(no subject)
this is procrasting writing my history research paper, so if i get off topic (of whatever the topic of this update might be), forgive me
lets start out with what my paper is about... the effects of propaganda leading up to and during the revolutionary war. neat, right? propaganda... fun stuff. BUT NOT when you need two book sources and there are none to be found. I am veeerrryyyy dissappointed in the selection at the lower perk library. it's mini! this paper is due monday. GAH
tomorrow i am going to a college fair in phila! and im excited because i have no idea where i want to go... and maybe this will help me? pitt is an option, of course, it always has been. but anywhere else? iiiii dddddooonnnn'tttttt kkkknnnnoooowwwwwwww!!!
now, onto the matter of junior year. i like it better then sophomore year, but it's still not good because its like "i am so ready to get the hell out of high school but, oh wait, I HAVE A WHOLE NOTHER YEAR AFTER THIS!" and then i thought about how, assuming i live to 80, i am 1/5 through my entire life. 1/5! so on a timeline its like this:
*----
so why is that so weird? because it seems so short but so long- like i dont feel like ive lived that long or experienced that much, and its weird to think that i only have four more of this amount of time left... but it also seems soooo long. i mean, between the ages of 0 and 16, the change is so unbelieviably drastic. that's when the most development occurs, and it's almost like that's what has kept me, us, occupied- the change. so what kind of change is going to happen the next 4/5 of my life? growing up i guess, because you never really stop growing up... but what is growing up? is it becoming more mature? wiser? more experienced? or just by default, because of the years. Like I felt like i've learned so much in 16 years but what else am i going to learn, because i dont think I want to learn this much every 16 years. It's like the decline of innocence... but maybe its like a circle, because when i'm old, i want to be happily deprived of anything going on outside of my friends and family... but that's a long time from now. there are 13 year olds wiser and more mature then 35 year olds, i guess they're more grown up, but it doesn't seem right, because they're still kids.
a few months ago, before going to college, someone told me that he was having a really weird summer because he felt like he had just grown up. i don't think i understood him then, and still don't think i do, because i don't think he is.
on a depressing side note, my cat, rosie, was run over by a car a few days ago. It's weird, because i keep expecting her to jump up on my chair or be at the door when i go to open it in the morning, but she won't. It was the same with my aunt, it didnt seem real... I dont think Ive really grasped the concept of death yet... or maybe its just different to me then everyone else. I mean, I'm sad obviously, but since when has life become so fragile? since this month, apparently... but till doesnt seem real.
but we might be getting two kittens! one is to keep and one is to let grow a little bit and be friendly so we can give it to my namma for christmas, and I'm really excited for that
on an upnote now! play is going very well, or as well as it can go at least. There's still a little drama, but thats alright, drama cant really be stopped in an environment like that. DEC 3 AND 4 EVERYBODY COME!
AH and on the topic of drama... oh man. At work today, bridget walked into einsteins with the rest of the cheerleaders (coming from pracitce i assume) completely freaking out, because some random girl out in the parking lot threatened to beat her up. for doing what? sticking out her tongue. the story goes that as the cheerleaders were walking through the parkinglot, these random girls (17, 18?) were "staring at her meannnnn", and so, in retaliation, she stuck out her tongue... causing them to ??fight in the parking lot or go to her house and beat her up?? since when is sticking out your tongue some horrible offence? either way, i didnt really pay attention to whatever was said after that... but it was hilarious... my entertainment of the day. DRAMA STARTED OVER A MEAN STARE AND STICKING OUT A TONGUE! its so sad, so funny... and so one of the reasons i want out of highschool. now. now. now. now. now. now.
someone once told me that going from high school to college is like going from tv to movies. I hope that's the case, because as hard as it is for me to describe why that makes so much sense to me... i love it.