to school and shes not there. I text her and get no reply. She blew me off. again.
I'm kind of in-between friends at the moment. Last year I got really sick because I have severe depression. Some of my friends like the above^ just left me on my own when I needed friends at the most. I felt so totally alone. I dont know if you've ever felt that alone...but it was killing me. Every day got a little worse and I felt like everything was spiralling out of control. I started to think about dying every single day & after I tried twice I got sent away to an adolescent psych hospital.
I was there for 2 months & things got a bit better. Or so I thought...I really dont know. I spent my holidays crying, cutting & thinking of dying again...and even trying...then I went back to school this week & its my final year. They pilled me up with homework and I dont know if its the depression or what but I just cant. deal. with. stress. So I came home and cried. I cut my arms. I thought about overdosing again. My mum's hidden all the pills but I managed to find 6 pills to numb myself with. Sometimes I just wish I was back at the hospital. Life was so much easier there. I didnt have to deal with anything - school, work, stress, my family, my friends (or lack of).
Life is so fucking stupid!!!!!!!!!