Fic: Adventures in Solitude [7/11]
Title: Adventures in Soltiude [7/11]
Author: bloodism
Fandom/Genre: Supernatural/post-Season 4 canon-au, romance, hurt/comfort
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel, Sam/OC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 30, 708
Warnings: fallen!cas, OC's, sexual content, canon-au
19th July 2010
Dean thinks it’ll be okay now. He’ll learn to forgive Cas and he’ll get used to him being around.
It’s the next morning and the cuts on both Dean and Cas’s lips go unmentioned. Either Jude had blabbed to Sam and Fae about the whole thing, or they’d had the sense to keep quiet.
They’re eating breakfast with Fae and Jude, who aren’t showing any signs of wanting to go their own way yet. Dean’s worried that when they do, Cas might decide to go with them. He’s busy pondering this - whether or not Cas’s loyalties still lay with him - when the glass in front of him starts to clink against an empty bottle.
“The hell...” he mutters, and then it’s the table trembling. There’s a distant shrill in his ears and it’s getting louder. He knows. He knows what it is better than everyone in the room. “Angels?” His gaze snaps to Cas, whose hangover looks infinitely worse when he has fear and guilt spread across his features. Cas snatches the bread knife out of Fae’s shaking hand and slices across his arm, painting a small sigil on the table. The ringing stops and the table is sturdy again. Dean’s looking at him with his jaw tight, eyes empty. “Cas.” The name that tumbles from his lips says a thousand words. What was that? Why did you react so quickly? So easily?
“I...” Cas stutters and he awkwardly places the knife back onto the table. He doesn’t say anything.
“Wait, you saying’ it’s an angel trying to kill us?” Fae asks with disbelief and Dean sweeps his gaze over the two women. It’d happened before? Cas doesn’t answer her question either and doesn’t seem to be close to answering Dean’s unspoken questions either.
“Why are angels after you?” Dean says in a low, demanding voice. Castiel looks at him with those sad, blue eyes, but it doesn’t work. Dean’s pissed. Was there anything else Cas was keeping from him?
“I think they want to...” Cas trails off and the fissure that’s crackling between him and Dean is almost solid. The others watch on, like they don’t want to touch on a moment that doesn’t belong to them. “They want to finish what they started.”
Cas flinches when Dean slams a fist down onto the table. A fork clatters to the floor and Dean dips his head, body stiff.
“And you didn’t think this was important information?” His voice is restrained and quivering.
Cas opens his mouth, but what he wants to say catches in his throat. How is he supposed to say it without angering Dean further?
“I...” He sighs. “...I didn’t want to ruin what we were rebuilding.”
“Yeah, well, look where it got you. Now you gotta start all over,”
“Dean...” Sam attempts to control the situation, but Dean snaps out of his seat and storms out. They listen to him packing his bags in the other room. Sam’s sympathetic stare switches to Cas. “You shoulda told us, Cas. We just got you back. If Dean loses you again, I don’t think he’d....” Sam doesn’t have to say anything else. Cas feels guilty enough.
“I’m sorry,” Cas says quietly and he really is.
Jude pulls him out his chair and they head into her room to pack their bags.
-
It takes a while to sort out the car arrangements. Dean doesn’t want Cas in the Impala, but Sam insists on taking the journey with Fae alone. So they split up into their groups: Dean, Cas and Jude in the Impala; Sam with Fae.
Dean opens the passenger door and jerks his head at Jude. She opens her mouth, looking at Cas, but Dean’s pointed glare says ‘no, I don’t want him next to me.’ With a sigh, she obliges and slips into the passenger seat. Dean slams the door shut after her, not bothering to open the back door for Cas. The ex-angel clambers in by himself, his face the absolute epitome of annoyance.
“This Bobby guy. You think he’ll know how to kill it?” Jude asks after Dean’s climbed into the car and started the engine. He puts it into gear and pulls out of the car park.
“He’s got more books than half the frickin’ libraries in the US. I’m sure he’ll have something on how to put an angel down,” Dean replies, though he doesn’t sound convinced. He flicks on the radio and the gentle hum of AC/DC rings out. Jude’s face lights up.
“AC/DC?”
Dean spares her a surprised glance, but his eyes quickly return to the road.
“You a classic rock nut?”
She nods.
“Always been a classic rock nut. My dad’s crazy about it.”
“Huh,” Dean huffs. “No kidding. So was mine.” Cas is quiet in the back. He’s glaring at the back of Dean’s head and Dean can see him doing it clearly in the rear view mirror.
“’Was?’” Jude asks warily. Dean swallows and when he glances at her, he can see curiosity burning in her eyes. She’s a nosy little kid.
“He’s gone. Long story.”
She doesn’t ask for anything else, though Dean knows she wants to.
“What about you? You got some poor daddy sob story?” Dean asks and it’s not out of courtesy. He’s genuinely curious. Jude half shrugs.
“Kinda. If you call abandonment a sob story.”
“He ditched you?”
“Honestly? We dunno. We just woke up one morning and he was gone. No note, nothin’. Wouldn’t answer his phone, wouldn’t return our calls. Most people would assume the worst but me and Fae, we ain’t given up hope.”
Dean has to smile.
“Hey, I know how you feel. Same thing happened to our dad. Even when all reasoning pointed to him being dead, we kept goin’ and we found him in the end.”
Jude smiles at him and she seems lighter somehow. Like she has renewed hope.
“You know what, Dee?” Dean looks over at her and ignores the small rush of warmth he feels toward the nickname she’d given him. “You ain’t half bad.”
He laughs, and when he looks into the rear view mirror again, he notices that Cas no longer looks irritated. He’s watching Jude fondly. Dean casts a quick glance at her, one corner of his lip curled upwards.
“You ain’t too bad yourself, kiddo.”
-
“They’re a handful.” Fae looks over at Sam in the passenger seat and smiles. Sam’s staring at the rear of the Impala with a sort of affection that Fae can’t put her finger on. Was it the car or the people in the car that he was staring at so lovingly?
“Yeah. Dean’s never had a friend before. I don’t think he knows how the whole thing works.”
“He doesn’t have hunter buddies?”
“A few. None of them changed his life like Cas did.”
Fae muffles the question she wants to ask, because she knows it’s too much. Somehow, the story of the ‘angel’ and the hunter didn’t seem like it’d be a good one. It slips through anyway.
“Do you mind me asking...” She tries to stop herself, but it keeps coming. “How’d they meet? What’s the story?”
She catches Sam’s briefly pained expression, but his sigh gives her hope.
“I... can’t tell you everything. I will, one day.” His glance shows a promise. “What I’m about to tell you... You can’t tell Dean. It’s not my place to tell his story, but you know, I figured you might as well know if you’re gonna be sticking around.”
Fae smiles uneasily at him.
“Okay,” she says, hoping the crack in her voice goes unnoticed. It does. There are a few beats of silence before Sam starts to talk.
“I died,” he begins. “I died, and Dean made a deal with a demon to bring me back. After a year, they took him. He went to Hell.” Fae swallows. Sam sounded so pained at the memory, she immediately regretted bringing it up. She couldn’t look at him. “After a year, he came back. We didn’t know how, but then Cas showed up. Said God had work for Dean. Dean was...” Sam lets out a shaky breath, “Dean was in Hell for forty years. He was tortured for forty years and I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t save him; Cas did. And he was ordered to.”
Fae remembers to breathe and sucks in a large helping of oxygen.
“Jesus,” she hisses. “I had... no idea. The things you two have been through. It’s incredible you’re still standing.”
“You believe me?” Sam asks with surprise. Fae looks over at him but has to look back at the road, because he has that frown on his face; the one that makes her want to curl him up in a blanket and keep him safe.
“Well, I don’t really have any other choice. It’s what you’re givin’ me, I have to take it as the truth.”
“Thanks.”
Fae doesn’t know why Sam has to thank her, but she accepts it anyway.
“So, those two. That’s all there is to their story?”
“I guess. Cas... he had a ‘stick up his ass’ as Dean would say. Dean kinda taught him right from wrong, taught him to follow his instincts, and taught him freedom. Then Cas went against his family for us and now he’s human.”
“And the personal space thing?”
Sam laughs. “It was Cas’s problem, at first. It pissed Dean off, ‘cos he’s not used to people wanting to get so close to him. They usually feel kinda intimidated. Cas didn’t know what he was doing. Wasn’t exactly well-scripted to the ways of humans.”
Fae snorts. “Still isn’t.”
“I actually thought there was something to it, at first.” Sam grins at the thought. “I thought maybe Cas had a thing for Dean. He’s done a lot for him, you know? It was a little sad, ‘cos he watched Dean like he was this new God or somethin’ and Dean never noticed. Wouldn’t of made a difference if he did; Dean goes for chicks.”
Fae raises an eyebrow.
“You sure? Didn’t exactly look platonic back there, gettin’ all up in Cas’s bubble like that.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I know that when I got Dean back, I didn’t wanna leave the room without him for days. He’s just glad Cas is safe.”
Fae shrugs. Makes sense. Still, her sister was observant and if she saw something between the two...
“You love them a lot, don’t you?” Fae asks Sam with a gentle smile. Sam presses his back further into the seat and rests his head against the headrest.
“Don’t tell Dean, ‘cos he hates it when I get sappy, but yeah. I don’t have a lot left in the world, so all the love I’ve got goes to Bobby, Cas and Dean.” He smiles coyly at her. “Maybe I got a little to spare, though.”
Fae’s cheeks warm and she takes one hand off of the wheel to push him playfully.
“Yeah, well, I only got Jude. I got plenty of love to spare.” She doesn’t mean for it to come out sounding hopeful, but it does. Sam doesn’t say anything, though.
They spend the rest of the journey in a comfortable silence, sending each other stolen glances.
-
They stop once at a gas station on their way over and then pull into a nearby motel. They’re only a couple of hours away from Bobby’s, but Dean’s exhausted. Cas offers to drive. Dean gives his answer through a wild glare.
“You’re impossible,” Cas mutters under his breath as he climbs out of the car and Dean pretends he doesn’t hear it. Jude sends them both warning glances.
“If you two start firing off at each other, this little treasure in my pocket is going straight to Sam,” she threatens, and Dean attempts to shake it off casually with a shrug.
“I’m not the star of the show. Cas is the one who got skunked and planted one on me. The humiliation is all on him.”
“I’ve never felt humiliation and never will,” Is Cas’s excuse, though it’s not convincing. Neither of their excuses are. Dean knows that Sam would never let him forget it and Cas knows that he’ll never look the same through Sam’s eyes again. Jude smiles with satisfaction and heads over to Sam and Fae who have two sets of keys.
“We getting two rooms?” she asks and Fae nods, throwing Dean their key. Luckily, the room is right behind them.
“Got a good few hours before that thing catches up with us. Me and Sam want to get away from that.” She jerks her head at the two boys. “We figured you could handle it.”
Jude’s eyes sparkle, because she knows the real reason they want a different room.
“Sure, I got this. I’ll make sure they behave.”
“We can hear you,” Dean says.
“Don’t leave them alone. And hide any sharp objects you got,” Sam warns and his expression is so serious, Jude almost believes him.
“Jesus Christ,” Dean murmurs to himself and starts to fiddle with the lock to their room. He opens it and storms in, throwing his bag on the nearest bed. There are only two, so he figures one of them will be taking the sofa bed. He considers, just for a moment, making Cas sleep on it. Because he knows he wouldn’t say no.
But he heads over to it with a sigh, pulls it out, and moves his bag onto it.
“You two kids gonna kiss and make-up?” Jude says as she strolls in, Cas at her heels. Dean stops rifling through his bag to send her a blank stare and she snorts in amusement. “Oh okay, sorry, bad joke.”
“Apologies mean nothing to Dean,” Cas says casually as he peels off his trenchcoat. He looks surprised to see Dean glaring at him and Jude shaking her head. “I... Said that out loud.”
“You gotta stop doing that,” Jude says. “You’re gonna say something you regret.”
“He’s right, though. Words don’t mean anything,” Dean says stubbornly, angrily stuffing his clothes back into his bag. “He’s had two strikes. Got anythin’ else you want to tell me, Cas? You know you only got three.”
“What do you want me to do, Dean? I kept it from you so you wouldn’t do this.”
“I want you to start tellin’ the truth and quit keeping stuff from us because you want everything to be fine and dandy.”
“It’s an stalemate. I tell you, you act childish. I keep it from you, you find out, you act childish.”
“You think I’d be more pissed if you’d just outed and told me from the start-“
“-I think you’d continue to act like a stubborn goat.”
Dean opens his mouth to respond, but closes it, lips twitching as he attempts to contain a smile. “Did... Did you just call me a goat?”
Castiel rolls his eyes and heads into the kitchen. His figure is a blur through the glass that sections it off from the bedroom-come-lounge. Jude’s leaning against it, mouth fighting against a smile.
“That has to be the most anti-climatic end to an argument I’ve ever seen.”
“Yeah, well, I’m gonna take a wild guess and say he didn’t have many arguments while he was with you two. I bet you spoiled him like he was some abandoned puppy.”
Jude shrugs. “Fae calls him ‘the pup’ for a reason.”
When Cas comes back in from the kitchen, he’s clutching a bottle of whiskey, similar to the one they had drunk before. It takes a while to register the image. Cas chugs it back, wiping along his lips with the back of his hand.
“What?” he asks Dean, who’s staring at him with a wary gaze.
“You... You turning into some kinda alcoholic?”
“I find it to be one of the few good things I have discovered since my time on Earth.”
“...Dude, the first time you drank alcohol was yesterday.”
“And I found it to be pleasing.” Cas gulps back an exceptionally large mouthful as if to prove his point.
“If you’ve turned our fallen angel into some kind of alcoholic,” Jude says to Dean distractedly while she watches Cas drink through the bottle with ease, “I am going to set fire to your car.”
Dean wants to threaten her back, but he fears she might be right. Cas settles himself onto his bed comfortably and suckles away at the bottle, licking the alcohol from his lips.
“Slow down,” Dean warns as Cas takes his third large mouthful in under a minute. Cas ignores him, reading the label on the back of the bottle as though it was more interesting to him than Dean. Dean didn’t want to consider the possibility that it might’ve been.
Jude mutters under her breath and heads over to her bed. She pulls a book from her bag and starts to read, glancing every few minutes at Cas. With a shake of his head, Dean settles himself onto his sofa bed and flicks on the television, watching some marathon of a show about vampires.
He makes jokes and comments in his head, but after a few hours, he realises it’s painfully quiet behind him. He looks over his shoulder and finds Jude asleep on her book and Cas watching the television with intense interest.
Ignoring Cas, Dean heads over to Jude. He takes the book out from under her face, pulls the blanket back and wraps it around her. He returns to the television, though now he’s extremely aware of Cas’s attention on it.
“Can I help you?” he asks over his shoulder, eyes falling on the almost-empty whiskey bottle. Cas’s disorientated gaze snaps to him.
“Kissing. It looks interesting.” He jerks his head towards the couple on screen, who seem to be in a heated mess of lip-locking. Dean’s neck warms.
“If you’re one of those dippy drunks that gets touchy-feely when they’re smashed, then stay other there, frisky.”
“Just an innocent observation,” Cas slurs, though the interested look he throws Dean makes him feel uncomfortable. To shake off the feeling, he gets up to change into a fresh t-shirt to sleep in, leaving Cas to watch the couple on screen make out. He figures it’d be good to have some visual footage to go on.
When he peels off his t-shirt, he hears a sharp intake of breath from where Cas is seated and for a moment, Dean thinks that maybe Cas did get a little frisky after he’d drunk enough. But that wasn’t it. Cas was staring at him in what looked like pain.
“What?” Dean asks, worried. He looks around and behind him, but there’s nothing.
“That...” Cas scrambles off of the bed, stumbling a little, before swinging into Dean’s personal space.
“Woah,” Dean tries to get back further, but there’s a wall. Cas stretches a hand out, and Dean screws his eyes shut. If Jude had some secret video camera planted somewhere, he wanted to make it look like anything that happened was totally non-consensual, and the blame was totally all on Cas.
But nothing happens. He feels a weight from around his neck lift and when he opens his eyes, Cas is looking down at the golden feather that had been rested atop Dean’s chest. He’s turning it over in his hands, brushing his fingers through the strands and his expression is full of nostalgia, eyes bright, mouth parted.
“You... How did you get this?”
“Found it just after me and Sammy put a double whammy lock on the seal to Lucifer’s cage. Why?”
Castiel looks up at him, and Dean’s breath catches in his throat. It’s the look that he’d used to give him; when he was the righteous man and Cas was the angel.
“You can see this?”
Dean frowns. “Uh, yeah?”
“This is mine. You can see it. This means...” Cas freezes, then his face falls. He shakes his head, as though trying to dispel the alcohol from his system so he could think clearer. “No... It can’t. That would mean...”
Dean’s eyes dart between both of Cas’s and he nods his head slowly to urge Cas on.
“What?”
Cas raises his fallen head to look at him again and he looks wrecked and awed and... kind of beautiful. Dean doesn’t get time to think about anything else. Cas has his fingers in the loops of his jeans, he’s tugging Dean forward, and their lips are meeting for the second time.
Dean’s eyes shoot open wider and - on the off chance that Jude really did plant a video camera somewhere - he stretches his hands out to the side to prove that none of this was his idea because damnit, he just knew Cas was one of those-He stops thinking. Cas’s hands run up his bare sides, over his chest, around his shoulders, cupping his neck. His lips slide over his just so and then there are teeth nibbling on Dean’s bottom lip. Dean’s heart falters and his eyes flicker, arms slowly falling back to his sides. It’s clumsy kissing; there’s pressure on the welt he has on the corner of his mouth and there’s a low hum stirring in his stomach, but it’s been so long and it feels kind of...
Cas pulls away and before Dean can say anything, his feet are showered with angel puke and Cas passes out again.
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
Author: bloodism
Fandom/Genre: Supernatural/post-Season 4 canon-au, romance, hurt/comfort
Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel, Sam/OC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 30, 708
Warnings: fallen!cas, OC's, sexual content, canon-au
19th July 2010
Dean thinks it’ll be okay now. He’ll learn to forgive Cas and he’ll get used to him being around.
It’s the next morning and the cuts on both Dean and Cas’s lips go unmentioned. Either Jude had blabbed to Sam and Fae about the whole thing, or they’d had the sense to keep quiet.
They’re eating breakfast with Fae and Jude, who aren’t showing any signs of wanting to go their own way yet. Dean’s worried that when they do, Cas might decide to go with them. He’s busy pondering this - whether or not Cas’s loyalties still lay with him - when the glass in front of him starts to clink against an empty bottle.
“The hell...” he mutters, and then it’s the table trembling. There’s a distant shrill in his ears and it’s getting louder. He knows. He knows what it is better than everyone in the room. “Angels?” His gaze snaps to Cas, whose hangover looks infinitely worse when he has fear and guilt spread across his features. Cas snatches the bread knife out of Fae’s shaking hand and slices across his arm, painting a small sigil on the table. The ringing stops and the table is sturdy again. Dean’s looking at him with his jaw tight, eyes empty. “Cas.” The name that tumbles from his lips says a thousand words. What was that? Why did you react so quickly? So easily?
“I...” Cas stutters and he awkwardly places the knife back onto the table. He doesn’t say anything.
“Wait, you saying’ it’s an angel trying to kill us?” Fae asks with disbelief and Dean sweeps his gaze over the two women. It’d happened before? Cas doesn’t answer her question either and doesn’t seem to be close to answering Dean’s unspoken questions either.
“Why are angels after you?” Dean says in a low, demanding voice. Castiel looks at him with those sad, blue eyes, but it doesn’t work. Dean’s pissed. Was there anything else Cas was keeping from him?
“I think they want to...” Cas trails off and the fissure that’s crackling between him and Dean is almost solid. The others watch on, like they don’t want to touch on a moment that doesn’t belong to them. “They want to finish what they started.”
Cas flinches when Dean slams a fist down onto the table. A fork clatters to the floor and Dean dips his head, body stiff.
“And you didn’t think this was important information?” His voice is restrained and quivering.
Cas opens his mouth, but what he wants to say catches in his throat. How is he supposed to say it without angering Dean further?
“I...” He sighs. “...I didn’t want to ruin what we were rebuilding.”
“Yeah, well, look where it got you. Now you gotta start all over,”
“Dean...” Sam attempts to control the situation, but Dean snaps out of his seat and storms out. They listen to him packing his bags in the other room. Sam’s sympathetic stare switches to Cas. “You shoulda told us, Cas. We just got you back. If Dean loses you again, I don’t think he’d....” Sam doesn’t have to say anything else. Cas feels guilty enough.
“I’m sorry,” Cas says quietly and he really is.
Jude pulls him out his chair and they head into her room to pack their bags.
-
It takes a while to sort out the car arrangements. Dean doesn’t want Cas in the Impala, but Sam insists on taking the journey with Fae alone. So they split up into their groups: Dean, Cas and Jude in the Impala; Sam with Fae.
Dean opens the passenger door and jerks his head at Jude. She opens her mouth, looking at Cas, but Dean’s pointed glare says ‘no, I don’t want him next to me.’ With a sigh, she obliges and slips into the passenger seat. Dean slams the door shut after her, not bothering to open the back door for Cas. The ex-angel clambers in by himself, his face the absolute epitome of annoyance.
“This Bobby guy. You think he’ll know how to kill it?” Jude asks after Dean’s climbed into the car and started the engine. He puts it into gear and pulls out of the car park.
“He’s got more books than half the frickin’ libraries in the US. I’m sure he’ll have something on how to put an angel down,” Dean replies, though he doesn’t sound convinced. He flicks on the radio and the gentle hum of AC/DC rings out. Jude’s face lights up.
“AC/DC?”
Dean spares her a surprised glance, but his eyes quickly return to the road.
“You a classic rock nut?”
She nods.
“Always been a classic rock nut. My dad’s crazy about it.”
“Huh,” Dean huffs. “No kidding. So was mine.” Cas is quiet in the back. He’s glaring at the back of Dean’s head and Dean can see him doing it clearly in the rear view mirror.
“’Was?’” Jude asks warily. Dean swallows and when he glances at her, he can see curiosity burning in her eyes. She’s a nosy little kid.
“He’s gone. Long story.”
She doesn’t ask for anything else, though Dean knows she wants to.
“What about you? You got some poor daddy sob story?” Dean asks and it’s not out of courtesy. He’s genuinely curious. Jude half shrugs.
“Kinda. If you call abandonment a sob story.”
“He ditched you?”
“Honestly? We dunno. We just woke up one morning and he was gone. No note, nothin’. Wouldn’t answer his phone, wouldn’t return our calls. Most people would assume the worst but me and Fae, we ain’t given up hope.”
Dean has to smile.
“Hey, I know how you feel. Same thing happened to our dad. Even when all reasoning pointed to him being dead, we kept goin’ and we found him in the end.”
Jude smiles at him and she seems lighter somehow. Like she has renewed hope.
“You know what, Dee?” Dean looks over at her and ignores the small rush of warmth he feels toward the nickname she’d given him. “You ain’t half bad.”
He laughs, and when he looks into the rear view mirror again, he notices that Cas no longer looks irritated. He’s watching Jude fondly. Dean casts a quick glance at her, one corner of his lip curled upwards.
“You ain’t too bad yourself, kiddo.”
-
“They’re a handful.” Fae looks over at Sam in the passenger seat and smiles. Sam’s staring at the rear of the Impala with a sort of affection that Fae can’t put her finger on. Was it the car or the people in the car that he was staring at so lovingly?
“Yeah. Dean’s never had a friend before. I don’t think he knows how the whole thing works.”
“He doesn’t have hunter buddies?”
“A few. None of them changed his life like Cas did.”
Fae muffles the question she wants to ask, because she knows it’s too much. Somehow, the story of the ‘angel’ and the hunter didn’t seem like it’d be a good one. It slips through anyway.
“Do you mind me asking...” She tries to stop herself, but it keeps coming. “How’d they meet? What’s the story?”
She catches Sam’s briefly pained expression, but his sigh gives her hope.
“I... can’t tell you everything. I will, one day.” His glance shows a promise. “What I’m about to tell you... You can’t tell Dean. It’s not my place to tell his story, but you know, I figured you might as well know if you’re gonna be sticking around.”
Fae smiles uneasily at him.
“Okay,” she says, hoping the crack in her voice goes unnoticed. It does. There are a few beats of silence before Sam starts to talk.
“I died,” he begins. “I died, and Dean made a deal with a demon to bring me back. After a year, they took him. He went to Hell.” Fae swallows. Sam sounded so pained at the memory, she immediately regretted bringing it up. She couldn’t look at him. “After a year, he came back. We didn’t know how, but then Cas showed up. Said God had work for Dean. Dean was...” Sam lets out a shaky breath, “Dean was in Hell for forty years. He was tortured for forty years and I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t save him; Cas did. And he was ordered to.”
Fae remembers to breathe and sucks in a large helping of oxygen.
“Jesus,” she hisses. “I had... no idea. The things you two have been through. It’s incredible you’re still standing.”
“You believe me?” Sam asks with surprise. Fae looks over at him but has to look back at the road, because he has that frown on his face; the one that makes her want to curl him up in a blanket and keep him safe.
“Well, I don’t really have any other choice. It’s what you’re givin’ me, I have to take it as the truth.”
“Thanks.”
Fae doesn’t know why Sam has to thank her, but she accepts it anyway.
“So, those two. That’s all there is to their story?”
“I guess. Cas... he had a ‘stick up his ass’ as Dean would say. Dean kinda taught him right from wrong, taught him to follow his instincts, and taught him freedom. Then Cas went against his family for us and now he’s human.”
“And the personal space thing?”
Sam laughs. “It was Cas’s problem, at first. It pissed Dean off, ‘cos he’s not used to people wanting to get so close to him. They usually feel kinda intimidated. Cas didn’t know what he was doing. Wasn’t exactly well-scripted to the ways of humans.”
Fae snorts. “Still isn’t.”
“I actually thought there was something to it, at first.” Sam grins at the thought. “I thought maybe Cas had a thing for Dean. He’s done a lot for him, you know? It was a little sad, ‘cos he watched Dean like he was this new God or somethin’ and Dean never noticed. Wouldn’t of made a difference if he did; Dean goes for chicks.”
Fae raises an eyebrow.
“You sure? Didn’t exactly look platonic back there, gettin’ all up in Cas’s bubble like that.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I know that when I got Dean back, I didn’t wanna leave the room without him for days. He’s just glad Cas is safe.”
Fae shrugs. Makes sense. Still, her sister was observant and if she saw something between the two...
“You love them a lot, don’t you?” Fae asks Sam with a gentle smile. Sam presses his back further into the seat and rests his head against the headrest.
“Don’t tell Dean, ‘cos he hates it when I get sappy, but yeah. I don’t have a lot left in the world, so all the love I’ve got goes to Bobby, Cas and Dean.” He smiles coyly at her. “Maybe I got a little to spare, though.”
Fae’s cheeks warm and she takes one hand off of the wheel to push him playfully.
“Yeah, well, I only got Jude. I got plenty of love to spare.” She doesn’t mean for it to come out sounding hopeful, but it does. Sam doesn’t say anything, though.
They spend the rest of the journey in a comfortable silence, sending each other stolen glances.
-
They stop once at a gas station on their way over and then pull into a nearby motel. They’re only a couple of hours away from Bobby’s, but Dean’s exhausted. Cas offers to drive. Dean gives his answer through a wild glare.
“You’re impossible,” Cas mutters under his breath as he climbs out of the car and Dean pretends he doesn’t hear it. Jude sends them both warning glances.
“If you two start firing off at each other, this little treasure in my pocket is going straight to Sam,” she threatens, and Dean attempts to shake it off casually with a shrug.
“I’m not the star of the show. Cas is the one who got skunked and planted one on me. The humiliation is all on him.”
“I’ve never felt humiliation and never will,” Is Cas’s excuse, though it’s not convincing. Neither of their excuses are. Dean knows that Sam would never let him forget it and Cas knows that he’ll never look the same through Sam’s eyes again. Jude smiles with satisfaction and heads over to Sam and Fae who have two sets of keys.
“We getting two rooms?” she asks and Fae nods, throwing Dean their key. Luckily, the room is right behind them.
“Got a good few hours before that thing catches up with us. Me and Sam want to get away from that.” She jerks her head at the two boys. “We figured you could handle it.”
Jude’s eyes sparkle, because she knows the real reason they want a different room.
“Sure, I got this. I’ll make sure they behave.”
“We can hear you,” Dean says.
“Don’t leave them alone. And hide any sharp objects you got,” Sam warns and his expression is so serious, Jude almost believes him.
“Jesus Christ,” Dean murmurs to himself and starts to fiddle with the lock to their room. He opens it and storms in, throwing his bag on the nearest bed. There are only two, so he figures one of them will be taking the sofa bed. He considers, just for a moment, making Cas sleep on it. Because he knows he wouldn’t say no.
But he heads over to it with a sigh, pulls it out, and moves his bag onto it.
“You two kids gonna kiss and make-up?” Jude says as she strolls in, Cas at her heels. Dean stops rifling through his bag to send her a blank stare and she snorts in amusement. “Oh okay, sorry, bad joke.”
“Apologies mean nothing to Dean,” Cas says casually as he peels off his trenchcoat. He looks surprised to see Dean glaring at him and Jude shaking her head. “I... Said that out loud.”
“You gotta stop doing that,” Jude says. “You’re gonna say something you regret.”
“He’s right, though. Words don’t mean anything,” Dean says stubbornly, angrily stuffing his clothes back into his bag. “He’s had two strikes. Got anythin’ else you want to tell me, Cas? You know you only got three.”
“What do you want me to do, Dean? I kept it from you so you wouldn’t do this.”
“I want you to start tellin’ the truth and quit keeping stuff from us because you want everything to be fine and dandy.”
“It’s an stalemate. I tell you, you act childish. I keep it from you, you find out, you act childish.”
“You think I’d be more pissed if you’d just outed and told me from the start-“
“-I think you’d continue to act like a stubborn goat.”
Dean opens his mouth to respond, but closes it, lips twitching as he attempts to contain a smile. “Did... Did you just call me a goat?”
Castiel rolls his eyes and heads into the kitchen. His figure is a blur through the glass that sections it off from the bedroom-come-lounge. Jude’s leaning against it, mouth fighting against a smile.
“That has to be the most anti-climatic end to an argument I’ve ever seen.”
“Yeah, well, I’m gonna take a wild guess and say he didn’t have many arguments while he was with you two. I bet you spoiled him like he was some abandoned puppy.”
Jude shrugs. “Fae calls him ‘the pup’ for a reason.”
When Cas comes back in from the kitchen, he’s clutching a bottle of whiskey, similar to the one they had drunk before. It takes a while to register the image. Cas chugs it back, wiping along his lips with the back of his hand.
“What?” he asks Dean, who’s staring at him with a wary gaze.
“You... You turning into some kinda alcoholic?”
“I find it to be one of the few good things I have discovered since my time on Earth.”
“...Dude, the first time you drank alcohol was yesterday.”
“And I found it to be pleasing.” Cas gulps back an exceptionally large mouthful as if to prove his point.
“If you’ve turned our fallen angel into some kind of alcoholic,” Jude says to Dean distractedly while she watches Cas drink through the bottle with ease, “I am going to set fire to your car.”
Dean wants to threaten her back, but he fears she might be right. Cas settles himself onto his bed comfortably and suckles away at the bottle, licking the alcohol from his lips.
“Slow down,” Dean warns as Cas takes his third large mouthful in under a minute. Cas ignores him, reading the label on the back of the bottle as though it was more interesting to him than Dean. Dean didn’t want to consider the possibility that it might’ve been.
Jude mutters under her breath and heads over to her bed. She pulls a book from her bag and starts to read, glancing every few minutes at Cas. With a shake of his head, Dean settles himself onto his sofa bed and flicks on the television, watching some marathon of a show about vampires.
He makes jokes and comments in his head, but after a few hours, he realises it’s painfully quiet behind him. He looks over his shoulder and finds Jude asleep on her book and Cas watching the television with intense interest.
Ignoring Cas, Dean heads over to Jude. He takes the book out from under her face, pulls the blanket back and wraps it around her. He returns to the television, though now he’s extremely aware of Cas’s attention on it.
“Can I help you?” he asks over his shoulder, eyes falling on the almost-empty whiskey bottle. Cas’s disorientated gaze snaps to him.
“Kissing. It looks interesting.” He jerks his head towards the couple on screen, who seem to be in a heated mess of lip-locking. Dean’s neck warms.
“If you’re one of those dippy drunks that gets touchy-feely when they’re smashed, then stay other there, frisky.”
“Just an innocent observation,” Cas slurs, though the interested look he throws Dean makes him feel uncomfortable. To shake off the feeling, he gets up to change into a fresh t-shirt to sleep in, leaving Cas to watch the couple on screen make out. He figures it’d be good to have some visual footage to go on.
When he peels off his t-shirt, he hears a sharp intake of breath from where Cas is seated and for a moment, Dean thinks that maybe Cas did get a little frisky after he’d drunk enough. But that wasn’t it. Cas was staring at him in what looked like pain.
“What?” Dean asks, worried. He looks around and behind him, but there’s nothing.
“That...” Cas scrambles off of the bed, stumbling a little, before swinging into Dean’s personal space.
“Woah,” Dean tries to get back further, but there’s a wall. Cas stretches a hand out, and Dean screws his eyes shut. If Jude had some secret video camera planted somewhere, he wanted to make it look like anything that happened was totally non-consensual, and the blame was totally all on Cas.
But nothing happens. He feels a weight from around his neck lift and when he opens his eyes, Cas is looking down at the golden feather that had been rested atop Dean’s chest. He’s turning it over in his hands, brushing his fingers through the strands and his expression is full of nostalgia, eyes bright, mouth parted.
“You... How did you get this?”
“Found it just after me and Sammy put a double whammy lock on the seal to Lucifer’s cage. Why?”
Castiel looks up at him, and Dean’s breath catches in his throat. It’s the look that he’d used to give him; when he was the righteous man and Cas was the angel.
“You can see this?”
Dean frowns. “Uh, yeah?”
“This is mine. You can see it. This means...” Cas freezes, then his face falls. He shakes his head, as though trying to dispel the alcohol from his system so he could think clearer. “No... It can’t. That would mean...”
Dean’s eyes dart between both of Cas’s and he nods his head slowly to urge Cas on.
“What?”
Cas raises his fallen head to look at him again and he looks wrecked and awed and... kind of beautiful. Dean doesn’t get time to think about anything else. Cas has his fingers in the loops of his jeans, he’s tugging Dean forward, and their lips are meeting for the second time.
Dean’s eyes shoot open wider and - on the off chance that Jude really did plant a video camera somewhere - he stretches his hands out to the side to prove that none of this was his idea because damnit, he just knew Cas was one of those-He stops thinking. Cas’s hands run up his bare sides, over his chest, around his shoulders, cupping his neck. His lips slide over his just so and then there are teeth nibbling on Dean’s bottom lip. Dean’s heart falters and his eyes flicker, arms slowly falling back to his sides. It’s clumsy kissing; there’s pressure on the welt he has on the corner of his mouth and there’s a low hum stirring in his stomach, but it’s been so long and it feels kind of...
Cas pulls away and before Dean can say anything, his feet are showered with angel puke and Cas passes out again.
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