[Fan Fic] Fragments - Chapter 19
And when his voice was paired with Kame’s - Kame’s squeaky, shaky voice that, on its own, sounded almost like a drowned kitten - something out of this world happened. Their voices mesh together so perfectly that it was magic, fairy dust that spewed and settled on and around them. It was a greatest feeling to sing with Kame, to sing with his dearest friend. At the age of 20, Jin had already known the difference between his friendship with Yamapi and his friendship with Kame, even if he himself wasn’t aware that he knew. In Yamapi was a friend he could tell anything to, all his stupid macho mistakes, his wild, sometimes too wild, sexcapades. Yamapi would humour him and laugh with him, and on occasion, offer up great advice on how to pick up chicks. With Kame, it was different. He treasured Kame as much as he treasured Yamapi, he wouldn’t be able to choose between the two, but in front of Kame, Jin wanted to be perfect. There were things he could not share with Kame. God forbid that Kame would see his flaws.
Of course, Jin could not psycho-analyse the reasons for the difference, it was just automatic for him, and he never read much into it, but Kame’s the reason why Jin strives to be the best he could be.
Still on a high from the praise that Tackey had awarded him, he did help out with a bit of the track, and tightened the lyrics a little, Jin found himself almost skipping along the halls. He stops short in front of the door to Studio A6, having spied a familiar figure hunched over the recording console, brows furrowed, thoroughly engrossed with the music he was listening to through the headphones.
“Kame?” Jin popped his head in, startling the occupant of the studio.
“Oh, Jin, it’s you,” Kame looked up and pushed the headphones away from his ears.
“What are you doing?” Jin peered over Kame’s shoulder, trying to make out the illegible writing. Jin sensed Kame’s reluctance to share, and he almost wanted to change the subject when Kame suddenly spoke up.
“I…I kinda wrote a song. It’s not really good, but…it’s my first one…and….I think it’s finished…they laid the track for it today…..” Kame bit his lower lips nervously.
“Wow! That’s awesome Kame!” Jin knew that his support and encourage was very important to Kame. The small smile on Kame’s lips confirmed it.
“Here, have a listen,” Kame handed Jin the headphones shyly.
*
It was a while after the last strains of the guitar strings ended before Jin could actually focus on Kame’s eager yet nervous face. The melody was crisp and easy to follow, and the lyrics, simple as they were, sang with Kame’s unique vocals, spoke volumes. The lyrics had “Kame” written all over them, the pure honesty, the faith in the bonds of friendship. It was what Kamenashi Kazuya personified.
Taking Jin’s silence as a bad sign, Kame rambled, “You don’t like it. I knew it. It’s too childish right? But manager said that the producers like it, they want to use it as the secondary song for Gokusen’s soundtrack, because it fits the theme, but I didn’t write it with the theme in mind….it’s just something I feel…..I’m not sure, I don’t think it’s good enough, and if you don’t like it, it must really not be good….”
“Kame,” Jin stopped Kame mid-ramble, “Stop. I love it.”
“You do?” Kame’s eyes widened in disbelief.
“I do, I really do,” Jin nodded, smiling at his friend.
Kame returned the smile with a wider one, “It’s called Kizuna.”
“I can tell,” Jin admitted in a teasing tone, “the word is littered all over the song”.
“Hey,” Kame shoved playfully, “Be serious! I wrote it thinking about us.”
“Us?”
“Yeah, our friendship, how no matter what happens, we will still have this between us. Kizuna is sort of my wish for our friendship in years to come.”
“Kazuya….” Jin was at a loss for words.
“We’ll definitely be friends for a long time. Nothing can split us apart,” Kame added affirmatively and Jin laughed.
“Yes, we will, at least until the song becomes a karaoke legend!”
And then, Kame was laughing too, and Jin thought that maybe he would write a song as well. He was feeling plenty inspired.
*
Late February 2009, filming of the 100th episode of Cartoon KAT-TUN
One would think that sexual tension would ease if one was frequently getting sex, but this was not the case for Jin, especially with Kame in such close proximity, at work no less, a very very forbidden territory. The words “secret” and “forbidden” seemed to be a running theme in Jin’s life at the moment, his relationship with Kame ruling every single aspect of his life, so much so that he was uneasy all the time.
Jin had long come to the conclusion that to beat Kame at this game and to eventually have Kame wholly to himself, he had to comply and go along with whatever Kame planned. Jin knew that if he showed any form of resistance, it would strengthen Kame’s resolve to stay with Koki, and Jin would continue to be in the sidelines. Jin would have to bide his time. If he came across to Kame as pliant and willing, there will come a time when Kame would be forced to acknowledge it. Coming to this conclusion did not make things easier though, it was still difficult to reconcile his feelings of friendship, hatred and guilt towards Koki. Jin felt sorry for what he was doing behind Koki’s back, but he cannot afford to have it any other way, not when Kame wanted him the way he did. Jin would give Kame anything he wanted, even if it sent Jin into an emotional spiral that left him exhausted and dizzy.
The second season of Cartoon KAT-TUN had been created to accommodate all of their increasingly demanding schedules, rendering them unable most times to come together as six for filming. Jin used to thank the heavens that at least for the recording the producers had seen to it that Jin and Kame did not come within a mile of each other without the other members as buffer. Residual effect from the Gokusen phenomenon and the warning Johnny had given both of them that still sounded as clear as crystal in his brain. The world became a more rational place away from Kame, Jin’s head would be clear, and he could think steadily, rather than being trapped in the tantalizing sensations that Kame stirred within him.
But, hopes of having a rational filming day had been thrown out the window the moment Jin sat down for their pre-filming meeting. Filming today was with Kame, alone, in his “bedroom” on set, on a bed. They had barely left a bigger but similarly creaky bed not twelve hours ago. Jin could still feel Kame’s heated touch on his collarbones. It took all of his acting skills, and then some, to act indifferent. He slouched into his seat and hoped his cap covered his discomfort. Kame on the other hand was his usual picture of professionalism.
“Why are you putting us together for this episode after all this time?” Kame asked the obvious question, obviously a little displeased at being bounced around like a tennis ball.
“Ratings,” the producer shrugged, “it’s the 100th episode, and we want people to watch it.”
“What’s wrong with our show?” Kame’s eyes narrowed, sensing something amiss. Jin almost winced.
“Nothing, it’s a midnight time slot, we just want more people to stay up and catch it, that’s all,” the producer replied smoothly, obviously well trained at dealing with difficult idols.
“I’m sorry,” Kame quickly apologized, “I didn’t mean to come down on you. I want to know if we are screwing up, so that we can fix things.”
“It’s alright, Kamenashi-kun,” the producer smiled at him kindly, “I can see how hard you work. So, your guest today is Hannya. Here are the talking points, should be easy, they are a pretty funny duo. Just react to them and stick to the talking points and………..Akanishi-kun?”
Jin came out of his daze, distracted by how Kame’s brow furrow in concentration.
“Yes, I'm listening,” Jin said automatically, not missing the glint in Kame’s eye, and gulped in response.
“Are both of you capable of acting friendly in front of cameras, because I heard rumours about your friendship, and if it’s not going to work, maybe I’ll pair Kamenashi with Tanaka…….”
Jin immediately snapped his head up to look at the producer.
“Producer-san,” Kame’s smooth voice spoke out as Jin tried not to move a muscle lest he gave himself away, “we’ll do fine, we’re consummate actors, aren’t we Jin?”
Kame had raised his eyebrow at the word “consummate” and Jin did all he could to seem nonchalant.
“We’ll be fine, producer-san,” Jin reassured, offering up a smile.
“OK then. Hannya will be here soon, and we’ll start once they are, so please get settled on set,” the producer packed up to leave. “And guys,” the producer said as an afterthought, “your agency said this pairing is a one-time thing, so don’t get used to it.”
*
Why were they capitalizing on AkaKame again, and on what seemed like a sudden whim no less? Kame hated being used together with Jin to pump up ratings. The past still stung. The agency had taken something as innocent as friendship and turned it into a media circus. Kame could still remember vividly the elation of always being able to work with Jin, how he felt safe and comforted with Jin by his side. Then, all of a sudden, the safety net was pulled out from under him, with management telling them that they were too close, and they had better watch their actions with each other. Disciplinary action would be taken, management had said, and both Jin and Kame knew what kind of discipline the management was capable of, and they could not afford to have it happen to them.
They had been careful from then on, even though Kame had never truly understood why. Why would they push both of them together so fervently, and then, overnight, tear them apart? Was it so wrong for two boys to be good friends? Was it so wrong for the public to see that friendship? Kame didn’t think much about it when it happened, because Jin was still Jin then, insisting that their friendship would never be compromised by management orders.
Oh, the things innocent hearts believed. Kame shook his head as he stood outside the door of Jin’s “bedroom”, waiting to be cued in. When did things start to unravel? Was it because of this specific order that their fake distance gradually became real? Was it because he grew stronger, proving that he could stand on his own to feet that Jin felt the need to leave him? Did Jin like him only when he was weak and dependent?
Kame wondered why Jin had agreed to be in the situation they were in, a situation that is totally contrary to what management had hoped to achieve by pulling them apart years ago. At first, Kame had wanted to string Jin along as punishment, to hurt Jin. Everyday, Kame expected things to turn around to bite him. But nothing of the sort happened. Jin responded to every call when he could, rain or shine. Why? Never did he expect Jin to stay this long, to tolerate this much. Was Jin putting up with it because he had Koki? If he let go of Koki, would Jin go too?
But he could never let go of Koki. Koki, who loved him more than life itself. He could never bring himself to hurt Koki. None of this was Koki’s fault, and Koki should not suffer for it.
In the nick of time, before Kame’s head could swirl with the toxic internal monologue he had begun and could not stop, he heard a voice.
“Kamenashi-san!”
Kanada-san from Hannya was greeting him, and Kame plastered on his superstar smile. He exchanged pleasantries and before he knew it, it was time for the shoot. Kame opened the door when directed to do so, and when he saw the nervous warmth in Jin’s eyes, he knew that he did not have to act much to make the filming a comfortable one.
*
“It’s a wrap guys!” The programme director shouted, “Good job!”
Sitting side by side with Jin as he heard more then saw the crew pack up and thin out, Kame felt slightly stunned at how easy they had fallen back to their old ways - the quiet nervousness, the gentle teasing, the smooth rapport. No matter how much Kame tried to deny it, they were AkaKame, a formula that worked magic whenever the camera rolled.
Kame lifted his eyes from his fingers and looked around. The studio was now empty. The crew had adjourned to set up in the studios next door. Kame knew that they had about half an hour before they had to split off to different studios to resume filming. Kame was to be with Koki and Junno, and he had no doubt that Koki was in the make-up room down the hall, with the others, getting ready.
“A penny for your thoughts,” Jin whispered, cutting through Kame’s mind ramblings.
“My thoughts are worth more than a penny,” Kame turned to look at Jin, trying to curb a small smirk from forming.
“Of course, you are Kamenashi Kazuya after all,” Jin teased back in a low voice, setting the porn magazine he had been flipping through down on the floor.
“Don’t you forget it,” Kame breathed while reaching out to pull Jin closer by the neck.
“Kame,” Jin muttered, lips chewing gently on Kame’s, “you have no idea how much sexual tension I was feeling in this room…..” Jin buried his face in Kame’s neck and began to pepper it with soft kisses.
Kame sighed and threaded his fingers in Jin’s head of hair. He guided Jin’s hand to his erection straining through his jeans, and heard Jin moan. “I had some idea,” Kame said in Jin’s ear and bucked his hips into Jin’s hand.
“I want to make you come,” Jin growled as his hand started unbuckling Kame’s jeans.
“Hnn…” Kame gasped as Jin’s hand made contact with his cock, “We have to be quiet. The others are around….hn…..”
“By others, you mean Koki,” Jin’s words were muffled as he pushed Kame’s t-shirt up and captured a nipple in his mouth.
“Yes…Jin…hnnn……” the idea of getting caught scared and aroused Kame. He reached down and undid Jin’s pants, stroking the hard erection through cotton boxers.
“Sshhhh….you said quiet remember? Koki will hear…..” Jin removed his hand and lowered Kame to the bed. He lay on top of Kame and grinded their erections together.
Kame exhaled heavily and tilted his head back. He met Jin grind for grind, feeling the sweat build up on his skin as the air got thicker. Jin was grunting quietly with every thrust and it increased Kame’s arousal. He gripped Jin hard on the shoulder and moved in sync.
“Kazuya….Kazuya….” Jin chanted as he panted heavily.
“J-Jin….move…..faster……”
They were both close, and it wasn’t long before they lay still, limbs intertwined on the small bed, catching their breaths.
*
Ueda, first to finish in make-up, wandered down the hall, thinking he should look for Jin. Their segment was going to start filming in 10 minutes. The moment he pushed open the door to the studio, he instantly regretted it. Ueda had had his suspicions for a while now, but little did he expect his suspicions to be made true in such a rude and careless way. He knew that the knowledge of what he saw will gnaw at him, and no good would come of it. As he left the two and walked towards his designated studio, the only thing on Ueda’s mind was how devastated Koki would be if he found out, and it was simply a matter of time before Koki did.