My lj and I have been fighting for weeks, and I kinda gave up on the 3 posts I repeatedly tried to write.

Anyway I've been feeling guilty about living, if that makes sense, thinking about all the people who aren't here, who really should be.

I've also retangled myself with someone from the past. And while it is a fairly recent past, the past ( Read more... )

I don't know if it's summertime or Ariel and Moshe being uncommunicable but lately I've been doing a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing. During the day, I'm fine, I smile, I laugh, I flirt, etc. At night,  I kind of just fall apart. I think of everything that I've been a failure at, everything I wanted but didn't get, and in my head I know that dwelling, ( Read more... )

I scare myself.

I saw B at the mall today. I looked like shit and wasn't in the mood to see him so I detoured around his table in the food court, thinking he was sitting with his sister. Then I saw him all wrapped that girl and another couple I know. I know that he's a flirt and that he always has been. I also know that I'm the reason things always get messed up ( Read more... )

This week in English we had to write a poem, the first stanza an outsider's view of us, and the second correcting the misconceptions of the outsider in the first stanza.

But all of my "friends" have these stupid misconceptions about me.

The truth:
-I have little to no confidence.
-I love lying in bed all day, especially with someone enjoyable.
-I ( Read more... )

Summer school is exactly like it looks in the movies. Lots of kids sleeping in class, tons of rowdy kids at break.

Other than that though, I love it. The work isn't bad, no homework. We're reading two books I've never read before, Their Eyes Were Watching G-d, and The Stranger and we're also reading A Streetcar Named Desire which I've already read ( Read more... )

So people say we remember events the way we want them too. And while I don't disagree with this, today I realized, that I view every situation the way I want it to. Which scares me, because I wonder what I've missed. I mean, everything that has happened through my life, well at least since seventh grade or so, could have been completely ( Read more... )

I've returned. 
For a long time almost every interesting website was blocked by my mother. 
Luckily, I finally took the time to figure out how to get around it. 
Life has been interesting. I've definitely had some experiences. Many good.

Last summer was one of the best times of my life. I became so much closer with my roommate than expected. I met ( Read more... )

Today a complete sttranger called me beautiful. It was so empowering and enlighteing. I think I've been smiling ever since. Maybe its crazy. Maybe not. But I liked it.

On another note apparently I'm leaving on Sautrday which I'm not dying for but whatever. And It'll certainly be a blast from my past. Noah is going. I honestly haven't talked to him ( Read more... )

I just keep revisiting each moment in my mind. Everything I did wrong. I can't believe that this is affecting me so much. It shouldn't. But it is. I was at Jon's for 4 hours this morning from 8-12 and I barely remember it. And everyone keeps saying I did nothing wrong, but if that's true then by now I would be ok, right? Right. And I don't know ( Read more... )