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Why I shouldn't run for public office
Today is that holiest (and in some ways whoriest) of days in terms of democracy.
A day when us Ammurrr-cans head to the polls, coffee in hand, surrounded by neighbors and colleagues who have suddenly become (sometimes literally) posterboards for candidates, wearing shirts with names that aren't their own, handing out massive piles of paper to ( Read more... ) -
Poop attack
Have you ever threatened to poop in someone's shower? I mean, as an adult, not as an angry kid who just got her Legos taken away because Mom found out she was depositing her half-chewed veggies behind the TV? (sidenote: I hope my kids are smarter than me)
Well, if you said no, then you and I have one less thing in common.
Saturday morning, I had ( Read more... ) -
Dear hipster
Dear hipster,
I am not sorry that you paid $90 to wear an outfit I wore in 2nd grade as a hand me down.
I'm not sorry your liberal arts degree hasn't allowed you to start your own poetry and music hookah bar where everyone drinks PBR.
I'm not sorry you smell like shit because you haven't washed your hair in 3 days & your Tom's of Maine deodorant ( Read more... ) -
Older ladies do the darndest things
I have learned/relearned a lot of valuable lessons lately. Many of these lessons have involved women a tad older than me.
Por Ejemplo:
Stay away from any old ladies screaming as they walk down the street once you've ruled out that they aren't on a hands-free set. Especially if they're speaking another language/speaking in tongues. They might just ( Read more... ) -
I Don't: Side-eyes and other things that won't be parts of my if/when wedding...
You know how, when you're little, you were often asked "So, what did you learn today at school?" (Or, perhaps you weren't asked that, 'cause Mom and Dad didn't really care, or felt like you didn't learn anything and didn't want to make you feel awkward. Sorry 'bout your luck if that was the case.)
Anyways, I try to learn something new every day ( Read more... ) -
In memory
Getting older is equal parts awesome and crappy. Of the crappier aspects that come along with approaching 30 is the fact that relatives we always assumed would be around begin to show signs of aging. We don't notice the wrinkles, the slower movement, the fact that we need to speak a little louder, because these developments come about slowly. ( ( Read more... ) -
Throw, throw, throw your phone....
At some point or another, I think it's pretty fair to say that we've all been brought to the brink of wanting to hit something, throw something, damage something, because someone has pissed us off.
This someone can be a parent, another relative, a lover, a roomie, a friend, the Comcast man, the boss, the random neighbor who keeps throwing the ( Read more... ) -
This one's fo tha ladies.
Ladies, my life has been forever changed this summer with the purchases of two items.
Each is not without its faults, but the significant positive effects these items have had on my body-specifically my ta tas & my hoo-ha (btw, if you have neither of those, you may not want to continue reading; however, if you plan to get one or the other, or ( Read more... ) -
Notes from a Road Trip
Notes from my Ipod touch over the course of a six-day road trip that spanned five states ( Read more... ) -
How To Rock-Star Up Your Hotel Room
The following is from a series of actual events that took place the weekend of August 6th, 2010 ( Read more... )