Yeah I know how you feel. I've been that way about relationships. I find the best thing is to determine what makes you feel happy and what naturally works for you because then you don't have to make any vows to yourself that you won't keep anyway.
keep holding on. i know you might not feel like it, but you've come so far and become so much stronger towards this. i know it's hard to know which way to go and even harder because you're the only person around and everyone's telling you you should concentrate on something else (like study), so you have that stress too. but you're doing really well, you really are. i'm so proud of you for being so strong and dealing with this. you should be really proud
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