Must Be Talkin To An Angel
Well, my lovelies, I'm back again and properly inflated this time. If you're not in the mood for my random ramblings, I've cut them so as not to take up too much space :3
So, anyone who read my last entry knows I was feeling pretty depressed and 'deflated' (as TurCoff has me describing it) last time I posted. Though, now I've realized something. You could take this as being at the expense of my dear friends since a lot of them are going through some terrible crap, but really, I consider it as them showing me that my life really isn't so bad.
Firstly, I don't have a job, which I've been miserable about A LOT lately. My father can't work because he's disabled - Daddy has had three strokes and a heart attack so he can no longer use his right hand and he's now only got one leg (he's possibly going to lose the other in the coming months as well). My mother works as best she can at a teensy tinsy local hardware store that doesn't even pay her minimum wage (she doesn't work a full 40 hour work week). She's got horrible arthritis, has had breast cancer, and gets tired easily. Of the three brothers that live with us: one works at a graveyard that's been having trouble with the company that owns it, one works at a horrible insulation company and has a ridiculous (and expensive) long distance relationship with a chick we're all pretty sure has (and still is) cheated on him, and the third is a freelance tattoo artist who claims to be the best game in town and the most in demand but borrows money from us half the time - he isn't contributing to the bills, except for a 20 now and then.
Needless to say, we're having trouble with the bills. We're paying them but it's complicated and that makes the budget tight. I've been upset about that because apart from the expenses of the bills, we also have to pay for my daily transportation. See, I attend the local community college and need to take two buses to get there and two to get back, three days a week every week. We also have to pay for groceries, my parents' medicines, art supplies for my art class, and everything else. When I was young, I was always used to being able to buy my lunch and we'd get dinner delivered once a week. Now we obviously can't and for someone who is used to constant snacks, that really was upsetting me.
Well fuck that shit. XD So the hell what if I can't afford some god damn snack food? Aren't I the one who's always complaining about how I can't fit into chairs or buy nice clothes? Omg I can't eat a ridiculous lunch and don't get to have pizzas every thursday? Fuck it. I need to lose weight and I need to not be eating unnecessary and bad stuff anyway. Half of it makes me sick, half of it is disgusting, and all of it is way more money than we need to spend.
And yanno what? We're paying the bills pretty damn well. It requires us to be a little short on stupid things like eating out and I can't get the latest cell phone (which I haven ever asked for even when we could afford it because I really don't want/need one but it's the idea that we can't get it at all that counts. My main complaint's been food). I have a roof over my head and we can afford at least to make dinner and the medicines that keep my parents alive.
That's another thing I'm really glad of. My family life is fucking GREAT. Yeah, my dad is a grumpy bastard sometimes and sits for hours watching bring it on and high school musical 50 times a day and yells at us if we have a conversation in the room, but dammit, I still have my Daddy! He's been sick for the past eight or more years, has been diabetic since he was in his thirties, and he's 63. I am lucky beyond a shadow of a doubt to still have my father to say hi to and give a hug to now and then, even if he isn't always paying attention or in a good mood (he is a lot though and still does ask me about school and talk to me).
And I still have my Mommy. She's crabby sometimes and gets on me about cleaning my room (I am a lazy slob and hate that) but at least she cares that I don't get sick from it, and she does love me a lot. She works hard for the family and tries her best to manage the affairs even if she's a bit bad at some parts of it. She's not the best cook, nor does she remember things I can't eat (not due to allergy, some stuff just sickens me to eat which I dunno where that came from) but she works hard to cook for us even after she's had a hard day at work.
I have 6 brothers, 1 sister, 4 nieces, and 7 nephews. I'm very glad to have all of them, faults and all. Many people's siblings don't give them the time of day. Mine will at least give me the time of day and generally more than that if I'm doing something for them. I used to be closer with some of them than I am now but I'm thankful to be close with them at all at this point, since we're all so very different. My nieces and nephews and I aren't close at all, and half the time I want to strangle them because I don't like their taste in tv shows or that some are 9 and can't read. But really, I'm growing to appreciate having them at all since they make my teaching class easier and they're really sweet kids when I get beyond being a grumpy teenager and see how sweet and helpful they can be. I'm still working on the not wanting to bash my head into walls every time I walk in on someone spending 6 hours watching spongebob but we'll get there eventually.
I've also been upset because school's a pain in the ass. Really, I'm glad as hell that I'm in school. I hate being home and bored with nothing to do. It's annoying but school is really a stable thing I like having in my life. I'm also super glad that I can go to college and apart from transportation it's totally free. I got decent grades in high school and because my father's on disability and my parents are veterans, I get grants and financial aid. Some of which, if I don't use it, is given back to me in check for to use on other stuff. We opened a bank account for me today with it, but the majority's being saved for my transporation between now and Feb.
My parents and siblings are all really proud of me. See, none of my siblings went to college. We're all smart enough, were always the gifted kids in school and whatnot. But school just wasn't for most of them and they dropped out. I think almost all of them got their GEDs but apart from myself, my sister and my one elder brother, none of them have tried to go to college. My sister and brother didn't even attempt to go into they were well into their twenties or thirties respectively, and my brother's school got canceled on him before too long so now he's in even more debt instead of having schooling to get a good job. My sister has only just gotten the stuff she needs to go to her college, having had to pay for her children and husbands' schooling. I've only got me to worry about and I got in straight out of school with a pretty good idea of what I want to do, and my family couldn't be happier about it and neither could I. I've always wanted to do better than my siblings, and actually get a stable job, and home. Now I'm actually working to do just that.
Really, my life's pretty damn great. I've got a loving and supportive family, a decent home, and things are headed in a pretty good direction for me. Getting depressed over crap in a roleplay is bullshit, especially when I see friends of mine upset over possibly losing jobs, over people attempting to stalk or scam them, being depressed about relationships, having abusive or stupid parents, or having issues at school or mental breakdowns. Apart from getting the occasional cold and my eyesight slowly going, I'm pretty damn great. Any problems I'm getting are due to unforseen circumstances or me not getting my weight under control. And presently, my family's not even requiring I get a job because I'm in school and for years they were getting money to pay for my care while I was underage that I let them use all of for bills when I was really supposed to get some of and only a portion go to bills. I have nothing I really should be complaining about and dammit, I'm not gonna.
So thank you. Thank you to all the wonderful people I hang with. You remind me every day that no matter how much I think I've got bullshit going on, that you've got it far worse and are still wonderful and fun to be with despite it, whether you realize this or not. I love you all very much, and thanks.
I think I'ma go make a playlist of happy songs now. Anyone who has suggestions, feel free to shoot them at me. Love yall!
So, anyone who read my last entry knows I was feeling pretty depressed and 'deflated' (as TurCoff has me describing it) last time I posted. Though, now I've realized something. You could take this as being at the expense of my dear friends since a lot of them are going through some terrible crap, but really, I consider it as them showing me that my life really isn't so bad.
Firstly, I don't have a job, which I've been miserable about A LOT lately. My father can't work because he's disabled - Daddy has had three strokes and a heart attack so he can no longer use his right hand and he's now only got one leg (he's possibly going to lose the other in the coming months as well). My mother works as best she can at a teensy tinsy local hardware store that doesn't even pay her minimum wage (she doesn't work a full 40 hour work week). She's got horrible arthritis, has had breast cancer, and gets tired easily. Of the three brothers that live with us: one works at a graveyard that's been having trouble with the company that owns it, one works at a horrible insulation company and has a ridiculous (and expensive) long distance relationship with a chick we're all pretty sure has (and still is) cheated on him, and the third is a freelance tattoo artist who claims to be the best game in town and the most in demand but borrows money from us half the time - he isn't contributing to the bills, except for a 20 now and then.
Needless to say, we're having trouble with the bills. We're paying them but it's complicated and that makes the budget tight. I've been upset about that because apart from the expenses of the bills, we also have to pay for my daily transportation. See, I attend the local community college and need to take two buses to get there and two to get back, three days a week every week. We also have to pay for groceries, my parents' medicines, art supplies for my art class, and everything else. When I was young, I was always used to being able to buy my lunch and we'd get dinner delivered once a week. Now we obviously can't and for someone who is used to constant snacks, that really was upsetting me.
Well fuck that shit. XD So the hell what if I can't afford some god damn snack food? Aren't I the one who's always complaining about how I can't fit into chairs or buy nice clothes? Omg I can't eat a ridiculous lunch and don't get to have pizzas every thursday? Fuck it. I need to lose weight and I need to not be eating unnecessary and bad stuff anyway. Half of it makes me sick, half of it is disgusting, and all of it is way more money than we need to spend.
And yanno what? We're paying the bills pretty damn well. It requires us to be a little short on stupid things like eating out and I can't get the latest cell phone (which I haven ever asked for even when we could afford it because I really don't want/need one but it's the idea that we can't get it at all that counts. My main complaint's been food). I have a roof over my head and we can afford at least to make dinner and the medicines that keep my parents alive.
That's another thing I'm really glad of. My family life is fucking GREAT. Yeah, my dad is a grumpy bastard sometimes and sits for hours watching bring it on and high school musical 50 times a day and yells at us if we have a conversation in the room, but dammit, I still have my Daddy! He's been sick for the past eight or more years, has been diabetic since he was in his thirties, and he's 63. I am lucky beyond a shadow of a doubt to still have my father to say hi to and give a hug to now and then, even if he isn't always paying attention or in a good mood (he is a lot though and still does ask me about school and talk to me).
And I still have my Mommy. She's crabby sometimes and gets on me about cleaning my room (I am a lazy slob and hate that) but at least she cares that I don't get sick from it, and she does love me a lot. She works hard for the family and tries her best to manage the affairs even if she's a bit bad at some parts of it. She's not the best cook, nor does she remember things I can't eat (not due to allergy, some stuff just sickens me to eat which I dunno where that came from) but she works hard to cook for us even after she's had a hard day at work.
I have 6 brothers, 1 sister, 4 nieces, and 7 nephews. I'm very glad to have all of them, faults and all. Many people's siblings don't give them the time of day. Mine will at least give me the time of day and generally more than that if I'm doing something for them. I used to be closer with some of them than I am now but I'm thankful to be close with them at all at this point, since we're all so very different. My nieces and nephews and I aren't close at all, and half the time I want to strangle them because I don't like their taste in tv shows or that some are 9 and can't read. But really, I'm growing to appreciate having them at all since they make my teaching class easier and they're really sweet kids when I get beyond being a grumpy teenager and see how sweet and helpful they can be. I'm still working on the not wanting to bash my head into walls every time I walk in on someone spending 6 hours watching spongebob but we'll get there eventually.
I've also been upset because school's a pain in the ass. Really, I'm glad as hell that I'm in school. I hate being home and bored with nothing to do. It's annoying but school is really a stable thing I like having in my life. I'm also super glad that I can go to college and apart from transportation it's totally free. I got decent grades in high school and because my father's on disability and my parents are veterans, I get grants and financial aid. Some of which, if I don't use it, is given back to me in check for to use on other stuff. We opened a bank account for me today with it, but the majority's being saved for my transporation between now and Feb.
My parents and siblings are all really proud of me. See, none of my siblings went to college. We're all smart enough, were always the gifted kids in school and whatnot. But school just wasn't for most of them and they dropped out. I think almost all of them got their GEDs but apart from myself, my sister and my one elder brother, none of them have tried to go to college. My sister and brother didn't even attempt to go into they were well into their twenties or thirties respectively, and my brother's school got canceled on him before too long so now he's in even more debt instead of having schooling to get a good job. My sister has only just gotten the stuff she needs to go to her college, having had to pay for her children and husbands' schooling. I've only got me to worry about and I got in straight out of school with a pretty good idea of what I want to do, and my family couldn't be happier about it and neither could I. I've always wanted to do better than my siblings, and actually get a stable job, and home. Now I'm actually working to do just that.
Really, my life's pretty damn great. I've got a loving and supportive family, a decent home, and things are headed in a pretty good direction for me. Getting depressed over crap in a roleplay is bullshit, especially when I see friends of mine upset over possibly losing jobs, over people attempting to stalk or scam them, being depressed about relationships, having abusive or stupid parents, or having issues at school or mental breakdowns. Apart from getting the occasional cold and my eyesight slowly going, I'm pretty damn great. Any problems I'm getting are due to unforseen circumstances or me not getting my weight under control. And presently, my family's not even requiring I get a job because I'm in school and for years they were getting money to pay for my care while I was underage that I let them use all of for bills when I was really supposed to get some of and only a portion go to bills. I have nothing I really should be complaining about and dammit, I'm not gonna.
So thank you. Thank you to all the wonderful people I hang with. You remind me every day that no matter how much I think I've got bullshit going on, that you've got it far worse and are still wonderful and fun to be with despite it, whether you realize this or not. I love you all very much, and thanks.
I think I'ma go make a playlist of happy songs now. Anyone who has suggestions, feel free to shoot them at me. Love yall!