mildew

[blindjinx]

There's mildew growing in my room. i'm not sure if it's the going from cold to very warm or the humidity from the fish tank. Shawn and i got into this little spat about my fish. I was talking about how i hate when they die. And that this one, fido, the only one i named has been dying for a few days now. I don't think he meant anything really, but

Comments

[slitmyheartlove]

there have been so many times where i felt like i should just disappear to save everyone from the craziness that is me. but.. either i'm too selfish, or too lonely to actually do it. the truth is that thought is kinda ridiculous. it's not really like that. you feel like that now, but honestly, i'm sure you bring something important to the relationship or he would most likely not even be there. try not to be so hard on yourself. step outside of it for a second and realize that even though you might feel crappy with your situation, or the current moment, but you're still wonderful and awesome and cute and lovely.

[blindjinx]

i need to check my mail more. i'm so sorry that i've let so much time pass before seeing this. i liked it better when lj did that thing where it showed you you had comments. at least .. i think it was lj. might've been dj or gj.
don't you sometimes hate how much you love compliments? he's told me once that .. i should be confident. but that he won't compliment me b/c he believes i should just know. but he knows that i'm not b/c he won't and it's this confusing dumb cycle. and he knows it. haha.
when i'm happy it does seem ridiculous, but that's not often and the more severe my depression gets ... the more sense it makes. and the more i think i should just be alone. it's so hard being with someone b/c you can't read their mind. you don't know how they REALLY feel b/c you're not them. and what i'm learning is that i don't trust anyone enough. which is kinda funny b/c i'd be the most guiliable mark ever made. lol. i dunno. have you read the new chuck book Rant? wow. most bizzare yet. <3333 miss you.