[Fan Fic] Fragments - Chapter 18
Title: Fragments
Author: blinkbling24
Pairing: Akame, Kokame
Genre: Angst, Romance, Smut
Rating: NC-17 (As there will be smut in subsequent chapters)
Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own them, because if I did, this fic would be in video instead of just words.
Warning: Fic is unbeta-ed, so please excuse the grammer/spelling mistakes, if any.
Summary: In life and love, you can’t have everything that you want, or can you?
A/N: This is my first multi-chaptered fic. I don’t know how long this will be yet. I’ll see how it goes as I write. This story is set in the near past, but will go back to the further past and play around with the timeline quite a bit, and it might get a little messy. I’ll try to be as faithful to the timeline as possible, but my memory might not serve me well, and I might just change things a bit and add a few imaginary dates, using my creative license.
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Chapter 18
October 2008
Koki held the door open and watched as Kame walked downcast into the apartment. They had just returned from the police station where Koki had learned that Kame had engaged in a verbal spar with a cab driver that ended with Kame throwing a punch at the man’s face. Koki had seen the victim, apart from a big bruise on his right cheekbone, the cab driver was not any worse the wear. Their manager had arrived as quickly as he could, together with the jimusho lawyer, after receiving Koki’s call. Koki could tell that the manager had wanted to give Kame a good chiding, but seeing Kame’s pained expression, the manager had let it slide, turning his attention to the police and cab driver to negotiate the problem away. Koki had been half listening to the going-ons, it seemed like the cab driver was being very nice about everything, and half trying to get Kame to catch his eye. Kame had been sitting on one of the plastic chairs that lined the wall, looking intently at the ground, not moving.
“Kamenashi-kun?” Their manager had said. It was only then that Kame lifted his head.
“Just apologize and everything will be fine.”
Kame had nodded, stood up, and did as he was told. His bow was the deepest bow he could manage without kneeling on the ground. The cab driver had patted Kame on the shoulder and muttered something along the lines of how he understood, he had a son around Kame’s age, before leaving the station with a thick wad of cash in a plain white envelope. All that had been left to do was for Kame to sign some papers, and after the lawyer had assured him that it was fine to do so, it would not result in a criminal record, he did so with a shaky hand.
Just as they were leaving for the basement car park of the station, the manager had stopped them and addressed Kame, “Kamenashi-kun, this is not like you…….”
All Kame had done was remain still, head down.
“For as long as I have been KAT-TUN’s manager, I expect something like this from Akanishi, and maybe even Taguchi, but never did I expect that the first time I come to the police station for you guys, it would be you, Kamenashi-kun.”
The words were having an impact on Kame, Koki could tell from the clench of Kame’s hands into fists. What had happened to make Kame act out like that? Koki was very worried.
Their manager had sighed heavily and spoke to Koki, before turning back to Kame, “Tanaka-kun, look after him ok? Thankfully, only a handful of tabloids got wind of this. We’re managing it, but we might let one go to print, even bad publicity is publicity, considering the drama coming up. Be prepared for what will be written. It’s not going to be all that pleasant.”
Not a single word had left Kame’s lips as he opened the passenger door to the car. He got in, and just sat there, waiting for Koki to take the wheel and drive them home.
***
“Kame,” Koki tried, now that they were in the confines of their apartment. All Kame did was sink into the sofa, lean his head back, and close his eyes. Koki sat next to him, unwilling to let it go.
“Kame…..”
“I have an extremely bad headache, Koki, and if you’re not going to do anything to ease the pain, get the fuck away,” Kame replied, too controlled, too calm. Koki, not knowing what else to do, pressed two fingers on each side of Kame’s forehead, and began massaging in a circular motion. Koki felt Kame sink deeper into the couch, body relaxing. Koki smiled slightly when he saw the tension lines gradually disappear from Kame’s face. He thought Kame had fallen asleep. He was just about to stop and carry Kame up into the bedroom when he heard Kame’s voice, barely audible.
“I don’t deserve you.”
“What are you talking about?” Koki said gently, never letting up his massage. Kame reached up to hold one of Koki’s hands. He brought it down and intertwined their fingers. Kame pulled himself up with some effort and rested his head in the nook between Koki’s neck and shoulders. Kame did not realize that tears had trickled down his face until Koki brushed them off with a corner of his sleeve.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Koki asked, tightening his hold on Kame. Kame shook his head weakly and settled into Koki’s embrace.
“Then I’ll talk, you listen,” there was a firmness in Koki’s voice that Kame could not fight. All he could do was nod with his eyes closed.
“I’m here for you Kame-chan. You always keep things to yourself, and I see the strain in you, and I want to help, but you won’t let me. I know you try very hard, you’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been before, but Kame, I don’t want to be happy if you’re not happy. I’m not someone you look after Kame, I’m your partner. Quit trying to hold it together yourself. You have me, talk to me, let me carry you for once……..”
“Koki….I……” Kame looked up and met with Koki’s gentle eyes. A dull pain formed in Kame’s chest as he accepted Koki’s words, knowing that as much as he tried, he would not be able to talk to Koki about anything that mattered. He felt wretched, unworthy to be in the arms of this man. But, it was so warm, so very warm.
“I….I…just wanna go to bed, ok, sweetheart?”
***
Countless times, with this time no exception, whenever Kame slept, really slept, he looked like an angel, or so Koki thought. But he was biased. He loved him, very much. As Koki let himself be hypnotized by Kame’s steady breathing, he pondered what could possibly be wrong with his lover. The hectic schedule and stress was nothing new to Kame, in fact, this was considered light in comparison to other times. It must have been something huge that caused Kame to act so out of character. But what was it?
Koki had a feeling the reason lied with a certain individual. It has always been about that person, why should this time be any different. Reluctant but resolute, Koki picked up his cell and dialed a number.
***
Early October 2006
Jin reeled from the punch by the person in front of him. He sat on the ground of the open air parking lot of the JE building, clutching his stomach where the fist landed.
“You fucking bastard!! I’m going to beat the living daylights out of you!”
“Koki! STOP! What the fuck man!” Jin rolled on his side, dodging a kick from what would have been a lethal one, judging by the heavy boots Koki was wearing.
“You have absolutely no clue, do you?” Koki panted as he watched Jin struggle to get up.
“KAT-TUN will be fine,” Jin grimaced as he pulled himself upright, “besides, I won’t be gone forever.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Koki managed as he lowered his fist, feeling dejected and hurt for the one person that meant the world to him.
“Then what the fuck?” Jin stood there, disheveled and bewildered.
“Nothing, I’m sorry,” Koki muttered, starting to walk away from Jin.
“You punched me for nothing?!” Jin asked, incredulous, “Koki, don’t walk away, talk to me!”
Koki stopped mid-step, “I can’t talk if he won’t. Take care Jin, and please, I beg you, come back, come back soon. He needs you.”
“W..what….? Who’s ‘he’?....Koki, don’t you dare! KOKI!”
***
November 2008
“You’re one tough son of a bitch to get a hold of,” Koki started the conversation perkily as Jin slinked into the opposite side of the booth in a secluded, rundown bar. It had been a couple of weeks before he could set up this appointment.
“I’ve been busy, alright?” Jin grinned. It has been a while since he had a one on one with Koki. In fact, it’s been a long time since he had any time for KAT-TUN, one on one or otherwise. This friendly air that he had with Koki pained him, considering what he was doing, or at least what he did. Kame had emailed him numerous times the past few weeks, but Jin had turned a deaf ear to all of it. Being busy was his excuse, and it was not a lie, but, there was a part of him that wanted to see Kame so badly, to feel his skin against his. However, there was a slightly stronger part that knew he had to find a way to take control, to turn the tables. He did not know what yet, and until he did, he was going to keep his distance, for as much as his self-control would allow.
“How’s the solo working coming along? Must be good, I see a glow about you. Makes me feel a little hurt though, you really don’t like KAT-TUN,” Koki said good-naturedly as he poured a mug of beer for Jin from the jug he had ordered for them.
“I don’t think of KAT-TUN as my life, that’s all, not like some of us,” Jin took a big glug from his mug, aware that what he said was a sore point.
Koki, aware of the full meaning of Jin’s words, simply shrugged, “Well, brace yourself. It’d be full blown KAT-TUN activity starting next week, on top of your Yokohama shit.”
“Yeah, don’t I know it?” Jin lit a cigarette and offered Koki one, which Koki took without hesitation.
They sat in companionable silence for a while, just savouring the peace and quiet. It was hard to come by, given the nature of their job.
After gulping down his second mug of beer and beckoning the bar to bring them another jug, Koki broke the silence, “I never really did say I was sorry, for last time.”
Instantaneously knowing exacting which time Koki was talking about, Jin said generously, “Don’t worry about it. I understand, I didn’t before, but I do now, and I’m glad that he has you.”
“Remember our conversation earlier this year?”
Jin shook his head, drinking his beer, “Can’t say I do. We talk a lot, Koki.”
“About you being his friend?”
“Oh. That.”
“Yes, that.”
Jin could tell that Koki had more to say. He waited, slightly fearful as his friend’s eyes turned hard and serious.
“Don’t.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t be his friend anymore. Stay away from him, do whatever that it is in your power to ignore him, to avoid him.”
“Koki….what…..”
“I can’t bring myself to ask him to let go, so I’m asking you instead. Please, could you let him go?”
“Koki…I….”
“Jin, please? For me?”
Ironically, Koki’s eyes were bone dry even though his voice cracked with emotion.
“I haven’t spoken a word to Kame in ages,” Jin felt good that he wasn’t lying, “what makes you think I have any effect on him?”
“Don’t you get it? Everything you do affects him, whether you talk to him or not, it affects him,” Koki sobbed, trying to muster up tears that he could feel and yet were not able to release.
“Koki,” Jin’s chest hurt, “He doesn’t care about me, he cares about you.”
“And you know that for sure?” Koki’s voice is muffled as he buried his face in his hands.
From the way he always runs back to you, Koki. Even after I give him my heart, he runs back to you.
“I do, Koki, trust me, I do.”
One day, Kamenashi Kazuya, you will have to choose, whether you like it or not, Jin thought as he emptied his beer mug in front of Koki’s friendly and hopeful eyes.
***
December 2008, Yokohama
It was because of a text that Kame found himself hopping into his car and driving to Yokohama in the late evening.
Kazuya, I need your help. Please. Come to Yokohama.
The text came as a shock. Ever since that episode 2 months ago, Kame and Jin had ceased interaction, almost. It was only during work that they sucked it up and acted as though nothing was wrong - they were still distant but friendly. They had managed to record 1 song and film 2 PVs in the span of the two months, and on top of preparing for his new drama, and various meetings about the movie, and plans for the next year, Kame was on the brink of exhaustion. He could feel the tiredness seep into his bones. Sadly, it was an all too familiar feeling. Kame could not remember a single day where he did not have anything work-related on his mind.
In his fatigue, he had let his guard down, interacting with Jin more casually than he would have liked, going along with the silly banter and games the other guys conjured up in their boredom during the long waits on set. It seemed like Kame was in robot mode, simply doing what was right, going through the motions, without the feelings. Jin did not seem bothered by Kame’s behaviour, acting naturally professional and treating Kame like how a good colleague would.
Never did Kame expect Jin to contact him on his own accord, particularly when Jin was away from KAT-TUN, something that he knew Jin held dear - time away, time away from the one thing that caused Jin to behave in the infuriating way he did. The truth of the matter was that Kame was curious, and if he dug a little deeper, he was a little scared as well. Jin’s words in the hotel room still rang in his ears, what did Jin mean by winning? Kame was not going to let Jin win, but Kame also knew that Jin would be a formidable opponent if Jin put his mind to it.
Therefore, despite really wanting to empty his head of all thoughts and black out completely on his only free night off in a while, Kame found himself lying to Koki that work hours had been extended, and before he knew it, he was in the parking lot of the Yokohama studios.
Even before he walked up to the massive steel doors of the film studio, Kame could already hear it, Jin’s breathy, hypnotic voice, reverberating through the walls. Kame stood still for while, just listening to Jin’s singing, singing a song he did not know and yet had the ability to give him goosebumps. For all of Jin’s massive flaws, Kame had to admit that singing was not one of them. In fact, it was Jin’s ability to sing that kept KAT-TUN from disintegrating from the get go, it was Jin’s voice that allowed KAT-TUN to be where they are today, and no matter how much Kame resented it, he had to acknowledge it as well.
The cold winter wind cut through his thick down jacket. Kame shivered and approached the studios. Just as he poked his head in, a distinct “CUT” was shouted, and from Kobayashi-san’s nod and applause that followed, Kame knew that Jin was done for the day. Kame had to lower his head so that he could cover his face with the peak of his cap as the extras for the shoot milled past him out of the studio. Once the buzz died down, Kame raised his eyes, only to see Jin, standing on the makeshift stage, leaning on the microphone stand as though without it, he would not be able to hold himself up. After a long while, Jin heaved a big sigh and reached out to grab a towel to wipe the sweat off his face. It was as Jin tossed the soiled towel aside that he finally looked up and saw Kame standing there.
“Hey,” Jin’s voice echoed through the studio, almost empty of people, except for a handful of light and sound crew packing up the equipment.
“Hey yourself,” Kame said cautiously as he approached the stage just as Jin was sitting down, dangling his legs over the edge.
Leaning his back on the stage, next to Jin, Kame stared straight ahead at the big camera in front of him, presuming that it was the main camera for the shoot. He felt a slight breeze from Jin swinging his legs to and fro, and waited for Jin to speak.
“You came.”
“Why did you call me here, Jin?” Kame’s eyes were still on the camera.
“I’m hungry. Let’s get dinner.”
Kame turned to look at Jin. He could barely see his eyes, Jin’s sweat-soaked fringe was blocking them, but from what he could see, Kame knew that there was something different in them, something that looked a little like resignation.
“I’ve eaten,” Kame found himself saying.
Jin’s expression hardened a little.
“Well, then, watch me eat,” Jin hopped off the stage and walked towards the doors, not caring that his face was still caked with make-up.
Dumbfounded, Kame froze for a second. He noticed how tense Jin’s back was, and wondered momentarily what he could do to ease that tension even as he put one foot in front of the other and followed Jin out of the building.
***
All hotels look alike, Kame concluded to himself as he stepped into the room. They had been silent as Kame drove them first to a convenience store, and then to this hotel that Jin had booked for the night. Somehow, when Kame got Jin’s email, he did not expect to be spending the night together in the way that they did 2 months ago. Anger crept up within him as he thought about all the times in the past 2 months Jin had ignored his messages, letting him wait in vain in whatever hotel room he had booked. Maybe this was Jin’s game, to ignore him, to make Kame feel unimportant. If this was Jin’s winning strategy, it was failing, Kame thought. Did Jin expect Kame to beg him to be with him? No way in hell.
They were still silent as Jin moved around the room while Kame sat on the edge of the bed. Jin boiled some water, poured it into his instant ramen cup, and sat on the bed next to Kame to wait the 2 minutes out. They sat like that, both staring at the cup, not saying a word.
Kame watched as Jin got up and proceeded to eat his noodles standing up, making those slurpy noises, a habit that Jin had acquired since childhood. The Kame in the past would smile, finding the sight of Jin eating endearing, but the Kame that was in the room now was getting increasingly annoyed.
“Look, if you called me here just to watch you eat, I’m leaving,” Kame started to stand up, “I’ve got work tomorrow and….”
Jin slammed the cup down on the table so hard that some residual broth spilled out. Kame jumped and sat back down.
“Jin! Seriously! What the fuck? I don’t have time to deal with this, I’m busy and……”
“She broke up with me,” Jin’s soft voice interrupted Kame’s rampage.
“What?” Kame could not believe what he was hearing.
“She broke up with me,” Jin repeated as he sat next to Kame and buried his face in his hands.
“You were really dating?” Kame had seen the tabloids but had brushed it off as one of those things. When any of them had something to promote, like a drama or a movie, their managers would arrange for them to go out with this up and coming model or another, just so the tabloids can have a field day. It was Johnny’s sick way to help them gain publicity, and all of them just went along with it. It was rare that one of them would be Friday-ed on a real date.
Jin nodded slightly.
“Dammit, Akanishi, how could you be so stupid? If management found out it was true, if you have been spotted more times than you had, you would have been in deep shit, KAT-TUN would be in deep shit. How could you subject us to this? How is it that you’re always so selfish…..”
“SHUT THE HELL UP!”
For the second time that night, Kame jumped and clammed up. He looked at Jin’s face. His eyes were bloodshot, and his lips were trembling.
“God! Kame! For once in your life, can you just forget about work and KAT-TUN, and how there’s this irreparable wedge between us, and just, just, just…….” Jin gritted his teeth as he fought for the words.
“Just what?” Kame asked, stunned. Jin had never lashed out at him like that before.
“Just be who you were in the past,” Jin said finally, sighing, resigned.
“And who was I?” Kame questioned stiffly.
Jin lied down on the bed and flung an arm over his eyes.
“A friend, Kazuya, my friend,” Jin whispered, the exhaustion clear in his voice.
It was Kame’s turn to sigh. He realized that along the lines, he had forgotten how to be a human being. No matter how many issues Kame had with Jin, Jin was his band mate after all. Their fates were tied to each other, just like how the other four members’ fates where tied to them. Kame lied down next to Jin and gazed up at the ceiling.
“What happened to Yamapi, Nishikido or Shirota? Too busy to listen to you? I’m busy too, you know.”
Jin chuckled slightly but did not reply.
“What happened?” Kame finally brought himself to ask.
“I don’t know. She was cute, and she sorta threw herself at me. And,” Jin cleared his throat.
“And?”
“And, with all that stuff that was going on with you, I could use some normalcy, you know….”
“Ah, I see,” Kame was amazed at how unaffected he was by Jin’s words. He had expected the familiar resentment and anger, but all he was feeling now was a sad empathy.
“The sex was good…”
“I don’t need a blow by blow account about the sex, we’re not that friendly,” Kame really did not want to know.
Despite himself, Jin smiled.
“…..I wanted to carry on seeing her, thought she would be good for me, keep me focused, then maybe you won’t be so angry with me all the time.”
Kame had no response for that.
“But, she said she felt that even when I was with her, I was not all there. I dunno, women and their damn intuition, anyway, she called it quits, yesterday.”
Jin reached out and intertwined his fingers with Kame’s. Kame let him.
“Oh god Kame, what am I doing? I didn’t really like her that much, but it still hurts, and this movie, I don’t think I can do it, I can’t carry it by myself, and everyone just says it’s going to be alright, that I’m a good actor, but I know I’m not. Why do people lie to me?”
“So this is more about the movie than it is about her?” For some reason, Kame felt relieved.
Jin shrugged, “I guess. Maybe.”
“Jin,” Kame propped himself up on his elbow and looked at Jin, “you’ve been chosen for this role for a reason. Kobayashi-san has faith in you, so you should have faith in yourself. You’re a star, and people look at you, whether you like it or not. Sometimes, you shine so bright that people can’t see those that are around you, but it’s alright, because you’re Akanishi Jin, and people should feel honoured to be blocked by your light.”
This was the Kame he knew, Jin mused as he looked into those earnest, shining eyes. This was the Kame that always had his back, that he could count on.
“Do you feel honoured?” Jin could not help but tease.
Kame snorted, “You’re blocked by MY light. What are you talking about?”
“I should have known,” Jin laughed and whacked a pillow over Kame’s head.
“Ow, idiot!” Kame reciprocated Jin’s actions, and soon they were having a mini pillow fight, giggling like they were teenagers. They wrestled and struggled against each other, until Kame found himself on his back, with Jin hovering above him. They were panting from their fight, even as they let a warm, heavy feeling fall between them.
“Jin, you’ll be alright. Trust me,” Kame said softly, his fingers running gentle strokes up and down Jin’s arms.
“If you say so,” Jin smiled, and Kame thought Jin could not be any more beautiful.
“Jin….” Kame breathed as he felt, more than saw, Jin lowering his lips down to meet his.
Jin gave Kame a brief and tender kiss. He worked his kisses down Kame’s jawline, and then, down his neck. His body stirred as Kame reacted, emitting soft grunts and arching ever so slightly.
“Kazuya?” Jin muttered as he nibbled.
“Yeah?”
“Koki spoke to me a while ago.”
“He did?” Kame stopped Jin and cupped his face in his hands, meeting his eyes.
Jin nodded, “He told me to stay away from you. He thinks I’m bad for you.” Jin grinded his hips against Kame’s, and Kame gasped.
“What do you think?” Jin breathed as he captured Kame’s nipple through his shirt.
“Jin,” Kame said, pushing Jin away for a minute.
“Kazuya.”
“Koki must never find out.”
Kame groaned as Jin worked his hand down Kame’s pants, cupping his erection.
“Hnnn….do you…hnn…hear me, Jin?” Kame insisted, even as Jin stroked him relentlessly, “Koki must NEVER find out.”
“I hear you, Kazuya, I hear you loud and clear.” Jin said, with determination in his eyes as he brought both their lips to seal again.
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A/N: ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! This took so much out of me. I'm tired now. *faints*