(no subject)
This is why I absolutely hate taking history classes.
I think I've said on here before that I'm Native American. My mom is over half Native. She grew up on an Indian Reservation until she was old enough to join the military. My dad was all white but since he's been out of my life (since I was 15), I've identified almost exclusively with my Native side. I don't look Native because I'm more than half white, but that's what I feel because that's what I know.
So it becomes un-fucking-believable when I'm sitting in my World History class, and everyone - including the fucking professor - starts talking about Native Americans being alcoholics. That just north of where we live, there's supposedly a small town that has no schools or churches or anything, but four liquor stores that make over 4 million dollars a year because it's across from an Indian Reservation.
Are you fucking kidding me? Then a student chimes in to say that he'd been to an Indian Reservation and there were people passed out drunk in gutters, and the PROFESSOR adds that, Yeah- the streets are just lined with drunken Indians.
I was so upset I was shaking. I was physically shaking and close to tears, and I texted my mom to let her know what happened and she told me to walk out, but by the time I got her message ten minutes had already passed.
But I couldn't stop shaking, and when he told us to turn to the person beside us to discuss (the lecture that should have had nothing to do with Native Americans in the first place), I just couldn't take it anymore. I had fully intended on staying the whole class so I could complain to him directly, but I was too emotional to get through another half hour.
I left and as soon as I was in the hallway I started crying, and I felt so stupid for crying but I've never really experienced such blatant disregard and disrespect for my people right in front of my fucking eyes.
Now I'm home, and I regret that I didn't stay to tell him what an utter bastard he is for discussing and encouraging such harmful stereotypes. But I think that tomorrow when I go to my other classes, I'll find his personal office and tell him exactly what I think of his bigoted ignorance.
The shitty thing is, this is actually the second time in three semesters that I've had to sit through professors talking about Native American's "alcohol intolerance." And this is what it is to be Native American in America. The majority of white America (or just America in general), behaves like Natives don't even exist. Like we're some kind of fucking cartoon from old westerns, and we aren't actually in the real world. Racism against Natives is probably the only kind of racism that's still largely accepted, because people talk openly about them without even realizing one could be sitting right in the same fucking room with them.
There's racism everywhere - against blacks, Asians, Hispanics, whites - but unless someone is completely oblivious or just an unapologetic bigot, most people have the sense to keep their mouths shut and not start spouting racial stereotypes- unless we're talking about Native Americans. Because who cares about Indians, right? Our nation is just so far removed from Native America (and why not when we were forced onto reservations; hidden away so we won't cramp the white man's style), that most everyone seems to think it's perfectly okay to talk openly about ALL (or most, if they're feeling generous) Native Americans being alcoholics.
Just the other day I was telling my mom I wish I looked more Native so people might have a fucking clue before they open their mouths. But I know in all actuality that wouldn't help at all, because my mom looks Native and everyone she works with knows she's Native, but people still behave like idiots. They've called her an "Indian giver." They've asked her if her mom was a drunk. They've told her that "all those people rape their children."
For the large majority of my life I'd say I've been "hidden" from this sort of thing. When I was a child this race issue wasn't brought up nearly as often as it's been since I started college, or if it was, I don't remember it because I was too young. But now, I feel like I'm being bombarded by it. I have teachers talking about. I had a girl last semester I thought was my friend say to me that when she went to an Indian Reservation, they were "all a bunch of drunks and into witchcraft." When I told the last boy I was dating that I was Native, the first thing he asked me was whether I had an alcohol intolerance.
It's just. . . A few weeks ago, my mom and I watched a program on Native American kids trying to get off the reservation. They were applying to colleges, trying to get scholarships for track, but they ended up back where they'd grown up. And my mom had said she understood why most Natives went back to the reservation, but in the moment I didn't really agree because I thought as long as we stay on reservations, things will keep turning in a vicious circle.
But now I'm realizing I can understand, too.
Because out here, you'll always feel ostracized as long as you're a Native in America.
I think I've said on here before that I'm Native American. My mom is over half Native. She grew up on an Indian Reservation until she was old enough to join the military. My dad was all white but since he's been out of my life (since I was 15), I've identified almost exclusively with my Native side. I don't look Native because I'm more than half white, but that's what I feel because that's what I know.
So it becomes un-fucking-believable when I'm sitting in my World History class, and everyone - including the fucking professor - starts talking about Native Americans being alcoholics. That just north of where we live, there's supposedly a small town that has no schools or churches or anything, but four liquor stores that make over 4 million dollars a year because it's across from an Indian Reservation.
Are you fucking kidding me? Then a student chimes in to say that he'd been to an Indian Reservation and there were people passed out drunk in gutters, and the PROFESSOR adds that, Yeah- the streets are just lined with drunken Indians.
I was so upset I was shaking. I was physically shaking and close to tears, and I texted my mom to let her know what happened and she told me to walk out, but by the time I got her message ten minutes had already passed.
But I couldn't stop shaking, and when he told us to turn to the person beside us to discuss (the lecture that should have had nothing to do with Native Americans in the first place), I just couldn't take it anymore. I had fully intended on staying the whole class so I could complain to him directly, but I was too emotional to get through another half hour.
I left and as soon as I was in the hallway I started crying, and I felt so stupid for crying but I've never really experienced such blatant disregard and disrespect for my people right in front of my fucking eyes.
Now I'm home, and I regret that I didn't stay to tell him what an utter bastard he is for discussing and encouraging such harmful stereotypes. But I think that tomorrow when I go to my other classes, I'll find his personal office and tell him exactly what I think of his bigoted ignorance.
The shitty thing is, this is actually the second time in three semesters that I've had to sit through professors talking about Native American's "alcohol intolerance." And this is what it is to be Native American in America. The majority of white America (or just America in general), behaves like Natives don't even exist. Like we're some kind of fucking cartoon from old westerns, and we aren't actually in the real world. Racism against Natives is probably the only kind of racism that's still largely accepted, because people talk openly about them without even realizing one could be sitting right in the same fucking room with them.
There's racism everywhere - against blacks, Asians, Hispanics, whites - but unless someone is completely oblivious or just an unapologetic bigot, most people have the sense to keep their mouths shut and not start spouting racial stereotypes- unless we're talking about Native Americans. Because who cares about Indians, right? Our nation is just so far removed from Native America (and why not when we were forced onto reservations; hidden away so we won't cramp the white man's style), that most everyone seems to think it's perfectly okay to talk openly about ALL (or most, if they're feeling generous) Native Americans being alcoholics.
Just the other day I was telling my mom I wish I looked more Native so people might have a fucking clue before they open their mouths. But I know in all actuality that wouldn't help at all, because my mom looks Native and everyone she works with knows she's Native, but people still behave like idiots. They've called her an "Indian giver." They've asked her if her mom was a drunk. They've told her that "all those people rape their children."
For the large majority of my life I'd say I've been "hidden" from this sort of thing. When I was a child this race issue wasn't brought up nearly as often as it's been since I started college, or if it was, I don't remember it because I was too young. But now, I feel like I'm being bombarded by it. I have teachers talking about. I had a girl last semester I thought was my friend say to me that when she went to an Indian Reservation, they were "all a bunch of drunks and into witchcraft." When I told the last boy I was dating that I was Native, the first thing he asked me was whether I had an alcohol intolerance.
It's just. . . A few weeks ago, my mom and I watched a program on Native American kids trying to get off the reservation. They were applying to colleges, trying to get scholarships for track, but they ended up back where they'd grown up. And my mom had said she understood why most Natives went back to the reservation, but in the moment I didn't really agree because I thought as long as we stay on reservations, things will keep turning in a vicious circle.
But now I'm realizing I can understand, too.
Because out here, you'll always feel ostracized as long as you're a Native in America.