Trigger warnings: discussions about misogyny and anger.

Feb 14, 2011 00:33

The drawings belong to their respective creators.

Dear men,

Let’s clear up a few misconceptions.

I don’t hate all of you.

I hate a good deal of you, but not all.

Out of the men I do hate, you fall in to two categories. You are either this guy:

Or this guy:

And some days, I am not sure who I hate more.

I hate the obvious misogynist because he spouts of random bullshit about how all woman are “bitches and sluts” if any woman dares to disagree with him. He makes woman uncomfortable, but will never change his behaviour because, in his mind, he is incapable of doing wrong. He demeans woman. He is soaking up his male privilege. And if you dare to voice your concern, you’re a “crazy feminazi!” He goes out of his way to dismiss anyone who doesn’t agree to his world view. He will scream about “misandry” and “what about me?!” because he cannot handle having the conversation taken off of him for one, little, second.

Sound familiar?

I have dealt with men like this before. And I hate you for being like that. I hate you for using misogynistic language. I hate you for making offensive jokes about sensitive matters. I hate you for acting like I don’t know what I am talking about. I hate you for being an asshole that obviously does not care about women.

Then, there is the “feminist ally.” I don’t know if I subscribed to the notion that men can be feminist. Some women say yes. Others say no. I haven’t decided yet.

But, for the love of god, STOP TELLING ME YOU SUPPORT ME. Clearly, you are just trying to win points. You want a reward for being a decent human being. And that gets really old, really fast.

And then, you want things done your way. If you are a man and you are involved in the feminist movement, STOP TRYING TO LEAD THE WAY. You are a supporter.

And you know why I hate you? Because you will go out of your way to tell me what I am doing wrong when you have no place to. You view me as such a silly, little girl that will fall without your help. You are saying, “I am what is important here. Listen to me!” And, at any given time, you can turn into the obvious misogynist.

I do not care. I do not care if you support me. I do not care if you don’t. I do my own things on my own time and I do not need the support of men to justify my actions. If I fuck up, I will own up to my mistake. But it is my mistake, and if I need to fall on my ass to learn, I will. I don’t need you to help me up.

People encourage this validation, of course. I used to congratulate men for saying decent things because, well, I was naive. I was stupid enough to think that it would somehow make that guy realize he could become a better person. I was changing the world.

Yeah, I was dumb and a teenager. I would change that if I could.

And there are men who actually get it. Who listen to what women have to say. Who don’t need to imply that they are the “best person ever” because they said “women shouldn’t be raped.” These men know that misandry is a bullshit concept and understand why I am uncomfortable around men. They don’t need to interject themselves into every conversation. And they realize their privilege and they are trying to change their behaviour for the better.

I don’t hate you.

anger, serious time, sexism

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