ToraxSaga "Ceasing in the Sun" [finished]
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"Ceasing in the Sun"
.ToraxSaga [Alice Nine.]
.A2 x2
.pencil, colored pencil
.hours: no frigging idea. Both pictures together.. easily 30, probably more.
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Wow, it's actually finished :D Somehow I thought I'd never get the second part made.. that's usually what happens when I'm planning making series -I get bored after the first drawing or the other drawings fail miserably, leaving the opening picture as an "one-shot" *lol*
CLOSE-UPS~
The first part has been re-photographed for my sanity. I really hated the "original" shots.
As always, comments from people out of fandom is priceless. Katja deserves lots of love from me, since she handled all my hysteric screams quite well. Without her telling the guys look like humans the pictures wouldn't look as good as they do. (Sometimes it's just enough the drawing looks like the guy it tries to depict -screw the anatomy and stuff ^^')
At first I thought it'd be enough if I shared the pictures and the lyrics of Gekkou. I know the number of people who willingly read my long rants is rather small, not to mention the fact that most of the time I have no idea how to explain my motives and emotions properly the way my hand feels them when I'm drawing. I loose the track of thought, drifting further and further from the original goals.. finally telling about my latest meal when I should be depicting some color changes. However, since this project has been bothering my peace of mind so long so stubbornly, I needed to let it all out. The text behind the cut is more like for me than for you. It's about me sorting out my thoughts concerning this and the future pictures of the series. If you want to skip it, go ahead, no need to think I'd be deeply hurt^__-
For those who want to try reading "Ceasing in the Sun" on their own:
"The Beautiful Ones" was mainly based on feelings, questions, confusion.. lots of abstract things. It was tightly tied to this moment, to present. It was one moment, one troubled, melancholy moment. "Ceasing in the Sun" could be described as.. a story. Or, an illustration to a story. When I started off making these two, I was pretty lost -I knew the direction I wanted to go for, I knew the overall shades and tones, but I really didn't have a POV or anything until my darling sister Paula sat down and helped me building the background. I'm really thankful to her -she came up with some marvelous ideas. Not all of them made the cut, but I stored them into my mind for future usage. ILU<3
So, what you will read next is close to fanfiction. If I knew how to write, I would re-form our ideas and make it a some sort of one-shot. But, since I'm not much of a writer, I'm leaving that noble art form for others. I'm telling you this because I don't want you to look for anything superbly symbolic or clever. "Ceasing in the Sun" is, to say it simply, a study of my own fangirlism, and, of course, a love story. Enjoy~
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The series
Leslie once mentioned in one comment that she likes pairings which have fascinating dynamics, like SagaxNao. That made me think -why I like the pairings I like?
(And this is important: the following rambles are based on my images of the fanfiction characterizations of jrockers. I'm NOT writing about REAL flesh-and-bone people. For example, the Aoi and Uru I'm about to write are the Aoi and Uru I most like in fanfics. They're as real as Frodo Baggins or Donald Duck. No need to eat me alive. I DO have a bit of sense of reality left. Okey dokey~?)
AoixUru: Two words: angst and drama. Randomly fluff, but this pairing works best in stories which are dark and troubled -lots of tears, alcohol, pain, organized crime, you get the idea x) Both of the guys look amazing: tall, svelte, suave, somehow poetic. Aoi's raven dark hair and Uruha's feminine features are screaming for unhappy endings^-^
ToraxSaga: I couldn't figure out to my death why I've become so obsessed over them. I guess, some people are just meant to be and that's it. The more I thought about this the more I started to feel that this pairing has always appealed to me because of.. well, sex. Tora's smoking-hot, Saga's smoking-hot, together they pretty much burn down the house *lol* This couple isn't really for fluff, though there're a few adorable fluff fics of them out there. I like the feel of danger they have, the touch of something forbidden.
IsshixNao: fluff. Sap. Laughter. Happy things. Cuddling, nuzzling, snuggling. Despite the things mentioned, the Kagrra, pairing picture (dunno when you will see it, though) will be heavy, almost suffocating. I want to try something new with the guys. Yes, someday I will draw something cute and aww-worthy of them, but at first I want to make something that's based on a beautiful drama fic I read not too long ago. It will be about friendships turning into something more serious, about hurting others accidentally, about trying to do the right thing. Sounds very not-Kagrra, like, ne? I'm really excited about it^___^ I have no idea when I will have time to draw it, though.. Here's a tidbit: ladies and gentlemen, may I represent you.. a triangle :D Including.. *drums* Shin\o/ Gonna be fun~
As I mentioned in the introduction of "The Beautiful Ones", I was planning making a series of different type of love stories; one sad, one lustful (not really love at all) and one überly fluffy, based on the pairing depictions above. Well, I abandoned that and decided to focus on break-ups. Not too a happy subject, I admit, but angst has always been my thing ^_-
You've seen the first part already: "The Beautiful Ones" is happening here and now. The pic is radiating questions -what did I do wrong, who's fault is this, why didn't I see this coming.. IsshixNao picture includes two couples; the other one is waiting for its destruction. ToraxSaga tells about a relationship which was doomed because of the lack of actual love. The thing they had was more like a series of one night stands than a real caring relationship. Now they're wondering if it could've been more; they believe time has healed the wounds, but they're still connected to each other, subconsciously holding onto memories.
"Ceasing in the Sun"
Two pictures. In the first one (yes, the one I drew first is actually supposed to be looked at after the new one *lol*) is Sagacchi, walking in the downtown, enjoying late afternoon sun. He's having a shopping spree with his current boyfriend, Nao. I have a soft spot for this pairing too^^ I intended to draw Nao with Saga here, but it would've disturbed the balance between the pictures and the compositions. I'll get back to that later ^__^~<3
Anyhoo~ Saga's listening to Nao blether away as he gets distracted. His eyes hit something that brings up a memory of Tora back in the days when they two used to be together. Perhaps the flash is triggered by some bench they used to sit on, watching passers-by, or maybe he sees a similar jacket as Tora had behind some of the display windows. He doesn't try to shrug the thought away -it's not a painful one, only slightly saddening, causing a nasty sting in his heart.
Tora's elsewhere enjoying the same sunlight. I imagine him to be out of town, having a hazy lazy day somewhere where all the distressing things of hectic life can't reach him. He closes his eyes because of the bright light, beginning to feel a tad bit slumberous.. and suddenly a face of past appears. It's clear and sharp, like memories of the loved ones tend to be.
So, the black and white images are shadows of the past. If you study them a little longer, you see they're remarkably different from the "present" figures. The bnw Saga and Tora have piercing eyes and something dangerous in them. They're strong, photogenic, seductive. Drawing something as sexy as those two was almost illegally fun^^ The bnw T&S are implying the relationship they had was far from beautiful. It was based on uncertainty, lust, passion, desire.. no strings attached, pure fun, need to fulfill emptiness inside two men living the lives of public animals. The touch of the other was the best and worst drug. They were addicted to each other.
Problem really is, how to break up when you've never been properly together? It started as sex.. and turned into something else, something deeper? At first it could've simply been a sense of trust, maybe affection.. and abruptly, something more meaningful.. love. Both of them freaked out because of the thought of love, because it was something unexpected. What happened to the carefree life? Because it was something they didn't need at first, they never talked about their feelings -they were afraid of getting laughed at, getting even more hurt. Pretending was easier. That's how they remember each other -strong, easygoing, careless.
They let go. Still years later they're unconsciously wondering if it could've been more. They've moved on after assuring themselves it really wasn't that big deal. Saga has Nao and that relationship lays on solid, healthy, open base.
Now the memories are nothing but bleached nightmares. They know they screwed it up. Things that belong to past should stay there. The memories don't hurt anymore, but they aren't something you rewind with joy, either. The colored pictures of Tora and Saga have this more "normal" sense. No piercings, no leather jackets, no feverishly glowing skins. Just two guys leading normal life beyond all the rockstar clichés. (Which makes me wonder if this picture is completely AU or did their thing lead to the disbandment of Alice~) They look healthier, more calm, mentally more collected. They really seem to believe they've over each other.
All of the four figures are wearing similar necklaces. Tora and Saga bought them when they were seeing each other. When their paths got separated, they didn't throw the pieces of jewelry away. The necklaces had grown being part of themselves, just like Tora's part of Saga and the other way round. Maybe they don't even remember the necklaces anymore -they just hang there. The necklaces are a proof of the hidden hesitation and longing.
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Random
Someday I will draw a sequel to this. It will be about the moment Nao realizes what Saga's carrying inside him. I haven't yet decided whether Nao should be the final healing power or is he the one to push Saga back to Tora. If you have ideas, please, share :) The best result would be a picture which is slightly hinting both -which leaves the ending open. I don't know how to draw that, though. So, if you have some picture suggestions or other solutions to my problem, I'm warmly welcoming all the help I can get^_-
I'm really proud of the way the bnw images are connected to the colored ones. Take a look at the second one. Saga's staring at the viewer, but the viewer knows the one who's feeling the look of those beautiful eyes on his skin isn't the viewer -it's Tora. The viewer is Tora, that's how strongly he can identify with him, sympathize with his feelings. (*lol* Well at least I can^__^) In the newer piece the way Tora's eyes are digging into Saga's back is something I hoped for but never dreamt of succeeding.
What I don't like about the new piece is Saga *sniggers* It does not look like him at all, though everything is seemingly okay. There're a bunch of tiny faults which together cause the distortion in his features. Tora I adore. Sometimes you just create something you can't believe it's really yours. You should see the drawing itself. The skin is so smooth, and for once, for once I've drawn hair I like~<3
The second piccu is clearly lighter than the first one. That was not intended. I drew the colored Tora first. I couldn't use my normal, contrasts-emphazising style because then Tora would've looked lame. In the other picture I also drew Tora first and this time the bnw picture is very Miss Riicca-like, which automatically lead to strongly drawn Saga.
As a final statement: I never meant this picture to be sad. I wanted it to be summer-like, warm. Maybe slightly melancholic.. but definititely not sad.
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Congrats! You survived it :D Three pages of my obsessive jabbering^.^ Be proud of yourselves! ;)
Any kind of feedback is highly appreciated, you know what a comment whore I am these days^^ I really hope you saw something of what I tried to show you. I hope.. I hope you liked it, to say it short :) If someone was inspired, if someone felt delighted.. then, I can say I am happy.
The previous CitS post, including lyrics&some technical stuff