Jilted and Mischeivous
Apparently all my "friends" are good enough for this 18 year old muff, but not me. Noooo.... I filled out her "boyfriend application" nonsense thusly:
NAME: That Which Comes Before You and Remains Long After
AGE: |Beyond.Comprehension|
LOCATION: The Rest of On
HOBBIES: Persisting, Perseverance, Remaining Stalwart, Making Fugly Hookers hot with computers (want to schedule a session?), Droppin' rhymes double time, Cards
HEIGHT: 370ft. above sea level
WEIGHT: 4.26639332 × 10^14 pounds
TATTOOS? DESCRIBE: Scarred by exorbitant amounts of deforestation and office complex construction. Not to mention the fuckers living in that government subsidized housing on my west and south sides.
PEIRCINGS? DESCRIBE: Telephone pole through my nose.
DO YOU DRINK?: Of the Skies.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Of the Forest.
DO YOU DO DRUGS?: Various that amount in the aggregate to rotten diapers and old syringes.
IF SO, WHICH ONES?: Everything that seeps into my earthen veins from you sunzabitches that don't close the baggies you throw out of your car when the 5-Oh is on your tizzailz.
WHAT IS YOUR EDUCATION?: H.S. Diploma and a PhD in Mixology
WHAT IS YOUR OCCUPATION?: Keeping your salty ass from being sucked into the molten core.
WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF A PERFECT DATE?: October 22nd. Because it's not too hot. Not too cold. A light windbreaker is all you need!
WHAT WOULD YOU BUY ME AS A PERFECT PRESENT?: Another day of life. Not that you'd do anything but waste it staring vapidly at my vast expanses wondering why your penis is in a strange bed.
FAVORITE BANDS: Wedding. That'll shut her up for awhile.
FAVORITE MOVIES: Volcano, Twister, The Day After Tomorrow, The Perfect Storm
FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Those ones where you all die.
WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE?: I'm a passenger on the cosmic cruiseway like all y'all fuckers.
DO YOU LIKE CARS?: They get smoke in my face. See above remark about drugs, as well.
DO YOU ENJOY ROAD TRIPS?: Like when one of you trips on the road and gets splattered in a garish display? Good times.
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE PLACES?: That warm, wet spot between here and eternity.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SPOONING?: Keep those cranes outta my A-hole, bkok'ns.
HOW MUCH DRAMA IS IN YOUR LIFE?: Multiply local population by years resident divided by the annual birth/death ratio.
DO YOU HAVE CRAZY A CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND THAT IS STILL RUNNING YOUR LIFE?: Until I swallowed her.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR LIFE?: Well enough to regrow. Just wait until I figure that Kudzu shit out, basticles.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE 3 THINGS ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD THEY BE?: Continental Drift, Dig-happy Dogs, Drunk Pilots in large aircraft
IF YOU COULD CHANGE 3 THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOOKS, WHAT WOULD THEY BE?: A wicked huge volcano aggravated by an unstable fissure with multiple hot spots would be the money.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE 3 THINGS ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY WHAT WOULD THEY BE?: That I'm writing this and you will never know me. I cry about that.
DESCRIBE YOUR BED: Crusty and warm.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?: Old houses. Those crumble nicely into bite-sized bits of gooey joy.
DO YOU LIKE TO JOKE AROUND?: No. Never. Fuck you for thinking that about me.
ARE YOU PLAYFUL?: Yes. Extremely. I can't help being the life of every social event.
DO YOU CHEAT?: Beyond measure.
HAVE YOU CHEATED?: Nope. Wasn't me.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT CHEESY LITTLE THINGS LIKE KISSY PICTURES, HOLDING HANDS, CUTE NOTES, YA KNOW THE 'ROMANTIC STUFF'?: If I find one more of those things in my back pocket... Sinkholes!!
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT ME?: That you think this will work.
DO YOU GET HEATED ALOT?: Constantly from below. Not so much from above.
ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE THE INTERNET?: What the phuck is the Internet?
IF WE SOMEHOW GOT SERIOUS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND YOU WERE TO EITHER BUY ME OR GIVE ME SOMETHING TO SHOW EVERYONE AND MYSELF THAT YOU WE WERE SERIOUS, WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE ME?: A trip downstairs.
I mean, c'mon! Who wouldn't date the shit outta that?? Now, admittedly, I hadn't sleep at all and I was droning at work so I may be unfairly vindictive......... but it's good times, anyhow. If you want to be her "boy"friend or just want some fucking funny reads from what others posted (especially the aforementioned "friends"); you can hit it up aquí. Congrats to my buds that made the cut and may she burn. Buuurrrnnnnn.... Righteous fires and piemonade.
NAME: That Which Comes Before You and Remains Long After
AGE: |Beyond.Comprehension|
LOCATION: The Rest of On
HOBBIES: Persisting, Perseverance, Remaining Stalwart, Making Fugly Hookers hot with computers (want to schedule a session?), Droppin' rhymes double time, Cards
HEIGHT: 370ft. above sea level
WEIGHT: 4.26639332 × 10^14 pounds
TATTOOS? DESCRIBE: Scarred by exorbitant amounts of deforestation and office complex construction. Not to mention the fuckers living in that government subsidized housing on my west and south sides.
PEIRCINGS? DESCRIBE: Telephone pole through my nose.
DO YOU DRINK?: Of the Skies.
DO YOU SMOKE?: Of the Forest.
DO YOU DO DRUGS?: Various that amount in the aggregate to rotten diapers and old syringes.
IF SO, WHICH ONES?: Everything that seeps into my earthen veins from you sunzabitches that don't close the baggies you throw out of your car when the 5-Oh is on your tizzailz.
WHAT IS YOUR EDUCATION?: H.S. Diploma and a PhD in Mixology
WHAT IS YOUR OCCUPATION?: Keeping your salty ass from being sucked into the molten core.
WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF A PERFECT DATE?: October 22nd. Because it's not too hot. Not too cold. A light windbreaker is all you need!
WHAT WOULD YOU BUY ME AS A PERFECT PRESENT?: Another day of life. Not that you'd do anything but waste it staring vapidly at my vast expanses wondering why your penis is in a strange bed.
FAVORITE BANDS: Wedding. That'll shut her up for awhile.
FAVORITE MOVIES: Volcano, Twister, The Day After Tomorrow, The Perfect Storm
FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Those ones where you all die.
WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE?: I'm a passenger on the cosmic cruiseway like all y'all fuckers.
DO YOU LIKE CARS?: They get smoke in my face. See above remark about drugs, as well.
DO YOU ENJOY ROAD TRIPS?: Like when one of you trips on the road and gets splattered in a garish display? Good times.
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE PLACES?: That warm, wet spot between here and eternity.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SPOONING?: Keep those cranes outta my A-hole, bkok'ns.
HOW MUCH DRAMA IS IN YOUR LIFE?: Multiply local population by years resident divided by the annual birth/death ratio.
DO YOU HAVE CRAZY A CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND THAT IS STILL RUNNING YOUR LIFE?: Until I swallowed her.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR LIFE?: Well enough to regrow. Just wait until I figure that Kudzu shit out, basticles.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE 3 THINGS ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD THEY BE?: Continental Drift, Dig-happy Dogs, Drunk Pilots in large aircraft
IF YOU COULD CHANGE 3 THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOOKS, WHAT WOULD THEY BE?: A wicked huge volcano aggravated by an unstable fissure with multiple hot spots would be the money.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE 3 THINGS ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY WHAT WOULD THEY BE?: That I'm writing this and you will never know me. I cry about that.
DESCRIBE YOUR BED: Crusty and warm.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?: Old houses. Those crumble nicely into bite-sized bits of gooey joy.
DO YOU LIKE TO JOKE AROUND?: No. Never. Fuck you for thinking that about me.
ARE YOU PLAYFUL?: Yes. Extremely. I can't help being the life of every social event.
DO YOU CHEAT?: Beyond measure.
HAVE YOU CHEATED?: Nope. Wasn't me.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT CHEESY LITTLE THINGS LIKE KISSY PICTURES, HOLDING HANDS, CUTE NOTES, YA KNOW THE 'ROMANTIC STUFF'?: If I find one more of those things in my back pocket... Sinkholes!!
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT ME?: That you think this will work.
DO YOU GET HEATED ALOT?: Constantly from below. Not so much from above.
ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE THE INTERNET?: What the phuck is the Internet?
IF WE SOMEHOW GOT SERIOUS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND YOU WERE TO EITHER BUY ME OR GIVE ME SOMETHING TO SHOW EVERYONE AND MYSELF THAT YOU WE WERE SERIOUS, WHAT WOULD YOU GIVE ME?: A trip downstairs.
I mean, c'mon! Who wouldn't date the shit outta that?? Now, admittedly, I hadn't sleep at all and I was droning at work so I may be unfairly vindictive......... but it's good times, anyhow. If you want to be her "boy"friend or just want some fucking funny reads from what others posted (especially the aforementioned "friends"); you can hit it up aquí. Congrats to my buds that made the cut and may she burn. Buuurrrnnnnn.... Righteous fires and piemonade.