[Fan Fic] Fragments - Chapter 11
Title: Fragments
Author: blinkbling24
Pairing: Akame, Kokame
Genre: Angst, Romance, Smut
Rating: NC-17 (As there will be smut in subsequent chapters)
Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own them, because if I did, this fic would be in video instead of just words.
Warning: Fic is unbeta-ed, so please excuse the grammer/spelling mistakes, if any.
Summary: In life and love, you can’t have everything that you want, or can you?
A/N: This is my first multi-chaptered fic. I don’t know how long this will be yet. I’ll see how it goes as I write. This story is set in the near future, but will go back to the past and play around with the timeline quite a bit, and it might get a little messy. I’ll try to be as faithful to the timeline as possible, but my memory might not serve me well, and I might just change things a bit and add a few imaginary dates, using my creative license.
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Chapter 11
Early November 2007, on the set of Yukan Club
Jin, Taguchi and Yokoyama Yu retired to their boys’ trailer after they had shot their action sequence. It was now the girls’ turn and the boys could not be stuffed to hang around the set. They were each individually tired from their Johnnys’ activities. Jin was glad that the two were in this drama series with him. For Johnny’s iron fist where work was concerned, the old man was unexpectedly sensitive enough to know that Jin, no matter how cocky and self-confident he was, would not be able to get into the groove of drama filming, particularly after a 2-year absence, on his own. How the production house and TV station could afford three Johnnys’ boys at one go was another matter altogether, but one should never underestimate Johnny Kitagawa’s powers of persuasion. Besides, the advertising dollar that rolled in would far surpass the price of the 3 idols, in any case.
Regardless the reasons, and Jin could care less about the politics Johnny played as long as it was to his benefit, he really enjoyed the company of his friends on set. Jin and Taguchi had an unspoken friendship. It did not appear so on screen because of the individual public persona they portrayed within the group dynamics, but behind closed doors, Taguchi was someone Jin could talk to. As for Yokoyama, he was fun to be around, being the natural mood-lifter that he was. On top of that, he was a sincere friend, and a wise senpai, despite his playful nature.
The three of them sprawled around their trailer in typical Johnnys’ fashion. Jin thought that it must be odd for them to treat trailers and dressing rooms like their own home, rather than their actual homes,as they spent so much time in them.
“Since I got 2 of you KAT-TUN boys here, I want some dirt on you guys. It’d be good tidbits for my radio show,” Yokoyama spoke as he lounged on the couch. Jin smirked as he playfully flopped down on the same couch and put his head on Yokoyama’s lap. Yokoyama grunted in annoyance but did not chase Jin away. Jin flung an arm over his eyes, waiting for Taguchi to say something.
“What do you want to know?” Taguchi raised an eyebrow as he paused his PSP game and turned his attention to Yokoyama.
“Don’t look at me with such suspicion. I don’t hang out with you guys as often as we did as Juniors, and I would like to know things straight from the horse’s mouth, rather than through the grapevine like I usually do. Although, things from the grapevine are often juicier…” Yokoyama chuckled a little at his weak joke.
“Again, what do want to know? Quick, before I turn back to my game.” Taguchi said, slightly impatiently.
“Fill me in what happened after this fella left,” Yokoyama patted Jin affectionately on the cheek, and Jin returned the gesture by swatting his hand away, “and what happened after he came back….why did you come back anyway? LA chicks not good enough for you?”
“Oh shut up! I missed you, alright?” Jin responded playfully.
“Awww…I’m touched, although we all know that it’s not true. My last name doesn’t start with K.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jin sat up and ran his fingers through his hair, still a little unused to how short his hair was.
“Yu-kun, don’t go there….” Taguchi warned, but Yokoyama paid no heed. He was concerned about Jin.
“It’s not exactly a secret you know, Jin. Everyone knew that you and Kame were close, we were only unsure of how close, only both you know that. We all heard how Johnny-san summoned the both of you up to his office after Gokusen and gave you strict instructions to change your behavour towards each other onscreen…..sometimes I think that the old man must be getting more senile as the years pass….why shove you guys together in the first place, only to pull you apart years later……come to think of it, we really are his pawns in a chess game only he knows how to play…..”
Jin shrugged, it didn’t matter, whatever Yokoyama said. Sure, it was Johnny who forced him and Kame together in the first place, but the bonds of friendship that they formed were real, separate from what the public perceived of them. Pawns or not, he believed in what he had shared with Kame.
“The thing I want to know is,” Yokoyama was not finished, “why is it that Kame and Koki is allowed, when Kame and Jin was not? And what makes it more intriguing is that KoKame is real, they are together right? Whereas AkaKame was a product of JE PR and fans, of course.”
AkaKame was real, dammit, Jin thought, but Yokoyama brought up a good point, a point that Jin did not see up till now. He looked expectantly at Taguchi, because he sure as hell did not know what went down during the period he was away.
Taguchi frowned, not really sure what to say.
“Oh come on, Taguchi, spill. I’m curious, and look, Jin is curious too.”
Sighing, Taguchi directed his answer to Jin, “I was not exactly privy to everything that happened. I’ve only heard bits and pieces from Maru whom Koki talks to. I…I..think Kame and Koki slept together the night of your going-away press conference….” Taguchi stopped for a response.
Yamapi had already filled him in on that much, and so Jin nodded, and waited for Taguchi to continue.
“Well, Kame and Koki were filming a drama together, and them sticking close did the drama good, so Johnny let them. That much, I know for sure. I don’t know if you noticed, but Kame has changed, Jin. He’s more strong-willed now; adamant about getting what he wants, when he wants it. I sometimes miss the young and carefree Kamenashi……”
“Taguchi…..please….” Yokoyama rolled his eyes, noticing that Taguchi was going off tangent. Jin kept silent, taking it all in.
“Oh, right. Erm….I did hear that the managers tried to talk to Kame and Koki, but according to the little I got from Maru, Kame stood firm and fought for them. Apparently, he told Johnny that he would leave the company if Johnny was against him and Koki…..”
“Right, and Kame’s really popular now, so Johnny couldn’t afford for him to leave…..makes good business sense….” Yokoyama deduced on his own.
“Yeah, so JE did a PR spin on it, and fans seem to accept it….I guess Kame got what he wanted…..” Taguchi’s voice faded as he observed his friend.
Jin was digesting the new information. So Kame fought for his relationship with Koki. He could not help but admire Kame. Kame did what Jin had not dared to a year and a half ago. Jin was afraid of his burgeoning feelings for Kame, and in order to nip it in the bud, he flew off to LA, telling himself that he wanted the adventure, when in actual fact, he was running away.
“Jin? You ok?” Taguchi asked, worry in his artificially-blue eyes. Yokoyama stepped up and patted Jin on the shoulder.
“I’m fine guys,” Jin forced a smile, “I don’t see why you’re worried about me. Kame’s my friend, and I’m happy he got what he wanted…..now, if you excuse me, the toilet beckons.”
The 2 guys watched as Jin walked out of the trailer.
“Do you think he’s really alright?” Yokoyama asked.
“I don’t know. Only he knows, I guess.” Taguchi replied, feeling a little tired from all the drama. He did not know how Jin and Kame handled it, there seemed to be so much drama going on between them all the time. They must be exhausted. Thank God he had Rena, and his video games. It was all he needed.
***
Early March 2008, sound recording for Don’t You Ever Stop
“Kamenashi Kazuya! Hold it right there!”
Kame had just entered the back entrance of the JE recording studios when he heard a voice calling out to him. He was on the way for his voice recording session for KAT-TUN’s next single.
“Pi! Long time no see!” Kame smiled at Yamapi, except that his smile was not returned.
“We need to talk.” Yamapi was curt as he took Kame’s arm and pulled him to the nearest rehearsal room, locking the door.
“What is it?” Kame was puzzled. Pi usually had a friendly smile for Kame. They had become close ever since they worked together on Nobuta, and then Shuji to Akira. Pi had always been Jin’s friend, and because he was, Kame tried his best to be friendly to Pi too, and the effort was always reciprocated, except for now.
“You need to fucking fix whatever that is broken between you two, because I sure as hell don’t want to be involved anymore.”
“Quit peppering your sentences with curses, I don’t understand a word of what you’re saying.” Kame gritted his teeth, having an inkling of what Yamapi was driving at.
“Jin. Talk to him. He’s driving himself insane, and me along with him!”
“Oh. Why? Is he stressed?” It has been 2 weeks since the kiss, a kiss which Kame was trying, for 2 weeks, to erase from his memory.
“Stop with the pretense. You know what I’m talking about. He’s been flat out drunk every fuckin’ day for the past 2 weeks, and I’m sick of playing his nanny.”
***
“Fuck Jin, I hate it when you show up at my door dead drunk like that!”
“I’m so confused, Pi, so very very confused…..why….Pi….why…..”
“Why what, Jin?”
“He…he…kissed…me..back, Pi…he kissed…hic….me…back….”
“You kissed him?! Are you out of your mind?!!!”
“We kissed….hic….it was GREAT…..but Koki….he wants Koki….not me…..”
“You are such a dickhead. Of course he wants Koki, because YOU’RE AN IDIOT!”
“It’s so fucked up……so fucked up…….”
***
“I don’t think I can help,” Kame started to walk towards the door.
“Kame, please, just talk to him. He’ll hear you out. Crush his heart if you have to, tell him you want Koki, not him. At least try to get it through his thick skull. It might be healthier for him this way.”
‘You’re a good friend, Pi, better than what I can ever be.” With that, Kame walked out, giving no indication that he had absorbed anything that Yamapi had said.
***
It was one of those times that Kame wished he had Koki with him. He did not want to face Jin alone, particularly since he did not want to think about, or bring up whatever happened the other night. He might have been tipsy, but he was lucid enough to remember the feel of Jin’s lips on his, and how, for a fleeting moment, there and then, all he wanted was to belong to Jin, just Jin, not how he belonged to JE, to the fans, to Koki.
About an hour after he left Jin in the parking lot that night, after he had showered, after he had changed into his sleep clothes and had curled up in bed did Koki come home. Koki had rushed to his side and had held him in a fierce embrace, thinking that the thing bothering Kame was his work. Koki had tried to kiss away everything that was troubling Kame, and Kame had let him, but for the first time since he made up his mind to be with Koki, he wanted to turn away from the sweet man that loved him so much. He had to fight the compulsion to push Koki away, to turn on his side, to fall asleep with the taste of Jin, not Koki, in his mouth. And Kame hated himself for it. Kame truly felt like he was a horrible person, but no matter how hard to tried to search, regret was nowhere to be found.
These emotions made it hard for Kame to face Jin, even his thick professional façade that has always been foolproof seemed too thin to mask his turmoil. Kame was feeling fragile, and he needed Koki, his rock, to be beside him, to remind him who he belonged to.
But alas, it was not to be as Kame laid eyes on Jin for the first time in 2 weeks, through the glass window of the recording studio. It was a common occurrence, Jin and Kame would usually record their voices on the same day, sometimes together in the recording studio, and sometimes separately, but they still needed to listen to each other, as their voices were the key mixes to make the song work.
Koki and the rest of KAT-TUN have recorded their parts a couple of days earlier, and Koki had thought it would be good day to go hiking with his brother, as spring was almost upon them. He would have waited another day to go with Kame, but Kame saw how much Koki needed bonding time with his brother. Even though Kame enjoyed the company of Koki’s family, he knew that there were some things they could not talk about with him around, and it was something he respected.
Kame took a deep breath and walked through the heavy sound proof door. It was as though Jin had not noticed his presence. Jin was leaning in the corner of the room, slouching as though he had no spine, with his cap peaked so low, covering his tired eyes. Jin had the headphones on, already ahead of Kame, listening to the tune, and what the others have recorded. If Jin was going to ignore him, all the better, it made it easier.
However, Kame found it hard to ignore how Jin swayed in front of the microphone, and how he sang sloppily, causing them to stop and start countless times. It was also hard to ignore how Jin would bang at things, throwing the headphones or music sheets down with unnecessary force.
After about 2 hours of frustration, Kame finally had enough. When Jin made the same mistake for the gazillionth time, Kame lost it.
“Manager-san, is it alright if you and the sound crew leave Akanishi and I for a bit? Something’s not right with the session, and I want to discuss it with him.” Kame said with all the patience he could muster.
When the manager and crew acceded to Kame’s request, goodness knows they were all in favour of it, considering the worse than bad recordings so far, Kame immediately channeled his anger towards Jin.
“FUCK YOU JIN! Who turns up FUCKING DRUNK to work??!! You’re wasting everyone’s time, and not to mention money….as I said before, I don’t give a fuck what you do in your private life, but if it affects KAT-TUN, I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
Jin collapsed in irrepressible laughter, a laugh that was so bitter.
“I can’t compartmentalize my emotions like you, Kamenashi Kazuya. Or maybe you don’t have any emotions.”
“I don’t give a shit what you can or cannot do, Akanishi.”
“Then what do you give a shit about? WORK? KAT-TUN?” Jin staggered up close to Kame, almost spitting in his face.
“That’s right, and Koki, of course,” Kame smelled the stale alcohol in Jin’s breath and he wanted to throw up.
“Koki……Koki…….” Jin leaned in as though to force himself on Kame. Kame, not wanting to be touched backed away slowly, until his back came into contact with the soft walls of the studio.
“Yes, Koki, my boyfriend.” Kame’s voice was annoyingly steady.
“How can I forget Koki is your boyfriend?!” Jin was ranting, “You stick him in my face every chance you get! He’s the one you want! HE’S THE ONE YOU WANT!!!!”
“Yes he is! You’re drunk Jin, go wash your face and sober up! I want to finish recording early so that I can be with Koki!”
“SHUT UP ABOUT KOKI!!!! WHAT ABOUT ME??!! IF YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME, WHY DID YOU KISS ME???!!!” Jin slammed a fist in the wall next to Kame’s head. If the walls had not been soft, Jin would definitely have broken his knuckles with the force he used.
Kame winced, “It was a mistake, I was drunk, like you are now. Go. Wash. Up.”
“You’re always telling people what to do, aren’t you? You want to be in control….” Jin leered, “How about me being in control for once? I’ll tell Koki how you kissed me, how you shoved your tongue in my mouth and rubbed up against me. How you wrapped your arms around me so so tightly….how it was me you wanted that night…you wanted ME, NOT HIM…..”
SLAP!
The stinging pain brought clarity to Jin’s mind. Kame had used his professional pitcher swing to lay a quick hand on Jin’s cheek. Jin stood there, stunned, as he witnessed Kame’s face contort in absolute fury. And yet, Kame was the epitome of self control.
“Are you sober now?” Kame spoke dangerously slowly.
Jin nodded.
“Kame…I…didn’t…mean….I’m…s….”
“If it’s not about work, I don’t want to hear a word from you. When manager-san and the rest get back, we are going to finish recording this well, is that clear?”
And all Jin could do was nod again, and walked back, shoulders sagging, towards his microphone.
***
Yamapi probably expected a different, softer approach, but Kame felt that he got through to Jin just fine with the slap, and he had said what he needed to say. His hand was still smarting and he wished he had not put so much weight behind the slap. He had stolen glances at Jin during the rest of the recording, and noticed that Jin’s cheek was red and swollen. It must really have hurt, and Kame’s heart ached. He did not really blame Jin for being so angry, he would be too, if he was in Jin’s shoes, but to have threatened him like that, and bringing Koki into the argument, it was just too much. Kame sighed.
It was for the best, he told himself, as he gathered his coat from his locker, ready to leave for the day.
“K…k..ame?”
Kame paused a little, but did not turn, and continued putting on his coat.
“Haven’t we spoken enough for today Jin?”
“Please, Kame, look at me. I have something to say.”
Taking a deep breath, Kame spun around and his guts did a little flip flop. Jin had emerged from the shower stalls. Kame guessed that he took a shower to wash away the residual alcohol in his system. Kame thanked God that at least Jin was fully dressed in a long-sleeved t-shirt and dark jeans, instead of being in a towel. Jin looked sexy enough as it is, with his hair wet and in tight tendrils around his face.
“What is it Jin?” Kame said in a tone to give an impression that he was impatient and did not have much time for this encounter. He did not want to be alone with Jin longer than he had to. He was afraid of what would happen if he did.
Jin sat on the bench and tried to form his words. He observed Kame standing next to him, tapping his foot. Looks like Kame really did not want to be near him. Jin sighed, he had to say what he was about to, it would give him closure, something he obviously needed to walk away from Kame once and for all.
“I went to LA because I was afraid.”
“You were afraid?” Kame folded his arms across his chest and raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, afraid,” Jin buried his face in his hands and continued, “I was falling for you, and I was afraid of those feelings. I didn’t know what to do with them. I told Johnny that I needed a break, and after rounds of attempted persuasion, he relented and hooked me up with a language course……I ran away to see if I could get rid of my feelings. I didn’t want my feelings for you to destroy the career that you worked so hard to build. This career means so much more to you, then to me….”
So Jin had feelings for him, just as he had almost 2 years ago. Kame felt resentment bubbling up inside him, mixed with a sense of loss. Jin did not give Kame a chance. If only Jin had known of Kame’s own feelings. Things would not be what they were now.
“Rubbish….Jin, what utter rubbish,” Kame shook his head as he clenched his fist. “You went to LA because you were selfish. You could have stayed and faced the situation. Deal with it if your feelings were unrequited. Instead, you escaped, leaving the 5 of us to pick up the pieces….. whatever Jin, you left, you came back, things are not the same…..and I don’t care….”
Jin bit his lip, “I’m not saying all this to get you to care, I just wanted you to know.”
“And now I do. What’s your point, Jin?”
Jin looked up to search Kame’s eyes. He marveled at Kame’s steadfastness, the control that he had. “I will leave you alone from now on. I will maintain our relationship as friendly colleagues, nothing more. It’s what you want from me, isn’t it?”
No it’s not Jin, it’s not what I want from you! Kame screamed inside his head but he could not say it out loud. He had lost his voice as his entire being twisted in agony at his choices. So, Kame simply nodded and walked towards the door.
“You know…..”
Kame stopped for the second time in the locker room, but did not face Jin. He wished Jin would stop talking, Kame was at breaking point.
“Koki’s a lucky bastard, and Kame, if it were anyone else, I would not give up so easily, but it’s Koki, and I know he loves you, and would treat you right. I see the way he stares at you with so much tenderness……”
“Stop it Jin!” Kame stormed over to where Jin was sitting. He took hold of Jin’s shoulders and crushed his lips onto Jin’s. He kissed Jin with a passion that he had hidden away for so long, conveying the complexities that he could not put in words. He ran his fingers through Jin’s wet hair, moving through every strand. He leaned closer in when he felt Jin respond. He felt Jin’s hand hold on to his hips as Jin opened his mouth wider, an invitation for Kame’s tongue.
This time, they were both coherent. They both could feel the tightly coiled tension between them. They both could feel how wrong this was. And this time, it was Jin that pushed Kame away, gently, regrettably. Jin looked deep into Kame’s glistening eyes, and dropped his gaze to the red swollen lips, opened ever so slightly, panting wisps of delicate air.
“Kazuya….we shouldn’t….I….Ko…”
“Stop it, Jin, just stop….” Kame whispered as he searched for Jin’s lips again. Stop it Jin, just stop.
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A/N: I just HAD to put a dig about Taguchi and Rena in here. Sorry about that. I kinda wrote myself into a corner with this one. I wonder how I'm going to dig myself out.....