[Fan Fic] Fragments - Chapter 1
Title: Fragments
Author: blinkbling24
Pairing: Akame, Kokame
Genre: Angst, Romance, Smut
Rating: NC-17 (As there will be smut in subsequent chapters)
Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own them, because if I did, this fic would be in video instead of just words.
Warning: Fic is unbeta-ed, so please excuse the grammer/spelling mistakes, if any.
Summary: In life and love, you can’t have everything that you want, or can you?
A/N: This is my first multi-chaptered fic. I don’t know how long this will be yet. I’ll see how it goes as I write. This story is set in the near future, but will go back to the past and play around with the timeline quite a bit, and it might get a little messy. I’ll try to be as faithful to the timeline as possible, but my memory might not serve me well, and I might just change things a bit and add a few imaginary dates, using my poetic license.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1
Sometime in late September 2006
“Kame, you’ve gotta eat.” Akanishi Jin urged his friend as he pushed a bowl of steaming ramen in front of him. It was rare that the two friends could hang out together, having to abide by strict rules from the agency to be careful not to be spotted being too close. The weather had just turned slightly chilly, and Jin thought it was a good idea to take his friend out for a hot dinner, considering how Kame seemed to be getting thinner each time he examined him closely. That was not the only motivation for his invitation however. There was something important he needed to tell Kame, before he told the rest.
Kamenashi Kazuya indulged his friend by slurping up a few strands, before pushing the bowl away. “I’m not hungry. I had an onigiri in the morning.”
“But that’s almost a day ago!”
“I’m not you Jin, my stomach’s not always ready for food.”
Kame knew he had an eating problem, but it was not a deliberate one. Over the past year, the agency had been marketing him aggressively, and he had worked non-stop. Just last year alone, he had starred in three dramas, one telemovie, went round the country with a concert tour, and had the obligatory appearances on TV variety shows and magazine covers. This year was no better. KAT-TUN finally debuted, so time was spent in recording studios, PV shoots, interviews and appearances for TV and magazines, and of course the recently completed Real Face concert tour. In fact, he was just starting production for another drama.
He would get so busy he would forget to eat. At the end of the day, he had to make a choice whether to eat or sleep, and he would choose the latter, because sleep was more important to him. Soon, eating just did not become one of his priorities, and when he remembered to do so, he noticed that his stomach had shrunk in size to house less and less food.
Besides, there was something else that was suppressing Kame’s appetite. He had been doing a lot of thinking lately about his relationship with Jin and his feelings towards him. Kame knew what he felt, but he could never be sure about Jin. Sometimes Kame would see a glimmer, but other times, he could not read his friend at all. He had been trying to make a decision for a while now whether to bare all to Jin, and when Jin called him out for dinner tonight, Kame thought that it was time for Jin to know.
Jin clicked his tongue in annoyance before polishing off Kame’s share of food. “I’m blaming you if I get too fat to fit into the costumes.”
“What are you talking about? You’re already fat.”
“Oy! That was so totally uncalled for. I’m saving the environment by finishing up the food. Besides, you never listen to me, and I hardly want to nag.”
“Whatever…” Kame chuckled and rolled his eyes.
“Erm…Jin?”
“Mmmf?” Jin tried to reply through a mouthful of watermelon he was having for dessert.
“Can we go someplace quiet to talk? I have something to tell you.”
Swallowing the last bit of fruit, Jin smiled, “Sure! Actually, I have something to tell you as well.”
Kame wondered what Jin could possibly say, and his heart fluttered at the thought.
***
They found themselves sitting on the swings in a deserted playground. The winds were a little cold, but the beanies and scarves they wore to disguise them were keeping them warm as well. Both were hesitating, swinging back and forth, and looking at everything around them but each other.
“Kame, oh my god, I’m so excited…”
“Jin, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately….”
The two friends laughed at their impeccable timing to launch into their speech. They savoured the light moment for a bit, before Kame made the generous gesture, “Jin, you go first.”
“You sure?”
Kame nodded and got ready to listen.
***
October 13, 2006
Jin, hidden from the crowd, knew that he was mere minutes away from standing in front of the cameras to announce his departure from the agency, his departure from KAT-TUN, his departure from the only life he had ever known. First thing the next morning, he would be on a flight, heading towards something new and exciting. But, however hard he tried, he could not command himself to feel the anticipation. All he could think of was the phone conversation he had with Kame the night before.
“Kame! You finally picked up!”
“Oh, yeah…sorry Jin, I’ve been busy, filming and all.”
“I’m leaving in 2 days”
“Yeah, you said.”
“Kame….Kazu-chan?”
“What is it?”
“Did I upset you? You haven’t spoken to me since that day at the playground.”
“I’m fine. Just busy. We’re fine. You just go to LA and have the experience of your life, ok?”
“Kazuya….”
“KAT-TUN will be ok without you. So don’t worry.”
“Kazuya..I…”
“I’ve got to go Jin. The director’s calling. For your press conference tomorrow, I’ll come up with a nice goodbye statement for you. Just call or email when you can. I’m sure KAT-TUN will miss you.”
Why was Kame so cold? Was it really that he was busy? Jin shook his head. There were so many factors pulling and pushing him with regards to his decision to go to LA. He had all the rational answers, and even managed to convince the management to see things his way. But, in his heart of hearts, he knew that he was doing this just to get away - to get away from the prison that is the entertainment world, to get away from the limelight and public scrutiny. He hated not being able to be the person he wants to be, to do the things he wants to do and in particular, to love whoever he wants to love.
***
Kame sat in front of his television, unblinkingly staring at the solemn face of the man in the middle of the frame. Even though he was only scheduled to leave in the morning, Jin already seemed so far away, Kame thought. He knew that Jin expected more from him when he called him last night. But Kame could not bring himself to respond more than he did. If this was what Jin wanted to do, who was Kame to stop him?
“When will you come back?”
“Maybe in 6 months, maybe never. I don’t know Kame. All I know is that there’s nothing holding me here.”
With that very statement, Kame vowed to bury everything he felt for Jin deep within him. Jin had completely forgotten that Kame wanted to speak to him as well after he had spilled his news excitedly, and Kame was glad for it. He was not about to let himself be vulnerable when he knew that it was not going to be worth it. But that did not stop the hurt he felt, and even though it had been a couple of weeks since, he still felt the tiny needle pricks in his heart. It was hardly debilitating, but it caused him to be slightly numb to the things around him.
“Why aren’t you there with him?”
Kame turned to look at Koki who had just emerged from the kitchenette with two cans of beer in his hands.
“I didn’t know what time we would finish today. Isn’t that why you’re not there either?”
“Yes, but, we were done early. We could have made it. Instead, you invited me to your place.”
“The agency had already arranged for Maru and Taguchi to be there. We are obviously not needed, so why cause the PR team unnecessary frenzy?” Kame shrugged.
“I suppose, and besides, it’s not like he’ll be gone forever right?” Koki settled himself next to Kame on the sofa and placed the cans on the coffee table.
Kame barely heard Koki as he focused on Jin’s face intently as Nakamaru read out his comments to Jin. Jin’s face remained a picture of indifference, and when Maru finished, Jin uttered such a rehearsed statement with no ounce of sincerity, causing Kame to retch slightly. He turned off the television set with a flick of the remote, watching as Jin’s face disappeared from his sight.
***
Was that all Kame had to say to me? Jin was suddenly overwhelmed with disappointment as he heard Kame’s diplomatic words through Maru’s lips, even though he knew well enough that the statement was probably self-censored for the press conference. He just wished that there would be a small part that was more personal. Nonetheless, Jin managed to put on his well-honed mask that shielded whatever he was feeling inside.
“Would you like some company at the airport tomorrow?” Taguchi asked kindly after the press conference was over.
“No, it’s alright guys. I don’t want the fanfare. Hopefully, I can just leave quietly.”
“Well man, so this is it,” said Maru. “Till we meet again.”
Even as Jin gave his two bandmates a tight hug each, he could not help but wish that one particular bandmate would be there to hug him in return.
***
The nagging pain that Kame had been feeling suddenly amplified as he continued to stare at the blank screen. Memories were flying in and out of his head at lightning speed and he wished that they would just stop. It was driving him mad, and all he wanted to do was find a distraction. He needed the distraction.
“Kame, are you alright?” Koki asked softly, placing a gentle hand on Kame’s shoulder. Koki, his friend whom he knew was loving him from afar. Koki, his friend who always glowed warmly for him, only to have that glow outshone by Jin’s radiance. Koki, his friend that was here with him now when Jin was not.
“Koki…” Kame whispered, turning his body to embrace the slightly older man, and nuzzled into the crook of Koki’s neck.
“K…kame?”
He could feel Koki shiver even as he delivered soft, butterfly kisses down Koki’s neck. Kame knew how much Koki wanted him, and yet, he felt hands on his shoulders, pushing him gently away. This was Koki - kind, when Jin was insensitive, compassionate, when Jin was selfish. And Koki was what Kame needed now, a comforting blanket to keep him from the cold, and so Kame breathed, “Koki, I need you to make love to me, please."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: What do you think? Should I continue? *grin*