(no subject)
Updating to be used sparring. Look inside of my head for the blue chris-mas season......even in saddness i joke......(look at Chris-mas)
StudentofMars013: ill tell you the same thing i told kaci last nite, you 2 look after each other after im gone, i kno you wont think what i did to kaci was right, and you'll never understand why i did it but better to hurt her now then break her heart after she gets attached....
StudentofMars013: so just u 2 take care of each other
PixieDust2470: ok. ill do that.
PixieDust2470: but mayb u could xplain y u did wat u did... u didnt want her to get attached? u wanted to push her away?
PixieDust2470: i dont get it... u say u want a g/f and ur all lonely yet u push ppl away.
StudentofMars013: didn't expect you to get it
PixieDust2470: wat u dont wanna hurt her?
StudentofMars013: no in all reality i dont want a g/f i just want someone
PixieDust2470: ... u wanna get laid?
StudentofMars013: but i knew if things kept going the way they were going i would hurt her more than i ever hurt u
StudentofMars013: fuck u
PixieDust2470: im being serious... im not trying to say ur a slut...
StudentofMars013: im trying to tell u the truth
PixieDust2470: ok ok...
PixieDust2470: im sry i didnt mean for it to sound mean or ne thing
StudentofMars013: i dont want someone for that, it doesnt mean as much if you dont care for the person
PixieDust2470: ... yea. so how would u hurt her more then u hurt me?
StudentofMars013: i dont know, but i just dont wanna hurt her, not that i hurt you all that much but still you wouldnt understand
StudentofMars013: u cant understand on the emotional level, all you think of is sex and the physical part
PixieDust2470: lies
PixieDust2470: i can think on the emotional level
PixieDust2470: mayb u guys had a really ok thing and u thought u might fuck it up or she might turn into a freak like i did and u didnt wanna stick around to see it happen and then go all mean like on her like u did to me... cuz u care about her feelings
StudentofMars013: i wasnt intending to be mean, its a side effect
StudentofMars013: to you that is
StudentofMars013: i was annoyed so i got mean *shrug* it happens
StudentofMars013: no i just didn't want to hurt kaci
StudentofMars013: so i pushed her away
StudentofMars013: she's too good
StudentofMars013: for me that is
PixieDust2470: ... ho hum...
StudentofMars013: n dont be like and im not?
StudentofMars013: because you dont see me dating you either
PixieDust2470: ... wow am i that predictable??? no really i was gonna say that then i stopped myself.
StudentofMars013: when people arent as good of friends as you think they are you think its them at first
PixieDust2470: its a really good thing ur doing. i mean... im not quite that kind with ppl feelings
StudentofMars013: but when more n more keep adding to that list
StudentofMars013: you realize its you
StudentofMars013: i work too much to have a life, im leaving anyways so why get attachced now
PixieDust2470: im sry chris, really im sry about every thing
StudentofMars013: im not exactly the best person
StudentofMars013: in anything really
PixieDust2470: ur a really good friend... u were to me, at least
PixieDust2470: even tho u had ur moments... honestly dont we all? its understandable how u acted, i was, lets a face it, a big bitch
PixieDust2470: im sry for ever hurting u, or not being nice, not caring enough or just treating u like dirt. in a way i took advantage of u, and i feel really bad about everything thats happened. i hope stuff starts getting better for u, really i do.
StudentofMars013: there is no getting better
PixieDust2470: ...?
StudentofMars013: for years on years i have seen many chris-mas's come and go all are the same
StudentofMars013: all alone
StudentofMars013: few friends are really friends, and even fewer are good friends
PixieDust2470: im sry.
StudentofMars013: in a sense chris-mas is about the people close to you and the one to be with through the cold nights. Thats what i want most of all
PixieDust2470: friends?
StudentofMars013: but never will it come true
StudentofMars013: not now
StudentofMars013: not this year
PixieDust2470: keep thinkin that way and it wont.
PixieDust2470: y come??
StudentofMars013: it wont change
StudentofMars013: n even if it could
StudentofMars013: i wouldnt want it
PixieDust2470: ... u xpect ppl to like u for who u r and if they dont fuck 'em?
StudentofMars013: yes but that is a different story.....this one is more or less like me all you want but im not a good person
PixieDust2470: so wat then ur xpect them not to like u?
PixieDust2470: or u dont want them to?
StudentofMars013: i dont want them to
StudentofMars013: parts of me are warring over this issue
PixieDust2470: so wat ur like... punishing urself for being mean>?
StudentofMars013: one just wants to be with someoen who cares the other knows that im not the best and knows ill fuck something up so is mean to push them away
more to come later