[In his Care] Chapter 78 ~part 2
“I should never have gone out for a drink with you that night.” Jin groaned that following evening where he sat by the same counter in the same bar with the same company as last night.
“Well, you’re repeating your mistake now, aren’t you?” Yamapi pointed out. “How come you’re not trying to make up to him?”
“He works a late shift tonight as well.” Jin replied, not wanting to admit how much he had needed a drinking partner right now.
“So did he make you sleep on the couch?” Yamapi asked, a little too eager to hear if that would be the case.
“No, I slept in our bed and we even hugged, but I could sense his mind was somewhere else.” Jin replied. “I thought he was still just upset or maybe on his guard, but then he was lost in his thoughts this morning too. I just hope it wasn’t about last night.”
“You know, things would’ve gone so much easier for you if you had just swallowed your big pride years ago and told him how much he meant to you.” Yamapi teased. “Now you have to swallow your pride numerous times over and over again.”
“I almost did a few times. When he told me he loved me as I was about to leave prison I really felt like coming clean, but I just couldn’t confess at that time knowing we’d be separated.” Jin said. “You did and then you ran away.”
“I didn’t run away.” Yamapi protested.
“Fine, you drove away.” Jin said, but had to add, “Though I did do some running and driving away myself too. He’s been forced to sacrifice so much for our relationship, that’s why he’s in such pain now…”
“He could’ve just said no when you asked him to come along then.” Yamapi said. “He could’ve asked you to come over to his side.”
“You know he’d never ask me to do that. He’s too used to pleasing me. And instead of making this change easier for him, I’ve only made it worse and worse.” Jin said. “As if I hadn’t done enough already in the past… Do you know how he reacted when I finally told him how I truly feel about him?”
“Blushed from top to toe and fainted?” Yamapi guessed. He could just see Kame-chan’s face. “Then as he was conveniently on his back you two proceeded to show just how much you love each other.”
“He went speechless, stuttering out how he had to leave.” Jin said and Yamapi had to laugh.
“After all that time you kept those words to yourself and that is the result you get when you finally decide to tell him that one magical, special moment? No fireworks or other explosions?”
“I didn’t plan for it to happen, but he broke me down and I just said it. He was startled because he couldn’t trust me or my feelings to be true. He was sure that if he did trust me he’d eventually get hurt again, but from that moment on, crossing that line, I had no choice but to grab hold of him. I was past the point of no return to the life I had lived before meeting him.” Jin said and heaved a heavy sigh. “Don’t you ever feel things were simpler before? That being involved with someone now after having been the person you was when they met you is kind of screwing it all up?”
“Things were never simple to begin with for me.” Yamapi said, taking a sip of his beer.
Yeah, maybe things had never been simple for his best friend, who had fallen in love with someone that should’ve been just a friend. Maybe as a player Jin had only lived with the illusion that things were simpler than they truly were. “I hear you.” Jin mumbled.
“That’s why I feel more relaxed now.” Yamapi replied. “Things are clearer.”
“But you never hurt the person you love.” Jin pointed out and Yamapi turned to him.
“Yes I did. Just not the way you did.” the other leader said, lifting his glass. “Cheers.”
Jin smiled, meeting Yamapi’s glass with his own. “Cheers.” he mumbled, downing the content then.
~*~*~*~
This time Kame hadn’t come looking for him, as far as Jin knew at least. The lights were out and the smaller boy was in bed when he came back to their apartment. He lectured himself for not having returned earlier. How had the time passed by so fast? Now Kame probably thought he had been scheming more things behind the smaller boy’s back…
Making his way into the kitchen to drink a glass of water, he noticed Kame had cooked for him and packed the meal so it wouldn’t turn bad before he got home. Jin sat down by the table and ate it as quietly as he could, mumbling for himself silent words of ‘yummy’. Then he hurried to wash up and entered the bedroom.
Kame stirred, as he sat down and the mattress gave in under him. The smaller boy turned to gaze him through half-open, swollen eyes.
“I’m back…” he mumbled, lying down on the bed with a heavy sigh, not bothering with removing but a pair of clothes. He just wanted to cuddle and sleep, but the first one was probably not on the list. He shouldn’t have drunk so much...
Kame slowly managed to sit up and Jin felt the boy lean in over him, pulling the blanket over him.
“Are you still mad at me?” he had to ask and Kame paused for a while.
“You drank quite a lot tonight.” Kame murmured, finishing what he was doing before laying down next to Jin, who wanted to groan in delight at the unexpected closeness.
“Yeah, I…saw Pi.” he confessed, fighting against the urge to hook an arm around Kame. Instead he just lay there immobile, side by side. “I didn’t intend to stay so long.”
“I figured as much.” Kame replied, drawing him nearer and guiding his head gently onto his shoulder. “Did I make you so upset you got this drunk with him?”
Jin nuzzled into his boyfriend’s neck, daring to hug Kame back now that he knew Kame wasn’t angry after all. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t manoeuvre Kame even in this state, but it would cost him and he would be forced to sleep on the couch for a few nights or possibly with Toma and Yamapi. Better to just behave. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
Kame smiled against his head, running fingers through his hair. “Welcome back.”
That made Jin feel drunk for a whole other reason than the alcohol and he planted a few kisses on the smaller boy’s neck and clothed chest. Unintentionally, at least almost unintentionally, his hand went trailing down the curve of Kame’s waist, starting its way uphill Kame’s hip then where it was caught and restrained.
“Don’t push your luck.” the smaller boy murmured, but continued to pet his hair and Jin went to sleep happily like that.
The following evening Jin spent all his energy on Kame, not going out for beer with Yamapi and as Kame stepped into the apartment that night, he was met by quite a delightful smell. Entering the kitchen his eyes landed on Jin mixing the ingredients in a pot, dressed in an apron with his hair pulled back in a pony tale.
“You’re just in time!” Jin announced upon noticing his presence. “I’m making pasta. It’s ready in a few. Why don’t you get comfy in the meantime?”
Kame nodded, leaving the kitchen after having sent Jin one more look and took a quick shower before changing clothes and sitting down by the dining table. Jin served him a plate and sat down opposite from him then, waiting for him to taste his meal. Kame dipped his fork into the pasta, bringing it to his lips then.
Jin had gotten better. This was actually really good.
Jin smiled, pleased by the expression on his face and how this time it was Kame, who was the one mumbling out ‘yummy’ while eating. He had been kind of nervous to cook for someone as experienced as Kame.
By the time they were done eating Kame insisted on doing the dishes since Jin had cooked, but he had only managed to clean up a few glasses before the older boy decided to distract him.
He didn’t say anything as he felt Jin position himself behind him, guiding his hair to the side and kissing his exposed neck once...then twice…then thrice.
Kame unwillingly broke into a smile, making a half-hearted attempt to dodge the sweet attacks so he wouldn’t break anything, but with Jin’s hands grabbing a hold on his hips he couldn’t move very far out of reach.
“Jin…” he said, originally planning to sound more serious, and Jin responded to it by sucking down on a spot on his neck instead so that Kame dropped the plate he had been washing back into the sink. Lips brushed down the skin of his neck as far as they could before coming in contact with the shirt he was wearing, so Jin moved onto kissing one side of his neck instead while a finger continued down his spine, making him shudder and having his knees give in under him. He reached for the sink, feeling Jin’s other hand, still on his hip, support him.
The finger made it all the way to the rim of his jeans and Kame thought that would prevent Jin from going any further, but instead the boy slipped the hand halfway into his pants and it was about then Kame decided to put an end to this, grabbing the hand.
“What are you doing?” he asked, aiming at sounding accusing, but he was so out of breath it failed a bit.
“What do you mean?” Jin asked back and Kame released the leader’s hand, not about to have this conversation again. He made his way out from where Jin had held him trapped against the sink, feeling Jin follow him out the kitchen. “You’re making a bigger deal out of this than what it really is. I can tell you have those kinds of feelings for me, I knew that already before your dream, but you don’t know what to do with them so you try to hide them.”
Kame stopped, hands fisting themselves.
“It is a big deal.” he insisted. “At least to me it is…and it has always been.”
Jin circled around him, stopping in front of him and Kame doubtfully met the other boy’s eyes. “I didn’t mean that. I just meant you’re making it an issue for yourself. It won’t be as repellent as you think. I’m not going to do anything awful.”
It wasn’t as if he didn’t know that, but he couldn’t help ‘making an issue out of it.’ How had he ever been able to go to bed unwillingly with Jin the first time, thinking it would be horrible?
“Ok, let’s try something different tonight.” Jin suggested then, knowing fully well Kame was on defence mode now and nothing good would come out of forcing the smaller boy in a direction Kame didn’t want to go.
“…Like what?” Kame asked carefully and took an unwilling step backwards in surprise as Jin reached out for him, stuffing a hand into his pocket. He gave out a yelp, about to attack Jin’s hand when the leader then pulled it out of his pocket willingly, handing his own cell phone to him.
“Let’s try a little intimacy…over the phone.” Jin said and Kame immediately decided he didn’t like this idea very much.
“Jin, I don’t know about this…” he started as Jin also picked out his own, choosing Kame’s number from it.
“No, it’s a great idea!” Jin insisted. “I won’t touch you, but you’ll still hear my voice. And you don’t have to touch yourself in front of me either. It’s perfect!”
Kame still didn’t appear very convinced.
“Let’s do it then!” Jin added, ushering him into the bedroom and closing the door, flopping himself onto the living room couch. A few seconds later there was a call.
Kame sighed, sitting down on the bed and answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Hello, Kazu-chan. It’s Jin.” Jin said and Kame was glad he couldn’t at least hear Jin’s voice from the other room, which would’ve made the whole situation even dumber somehow. “Where are you now?”
Kame frowned. “I’m home…or well, at our apartment.”
“What did you do today?” Jin asked next.
“Um…I was at work and then I ate pasta…with you.” Kame answered.
“Ah, really? I ate pasta today too.” Jin replied as if that hadn’t just sounded the least bit strange. “Hey, do you have any plans for tonight?”
“…No? Not really.” Kame answered. “Uh, Jin, where are you going with all of this?”
“I’m building up to the sex.” Jin replied and Kame wished he hadn’t asked. “So are you alone?”
Kame shot the door a look, knowing that Jin was not far outside of it. “Yes…”
“What were you doing?” Jin asked and Kame wasn’t sure what to answer to that. Should he make something up?
“I was just…” he started, not coming up with anything out of the blue. “I’m in the bedroom.”
“Ah, really?” Jin said. “Are you going to bed?”
“No…but I’m on the bed.” Kame said, sending the furniture under him a look.
“That makes me wish I was there.” Jin sighed longingly and Kame thought all Jin could do was open the door and step in. “What are you wearing?”
Kame shot his clothes a quick glance. “Jeans and a t-shirt.”
“Take them off.”
“W-what?” Kame stuttered, taken aback by the sudden request.
“The shirt first.” Jin added.
Kame very unwillingly pulled the clothing off, having to ask then, “Jin…you’re sure no one will overhear this, right?”
“Relax. It’s not tapped. Take a comfortable position.” Jin replied and Kame tried to do that, sitting back a bit.
He guessed he should ask Jin back something too. “What are you wearing?”
“I’m wearing my ripped jeans and my button down shirt.” Jin answered and Kame frowned.
“No, you’re not.” he said. “You were wearing your baggy pants just now with the long-sleeved shirt you keeping saying is yours and not Yamapi’s.”
“That wouldn’t have sounded so hot.” Jin insisted and Kame really didn’t get the logic, as he was of the opinion that Jin looked good in anything. “Anyway, lie down on your back and trail your hand down your chest.”
Kame felt a little stupid doing it.
“Let it run all the way down to your pants.” Jin continued and Kame wondered if Jin was doing the same to himself. “Then undo your pants and slip your hand inside-”
Kame definitely didn’t like where this was going. “Jin, I don’t know about this…”
“We don’t have to go all the way.” Jin assured. “Well, we couldn’t really in separate rooms, but I won’t even go there in our imagination- Hello? Kazu? Kazu-chan?!”
There was only a cruel tooting sound coming from the other end.
Jin couldn’t believe Kame had hung up on him now of all times! He tried to call again but the phone was turned off too! He fought back the urge to go bang on the door, reminding himself it might not be a good idea to storm in there guns loaded while Kame was probably sitting on the bed with possibly his clothes undone.
Instead a few long and painful minutes later Kame called him.
“I’m sorry, my battery died!” the smaller boy sounded very apologetic.
“That’s all right, I’m…” Jin replied, clearing his throat and seating himself better on the couch again. “I’m glad you called me back.”
Kame was silent on the other end of the line, probably not knowing what to say.
“So,” Jin continued, getting back into the mood quite fast. “Where were we? Oh yeah, slip your hand into your pants and then imagine it’s me who’s stroking- PI!!”
Kame shot the phone a strange look. Pi? He didn’t want to imagine anything involving Yamapi.
“What are you doing here? Did you pick the fucking door, you asshole?! Get out! I’m on the phone with Kazu-chan!” Jin barked, loud enough to be heard even without the phone.
“Yeah, I got that.” Yamapi laughed in the background.
Holy…! Yamapi was really there! Kame hurried to dress before they could come in there next.
“I just came to ask you out for a drink.” Yamapi said then. “I was starting to wonder where you were when you didn’t show up tonight.”
“Get lost! Like I had a date with you anyway! I have other plans!” Jin continued and Kame hurried out of the bedroom, fully dressed.
“Actually, I’d like to go out for a drink!” he said, rather spontaneously, earning both men’s attention.
“He was here? Thought you called him when he was on a shift or something…” Yamapi chuckled. “Tag along, Kame-chan. We can call Jin from the bar!”
Jin shot him a disbelieving look as he hurried out the door and after Yamapi.
“Thank you.” Kame said as they sat by counter in Jin’s and Yamapi’s bar. He took a careful sip of his beer, thankful that he could drink again without having to be reminded of his terrible hangover.
“For what?” Yamapi asked. “For saving you from having to have phone sex with Jin?”
“For everything you said the last time we had a drink together.” Kame replied. “If you hadn’t made me stay, I would probably have ended up regretting running away like that. I really appreciate the things you said. I was a wreck at that time…well, I’m still not completely myself, but I think I’m making progress and I owe so much of that to all of you.”
“Anyone who claims to be completely sane is definitely insane.” Yamapi said and Kame smiled, eyeing the leader until the other boy looked back at him again.
“Thank you, Yamapi.” Kame repeated and it made Yamapi feel strangely uncomfortable around Kame, breaking their eye contact again to drink from his glass.
“Don’t get all emotional. We’ve all pondered from time to time if we should’ve made different choices in our lives…” Yamapi said and Kame gave him a surprised look. “What? Do you really think we have never had any doubts? That we’ve never wondered if it would’ve just been easier to become a salary man instead of criminals everyone hates and fears? We’re the lowest bunch in the society. Don’t think we don’t know how that feels.”
Kame didn’t reply and he watched Yamapi lift the glass to his lips momentarily before continuing, “We’ve all had our doubts, but to some of us this was the only choice.”
“You could still turn back.” Kame said and Yamapi chuckled.
“After sitting our time in prison, wasting at least ten more years of our lives? And with these records?” Yamapi pointed out. “Besides, there’s nothing to return to.”
“Your families.” Kame suggested as one reason and he wondered if he had said something wrong as Yamapi didn’t reply, only drank some more.
“I prefer this world over the cynical one I lived in.” the News leader finally spoke again. “People think they’re safe because they all live under a contract with the society and if someone breaks it he or she will be punished, but that doesn’t always happen. The law does not protect you. It can do nothing for you because it is filled with loopholes.”
The way Yamapi had just said that made Kame jerk. The leader was unusually serious.
“Does Jin think that way too?” he asked. Was that the general opinion among gangsters? “Even when his father is the police chief?”
“The law is to Jin, just as it is to me, a tool we can use to swindle people bound to it. We use its holes to our advantage.” Yamapi replied.
As they were on the subject Kame decided to ask something he had really wanted to know about for some time now, “How does the police chief’s son become a gangster?”
“Technically, his father wasn’t the chief at that time, but I get your point.” Yamapi said. “He just didn’t belong in his life there. Since Jin wasn’t ever a top student, the school world was harsh on him and the only reason they didn’t expel him years before Yankumi came along was because the two-faced principal and teachers only saw him as the son of a rich and high-ranked police officer. Jin sought other company around him and found people, who would never care about his background or at least not crawl before him for his status in the society. He would have to earn respect through hardship on the streets.”
It definitely seemed as if in these blocks all that truly mattered was how good one was to handle oneself.
“He fell into worse and worse circles, always getting involved when something strange was happening and even the leader of the yakuza started to like his attitude, becoming willing to let Jin take charge of the yakuzas should Jin want that, but Jin was satisfied the way he was. Being a leader for one gang is already keeping him busy enough, so I don’t want to even imagine what he’d make of the whole yakuza, even though they are a split organization these days, some under Johnny’s influence.” Yamapi continued. “Life became a game. Love wasn’t any different, but then again he has never known love before now.”
“Still…he left his whole family behind for this life. All of you did.” Kame said. “I just don’t know how you can deal with it the way you do. I miss mine everyday.”
“Well, some of us still have contact with our families and friends.” Yamapi replied. “As for Jin, the only times he sees his father is when they run into each other on gigs.”
“Does Jin’s father chase him?” Kame asked. Did Jin’s father see his son as a disgrace for the family and that it was the father’s responsibility to catch his son?
“Jin’s father loves Jin.” Yamapi replied. “When we were caught Masa tried to squeeze information out of Jin in every way he could think, but Jin never said a thing. Not even when Masa brought his father there. The bastard only repaid us for having AT-TUN get caught and it cost us our freedom as well…”
“I…met his father.” Kame said and Yamapi chuckled.
“Boy, is he serious about you. He even introduced you to the family. Now all you need is to meet is his mother. She only comes back to Japan once a year on her birthday.” Yamapi teased, becoming serious then. “Jin has a good father.”
“What was…your father like?” Kame asked carefully, but as the leader didn’t answer for a while Kame wondered if he should’ve just kept quiet.
“He ran out on my mother, my older sister and me when I was in high school. He left us with a huge debt to pay.” Yamapi replied then.
“Debt?” Kame repeated.
“He was swindled.” the older boy explained. “And instead of cleaning up his own mess, he left it to us.”
Kame didn’t know what to say. There was such a clear distaste in the leader’s voice when talking about his father, but then Yamapi smiled, lifting the glass to his lips. “Yamashita is my mother’s last name. I took it instead of my father’s. That ought to explain to you how I feel about him.”
Kame was silent, thinking it was better to just listen for now and not ask so many questions.
“In order to pay back the debt that was now ours, I became a swindler myself.” Yamapi continued. “I swindled other swindlers. Koyama was on his way to becoming a marriage swindler at one point, but he came over to my side. I guess always setting up traps for people made me become a player too…”
And so Jin and him, despite their different backgrounds, had both become so alike. Hadn’t he had Jin and the other fellows he wouldn’t have ended up like he was now. He’d probably be living alone, away from human contact.
“We’ve done so many things together…” Yamapi trailed off and from the look upon the leader’s face Kame could tell he was talking about Jin. “We were worse in prison. On the outside, it was all about becoming acknowledged as gangsters and finally living to your own rules, but in prison…we toughened up a notch.”
“How?” Kame finally asked and Yamapi gave him a meaningful look.
“You know how. You were caught in the middle.” the leader replied. “But he’s not like that anymore. None of us are.”
“Why not?” Kame asked, but wasn’t answered.
“So, you’re not going to bring up the subject of that night?” Yamapi then asked and Kame shot him a frown. “I figured that’s why you wanted to have a beer, you know, apart from wanting to escape Jin’s phone calls. You probably want to give me an earful too, so let’s have it.”
Kame wondered when he had come to the position to give an earful to gang leaders like Yamapi and Jin.
“It’s between me and Jin.” he replied then. “I don’t like it that he tells you everything, but you said once he turns to you for help. I get that. I want to have someone to talk with too from time to time. I just wish he’d turn to me the same. You can tell him that the next time you two chat.”
“He doesn’t tell me everything.” Yamapi corrected much to Kame’s surprise. “Well, now that that subject is off the table, why don’t I buy you another beer and you can tell me something I won’t tell Jin…”
Another beer was placed onto the counter before him and Kame took a sip. “I thought you hated playing our shrink.”
“It’s not like I have much of a choice.” Yamapi replied, drinking from his new beer as well. “But at least I’ll feel all better talking behind Jin’s back for a change.”
Kame swore he would never get to the roots of the two leaders’ friendship. It was beyond him how they could stay friends while torturing each other like this.
“Come on, I’m Jin’s best friend. There has got to be something you want to ask of me.” Yamapi added with a hint of humor in his tone.
Kame fiddled with his glass a bit, wondering if he should say anything at all. “Do I suffocate him?”
“What?” Yamapi asked, not expecting something like that.
“Have I…made him into someone he’s not?” Kame asked, sending the leader a glance. “These past few months that we’ve been here in Korea…I’ve been seeing a whole other Jin I never even knew. I couldn’t have imagined he’d be this…different. That…”
“That what?” Yamapi asked.
“T-that…he could be this serious about a relationship…” Kame confessed. “I barely recognize him.”
Yamapi didn’t reply, only eyed him thoughtfully, and Kame drank up his new beer quite fast, knowing he had said too much and in front of Jin’s best friend no less.
Oh, Jin was different all right and Yamapi had just known Kame would realize that too. Jin was trapped, but Kame wasn’t the one suffocating his best friend - Jin was handling that all by himself, but as usually Kame blamed himself. It was just like he had thought. This only confirmed it. Kame needed to see again the Jin he had met. That was the only way to stop Kame from subconsciously always waiting for that Jin to awaken again and only then would Jin not be able to pretend to be nicer than what he was. Kame still watched his steps and now Jin had begun to do that too. It was driving him insane and making the relationship between those two royally screwed.
“W-well, I better get going.” Kame said then, getting up a bit too fast, obviously not about to stay and wait for an answer to his question. “Thanks for the beers.”
“Kame-chan.” Yamapi said before Kame could dash out and he sent the News leader a questioning look. “Do your best! Turtle power!”
Kame was sure he was being mocked again, but he gave a hesitant smile before taking off.
As he returned to the apartment Jin was waiting for him, still sitting on the couch with his arms crossed and tapping one foot against the floor. This didn’t look too good for him. Kame tried to lighten the mood with a somewhat cheerful, but also hesitant, “I’m back…?”
“Welcome back.” Jin muttered. “How was your drink with Yamapi?”
Kame fiddled with his sleeve a bit as he entered the living room. “F-fine.”
“Had a more pleasant discussion with him than me?” Jin seemed jealous. Kame wondered what he could do to change that.
“We…talked a bit.” he answered. “About you.”
“Really?” Jin asked, getting up and walking over to him. “Whatever he said, don’t buy it! I am not stupid and stubborn and have certainly never said that I have a butt fetish!”
There was a short silence between them before Kame spoke, “Actually he told me about how you became a gangster.”
“Oh.” Jin replied, having expected his best friends to say much worse things. “Then forget about the butt fetish...”
“He also told me about your father.” Kame added. “He seemed to regard him well, almost like his own.”
“Yeah, maybe he does that.” Jin said, leaning back against the edge of the couch.
“But how could he leave his family behind like that?” Kame had to ask. “His father already left the entire family. I understand Yamapi felt the need to swindle money so they could survive, but by doing that he was to stay away from his family because otherwise he’d get caught and… It’s just too cruel. Maybe he should’ve tried to earn money some other way. His family could still need him around. There are still so many things I just don’t understand about you all.”
Jin was looking at him kind of strangely and Kame wondered if he was on a topic he should get off, but he couldn’t help wondering. He was forced to stay away from his family. He wasn’t sure what he would’ve done in that situation himself.
“Couldn’t he have found any other way?” Kame continued to ask. “Doesn’t he ever see his mother and his older sister anymore?”
“Kame…” Jin tried to say.
“I just don’t understand you. How can you all live apart from your families like this?” Kame asked. “I’m sure Yamapi’s family misses him-”
”Pi’s family is dead.”
Kame’s eyes widened in shock, hearing that.
“When Pi returned home one evening, his father had killed the others, coming at Pi with a bloody knife, but was unsuccessful.” Jin explained and Kame didn’t believe his ears. “Pi had been out trying to earn money. His father did disappear for a while, but came back because the people he owned money to had located him and started pressuring him. He came to ask for money. Yamapi became a swindler after his family died. He lost the little faith he had in society that night.”
Kame didn’t know what to say.
“Koyama, Toma and Shirota, everyone from News are to thank for him not ending up totally alone.” Jin added.
“I-I’m so sorry…” Kame stuttered out, still shocked. “Oh god, I…I shouldn’t have kept asking questions. I should’ve realized he didn’t want to talk about it when he got so quiet…”
“It’s not your fault.” Jin assured. “You couldn’t possibly have known what had happened.”
“I’ve got to apologize to him-” Kame said, turning to run out, but Jin was quick to catch his wrist.
“Don’t.” the leader said and Kame looked back at him in disbelief. “Don’t do that.”
“But…” Kame protested.
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Jin insisted. “Don’t remind him of it again. Let it go.”
Kame slowly surrendered, allowing Jin to pull him onto the couch and the boy settled arms around him.
Maybe it was best this way. Jin knew Yamapi better than him, so he should just trust Jin’s judgement on this.
“Why didn’t you ask me?” Jin said then. “About my past.”
“I-I don’t know, we just got onto the topic somehow…” Kame said. “What was it like for you back then?”
It was pretty tough…
…
“Jin! Jin, are you okay?” a familiar voice called and a person ran towards him.
Turning his gaze he found his favourite bike in flames a few feet away.
“What are you doing here? You’re a high school student. You shouldn’t be out this late at night, even less getting involved in something like this!” the person, who turned out to be his father, said. “Those people just tried to kill you!”
Jin slowly got up to his feet, brushing off some dirt stuck on his ripped clothes that the flight off his bike in speed had caused him.
“This is serious. What you’re doing is dangerous.” his father continued to lecture him. “I know you’ve got contact with the yakuza. Break it off and focus on studying! Stop hanging around in those corners! You used to only get involved in every case you stumbled upon with your four friends from school, but this has gone too far! You’re breaking into places, you’re swindling people… Jin, you keep breaking the law.”
He didn’t believe in the society anymore. He had always been blamed for things he hadn’t done, he had lost faith in everything the society stood for. The only way to take revenge, to set anything straight, was to do it oneself. No one else would do it for him unless they wanted to make profit by doing it.
He would finish this on his own.
“You’re going down a road we can’t follow.” his father said as he turned his back to walk into the other direction of the man and he stopped for a second.
“I’m sorry.” he said, without turning back. He didn’t have to see the disappointed look upon his father’s face to know it was there.
“The next time I see you…” the man behind him said, adding painfully, “I will have to arrest you.”
Without replying Jin continued to walk.
He knew that. And from that moment on his home was somewhere else than the mansion he had been living in with his father and his little brother…and his mother, who spent most her time travelling around the globe.
…
Jin sighed, as they were cuddled together on the bed. He hadn’t wanted the same life for Kame. He hadn’t wanted Kame to make that choice too.
Kame looked up hearing Jin sigh. “I’m sorry for asking so many questions about you from him.”
Jin managed a small smile, toying with a few strands of Kame’s hair thoughtfully.
“So did TTUN turn into gangsters the same way you did?” Kame asked then.
“Well, Koki’s story you pretty much know by now, right? He had to sleep with his senpai and almost committed suicide.” Jin replied. “Maru was bullied because of his shy personality…and his nose.”
“But you bully him too.” Kame had to point out.
“He knows we don’t mean everything we say.” Jin replied. “Ueda was always mysterious and different from other students, so they kind of feared him. In reality Ueda is probably the most open-minded of us all. Junno was freaky. People were scared of him after having seen his other side.”
“Other side?” Kame repeated.
“When Junno sometimes loses it and actually shows some balls.” Jin said. “All the troublesome kids were put into one class, the D-class. A-class was for ultimate nerds that got special education because they were so smart and the level of knowledge got worse the further from A you were. D was rock bottom. We were all put into D for different reasons. I wasn’t that bright and I lost my temper easily, Ueda was bright but people were scared of him, Junno seemed unreliable, Maru didn’t get along with other classmates and Koki was a general clown and trouble maker. The five of us led our class and all the other classes feared us. We always got ourselves into trouble, too…”
…
“Akanishi, is it okay the way things are now?”
Jin eyed the four boys sitting around the table, waiting for him to say something. They seemed to look at him to lead them. He really was their leader now, wasn’t he? He hadn’t truly understood before what he had begged Ueda to let him become.
“Is it really good to cross this line?” Maru asked, always the one worrying the most out of them.
“We already have.” Jin replied. “You know as well as I do there’s no turning back now. The society won’t accept us anymore. They barely ever did.”
TTUN lowered their heads. Everyone around this table was teary-eyed and worn out, heading into a future that stood open before them.
“But we don’t need them anymore. We don’t need anyone to accept us. We accept each other. We take care of each other.” Jin said. “We’re family. That’s why we will never abandon each other.”
“What about graduation? It’s only in a few days.” Junno asked.
“We’ll be there, like promised.” Jin said. “But then that will be it. We can’t go back home anymore.”
It had shocked him at first that Koki would be one of the first ones to cry a tear. The rapper didn’t look like the type at all.
“But I know where we can stay. There’s these streets no cops dare to walk on, the place is completely run by gangsters…and Tsubasa is one of them.” Jin said, turning to Koki. “Well, he will be there as soon as he’s released from prison. Anyway, I know a few people there. We’re going to be all right.” As the table was quiet Jin decided to add, “I know this seems like an impossible future, but I think it’ll get better for all of us. We just need to stick together.”
“You’re probably right.” Ueda said. “Because impossible things is what we’ve done all through high school. I’m counting graduation to be one of them.”
The three others nodded, sending Jin smiles, even though their eyes were still filled with tears.
“Turning impossibilities into possibilities…” the four boys said together and Jin smiled.
“…that’s what AT-TUN is all about.” the leader finished.
…
He had cried a few tears himself that night too, but after that a whole new life had started for them. In the beginning they had wondered how they had come to screw up so badly in the past to be left with only this option, but eventually they had all settled in more than well.
“So…if that’s how you five became a gang…then what about News?” Kame asked.
“Yamapi met the rest in school.” Jin replied. “We always competed; Yamapi’s gang against mine, Yamapi’s school against mine, and so on. That all sort of helped us down in this direction.”
“Then what’s Arashi’s story?” Kame asked next.
“Okay, Matsumoto - bad temper and a runaway from home, Ohno was driven by revenge for someone who turned out to be Toma, Sho has some past involving Yokoyama, Nino lost his parents and Aiba lost a person he loved after she left him to go abroad and then she died there.” Jin answered.
“Oh. What about Kanjani8 then?” Kame asked and Jin sighed, changing his position so he was lying with his head in Kame’s lap the same way Jin had always done as Kame’s puppy.
“This is going to take all night.” the leader guessed, but answered his question anyway, “Subaru was always a rebel, Ryo had a bad reputation thanks to his evil tongue, Uchi, like Kusano, were expelled from school, Yassan stood out for being more open-minded than most people could handle and was teased for it, Maruyama…”
And indeed they were up almost the whole night talking.
In another part of the town, Yamapi hadn’t even noticed he had taken a detour out of the gangsters’ blocks. The earlier talk with Kame had set him down a road filled with old memories he had almost managed to bury, not earning them much of a thought for years even though he still had scores to settle.
Life had treated him well for the past years, despite the fact that he had spent some of it in prison, so he had almost forgotten all about what he still had left to do. He had forgotten almost all about the pain he had felt back then…
…
No matter what he did he could not shut out the image of his own father coming at him with a bloody knife, the same knife that had just killed his family. Had this been the old man’s last resort? To go down with honour? What did that man know about honour?
“Yamapi!”
He recognized his best friend’s voice straight away, but he didn’t move. He had failed to protect his family and he had failed to kill the person responsible for his father ever going into debt in the first place. What was there left for him to do?
“Pi, there you are!” Jin shouted, finding him and running over to him. “Where have you been? I’ve been calling and calling you, but you haven’t answered!”
He could make out the worry in Jin’s voice as the older boy sat down next to him.
“You were here all along? In the gangsters’ blocks?” Jin concluded. “Are you okay?”
He didn’t answer and Jin realized there was no way someone could ever be after what his best friend had just gone through.
“Yamapi!”
Another familiar voice soon called and Yamapi recognized it also immediately.
“Toma! He’s over here!” Jin shouted back and Toma steered his feet over into their direction, stopping before him out of breath.
“Yamapi.” the boy said. “Thank god you’re not hurt…”
“We had to use my contacts to find out where you were and heard you had been seen with two men in these blocks.” Jin said.
Tackey and Tsubasa. They had found him wandering here without a clue where he was going. They had taken him in and forced him to eat something then let him rest at their place.
“Why didn’t you contact either of us?” Toma asked. “Do you know how worried we’ve been for you?”
“The thing is all over the news.” Jin said. “He’s dead, Pi. He took his own life.”
“Everyone is worried about you.” Toma said. “Come back to us. Come back to school with me.”
He couldn’t deal with the two right now and stood up, setting to walk, but he didn’t make it but a few steps before both his arms were grabbed.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Jin asked, holding his one arm. “We’re not going to run around, searching desperately for you another time!”
“You really scared us.” Toma added. “So wherever you’re going, we’re coming too.”
“This doesn’t concern you!” he snapped, trying to break free, but was unsuccessful. No matter what he did or said neither let go off him…
…
He would’ve ended up a loner hadn’t he had these guys. They made his life so much richer. In the end, maybe he had influenced Jin choosing this life too. He hadn’t had anything to return to, but Jin could’ve had. It was probably the reason Jin had fought so long for Kame not to have to make that same choice Jin did. Yamapi would have preferred having that choice too.
He stopped, realizing suddenly he was walking right into the SM areas. This walk was obviously not clearing his head, but fortunately he knew exactly what could.
He was about to turn around and go back to the apartment, when the sight of one of the men he still had that score to settle with appeared right in front of him. His eyes widened and for a while he was sure he had simply drunk too much, but then he came to the conclusion that the man entering one of Lee Soo Man’s clubs was undeniably Mikimoto, the man he had sworn to crush one day for being one of the people responsible for making him lose everything.
His hands turned to tight fists by his sides as he pierced the man with his gaze.
“This time he won’t get away!” Yamapi said for himself and fell into the shadow of the man he hated almost as much as his father.