I'm bored. I'm tired, and having a hard time seeing. my eyes are all blurry... i didnt have goggles again today for swimming... oopsies. well. we're doing flip turns. we did open turns last week, and now we're on to flip turns... which, were always my problem, not just the breathing, but i never had a good looking flip turn... i always looked stupid. so, i'm sitting here,listening to joe nichols "the impossible" but i was listening to "if nobody believed in you" and that's a good song, and kinda how i feel... here a quote from the song: "Tell me how would you feel, you'd probably give up too.. if nobody believed in you." and it's true. if nobody believed in you, what do u have to work towards? personally, I'd say not much. I try to be ambitious, but.. it doesnt work out a lot. OK, to grace and kris and everyone else. I know I bitch a lot in this, and believe me, looking through this I feel like i'm really pathetic, but it's all true. Ya know what, the reason people don't know about the times Kris and I are happy, is because it's usually when I'm with him, I'm with him, and we have a good time, and we are happy... I don't write it in here because when I write in this I'm usually kinda ticked... I look for advice from my friends, and instead of making an email and sending it to everyone, i'd rather do this. I don't really care. Kris and I do have happy times... *NO LIE* and I'm sorry kris for not putting them in here. it's how i run my journal.. i guess. some people write about everything, others don't. i usually write about a lot of random shit... mostly venting, because I can't vent to anybody in person. I'd rather vent here. I'm sorry if it brings u down, or u get pissed. thats your fault. you know what's in here, if u don't want to hear about it, then don't read this. it's not always kris that i bitch about in here... in fact, it's not even most of the time. if you read more, i bitch about being fat, stupid, and a nothing. yes, that's how i look at myself, and sorry if u don't like it. i'm working on it, i'm trying to lose weight, i'm trying, apparently not hard enough.. so, i'll bitch more and more about those things.
yes, kris and i do fight a lot... but ya wanna know why? BECAUSE WE'RE SO DAMN ALIKE! we're both competitive, we're both stubborn as mules, and we're both really weird.... ya wanna know why after all the shit we've been through we're still together? because we LOVE each other. Because we are so damn alike, we can put that aside, and we love each others differences. To tell ya the truth, I love that he's not like most guys, and believe me, he's not like most guys. The lady at steeak n'shake the other day made a comment about the women usually getting the "salad0y stuff" and the men getting the "hotter stuff" ya know what, i wouldnt touch cole slaw with a ten foot pole, and he's picky about his chili... Everyone should know by now that we're different from every other couple out there. We're.. weird, we have a good time, and if people can put aside the stupid fights we have (they occur almost every day) but put those aside (i don't remember 1/2 of them), and you'll see.. the major fights we've had, are under.... 6. and for dating for a year and almost 9 months... i'd say that's not that bad. 6 major fights, which.. we have resolved. i'm happy to say that. in my mind they're done, over with, and never to be brought up again. I hate thinking of them, because they were rocky times. But there was a point in time that there was a major problem, and we got through that, we've been through a few. Kris has stood by me through... everything, and beyond. My senior year, swimming, dances, stupid classes, fights with my dad (although he does take my dads side... sometimes) he's been with me through work, and the stupidity there (i want a new job sooooo bad) He's been through so much with me, and I do have to say, there have been a lot LOT of rough times, just with me... swimming, i was going to quit, on my fucking senior night because of the stupid team... not everyone, but... grrr (koch/keith) him, mrs. hein and my mum helped me through, and told me to get back in there, put on a happy face, and taht i only had a few more meets, then the banquet to deal with these people. I felt like the worst captain ever, and those 3 helped me through that... I've hated myself so many times, and he always snaps me out of it... he's supported me in close to everything i do... in fact, i can't think of something he hasn't supported me in (besides the boy issue) hell, he even said he'd buy me some johnny posters (BONUS! LOL) He's supported me in my decision to go to msu, my decision to come home, my decision on majors, and he's helped me figure out what i really wanted to do... he said he's going to quiz me, any song that comes on the radio i have to name the singer and song... (eep i don't know disco.. that's a problem) Realizing all that he's supported me in, i've discovered i havent supported him in... a lot. I'm finally ok with paintball... he's almost done with the gun, (bonus) and brown and him and the guys have got a team going, which... could possibly make them some $$, so that'd be nice for kris, spend paintball winnings on paintball. but i never supported the idea of the apartment, and really.. still don't. this weekend he brought up a house idea, with dave... and again, i still kinda think it's stupid... but it's his decision to make, not mine. i think he sees it as: getting away from mom and dad, and jeff... but it's also the rest of the family, it's also the money issue (yes, a house would be cheaper -mortgage rate- than an apartment,) but.. it's still money that he'll need every month, whereas, he could stay home, and all the money he makes at the rec would go to, $50 for gas a month?, then the rest... right into his pocket. Not having to worry about upkeep on anything, besides his room, (no lawn to mow, no housing concerns) his dad's got that taken care of already... in 200 years mr and mrs k's house will still be standing.. lol. I believe that he could use all the money he makes towards a: upgraded paintball gun, new car, vacations, savings for the future (what a concept), and just extra spending cash for... whenever! that's what i'm hoping to do... pay off the car, and insurance, buy the things I want: a good pair of sunglasses, a digital camera, (florida.. which will be paid for already), and a possible trip to ireland, and the rest... spending money for... whenever, and savings for my future.. I'm not going to be able to live off mom and dad forever, but for as long as i can, I'm going to... Once I'm done with college, I'd like to be able to move out at least that fall, and start a good job. So fall of 2008... out of my house. Which is going to mean: a good amount of money to support me for a bit. I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. I'm looking into getting a second job this summer.. I'm also looking towards possibly teaching (swim lessons) so a possibility of 3 jobs. and i found out, i can't take any classes at scraft b/c they don't offer the class i need in the "summer session" (spring session is may 9th through june/july something) and the summer is june/july-august.. which, i'd miss the first 4 days of class.. which is retarded. so. I'm going to have to take the class in the fall. I'm going to work my ass off, and once fall rolls around, my hours will all be cut, but i'd try to make it so i can still schedule myself around classes, and my jobs, and possibly, just maybe, keep sundays, maybe saturdays off. teaching would be weeknight, the rec could be morning classes on certain days, and keep time open for studying, i'm taking math and science and economics, and i'm gonna need to study my ass off right? CORRECT! lol... well.. i've been writing for 1/2 an hour straight... so, i'm out. (it's not that long for being 1/2 hour... but i guess i sat back and thought about a lot of stuff before i typed it too... hmm..) later!
kelly