(no subject)
me and my mom were talking onlineee.. even though she was in the basement and i was up stairs * sigh *
Sometimes i wonder .. how im gonna get threw this without her.. How did she promisee me that shes gonna stay here physically with me till im 60..
She's dying .. :-( .. and i can't do anything about it. and its killingggg me inside.. i don't know how amandas reacting to this .. shes barely home .. i just wish i knew everyones feelings.. and just wish it all away..
i don't knowww.. i can't fucking comprehend shit in school right now im gonna have to try my best. i cant do this.. i want to let go so bad but im holding on for her. i cant do thissss :-(
Mom : I dont care...i dont like the negitivity...i am trying to stay happy and live a good life that i have left...and your so sad and lonely...do you know how that makes me feel?
Mom: I feel lonely too ya know
Me: im not lonley
Me: i just am frusterated
Mom: me too
Mom: I would like to jump out of a plane into the ocean
Me: but i guess god would never give you more then you could handel.
Mom: with a parachute of course
Mom: God does not give you more then you can handle
Mom: I just wish he didnt trust us so much
Mom: huh?
Mom: wait a minute...I thought you dont believe?
Me: i have to..
Mom: now your preaching
Mom: yep
Me: if you ever died.. i wouldint want to think of you as just in the ground
Mom: I would still follow you around
Mom: I would be Your ORB
Me: well
Me: promise me you wont leave me physicallly until im 80
Mom: cant promise that...cause that would mean that I would be one hundred and something and that would hurt
Mom: I dont want to be that old
Me: 60
Mom: okay
Mom: promise me you will pass school and graduate on time
Mom: so I can see you make commencements
Me okay
Mom: i love you baby
Me: i love you to.