(no subject)
So I saw this http://community.livejournal.com/lion_lamb/1651773.html?view=34259261#t34259261 and found it hilarious. So I decided to make one of my own but for bella's side of Breaking Dawn.
Bella's Side of Breaking Dawn
*So Edward conned me into marrying him and the wedding finally came*
*It was soo Alice*
*But then it was time for the honeymoon*
*I gotta say it was pretty amazing for two virgins*
*But than Edward went all emo and it would have been a good time for him to read my mind*
*But since he couldn't I had to come up with a plan*
*so I just used the old feminine wits and tricked him into it*
*You wouldn't believe how well that worked*
*But than I realized I was pregnant*
*can you believe he tricked me with all this talk about vampires not being able to have kids*
*And than he wanted to kill OUR baby. Even after all this talk about being a "vegetarian" and not killing human life*
*It's true what they say about men after they get married*
*I knew I had to get Rosalie on my side*
*Edwards face was priceless when he found out*
*But you didn't see it because we had to go to Jacobs POV*
*I thought this was my story*
*So let's skip that month and come back to me*
*So then I was burning, which to say...it burned*
*But I couldn't let the boys win and have something else to make fun of me about, so I kept quit*
*That was soon over and I became all GRRR*
*And I was amazing at controlling myself. Gotta say I'm pretty special*
*Jaspers reaction was priceless when he saw how well I was doing*
I was doing so well I got to see my beautiful baby Renesme*
*looking back, maybe that wasn't the best name I could have come up with*
*But than i heard Jacob call her Nessie, which is totally worse*
*I was like whatev*
*And then I found out he imprinted on my baby*
*That's just sick*
*But then Edward and I got a chance to finally have vampire on vampire sex. And we did it ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
*And then Jacob had to ruin my high again by wolfing out in front of Charlie*
*He's such a buzz kill*
*But Charlie seemed to be ok with it.*
*Which really isn't like Charlie at all, but we have to wrap this book up soon*
*Alice than foresaw our deaths*
*And than she left us to save her own ass*
*She also took Jasper, who is an excellent fighter*
*I thought we were bffs*
*So than all these other vamps came to witness our story and I found out I'm a shield*
*I guess it was about time that I started pulling my own weight and protecting others who protected me*
*So finally it's time to deal with the Volturi*
*I'm not getting any older, but how long does it take a great power that have been ruling for hundreds of years to get ready*
*So they are trying to come up with reason's to bring a justified death onto my family, and no one is buying it*
*And then Alice shows up to save the day*
*And once again the jokes on me*
*She could have at least told ME*
*I mean I'm a shield. It should have some perks right?*
*So since that was all over we just went home*
*Edward was ready for another all nighter, but I let him see in my mind instead*
*I know I turned down great vampire sex, but I gotta mix it up a bit*
*I still have all of eternity, you know?*
*Overall the coolest part is definatly the fact that I'm finally a vampire*
Bella's Side of Breaking Dawn
*So Edward conned me into marrying him and the wedding finally came*
*It was soo Alice*
*But then it was time for the honeymoon*
*I gotta say it was pretty amazing for two virgins*
*But than Edward went all emo and it would have been a good time for him to read my mind*
*But since he couldn't I had to come up with a plan*
*so I just used the old feminine wits and tricked him into it*
*You wouldn't believe how well that worked*
*But than I realized I was pregnant*
*can you believe he tricked me with all this talk about vampires not being able to have kids*
*And than he wanted to kill OUR baby. Even after all this talk about being a "vegetarian" and not killing human life*
*It's true what they say about men after they get married*
*I knew I had to get Rosalie on my side*
*Edwards face was priceless when he found out*
*But you didn't see it because we had to go to Jacobs POV*
*I thought this was my story*
*So let's skip that month and come back to me*
*So then I was burning, which to say...it burned*
*But I couldn't let the boys win and have something else to make fun of me about, so I kept quit*
*That was soon over and I became all GRRR*
*And I was amazing at controlling myself. Gotta say I'm pretty special*
*Jaspers reaction was priceless when he saw how well I was doing*
I was doing so well I got to see my beautiful baby Renesme*
*looking back, maybe that wasn't the best name I could have come up with*
*But than i heard Jacob call her Nessie, which is totally worse*
*I was like whatev*
*And then I found out he imprinted on my baby*
*That's just sick*
*But then Edward and I got a chance to finally have vampire on vampire sex. And we did it ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
*And then Jacob had to ruin my high again by wolfing out in front of Charlie*
*He's such a buzz kill*
*But Charlie seemed to be ok with it.*
*Which really isn't like Charlie at all, but we have to wrap this book up soon*
*Alice than foresaw our deaths*
*And than she left us to save her own ass*
*She also took Jasper, who is an excellent fighter*
*I thought we were bffs*
*So than all these other vamps came to witness our story and I found out I'm a shield*
*I guess it was about time that I started pulling my own weight and protecting others who protected me*
*So finally it's time to deal with the Volturi*
*I'm not getting any older, but how long does it take a great power that have been ruling for hundreds of years to get ready*
*So they are trying to come up with reason's to bring a justified death onto my family, and no one is buying it*
*And then Alice shows up to save the day*
*And once again the jokes on me*
*She could have at least told ME*
*I mean I'm a shield. It should have some perks right?*
*So since that was all over we just went home*
*Edward was ready for another all nighter, but I let him see in my mind instead*
*I know I turned down great vampire sex, but I gotta mix it up a bit*
*I still have all of eternity, you know?*
*Overall the coolest part is definatly the fact that I'm finally a vampire*