[Fan Fic] Fragments - Chapter 10
Title: Fragments
Author: blinkbling24
Pairing: Akame, Kokame
Genre: Angst, Romance, Smut
Rating: NC-17 (As there will be smut in subsequent chapters)
Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own them, because if I did, this fic would be in video instead of just words.
Warning: Fic is unbeta-ed, so please excuse the grammer/spelling mistakes, if any.
Summary: In life and love, you can’t have everything that you want, or can you?
A/N: This is my first multi-chaptered fic. I don’t know how long this will be yet. I’ll see how it goes as I write. This story is set in the near future, but will go back to the past and play around with the timeline quite a bit, and it might get a little messy. I’ll try to be as faithful to the timeline as possible, but my memory might not serve me well, and I might just change things a bit and add a few imaginary dates, using my creative license.
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Chapter 10
January 3rd, 2008, recording of LIPS PV
Early morning call times were the bane of Jin’s existence. He hated getting up early. On the rare times that it was for something he looked forward to, it would have been tolerable. However, most of the time, it was like this, sitting in front of the mirror in the make-up studio, allowing stylists and make-up artists to do whatever they wanted to him, just waiting for Kame and Koki to make their lovey-dovey entrance. Jin hated it, why should he open his eyes and drag his feet to something that made him sick in the gut? But, he had no choice, he was part of KAT-TUN and as Kame said, he had responsibilities.
Jin shook his head slightly as the make-up artist tsk-ed at the state of his skin - sallow, lacking of any colour.
“Akanishi-san, you have not been sleeping well?”
Thinking back to the night before, he chose not to answer. Instead, he closed his eyes in an attempt to catch forty-winks. It was, after all, only 7.00 in the morning. He was indeed not sleeping well. After his run-in with Kame at the club on New Year’s Day, he had very much wanted to bring the girl home and fuck his brains out just to spite Kame. Bring the girl home he did, but after one session, he knew that she was incapable of satisfying him, not when he had Kame’s scornful voice, and piercing eyes in his head. He chased the girl out of his apartment and spent the rest of the night, and the entire next day just lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He pondered his decision to return to Japan, whether he should leave again, whether his friendship with Kame could be salvaged. Honestly, never in the course of his time LA did he imagine that his friendship with Kame would become so strained. They had always gotten along, and even though Jin’s previous hope of progressing a step further with Kame had been dashed, what with Kame being with Koki and all, he at least thought that they would remain friends. It was, however, proving not to be the case.
“GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!”
Hissing under his breath, Jin opened his eyes to see an overly cheerful Koki bounding through the door, beaming from ear to ear.
“Whoa! Koki! It’s unethical to be so cheerful so early in the morning,” Maru commented from his seat in front of the mirror.
“Yeah,” remarked Taguchi who was fussing with his newly-coloured ash brown hair, “Did Kame give you some last night?”
“Shut up Taguchi,” Kame swaggered into the room a couple of seconds after Koki made his entrance. Everyone’s, with the exception of Koki, jaw dropped when they saw Kame. Not only was Kame limping a little, he looked positively exhausted. Kame sighed at his bandmates’ reaction and walked to his chair.
“Make-up-san, do something about my dark eye rings ok?” He instructed before slumping into the seat.
Koki sat down next to Ueda, still smiling widely. Ueda leaned in and asked, “What did you guys do? Fuck for 2 days?”
“Ermm….well…yeah, sort of….”
“Koki! It’s PRIVATE life for a reason.” Kame spoke as he sat still, with his eyes closed, allowing the make-up artist to work her magic.
Having heard enough, Jin got up from where he was sitting and stormed out of the room.
“Akanishi-san! We haven’t done your hair yet! We have to touch up the roots!”
“I need a smoke. I’ll wear a fuckin’ hat later, go find me one!”
“What’s up with him?” Taguchi dared ask the rest.
Ueda shrugged, “Maybe he didn’t get as much as Kame and Koki….”
“OY!’ Koki walked over and head-locked Ueda, causing the older man to mock-choke.
Kame creased his brows. His headache was not getting any better with the loud horse-playing. Also, he could not help but wonder about Jin. What was up with him?
***
Koki was trawling the huge studio looking for something when he heard Jin’s voice.
“What are you looking for?”
“Painkillers. Kame’s not feeling too good. He’s had a headache since last night.”
“I saw a first aid box somewhere. Come, follow me.”
Jin led Koki to a small pantry equipped with a tiny microwave and a simple coffee making machine. Jin pointed to a drawer at the counter and said, “It’s somewhere in there. Help yourself.”
Koki nodded his thanks and Jin started to walk out the door.
“Err…Jin?"
“Yup?” Jin turned and smiled at his friend.
Smiling back, Koki asked, “Would you like to have a cup of coffee with me? Here? It looks like you need one.”
“Sure, why not? But what about Kame?” Jin almost tripped on the name.
“He can wait a couple of minutes. Besides, I think he’s resting a little as he’s getting his make-up done.” Koki replied as he started pouring the coffee powder into the machine.
Rather than say anything that might give himself away, Jin helped with the coffee and soon they both were leaning on the counter, taking careful sips from their mismatched mugs.
They stood side by side in friendly silence. Koki was right. Coffee was just what Jin needed to clear his head at the moment. His mind cleared as he savoured the caffeine, and he finally felt ready to face the day.
“Jin?”
“Yeah?” He turned to meet with worried eyes.
“I’m worried about Kame.”
Shit. Since when did agreeing to have coffee turn him into Agony Aunt? “What makes you say that?” Jin asked out of politeness more than anything else. He really did not want to know. He buried his nose into his coffee mug, inhaling the aroma as he waited for Koki to speak.
Heaving a heavy sigh, Koki continued, “I’m not really sure. He’s himself, but not really. It seems like he’s trying to be better than himself, pushing himself to the limit. This new drama……he’s hardly at home…..going to the gym….and staying there the whole day……and he comes back exhausted…..like he’s doing it on purpose….making himself so tired that he just falls straight to sleep……I don’t know what’s wrong, and I try to help, but he won’t let me, just keeps saying he’s ok, it’s just what this drama requires of him….”
Seeing that Koki had transitioned from talking to him to mumbling to himself, Jin intercepted, “Koki?” He paused and waited for Koki to stop his monologue.
He really did not want to do this. “Kame has always been a perfectionist. It’s a flaw that he has. And since…..since….I….er…left…..he has been feeling, more than ever, responsible for KAT-TUN, and feels that he has to be successful for KAT-TUN to be successful. He’s putting too much pressure on himself, if you ask me.”
“But, I need to do something, you know?” It was more a rhetorical question on Koki’s part but Jin acknowledged it.
“It’s not something that you can do. He’s gotta realize it for himself. Meanwhile, just be his support. But you already are…..just be a friend that he can run to……”
“Are you his friend?”
“What?” Jin almost spit out the last mouthful of his coffee.
“Are you his friend, Jin?”
“I would like to think I am,” Jin said softly as he turned to rinse his mug in the sink.
Koki smiled at Jin kindly, “He treasures what he had with you.”
Facing Koki, Jin saw, very faintly, a flicker of hurt and pain in his eyes. “You really love him, don’t you?”
Koki did not have to answer. Jin could see it in his eyes. He patted Koki on his shoulder showing that he understood and received the same camaraderie.
***
Just as Jin and Koki were about to walk out to set, with Koki holding on to the painkillers and a bottle of water for Kame, they heard a loud ruckus coming from the dressing area, complete with wolf calling. Before the two of them could reach the door, it burst open and a very annoyed Kame stomped out.
“Koki! There you are! Thank God! Painkillers!” Not waiting for Koki to say anything, Kame reached out and swallowed the tablets with one gulp. It was only then that he realized that his boyfriend was staring at him with a flabbergasted expression on his face.
“Oh no!” Kame groaned, “Not you too! It’s only eyeliner, for God’s sake.”
Finally regaining his senses, Koki walked up to Kame and wrapped his arms around his waist. He whispered something in Kame’s ear, causing Kame to giggle in spite of his headache, which was gradually fading due to the medication.
Having backed off the minute Kame burst out of the room, Jin, observing from the shadows of the set, had a hard time focusing as well. Kame looked positively sizzling with his kohl eyes, glossy lips and newly structured body. Jin gulped and willed his body to behave, even though he wanted nothing more than to grab Kame and engage him in a mind-blowing round of hot sex. Yet, all he could do was watch and try to be nonchalant as Kame and Koki dance their lovers’ dance all throughout the recording. When the day was finally over, all Jin wanted to do was to crawl under the covers, and hopefully fall into a dreamless sleep.
***
Late February 2008
The sound of his ringtone jolted Jin out of sleep, and he was not happy.
“Jin?”
“Yeah?” Jin croaked. He threw a glance at the clock by his bedside and saw that it was 2.30am.
“It’s Koki. Are you asleep?”
“I was, and I plan to fall back to sleep,” Jin answered grumpily. His sentence was met with an awkward silence.
“Oh, spill it! You must have woken me up for a reason more than for me to hear you breathing."
“Could you go get Kame?”
Jin dropped his phone in shock and scrambled around his covers to find it. Thank goodness for its glowing blue light.
“Why?” He composed himself enough to ask.
“He’s kinda drunk in some pub, and he needs someone to bring him home.”
“You’re his boyfriend….”
“I’m not stupid. I would if I could. I’m over at my parents’ place this week, and it’ll take me at least 2 hours to get to him.”
“Errr…I was actually looking forward to sleeping through the night tonight….so maybe Maru, or even Taguchi…….”
“I’ve tried them. You’re the only one who picked up.”
Damn! Of all the calls to pick up in the middle of the night.
“Jin, please, if not for him, for me, as a friend.”
Burying his face in his pillow, Jin groaned and then said into the phone, “Fine. Where is he?”
***
Failure. That was all Kame saw himself at this point in time. He had worked so hard with this drama, being in the gym 24 hours a day, watching his diet. But for what? It was always not about how hard he worked, but how good the ratings were. And the ratings were not singing him praises. KAT-TUN and their latest single LIPS were doing well, it should mean that he was doing well. But that was not the case. Week after week, One Pound Gospel performed below par. It would not matter so much to him if not for the disappointed eyes he had to endure everyday during the filming period, on top of how Johnny’s Entertainment frequent reiteration of how an idol is only worth his return of investment. JE was not getting the desired advertising dollar from Kame for this drama, and they sure as hell let him know it.
What made it a million times worse was that Jin’s infuriating drama, Yukan Club, did better than his was doing at the moment. One could argue that Yukan Club was shown during the holiday season where people appreciated the light-heartedness. It was also Jin’s first drama since his return, so it was greatly anticipated. But to Kame, all it meant was that his entire year of hard work supporting the group has come to naught. Everything was just about Jin. The world revolved around Jin. Maybe he was the dispensable one, not Jin. Whatever, thought Kame as he drained his brandy. Fuck this job, he thought as he poured himself another glass from a newly opened bottle, his second for the night. Fuck the management, fuck Johnny, fuck Akanishi Jin.
“What the hell are you doing?!”
Kame allowed his glassy eyes to settle on the face in front it, and immediately regretted doing so.
“Fuck you Jin. I called Koki.”
“Nice to see you too,” Jin did not appreciate the attitude he was getting from Kame, particularly when he so did not want to be there. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you, asshole! Where’s Koki?” Kame poured himself another glass, but before he could place it on his lips, Jin took it away from him, and gulped it down himself.
For some reason, Kame found that action incredibly funny. He collapsed in laughter over the bar, and if not for Jin’s support, he would have fallen off the stool. Jin eyed Kame cautiously, not knowing what to make of the situation. He steadied Kame, and once he was sure that Kame would not fall off, he sat next to Kame at the bar and waited for Kame to calm down.
“Are you a failure too? If you are, drink with me!” Kame exclaimed as he stopped sputtering. He reached for the bottle and poured another glass, this time smart enough, much to Jin’s annoyance, to move fast and drink it down before Jin could get to it.
“Kame, you’ve gotta stop drinking. Come, let’s go. I’ll take you home…..what the….?”
Tears. Tears were streaming down Kame’s face even as he poured himself another glass. He lifted it to his lips, but he was trembling so hard that he had to put the glass down. Kame simply buried his face in his hands and shook with silent sobs.
Jin could not bear it. He stood up, helped Kame off his stool, and enveloped Kame in as big a hug as he could manage. He felt Kame shake in his arms, even as his shoulder was getting wet with Kame’s tears.
“Ssshhh….what’s wrong?” Jin whispered gently in Kame’s ear.
“I’m just so tired, so so so tired…..so tired of trying, so tired of failing…..” Kame’s voice was muffled against Jin’s chest as he burrowed his face in it, finding comfort in the arms around him.
Jin held Kame and stroked his back until he stilled. It was only then that Jin said quietly, “You’re not a failure, Kazuya, you’re anything but. I would not be here if not for you…….Kazuya? Kame?” Kame had put all his weight on Jin and Jin noticed that he had blacked out.
Great. Jin hoisted Kame on his back and walked them both out of the bar.
***
The cool wind on his face woke Kame up from his drunken stupor. He opened his eyes to find that he was riding pillion, with his arms wrapped tightly around Jin’s waist. The night was clear and cloudless, allowing Kame to see the stars as they travelled down the highway. He wondered if Jin knew he was awake. He leaned his cheek on Jin’s back once again, and held Jin’s waist a little tighter, savouring the moment he knew he could not if he was sober.
It might not have been a wise idea to have taken the bike out, instead of his car, but it was not something Jin regretted at the moment as he cruised down the highway, with Kame safely behind him. He relished in their closeness, and gave a small smile when he felt Kame stir and wrap his arms more firmly around his waist. Was Kame awake? It was a beautiful night, and Kame should see it.
Jin swerved his bike gently to the left, taking the exit off the freeway in the direction of Kame’s apartment. The bike hugged the small residential roads so quiet that the only sound was the putt putt putting of the bike’s engine. All too soon, they arrived at their destination.
When the bike came to a halt, Jin immediately removed his helmet and turned to Kame. Refusing help, Kame descended somewhat ungracefully while taking off his helmet, still tipsy from the alcohol he had ingested. “Whoa, be careful,” Jin reached out to hold Kame’s elbow, causing them to unintentional lock gazes. Jin’s eyes had more fire in them than Kame remembered, hazel with flecks of gold dancing in the background. Kame’s eyes were molten lava, burning into Jin, searing his heart.
“Jin,” Kame breathed ever so translucently, hoping that Jin would hear it, and not hear it at the same time.
Jin heard it, it sent shivers down his spine, but he could not bring himself to answer. He did not know what to say. Were words even required at a time like this, when they were like magnets of the same polarity, repelling each other no matter how hard they try to reconcile?
It was Kame, always Kame, who blinked, breaking the moment. Kame sighed, turned around and walked a little unsteadily towards a little clearing near the apartment. He stood still and tilted his head up, looking at the stars that followed him home. He sensed Jin walk up to stand beside him.
“You should go in, get some rest,” The tenderness in Jin’s voice sent a tingle through Kame.
Kame faced the very face he had been running away from, “Why do you care Jin? Why now? When there is no need for you to?”
“Because, Kazuya,” Jin reached out and touched the luminescent skin of Kame’s cheek with the back of his hand, “I’m your friend.”
“Friend? Do you think we have ever been friends? It seems so long ago,” Kame moved closer to Jin and traced Jin’s lips with his fingers.
“I don’t really know what we are,” the words were said so breathlessly that they disappeared in the night breeze. Jin leaned down and gently brushed his lips against Kame’s, feeling the pillowy softness. Instead of jerking away, Kame pressed in and kissed Jin, moving his arms to wrap around Jin’s neck. Jin’s arms went around Kame’s waist and pulled Kame closer to deepen the kiss. They caressed with their lips, their tongue, tasting each other, succumbing to years of longing.
As suddenly as it started, Kame froze, forcing Jin to back away. The rare affection in Kame’s expression reverted to the harshness that Jin had come to be uncomfortably accustomed to.
“Thank you for sending me home. It’s late. You should go.”
With that, Kame spun on his heels and walked back to his apartment building. Jin, confused, sat on his bike for ages in Kame’s parking lot without moving, trying to make sense of everything but to no avail. It was only when he saw Koki’s car turning in that he hastily started the engine and rode off into the night.
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A/N: This chapter is a little disjointed, so I'm not too happy with it.Gomen~