All It Takes Is Hope [One Shot] ReitaxRuki
Title: All It Takes Is Hope
Author: bloodwolfgirl
Chapter: One Shot
Couple: ReitaxRuki
Genre: Romance, Angst
Warnings: Un-Beta'd, Cussing, Drug use
Summary: I already knew why, that was the sad thing, next to you laid that stupid fucking needle. Reita's POV
Disclaimer: No, I don't own them. I only own a picture of Reita and that's it.
Comments: Inspired by cursedhurricane s story "Artificial Happiness" and the song Drugs or Me - Jimmy Eat World
I found him sobbing on the bathroom floor, he didn’t notice me there. I slowly walked over and kneeled by him, gently setting my arm on his shoulder. He was gasping for breath, blubbering words I had a hard time understanding. I already knew why, that was the sad thing, next to you laid that stupid fucking needle. That fucking needle you used to get your high, your magical dose of heroine, but I love you so much I want to help.
“Baby, I…I’m so sorry…I want to s-stop…”
I look away from you, sighing, if only you could see yourself as you say that. I don’t know if its you talking or the drugs?
“Reita…baby…I’ll…stop…after this…I promise…”
How many times have you said that? You said that the day before yesterday, you were experiencing withdrawal, I know you were. Yesterday all you did was cry in bed shivering, only to get up to vomit from the withdrawal symptoms.
“Ruki…if you’re going to try, actually try. For me, Koron, that poor little guy…he doesn’t know what to do without you…”
He started crying again, burying his face into the crook of my neck. I want to send you to rehab, but the media would be all over that, eating it up. Only Kai knew about Ruki’s addiction, he said we’d go on hiatus once Ruki got serious about quitting. I rubbed comforting circle on Ruki’s back, his mantra of ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ going on and on. We stayed like for awhile until he eventually cried himself to sleep. Sometimes I wish to ask you ‘Drugs or me?’ but I don’t. Yet would it be selfish of me to ask?
Its been one day since you’ve stopped and you’re pacing back and fourth, you’re trying so far, how long will that last though? Koron is following you back and fourth, he’s worried for his best friend, I’m worried for my best friend, and love. You finally sit down next to me lay your head in my lap, you’re crying again, you’ve broken down into tears three other times today too. I stroke your hair, its all tangled because you didn’t brush it today. Your shivering and clutching your stomach.
“I think I’m going to die…it hurts all over, I-I’m so cold…my tummy f…feels like it’s being…stabbed…”
“I know, sweetie, I know, just put up with it.”
“Koron…baby come here…”
The little dog happily jumps into your arms and you hug him. You’re still crying, tears running down your face and I just give silent comfort but running my fingers through blonde locks.
“Reita…I love you so much…:
“I love you too…go to sleep, sweetie, you need it.”
One week since you’ve stopped, cold turkey. Its been hell for us both, right now you’re angry with me. Yelling and screaming, you can’t really break anything because you can barely pick anything up with all the random muscle spasms you keep having. You did throw a vase at the mirror, glass was everywhere. Then you began crying apologizing. Now you’re back to yelling and screaming. Right now you’re in front of me yelling clutching my shirt, screaming at me.
“Akira! Fuck! I hate you so much…so much…I fucking can’t take it, I need something for this craving, I need that fucking high.”
“Taka-Chan…”
I use your nickname because I know it makes you feel guilty, its low blow but I know it works.
“…Oh, Akira…I’m s-so…sorry…I don’t hate you…”
“I know and I love you…you’re trying that’s all that matters. No matter what you say to me I know you love me…”
“This is why I love you…no matter how much I say I hate you…you still believe in me…I hate myself for making you go through this…”
With that you quickly kiss me and run sobbing to our bed room.
Later that night I walk into out bedroom and find you in the corner crying, I notice a small pool of blood, your favorite outfit covered in blood. I rush over to you and kneel down, remaining calm, I’m panicking on the inside, I’m so worried about you.
“Ruki…what happened…?”
“I can’t take this its torture, for you and for me. My stupid withdrawals are putting you through hell, baby. You’d be better with out me.”
I grab the already ruined clothes and wrap it tightly around your wrists. I know I’m crying and your looking into my eyes, the tears never ending from you.
“No, Taka-Chan don’t say that, I’m better with you, I’ll stick with you through this whole ordeal. I promised you I would and I’m keeping it. Now lets fix up those wounds.”
After cleaning and dressing his wounds I tucked him into our bed, joining him a few minutes after. I wasn’t sure how long he could take this. Despite what everyone thought Takanori Matsumoto was different from Ruki. Ruki was just out there and ready to go, Takanori was a little more shy and reserved, he didn’t like facing problems, he liked to shrink back and hide from them.
It had been one month since Ruki quit, Kai and I discussed it would be better if went through this at a much calmer place. We went to our little beach house out in Niijima where it was quiet and remote. Your mood swings are minimal now, but you still have random out bursts of anger. It got so bad I feared for Koron’s life even though I know you wouldn’t purposely hurt him. Under the withdrawal symptoms though I am not sure what you would do.
“Reita…I don’t feel good…my stomach hurts again and so do my muscles…”
“I know, honey, just put up with it.”
I hesitate giving you more than two doses of pain medicine a day. It would be a shame to get you on a new addiction when trying to stop another one. You’re curled up into a tight ball muttering prayers to let the pain cease. All I can do is mutter my words of comfort and try to make you feel better.
“Do you want anything to eat?”
“Rice balls.”
“Didn’t you eat that two hours ago?”
“it’s the only thing doesn’t make me feel like I’m being ripped apart from the inside out.”
You snap at me all the time whenever I ask a simple question. I think its due to the fact you’re still pissed at me for letting Kai take of Koron. Maybe its still the withdrawal symptoms, or possibly you’re still angry with yourself for being so snappy at me. Its possible its all three. Getting up I put a blanket on you, you snuggle into it giving me glare, its pretty fucking cute to. Making the rice balls I bring them to you and munch on them slowly, changing the music that was playing, I’m not quite sure what song it is. You seem frozen listening to it, I listen hard to the lyrics since they’re in English. You set the plate on the arm of the couch and start crying on the second verse.
‘Keep my heart, somewhere the drugs don’t go, where the sunshine slows, always keep me close…’
Your head is rested on your knees and once again your apologizing. I change the song to something else, its some random crappy pop song you like, I don’t know, you like the person’s style who sings it. Lady Gaga or something. Lifting your face from your knees I wipe the tears from your cheeks. Your eyes are blood shot. Kissing your lips I mumble against them.
“Don’t even apologize, baby, you’re trying that’s all that matters. You’re doing good so far…”
“How can you stay so positive with me? All I ever do is bring you down…Rei-Chan…I hate this, I hate bringing you down, but my mind is all fuzzy and I say things before I think. Rei-Chan, Rei-Chan…I don’t mean any of the hateful words I say.”
“I know.”
That’s been our daily conversation since you quit. You hate yourself as much as I hate myself for watching you go through this.
Three months and you got Koron back today, you were so happy. Kai and I planned it out the week before, he was coming down to visit and he said he was going to bring Koron. I didn’t tell you that he or Koron were visiting. When he knocked on the door I had you answer it and you screaming so loud and hugged the little dog to your chest. Right now Kai and I are just watching you coddle the poor creature.
“Koron! Koron! I missed you! Oh, you’re getting fat from Kai’s cooking aren’t you? Thank you Kai! Oh thank you so much!”
“It was Akira’s idea. I’m just the mailman.”
Kai laughed and I smiled, it was actually a happy day for once. You petted Koron happily, a smile on your face, it was genuine too. You leaned against my legs and smiled up at me.
“Thank you, Akira, thank you Kai…I missed him so much…” you smiled and bent your head back looking at me. “So how are Uruha and Aoi?”
“They’re angry that you don’t call enough…you know you’ll have to tell about why you just kind of up and left…”
You look back down at Koron nodding your head that you understand. I know you’re not ready yet, Uruha is your best friend and mine as well, you don’t want to disappoint him.
“Ruki’s not ready yet…let’s give him a little more time.”
Kai nods and gets up heading to the kitchen…damn it. I hate his cooking.
We’ve finally returned back to apartment in Tokyo, you have been clean for exactly six months now. You seem livelier and happier, not nearly as moody. Returning to your old self before the heroine. Now comes the hard part of telling Aoi and Uruha, they’ll be here any minute and your sitting next to me gripping my hand for dear life. Kai is setting up a little mini buffet on our coffee table, pieces of cake, cookies, muffins and other sweets line it up, tea was made and coffee as well. Sake as well, for Uruha because he’s much calmer with alcohol. There’s a knock on the door and Ruki freezes completely trying to hide against me. Kai answers the door and I hear them greeting each other. Kai walks in followed by Aoi and soon after Uruha, and I turn to Ruki and whisper in his ear.
“Sweetie, don’t worry…I’m here for you. Remember I love you.”
“I love you too.”
It awkward for a bit when they sit down, well until Koron comes in chasing the cat, who bumps into the table Keiji’s cage is on top of. This causes him to whistle loudly. Kai starts laugh and it becomes contagious and we all begin laughing. Uruha sighs and looks at us.
“So where were you too love birds for five months? And did Ruki get pregnant?”
“Hey!”
“Yeah, he’s like four months now. We’ll name the kid after you.”
“What!? Are you calling me fat!?”
“No, its just that you’re glowing and pregnant women usually glow.”
Aoi threw in his two cents then.
“No, I think I see a baby bump too.”
Ruki curled up against my side muttering about how much he hated them and that they were dicks. Kai began pouring setting cups in front of everyone.
“But seriously, where were you guys for five months? Kai said Ruki needed a break from all the stress.”
Aoi asked leaning back against the chair and Uruha sipped his tea.
“Well…that’s kind of how it was but not really…”
Ruki didn’t look at them, he was looking at the floor wiggling his toes. Finding them more interesting then speaking.
“Come on, Taka-Chan, I’d say it, but its really not my choice.”
I whispered it so only he could hear it, he nodded and spoke slowly.
“I…I had this problem…that I had promised Akira over and over again I would fix. Finally one day I just stopped. But it was hard because…I wanted so badly to go back to it…finally after three weeks Kai and Reita discussed what to do, they took Koron away from me because they were scared I’d hurt him…it was that bad. I would never hurt him purposely we know this…but…I…”
I was rubbing his back as he slowly stroked Koron’s ears, silent apologizing to the dog. He started talking again.
“So Reita and I went to Niijima, its so calm there, it made things easier I guess, for me maybe. Not for Reita…all those things I said to him…I want to take them all back, I wish I could, they were such horrible words…but he stayed with me…though the long countless night of me crying, injuring myself, everything, he was always there…anyways back to my problem…which you two are probably curious of.”
Aoi and Uruha nodded, looking slight confused.
“Well you remember that part we went to a year ago? That big one, well I saw a group of these people, younger then us. I decided to kick it with them and they had this thing, I wasn’t sure what it was, I was drunk off my ass. I thought it was marijuana and y’know, why not? Might as well try it once, but it was just marijuana, it was also heroin. Fuck, I felt like I was on cloud nine.
“I don’t remember much after that, all I know is the next day when I woke up I had this fucking craving for something, I didn’t know what at the time. I thought maybe it was marijuana, tried it, wasn’t it, until I bumped into the person who I had been with the night before. They told me what it was and showed me, letting me try it and they it all got out of control. Four months later Reita found out and for two months he tried to convince me. I finally snapped and just stopped.”
I looked at Uruha and he looked like he wanted to cry and Aoi, looked emotionless, Kai was crying, looking down, I knew he felt guilty for not telling Uruha and Aoi. Ruki turned to me and I blinked.
“Thank you, Akira, I don’t know what I would have done without you, I probably would have been the down fall of the band.”
I nodded and I looked back at Uruha and Aoi, Uruha was now crying into his hands and Aoi I could tell was in deep thought.
“I’m so sorry…for doing this to you all. I feel so terrible…I’ll understand if you hate me.”
“Takanori…”
Oh…this was either going to be very bad or very heartfelt if Uruha is using Ruki’s real name.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier, you know I would help…I would have helped…”
“I didn’t want to disappoint you…you’re like my brother and I would hate so much to disappoint you…all of you…but I disappointed you anyways…”
Aoi spoke finally, not a trace of emotion was on his face.
“Takanori, you’re a fuckin’ idiot.”
Ruki cringed and hide against me again barely glancing at Aoi.
“You’re a fuckin’ idiot because you didn’t also come to us for help. And Reita, you know you didn’t have to go through this all alone, we would have been there to help. And Kai,” Aoi looked at Kai who suddenly looked like a deer caught in the head lights. “You also didn’t need to shoulder all this on your own, you may be the band leader but you don’t need to shoulder all the problems on your own.”
I was so surprised this didn’t end in the band disbanding. It was just scoldings for three hours from Aoi and the occasional from Uruha, but all he did was cry with Ruki in a big messy hug. In the end we all ended up in the big messy group hug crying like little kids.
It had officially been one year since you stopped, you were clean and we were celebrating at our apartment. Just the band, Koron, Keiji and that damn cat who’s name I can’t remember. I was sitting on the bed waiting for you to pick out an outfit. Holding up different shirts, seeing which one would go better with your pants. The pants were black, so it really doesn’t matter what color you pick.
“Ruki, you’ll look good either way, baby, your beautiful.”
You blush and smile at me, picking the white shirt that reaches above your knees and the black sweater. I really want to say you looks very girlie, but then you’d bitch and whine at me like a real girl. Huh, and last time I checked, last night to be exact, you were a man…
“Hey! Anyone home!? Or are you two busy, we’ll come back later!”
“No, I’m just waiting for the princess to pick her outfit!”
Uruha came into the room, a present in his hand. He gave the package to Ruki who looked at it quizzically.
“Open it, you’ll like it.”
Ruki unwrapped it and pulled out three black jackets with gold linings of different sizes
“Ah! Oh, they’re so cute! Reita look, you, Koron and I can match!”
“Oh, you’re a dick, Uruha.”
“Oh, they even have your names on the back, well stage names.”
Aoi walked into the room, followed by Kai who had a cake with chocolate.
“Now, lets go celebrate, don’t want to waste this wonderful cake.”
“Ok, just give me a minute, I’ll be out in a moment.”
I was just about to follow the other three when Ruki’s hand grabbed mine. I turned and looked at him, he was smiling as me, his eyes bright since he wasn’t wearing contacts.
“Oh, thank you so much.”
“Uh…for what?”
“For me being sober for a year, so thank you, I love you more than you know.”
He stood on his tiptoes and kissed me, I kissed him back, we really did work so hard to get this far. We left to room the join the others, holding hands, see I knew he could do it, all he needed was a little push.
----
A/N: What’s this 3,035 words!? *dies* I hope you enjoyed this, sorry if its bad. Also i added Koron because the little guy never gets enough love.
EDIT: I don't appreciate the fact the Packers won the Super Bowl, oh how you have failed me Steelers.
Author: bloodwolfgirl
Chapter: One Shot
Couple: ReitaxRuki
Genre: Romance, Angst
Warnings: Un-Beta'd, Cussing, Drug use
Summary: I already knew why, that was the sad thing, next to you laid that stupid fucking needle. Reita's POV
Disclaimer: No, I don't own them. I only own a picture of Reita and that's it.
Comments: Inspired by cursedhurricane s story "Artificial Happiness" and the song Drugs or Me - Jimmy Eat World
I found him sobbing on the bathroom floor, he didn’t notice me there. I slowly walked over and kneeled by him, gently setting my arm on his shoulder. He was gasping for breath, blubbering words I had a hard time understanding. I already knew why, that was the sad thing, next to you laid that stupid fucking needle. That fucking needle you used to get your high, your magical dose of heroine, but I love you so much I want to help.
“Baby, I…I’m so sorry…I want to s-stop…”
I look away from you, sighing, if only you could see yourself as you say that. I don’t know if its you talking or the drugs?
“Reita…baby…I’ll…stop…after this…I promise…”
How many times have you said that? You said that the day before yesterday, you were experiencing withdrawal, I know you were. Yesterday all you did was cry in bed shivering, only to get up to vomit from the withdrawal symptoms.
“Ruki…if you’re going to try, actually try. For me, Koron, that poor little guy…he doesn’t know what to do without you…”
He started crying again, burying his face into the crook of my neck. I want to send you to rehab, but the media would be all over that, eating it up. Only Kai knew about Ruki’s addiction, he said we’d go on hiatus once Ruki got serious about quitting. I rubbed comforting circle on Ruki’s back, his mantra of ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ going on and on. We stayed like for awhile until he eventually cried himself to sleep. Sometimes I wish to ask you ‘Drugs or me?’ but I don’t. Yet would it be selfish of me to ask?
Its been one day since you’ve stopped and you’re pacing back and fourth, you’re trying so far, how long will that last though? Koron is following you back and fourth, he’s worried for his best friend, I’m worried for my best friend, and love. You finally sit down next to me lay your head in my lap, you’re crying again, you’ve broken down into tears three other times today too. I stroke your hair, its all tangled because you didn’t brush it today. Your shivering and clutching your stomach.
“I think I’m going to die…it hurts all over, I-I’m so cold…my tummy f…feels like it’s being…stabbed…”
“I know, sweetie, I know, just put up with it.”
“Koron…baby come here…”
The little dog happily jumps into your arms and you hug him. You’re still crying, tears running down your face and I just give silent comfort but running my fingers through blonde locks.
“Reita…I love you so much…:
“I love you too…go to sleep, sweetie, you need it.”
One week since you’ve stopped, cold turkey. Its been hell for us both, right now you’re angry with me. Yelling and screaming, you can’t really break anything because you can barely pick anything up with all the random muscle spasms you keep having. You did throw a vase at the mirror, glass was everywhere. Then you began crying apologizing. Now you’re back to yelling and screaming. Right now you’re in front of me yelling clutching my shirt, screaming at me.
“Akira! Fuck! I hate you so much…so much…I fucking can’t take it, I need something for this craving, I need that fucking high.”
“Taka-Chan…”
I use your nickname because I know it makes you feel guilty, its low blow but I know it works.
“…Oh, Akira…I’m s-so…sorry…I don’t hate you…”
“I know and I love you…you’re trying that’s all that matters. No matter what you say to me I know you love me…”
“This is why I love you…no matter how much I say I hate you…you still believe in me…I hate myself for making you go through this…”
With that you quickly kiss me and run sobbing to our bed room.
Later that night I walk into out bedroom and find you in the corner crying, I notice a small pool of blood, your favorite outfit covered in blood. I rush over to you and kneel down, remaining calm, I’m panicking on the inside, I’m so worried about you.
“Ruki…what happened…?”
“I can’t take this its torture, for you and for me. My stupid withdrawals are putting you through hell, baby. You’d be better with out me.”
I grab the already ruined clothes and wrap it tightly around your wrists. I know I’m crying and your looking into my eyes, the tears never ending from you.
“No, Taka-Chan don’t say that, I’m better with you, I’ll stick with you through this whole ordeal. I promised you I would and I’m keeping it. Now lets fix up those wounds.”
After cleaning and dressing his wounds I tucked him into our bed, joining him a few minutes after. I wasn’t sure how long he could take this. Despite what everyone thought Takanori Matsumoto was different from Ruki. Ruki was just out there and ready to go, Takanori was a little more shy and reserved, he didn’t like facing problems, he liked to shrink back and hide from them.
It had been one month since Ruki quit, Kai and I discussed it would be better if went through this at a much calmer place. We went to our little beach house out in Niijima where it was quiet and remote. Your mood swings are minimal now, but you still have random out bursts of anger. It got so bad I feared for Koron’s life even though I know you wouldn’t purposely hurt him. Under the withdrawal symptoms though I am not sure what you would do.
“Reita…I don’t feel good…my stomach hurts again and so do my muscles…”
“I know, honey, just put up with it.”
I hesitate giving you more than two doses of pain medicine a day. It would be a shame to get you on a new addiction when trying to stop another one. You’re curled up into a tight ball muttering prayers to let the pain cease. All I can do is mutter my words of comfort and try to make you feel better.
“Do you want anything to eat?”
“Rice balls.”
“Didn’t you eat that two hours ago?”
“it’s the only thing doesn’t make me feel like I’m being ripped apart from the inside out.”
You snap at me all the time whenever I ask a simple question. I think its due to the fact you’re still pissed at me for letting Kai take of Koron. Maybe its still the withdrawal symptoms, or possibly you’re still angry with yourself for being so snappy at me. Its possible its all three. Getting up I put a blanket on you, you snuggle into it giving me glare, its pretty fucking cute to. Making the rice balls I bring them to you and munch on them slowly, changing the music that was playing, I’m not quite sure what song it is. You seem frozen listening to it, I listen hard to the lyrics since they’re in English. You set the plate on the arm of the couch and start crying on the second verse.
‘Keep my heart, somewhere the drugs don’t go, where the sunshine slows, always keep me close…’
Your head is rested on your knees and once again your apologizing. I change the song to something else, its some random crappy pop song you like, I don’t know, you like the person’s style who sings it. Lady Gaga or something. Lifting your face from your knees I wipe the tears from your cheeks. Your eyes are blood shot. Kissing your lips I mumble against them.
“Don’t even apologize, baby, you’re trying that’s all that matters. You’re doing good so far…”
“How can you stay so positive with me? All I ever do is bring you down…Rei-Chan…I hate this, I hate bringing you down, but my mind is all fuzzy and I say things before I think. Rei-Chan, Rei-Chan…I don’t mean any of the hateful words I say.”
“I know.”
That’s been our daily conversation since you quit. You hate yourself as much as I hate myself for watching you go through this.
Three months and you got Koron back today, you were so happy. Kai and I planned it out the week before, he was coming down to visit and he said he was going to bring Koron. I didn’t tell you that he or Koron were visiting. When he knocked on the door I had you answer it and you screaming so loud and hugged the little dog to your chest. Right now Kai and I are just watching you coddle the poor creature.
“Koron! Koron! I missed you! Oh, you’re getting fat from Kai’s cooking aren’t you? Thank you Kai! Oh thank you so much!”
“It was Akira’s idea. I’m just the mailman.”
Kai laughed and I smiled, it was actually a happy day for once. You petted Koron happily, a smile on your face, it was genuine too. You leaned against my legs and smiled up at me.
“Thank you, Akira, thank you Kai…I missed him so much…” you smiled and bent your head back looking at me. “So how are Uruha and Aoi?”
“They’re angry that you don’t call enough…you know you’ll have to tell about why you just kind of up and left…”
You look back down at Koron nodding your head that you understand. I know you’re not ready yet, Uruha is your best friend and mine as well, you don’t want to disappoint him.
“Ruki’s not ready yet…let’s give him a little more time.”
Kai nods and gets up heading to the kitchen…damn it. I hate his cooking.
We’ve finally returned back to apartment in Tokyo, you have been clean for exactly six months now. You seem livelier and happier, not nearly as moody. Returning to your old self before the heroine. Now comes the hard part of telling Aoi and Uruha, they’ll be here any minute and your sitting next to me gripping my hand for dear life. Kai is setting up a little mini buffet on our coffee table, pieces of cake, cookies, muffins and other sweets line it up, tea was made and coffee as well. Sake as well, for Uruha because he’s much calmer with alcohol. There’s a knock on the door and Ruki freezes completely trying to hide against me. Kai answers the door and I hear them greeting each other. Kai walks in followed by Aoi and soon after Uruha, and I turn to Ruki and whisper in his ear.
“Sweetie, don’t worry…I’m here for you. Remember I love you.”
“I love you too.”
It awkward for a bit when they sit down, well until Koron comes in chasing the cat, who bumps into the table Keiji’s cage is on top of. This causes him to whistle loudly. Kai starts laugh and it becomes contagious and we all begin laughing. Uruha sighs and looks at us.
“So where were you too love birds for five months? And did Ruki get pregnant?”
“Hey!”
“Yeah, he’s like four months now. We’ll name the kid after you.”
“What!? Are you calling me fat!?”
“No, its just that you’re glowing and pregnant women usually glow.”
Aoi threw in his two cents then.
“No, I think I see a baby bump too.”
Ruki curled up against my side muttering about how much he hated them and that they were dicks. Kai began pouring setting cups in front of everyone.
“But seriously, where were you guys for five months? Kai said Ruki needed a break from all the stress.”
Aoi asked leaning back against the chair and Uruha sipped his tea.
“Well…that’s kind of how it was but not really…”
Ruki didn’t look at them, he was looking at the floor wiggling his toes. Finding them more interesting then speaking.
“Come on, Taka-Chan, I’d say it, but its really not my choice.”
I whispered it so only he could hear it, he nodded and spoke slowly.
“I…I had this problem…that I had promised Akira over and over again I would fix. Finally one day I just stopped. But it was hard because…I wanted so badly to go back to it…finally after three weeks Kai and Reita discussed what to do, they took Koron away from me because they were scared I’d hurt him…it was that bad. I would never hurt him purposely we know this…but…I…”
I was rubbing his back as he slowly stroked Koron’s ears, silent apologizing to the dog. He started talking again.
“So Reita and I went to Niijima, its so calm there, it made things easier I guess, for me maybe. Not for Reita…all those things I said to him…I want to take them all back, I wish I could, they were such horrible words…but he stayed with me…though the long countless night of me crying, injuring myself, everything, he was always there…anyways back to my problem…which you two are probably curious of.”
Aoi and Uruha nodded, looking slight confused.
“Well you remember that part we went to a year ago? That big one, well I saw a group of these people, younger then us. I decided to kick it with them and they had this thing, I wasn’t sure what it was, I was drunk off my ass. I thought it was marijuana and y’know, why not? Might as well try it once, but it was just marijuana, it was also heroin. Fuck, I felt like I was on cloud nine.
“I don’t remember much after that, all I know is the next day when I woke up I had this fucking craving for something, I didn’t know what at the time. I thought maybe it was marijuana, tried it, wasn’t it, until I bumped into the person who I had been with the night before. They told me what it was and showed me, letting me try it and they it all got out of control. Four months later Reita found out and for two months he tried to convince me. I finally snapped and just stopped.”
I looked at Uruha and he looked like he wanted to cry and Aoi, looked emotionless, Kai was crying, looking down, I knew he felt guilty for not telling Uruha and Aoi. Ruki turned to me and I blinked.
“Thank you, Akira, I don’t know what I would have done without you, I probably would have been the down fall of the band.”
I nodded and I looked back at Uruha and Aoi, Uruha was now crying into his hands and Aoi I could tell was in deep thought.
“I’m so sorry…for doing this to you all. I feel so terrible…I’ll understand if you hate me.”
“Takanori…”
Oh…this was either going to be very bad or very heartfelt if Uruha is using Ruki’s real name.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier, you know I would help…I would have helped…”
“I didn’t want to disappoint you…you’re like my brother and I would hate so much to disappoint you…all of you…but I disappointed you anyways…”
Aoi spoke finally, not a trace of emotion was on his face.
“Takanori, you’re a fuckin’ idiot.”
Ruki cringed and hide against me again barely glancing at Aoi.
“You’re a fuckin’ idiot because you didn’t also come to us for help. And Reita, you know you didn’t have to go through this all alone, we would have been there to help. And Kai,” Aoi looked at Kai who suddenly looked like a deer caught in the head lights. “You also didn’t need to shoulder all this on your own, you may be the band leader but you don’t need to shoulder all the problems on your own.”
I was so surprised this didn’t end in the band disbanding. It was just scoldings for three hours from Aoi and the occasional from Uruha, but all he did was cry with Ruki in a big messy hug. In the end we all ended up in the big messy group hug crying like little kids.
It had officially been one year since you stopped, you were clean and we were celebrating at our apartment. Just the band, Koron, Keiji and that damn cat who’s name I can’t remember. I was sitting on the bed waiting for you to pick out an outfit. Holding up different shirts, seeing which one would go better with your pants. The pants were black, so it really doesn’t matter what color you pick.
“Ruki, you’ll look good either way, baby, your beautiful.”
You blush and smile at me, picking the white shirt that reaches above your knees and the black sweater. I really want to say you looks very girlie, but then you’d bitch and whine at me like a real girl. Huh, and last time I checked, last night to be exact, you were a man…
“Hey! Anyone home!? Or are you two busy, we’ll come back later!”
“No, I’m just waiting for the princess to pick her outfit!”
Uruha came into the room, a present in his hand. He gave the package to Ruki who looked at it quizzically.
“Open it, you’ll like it.”
Ruki unwrapped it and pulled out three black jackets with gold linings of different sizes
“Ah! Oh, they’re so cute! Reita look, you, Koron and I can match!”
“Oh, you’re a dick, Uruha.”
“Oh, they even have your names on the back, well stage names.”
Aoi walked into the room, followed by Kai who had a cake with chocolate.
“Now, lets go celebrate, don’t want to waste this wonderful cake.”
“Ok, just give me a minute, I’ll be out in a moment.”
I was just about to follow the other three when Ruki’s hand grabbed mine. I turned and looked at him, he was smiling as me, his eyes bright since he wasn’t wearing contacts.
“Oh, thank you so much.”
“Uh…for what?”
“For me being sober for a year, so thank you, I love you more than you know.”
He stood on his tiptoes and kissed me, I kissed him back, we really did work so hard to get this far. We left to room the join the others, holding hands, see I knew he could do it, all he needed was a little push.
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A/N: What’s this 3,035 words!? *dies* I hope you enjoyed this, sorry if its bad. Also i added Koron because the little guy never gets enough love.
EDIT: I don't appreciate the fact the Packers won the Super Bowl, oh how you have failed me Steelers.