Our Happiness that I look forward to. (My first fanfic.)

[blossomsniper]

Title: Our Happiness that I look forward to.

Genre: -Drama?
Characters/Pairings: RoyxRiza
Rating:-…none?
Spoiler Warning: none
Author's Notes: So… This is my first fanfic. I wanted to create something really full of action rather than full of conversations but I kinda thought I need to start on something to warm up as I’m new and I’m still not that

Comments

[kalliel]

I like the way you opened this fic; captivating sentiments, and certainly very characteristic of Mustang. I like the idea that you've extended it simply beyond 'reaching the top'--because there's a journey after the summit that is just as, if nor more, important afterwards. I liked the distinctions Hawkeye draws between one's 'right' and what one deserves. The way you define these two things makes them feel fresh. Overall, very sweet and poignant--awesome first contribution to ficcing fandom!

If you don't mind the concrit, there are two things that I think could really make the difference in future fics.

You tend to switch between present and past-tenses while writing. Some sentences are present and some are in past. Personally I don't mind too much, because in this fic's case I think it adds to the general muddle of Mustang's state of mind right now, but in the general case you should stick to one or the other, depending on what (1) sounds best to you, and (2) what you feel fits the fic best. Like, I write in present ALL THE

[kalliel]

Oh, also, is there a name you'd like to be called, other than blossomsniper? (I feel a bit strange addressing someone with something that isn't a name, though I know some people prefer this, so if that's what you'd like, I'm certainly game. ^^)

弓子/Yumiko?

[blossomsniper]

I like the name but its more of a title to me (state alchemist title perhaps?XD) I just didn't know what name to use as I don't want to use my real name.For hiding reasong;p.

Yumiko's a name I got on this quiz. Maybe I'll use it then. :))

[blossomsniper]

Thanks. You're a grealt help. Well, I was really nervous while writing this.XD Took me minutes just to pick some words or lines. I tried to limit my adjectives or whatever describing lines because people told me I use too much of those sometimes and they say because of it the story migt get boring as its long. (Though I know true readers won't mind reading no matter how long.) Thanks a lot Kalliel! I really appriciate it. As for the last note, I got quite confused. XD

ありがと！！！

[chikky2k5]

Very vyer cute~ Only thing I could suggest is to have it flow more... like when they were walking back from the office and talking there didn't seem to be any steps in between the conversations.

But I like it for sure, very well written for a first try ^^

[blossomsniper]

Thanks chikky2k5! Thanks for taking time to read and comment. I appriciate it!

[chikky2k5]

No problem~

[ana_leez]

There's a couple of grammatical and tense errors, but good job! Congrats on your first fic :)

[blossomsniper]

Thanks! Yeah.. As for the errors.. well its because I wrote that when I was nervous and kinda upset. XD And. I 've been away from studying for a long time now. *really embarassed*XD

Thankns agains soooo much!