(Untitled)

Nov 30, 2004 19:30



Mariah Coen

Mrs. Dubin

Period 3.4

Short Story

In a Ball

You’re sitting there wondering why ( Read more... )

Leave a comment

Comments 15

maggotnumber9 December 1 2004, 02:57:02 UTC
damn..that was really good mariah..

Reply

blonderocker007 December 1 2004, 03:11:45 UTC
really? you think so? thank you

Reply


theoutcast279 December 1 2004, 03:20:46 UTC
u have mrs dubin. she was a goood teacher

Reply

blonderocker007 December 1 2004, 03:26:29 UTC
yeaaaaaaaa

Reply


theoutcast279 December 1 2004, 03:28:09 UTC
that was a good story

Reply

blonderocker007 December 1 2004, 13:32:41 UTC
thank you

Reply


corrections... take serious notion lincinnabin December 1 2004, 05:19:33 UTC
THE BOLDED AREAS ARE THE AREAS THAT I FIXED. GO INTO YOUR PAPER AND COPY AND PASTE OR WRITE EXACTLY WHAT I WROTE IN THE BOLDED AREAS.VERBATUM!

Incorrect: "Now you’re in a ball, on your computer, staring at your computer screen"
Correct: "Now you're in a ball, staring at your computer screen"

Incorrect:"But of course you can’t think of one thing Your brain is jumping from one thing to the next, never staying on one subject. "
Correct:"But of course you can’t think of one thing; your brain is jumping from one thing to the next, never staying on one subject. "

Incorrect:"OH no, its back."
Correct:"Oh no, it's back."

Incorrect:"your probably get a D-"
Correct"you'll probably get a D-"

Incorrect:"much you would hate your self."
Correct:"much you would hate yourself."

Incorrect:"you’re dieing on the"
Correct:"you're dying on the"

Incorrect:"conversation with any one especially"
Correct:"conversation with anyone especially"

Incorrect:"truly listing to the words"
Correct:"truly listening to the words ( ... )

Reply


lincinnabin December 1 2004, 05:22:53 UTC
OK, NOW MARIAH, HERE IS THE DEAL. ONE: YOU NEED TO STOP CAPATILIZING WHOLE WORDS SO MUCH, IT DOESN'T LOOK NORMAL FOR AN ENGLISH PAPER. SECOND, "YOU'RE" AND "YOUR"; USE THEM CORRECTLY. THIRD, YOU BETTER FUCKING PRAISE ME FOR THIS BECAUSE I SPENT 48 FUCKING MINUTES OF MY DEVOTED, DEDICATED TIME AND UNDIVIDED ATTENTION TOWARDS THIS. IF I DIDN'T DO THIS, AND YOU LEFT IT THE WAY IT WAS, YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A C+ IF YOU WERE LUCKY. FIX THE GODAMN MISTAKES AND DON'T BITCH AT ME AT SCHOOL. YOU'RE WELCOME!

Reply

blonderocker007 December 1 2004, 13:32:20 UTC
heres your praise. thank you. I fixed them, but dont make me feel like shit cuz i suck at the other part of writing. MY PAPER WAS GOOD. just had alot of mistakes.

Reply

lincinnabin December 2 2004, 02:18:41 UTC
wasn't planning on making you feel bad

Reply


Leave a comment

Up