Thinking
Sometimes I think I'm not good enough. I guess I always have all these ridiculously high expectations for myself, and when I don't meet them I just look down on myself. Like I'm some pathetic person. A lazy person. A person who clearly doesn't try hard enough.
It's frustrating to think about it like that, but I guess I can't help it.
I really like my hobbies (mostly writing and graphics), but sometimes I forget that that's all they are. They are hobbies. I don't think anything great will happen because I waste my nights making graphics or writing things for pairings that might not matter to me a few years down the line...but I don't know...I still like it. It gives me something to do...so maybe that's why I get serious about it sometimes, super critical. Like if I like something when I'm home and then see how it looks on another computer...wow it looks so different, way more orange then I could have ever imagined. And then I just want to throw everything away. Like what was I thinking when I was making it. Was I blind? It's the general same with my fics too. I'll write something, post it...and then I'll reread it cause I think "let me just proof it again to make sure it flows" and then DEAR LORD WHY DID I USE THAT WORD? Or GOD THAT PHRASE SOUNDS SO DUMB! But it's almost too late to do anything about it because it's already posted and the world has already come and gone to see it and you can't really take it back before someone hates it.
I don't know what I'm rattling on about. I'm just cold and I want to go home. Not feeling all too well. I think I caught what my boyfriend had. My throat hurts.
It's frustrating to think about it like that, but I guess I can't help it.
I really like my hobbies (mostly writing and graphics), but sometimes I forget that that's all they are. They are hobbies. I don't think anything great will happen because I waste my nights making graphics or writing things for pairings that might not matter to me a few years down the line...but I don't know...I still like it. It gives me something to do...so maybe that's why I get serious about it sometimes, super critical. Like if I like something when I'm home and then see how it looks on another computer...wow it looks so different, way more orange then I could have ever imagined. And then I just want to throw everything away. Like what was I thinking when I was making it. Was I blind? It's the general same with my fics too. I'll write something, post it...and then I'll reread it cause I think "let me just proof it again to make sure it flows" and then DEAR LORD WHY DID I USE THAT WORD? Or GOD THAT PHRASE SOUNDS SO DUMB! But it's almost too late to do anything about it because it's already posted and the world has already come and gone to see it and you can't really take it back before someone hates it.
I don't know what I'm rattling on about. I'm just cold and I want to go home. Not feeling all too well. I think I caught what my boyfriend had. My throat hurts.