Oopps
I feel kind of stuck. And that thought actually terrifies me.
Like fuck. We'll figure this out? But we probably won't.
Cause I'm so stupid and I let other people dictate my life. I'm pathetic. I really am. I have all these vivid thoughts in my head about what my future could be, but I always run away from it. CAUSE I'M A FUCKING COWARD.
I just don't know how my family will be able to afford living in this apartment without my help. If I leave to do my internship they are going to be essentially homeless and I JUST CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT TO THEM.
And who the fuck am I kidding. My family is such a burden I don't even think my bf will stick around long enough to deal with them. He's going to get tired of this shit. He is. And I'll be alone again. Cause why would anyone want to be around someone like me anyway. But it will be so much worse. So much worse. I lose everything. It always happens.
And I'll be stuck at my job forever. I'm not going to leave because if I leave that's a huge risk. I fucking hate this.
Maybe that's why I've been a bit bitter about this weekend cause I just wanted a break from this anxiety, but I was stuck here.
Like fuck. We'll figure this out? But we probably won't.
Cause I'm so stupid and I let other people dictate my life. I'm pathetic. I really am. I have all these vivid thoughts in my head about what my future could be, but I always run away from it. CAUSE I'M A FUCKING COWARD.
I just don't know how my family will be able to afford living in this apartment without my help. If I leave to do my internship they are going to be essentially homeless and I JUST CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT TO THEM.
And who the fuck am I kidding. My family is such a burden I don't even think my bf will stick around long enough to deal with them. He's going to get tired of this shit. He is. And I'll be alone again. Cause why would anyone want to be around someone like me anyway. But it will be so much worse. So much worse. I lose everything. It always happens.
And I'll be stuck at my job forever. I'm not going to leave because if I leave that's a huge risk. I fucking hate this.
Maybe that's why I've been a bit bitter about this weekend cause I just wanted a break from this anxiety, but I was stuck here.