A Giftmas Story
Survived another Xmas and I have the metric fuck-tonne of bath stuff to prove it.
Giftmas Eve, my sister (kr1stab3ll3...muahahahahaha..*coughs*) and I took a last longing look at the smog and lack of snow and headed out for Kitchener and then (*insert ominous music*) Baden, to the 'rents abode. We were greeted by our younger siblings (ages 5 and 7), who of course don't miss a trick and promptly pointed out the new facial piercing before my father had time to notice. We then donned our 'house bitch' uniforms and wrapped step-mommy dearest's presents for her, cleared the post-turkey mess and did the dishes (ahhh..nothing like home). Luckily we were also privy to meeting the new girlfriend of a friend of the family, think Atila the Hun in leopard print, who contributed such comments as "My friends took me to a Goth Bar once for a laugh, I wore my cowboy boots" (I can imagine the laughter wasn't one sided) , "I once heard of a girl who pierced her tongue and it swelled up so large that she suffocated and died" (some of you will also remember the 'girl with the frozen hot-dog' story, I'm sure they knew each other)...all of this while picking her scabby face. And you thought I wouldn't have fun!
Giftmas Day, after having fallen asleep on the couch/bed at 4:00 am, was then awoken at 7:00 am by my little brother announcing to both Barbie and I that Santa had in fact decided to visit while producing his stocking swag as evidence. Opened 'gifts', all of which Barbie and I had figured out the night before by feel, having had years of practise at this endeavor we both can now guess a gift in under a minute. There's something lack lustre about opening up deodorant or a toothbrush (my step-mother opts for the practical rather than the sublime), but nonetheless we had a decent breakfast and a relatively painless visit before embarking for Guelph to visit my mom's side.
At my aunt's we were greeted with the usual affair, the place looking like Toys 'R Us had opened shop in their living room. It would seem my mom's side was showing extreme amounts of tact or my grandmother's eyesight is getting worse and everyone else was just following her lead, either way no one made any comments/gestures about the monroe (can I get an hallejuah?). Turkey dinner number two, followed by Xmas pudding and my grandmother's shortbread (this if nothing else is worth the drive), and then the trip back to my grandmother's place in Cambridge.
Boxing Day morning I awoke disorientated in my aunt's old room, found Barbie who apparently hadn't slept at all in the tiny guest bed where she had to wake up every time she moved for fear of falling off the bed. Sat and had cranberry strudle with my grandmother while she reminisced about her younger years (something I love about our visits...both the cake and the chats), before packing up again and heading home. After arriving back in the city we both felt daring enough to hit IKEA's sale for necessities..like Stolke's and Svelk's and Glotk's.
This weekend was spent getting a jump start on the New Year's Resolution and heading back to the gym; today I'm feeling svelte but sore.