Dying to Live Again - Chapter 4
Dying to Live Again
Chapter Four - Not Falling Apart
Klavier stared at the slip of paper in his hand, though his mind wasn't anywhere near music, or anything of the sort. Right now he was sifting through the concerning emotions and thoughts clouding his mind.
The blond pressed a hand to his chest, tilting his head back to hit the wall behind him. Great. Just perfect. Now I've confused Forehead, too. He frowned disapprovingly. ...I... But how did this happen again? Over thinking a passing thought? I thought you were better than that, Gavin. Blue eyes slipped closed as Klavier let his hand drop to the floor, resting next to his foot. But I guess that it's more than just a passing thought now, isn't it. Verdammt. Another close friend, gone, and all because I let myself go, just for a moment, to think about him like that...
Looking back at it now, it was just a coming and passing thought that had occurred to him when they had been walking to their last lunch date. Well, it was supposed to be. A small observation that really shouldn't have happened.
They were just walking along the sidewalk, on their way to a pizza place (Klavier was in the mood and he felt like going for a walk; he always picked the place, anyway) when a woman hurried past them, knocking Apollo over in her wake. Klavier had reached out to catch him, being the nice person that he was, when he noticed how well the younger man fit in his arms, against his body. It was only for a moment, but after they had exchanged a "sorry" and "no problem", they were back to chatting like always.
Only it wasn't like always.
They were sitting in the booth, waiting for their food to come, when Apollo had asked, "Klavier... Something up? You're not making any comments on my forehead or my food or anything."
For a moment, Klavier was a bit panicked. He had been a bit preoccupied noticing every other little thing that Apollo did. The way he hesitated before relaxing against the seat behind him, the way he always had that curious expression when he examined the new lunch place, the way he always seemed to look him in the eye when talking to him, making it seem as if he had all of his attention...
But, being the quick thinker that he was, Klavier had replied, "It's nothing. You are not the center of my world, you know."
"Wh... Y-Yeah, I know, but..." Apollo paused as he fought for words. "I just... Find it odd, is all."
I don't blame you."I hate to be using a phrase that you so often use, but, I'm fine, Forehead." Klavier offered him a smile. "Let's just enjoy our meal, ja?"
The brunet frowned, but he seemed to have let it go. "Alright. After all, you always do pay for me, so I guess it's a fair trade."
Klavier nodded before making a comment on the fact that Apollo always wore his suit when he went out with him. He got a normal "Apollo" response: a slight indignant splutter and an explanation about his routine.
It continued like that: Klavier would comment, Apollo would reply, they would talk, casual and friendly, as usual. All while the prosecutor's thoughts drifted elsewhere...
Hmm, that red really suits him, doesn't it? But I wonder what he would look like in black... And jeans... Wait, what? I did not just think that. ...Did I? I mean, it would certainly be different seeing him in something else besides that vest he always wears to court...
He has really brown eyes. He always seems to be looking at me, just me, with them, too... All though, sometimes he plays with his bracelet when he does. Hmm, I wonder where he got that. ...Past girlfriend, maybe? Heh, forehead does seem like the type to have matching trinkets like bracelets with a significant other. ...No wonder he reacted oddly when I'd given him that little necklace left over from the old days...
Not much of an eater, Forehead. Maybe that's why he's somewhat... small. Heh, compact size for easy portability... Wonder if he's flexible, too...
I wonder how he fixes his eyebrows like that... Scratch that, I wonder why he does it. All though, it does look very... different. Unique. ...Intriguing.
And with another lunch and another hour and a half done and over with, they parted, leaving a thought-ridden Klavier alone in his home.
He sat in a chair, a couch, a surface, Klavier didn't care to see what it was, his head hanging as he thought to himself. The feelings he felt, the emotions rising were all too... familiar. It wasn't comfortable, it wasn't good, and, and, and... Remembering was too painful. Now that he was gone, sitting in prison, his hair sure to be dying without gel...
Heh, now he has no choice but to wear it the way I liked it, the blond thought bitterly, a small smirk touching his lips. No matter now, though. It's probably weeks until his execution, anyway. Murder... doesn't pass lightly.
And it didn't. With all that the prosecutor had been through, it pained him greatly to see the two people closest to him come to such lows. He was a firm believer in justice, and to see his brother and his... fellow band member, his best friend, his lover...
Thinking about it now, Apollo fit that description pretty well, too. His partner to find the truth, his best friend, his... his...
It's... I can't. Not again. He... I'm just gonna lose him. Don't wanna lose again. It doesn't fit, isn't right, isn't... perfect. Klavier ran a hand through his hair. I'll... I'll just leave him alone for a while. Yes, that sounds good, it'll work, has to work...
It was then decided, he would leave Apollo alone, keep their distance for a while, stop having lunch, just... Don't fall in love with him, it doesn't fit, it's not right, not perfect...
Now, though, the idea didn't sound as convincing as it did before.
Perfect? Ha! It was no where near perfect... And now...
And now what?
On one hand, he was scared to lose his friend. On the other hand, to keep himself from losing said friend, he'd messed up, made a mistake, and now... He wasn't sure what he had now. I should know, I need to know, can't be in the dark, need to know everything, every detail, or else...
He needed to know how Apollo felt. It didn't matter now; he'd done enough damage. It's either he got what he wanted or... he lost him. That was that.
The blond willed himself to get off the floor, pushing his weight off the wall with tanned hands. Settling on his feet, he stood there, shaking slightly and scared as hell. I don't care, doesn't matter, need to know, need to know...
Taking in a deep breath, he took the few steps to get to his door and...
Apollo stood at Klavier Gavin's door for the second time that day, literally shaking in his shoes. He fidgeted with the hem of his vest, fingers running along the edge as he struggled to gather the courage to...
To what? To ask him an inappropriate question? To question his sexuality? ...To question mine?
To knock on the door?
The brunet pried his fingers away from his vest, raising a shaking hand to the wooden door in front of him. Brown eyes were trained on the motion as his hand slowly made its way to the door. Why are you so nevous, Justice? It's just a question... A bit personal, yes, but I thought that we were done with keeping things from each other, considering I'm his confidant... Just take a deep breath and... open... the... door...
Inhaling sharply, Apollo reached for the doorknob and...
"Forehead," Klavier breathed, his hand still on the turned doorknob. I... What's he doing here? I can't... I'm not ready... He...
"Klavier." The blond managed to look him in the eye, but only for a moment. He averted his gaze as he heard Apollo continue, "I... Can I come in?"
I'm not ready, not ready... "Sure."
The prosecutor moved out of the doorway, making room for the younger man to come in. He offered him a slight smile and a nod before closing the door behind him. Klavier leaned against the door for a moment, staring at the black of Apollo's vest. Shit, what do I say? How... How does one just ask these kinds of things?
"Klavier..." Apollo said again, murmuring the word almost thoughtfully. "I... I... You could say... I mean, I could say... What I mean is..."
The blond watched his best friend shake his head, turning around to direct brown eyes into blue ones.
"Look. Earlier was..." The prosecutor could see the struggle in Apollo's eyes as he tried to find words to end his sentence.
"Weird." Klavier finished, his hand relaxing on the doorknob. "About that, Forehead..."
"Yes?" The shorter man seemed too eager, too curious to know what Klavier had to say. The shift of expression in his eyes almost startled the blond, and he... couldn't stop staring. As their gazes locked, Klavier's hand slipped away from the door as he took a step closer. Apollo followed him, shifting just that much closer, their eyes focused on the other as they tried to read, examine, see the other's thoughts, feelings, emotions...
"I..." It was Klavier's turn to trail off his sentence. His demeanor faltered, weaker than ever, and he could feel Apollo reach out, as if to catch him when he fell. He finally looked away. "Apollo..."
It was one of the few times that the prosecutor had actually called the defense attorney by his name, and it gave the brunet confidence. His arm, suspended in the air, reached out to gently turn the prosecutor's chin so that their eyes met again. Slowly, reluctantly, the blue eyes moved to look at him again; shy, cornered eyes that almost seemed out of place on the usually-confident face.
Klavier could now feel the heat radiating from his friend's body. He was surprised by the proximity and how... natural it felt. He had to stop himself from pressing their bodies together.
Their eyes searched, looking for the same thing from different perspectives. Apollo was trying to find an answer to his never-ending questions, despite not knowing exactly whathe was so unsure about; gazing into these eyes seemed to quell him, though, sending a... a warmth through his body. Klavier, on the other hand, was also trying to confirm something; a fear, an insecurity.
For a moment, they both found what they wanted.
Suddenly, Apollo remembered where his hand was, and he flinched and reeled it back. "I-I'm sorry, I..."
A tanned hand wrapped long fingers around the younger man's wrist, keeping it from returning to the other's body. Klavier slowly, gently rubbed his wrist before pressing the hand to his face again. "It's okay, Forehead, I don't mind..."
The blond felt Apollo's arm tense and he felt a cold, empty feeling; as if he'd lost yet again. Heaving a sigh, his grip loosened and he could feel the soft feeling of Apollo's skin sliding downwards against his cheek. Closing blue eyes, he expected to feel the weight of the other's hand lift away from his skin and replaced by the caress of the cool air, but, much to his surprise, the defense attorney's hand stayed pressed to his face.
"...A-Apollo?" He used his first name again as he shifted his gaze back to the brown eyes below. The blond examined the brunet's face; an uncertain, flushed expression was painted clearly across his face, but he continued to run his fingers along the prosecutor's skin. They dipped down to slide across his jawline, his neck, his collarbone, his shoulder, along his arm to land... in his hand. Apollo slipped his hand to Klavier's, slowly intertwining their fingers.
"Klavier, I..." Apollo bit his lip, looking away for a moment. When he returned his eyes to meet Klavier's, his eyes were sad, lonely; desperate, even. "Don't ever do that... don't ever leave me... again. P-Please..."
Klavier let out a shaky laugh. "Wouldn't want to... ruin your precious schedule, Forehead."
The grip on his hand tightened, surprising the prosecutor slightly. "Klavier. Y-You know what I m-mean..."
Blue eyes widened, but softened as he took in the sight in front of him. Apollo Justice, a usually determined, steadfast man, now shaking, uncertain... Vulnerable. Gathering some courage, it's okay, you're not going to lose him now, Klavier wrapped his arms around the brunet, feeling him shuddering, shivering. "I won't, Forehead."
The man in his grasp sent him a feeble look. "P-Promise?"
"Promise," Klavier replied, pressing his face against his hair. "I promise, Apollo."
And in that moment, standing in the front hall of Klavier's home, they were finally content, finding solace in the other's presence.
A/N: Omg, I'm sorry if this chapter was bad, I was just kinda... stuck. I dunno, maybe Apollo gave in a bit too easily, or, or something but I dunno, I'm really uncertain about this chapter, but at the same time, I'm pretty happy about it. Took me long enough to write it, anyway. So yeah, opinions appreciated! Ehehe, yeah, thanks for reading, again. Oh, and the chapter title is Maroon 5's "Not falling Apart." Not mine, guys.
Holy shit, can I say sappy? Ah well, I have a feeling the like, next two chapters will be long. Or at least the next one is XP it's already two thousand words, and I haven't even gotten to lunch yet. Ah well.