Chapter 33. Probably clean [Audio Memory]
[[OOC: This memory is taken from the episode "Hedge Fund Homeboys".]]
[There's a rustle of bedsheets, and a small laugh before a voice some people will recognize as Promise speaks, groggy with sleep.]
Promise: Whoa. Are you trying to figure out how to kill someone in their sleep again?
Rick: Not this time. You know, when you were little, I used to watch you sleep every night before I went to bed, just for a few minutes. It was ridiculous how adorable you were. Who'd've thought, all these years later... you're still adorable.
Promise: What part of snoring and drooling is "adorable"?
Rick: Well, every 10 or 15 breaths, you make a little snort noise, and then sometimes, you even make a little spit bubble...
Promise: Okay, Dad, seriously.
[There's a slight pause before Rick speaks again, earnest, in almost a whisper.]
Rick: ... do you do drugs?
Promise: (laughs) Uh, no.
Rick: Are you sure? 'cause... you can tell me.
Promise: Dad, am I lethargic and uncharacteristically irritable?
Rick: No...
Promise: Are my eyes bloodshot for no apparent reason?
Rick: No, except when you sleep.
Promise: Well, that's an apparent reason.
Rick: Right.
Promise: Are my grades plummeting?
Rick: No.
Promise: Then according to New York City's guidelines for parents and teachers, it's a pretty safe bet I'm clean.
Rick: Mmm. You make an excellent case.
Promise: Parents are invited to our drug assemblies. You should come next time.
Rick: Drug assemblies? Is that what the kids are calling 'em nowadays?
Promise: ... they serve cookies.
Rick: And which of your friends are going on this DC jamboree with you?
Promise: Taylor, Kelsey and Paige.
Rick: OK, how do I know they're not bringing the blow and partying Winehouse style?
Promise: Uhm, because you... know them really well and they're... good kids.
Rick: Maybe they're icebergs.
Promise: Does this have something to do with that Reading kid? ... Dad, he was in Central Park really really late at night. That's not something I would ever do.
Rick: But if you did. You could tell me. I don't want you to feel that you ever have to lie to me. Anything you and your friends have done... believe me, I've done worse.
Promise: (chuckles) I know. But the good news is, I'm not you. ... I just mean you don't have to worry. Besides, if I ever got into any real trouble, my friends would be there to bail me out.
Rick: Right. ... because that's what friends do.
Promise: Yeah.
[There's a rustle of bedsheets, and a small laugh before a voice some people will recognize as Promise speaks, groggy with sleep.]
Promise: Whoa. Are you trying to figure out how to kill someone in their sleep again?
Rick: Not this time. You know, when you were little, I used to watch you sleep every night before I went to bed, just for a few minutes. It was ridiculous how adorable you were. Who'd've thought, all these years later... you're still adorable.
Promise: What part of snoring and drooling is "adorable"?
Rick: Well, every 10 or 15 breaths, you make a little snort noise, and then sometimes, you even make a little spit bubble...
Promise: Okay, Dad, seriously.
[There's a slight pause before Rick speaks again, earnest, in almost a whisper.]
Rick: ... do you do drugs?
Promise: (laughs) Uh, no.
Rick: Are you sure? 'cause... you can tell me.
Promise: Dad, am I lethargic and uncharacteristically irritable?
Rick: No...
Promise: Are my eyes bloodshot for no apparent reason?
Rick: No, except when you sleep.
Promise: Well, that's an apparent reason.
Rick: Right.
Promise: Are my grades plummeting?
Rick: No.
Promise: Then according to New York City's guidelines for parents and teachers, it's a pretty safe bet I'm clean.
Rick: Mmm. You make an excellent case.
Promise: Parents are invited to our drug assemblies. You should come next time.
Rick: Drug assemblies? Is that what the kids are calling 'em nowadays?
Promise: ... they serve cookies.
Rick: And which of your friends are going on this DC jamboree with you?
Promise: Taylor, Kelsey and Paige.
Rick: OK, how do I know they're not bringing the blow and partying Winehouse style?
Promise: Uhm, because you... know them really well and they're... good kids.
Rick: Maybe they're icebergs.
Promise: Does this have something to do with that Reading kid? ... Dad, he was in Central Park really really late at night. That's not something I would ever do.
Rick: But if you did. You could tell me. I don't want you to feel that you ever have to lie to me. Anything you and your friends have done... believe me, I've done worse.
Promise: (chuckles) I know. But the good news is, I'm not you. ... I just mean you don't have to worry. Besides, if I ever got into any real trouble, my friends would be there to bail me out.
Rick: Right. ... because that's what friends do.
Promise: Yeah.