[In his Care] Chapter 83 ~part 2

[blue_orbs]

Kame's eyes widened as he heard the news that had Masa so thrilled. A smile spread over the detective's lips.

“I told you he'd do anything for you. Even walk straight into the police station and give himself up.” Masa said. “He's in their custody now. I assume you want to tag along?”

Kame was out the door faster than the detective. When they arrived at the police station, they were led to the backroom of an interrogation room and as Kame stepped inside he could see through the glass how Jin sat alone by a table in the other room, handcuffed.

“I'll go have a word with him.” Masa said, giving Jin another look through the glass before changing rooms.

Kame remained on the other side, studying Jin through the glass. Jin lifted his head, as the door opened, and he didn't look very satisfied seeing Masa step inside.

“You didn't need to escape if you really wanted to be caught.” the detective said, as he closed the door behind him.

“I don't want to talk to you.” Jin said, gaze falling on the glass he couldn't see through, but he didn't need to in order to know who was hiding behind it. “I want to talk to Kazuya.”

“I knew that's why you're here.” Masa said, sitting down in front of the gangster. “I never thought I’d see the day, Akanishi Jin in love and walking in on his own free will.” Masa said. “My world has been turned completely upside down now. I don't know what to think. This is the biggest mystery since Pluto was declared not to be a planet anymore.”

“Pluto’s not a planet?!” Jin’s world had also crumbled. Masa moved on from the subject he himself had introduced, ignoring the gangster’s limited knowledge of everything outside the blocks.

“It was so easy to get Kame-chan away from you in Korea.” Masa said and Jin's face darkened. “I thought there was nothing I could offer him that you couldn't better, seeing as you were the one he was in love with, but then I found it. The thing he wanted, but you didn't give him.”

“Mind sharing with me what this phenomenal thing is, so that I can give it to him even better than you and have him turn on you for a change?” Jin shot back.

“You mean you still haven't figured it out?” Masa said amused, but Jin hardly shared that amusement. “It's so obvious.”

The gang leader leaned across the table. “I said I don't want to talk to you. Don't make me repeat myself.”

Masa was not foolish and knew when to take a threat seriously, especially since Jin's handcuffs were no longer restraining his hands anymore that rested on the table. There was no telling when the leader would attack.

Slamming the handcuffs onto the table, Jin's eyes turned to the glass again. “Come here, cutie. I have something to say to you.”

There was short silence before the door to the room opened again.

“Masa, I'll take it from here.” Kame said, as he appeared by the doorway and the two of them switched places, as Masa knew more than well had he stayed he would've ended up in a fight with Jin sooner or later. Kame wanted to prevent that.

Kame sat down in front of Jin as Masa closed the door behind him.

“So, I confess.” Jin was the first to break the heavy silence. “Guilty as charged. By the way, what are you going to charge me with? Whatever it is, I'm sure I did it.”

“Why did you come here?” Kame asked.

“I want to set things right with you.” Jin answered.

“And what does that mean?” Kame asked, really feeling like he was interrogating Jin, but that was pretty much how their relationship had been all the time.

“I'll come clean for you. I'll pay for what I did to you, to others and for everything else I've done that I can be charged with.” Kame was surprised to hear that. “Then I'll never cross the law again. I'll straighten myself out in prison and leave the gang. I'll come out and find a real job.”

Kame couldn't believe he was hearing Jin say those things again. He hadn't wanted Jin to change for his sake the last time, he didn't want Jin to do it this time either, but as he couldn't say that he ended up only asking simply, “Why?”

“Because it's my fault you're destroying who you are with Masa and Johnny.” Jin replied. “If I had been able to take better care of you, you wouldn't have ended up with them. I should’ve figured things out with you when I still had the chance.” he said and added, “I don't care if you continue to attend school, but please don't continue to work for Masa and Johnny. Meet me halfway.”

“Halfway?” Kame repeated.

“Will you wait for me?” Jin asked. “I'll probably be locked up for a decade at least this time, but...will you be waiting for me until I get out?”

Kame didn't know what to reply.

“Of course I won't be having any boy toys in prison. I'll try my best to stay out of trouble too.” Jin continued. “We're very different, but I could date a nerd. I could face all the tough times ahead of us.”

“Tough times? Such as?” Kame repeated again and Jin shrugged.

“Me being a former inmate with probably a crappy job that pays lousily… Your folks most likely hating my guts... People judging us and our love because we're two men...Just to name a few.” Jin said. “But at least we won't have to constantly be on the run from the long arm of the law because of me.”

“I never wanted you to change who you are.” Kame said, failing to keep it inside.

“But you can't be with me as I am.” Jin stated.

Kame rose from his chair. “You're the one who made that assumption, not me.” He stopped by the door. “You shouldn't have come here.”

Even though Jin couldn't see Kame's face he could tell from the tone in Kame's voice that Kame hadn't been as pleased to see him there as Masa had. As Kame had left the room, Masa entered it again.

“I want my phone call.” Jin said.

“Not a chance.” the detective answered. “You'll only call for backup.”

“I said I want my phone call and I will have it one way or another.” Jin insisted and Masa was sure he'd avoid a lot of pointless arguing as well as trouble by just giving Jin his phone call.

Jin was showed the way into another room and in the meanwhile Masa decided to make a phone call of his own.

“Hello? There’s been a change of plans. Akanishi Jin just gave himself up. Thought you might want to know. He’s in our custody right now, but I can’t guarantee he’ll stay here. We might get company. Who do you think will come?” Masa listened, a smile spreading across his lips. “We’ll target them next. Wait for my instructions.”

In the other room Jin also dialled a number, waiting for the person to answer before he talked. “Pi, I need a favor.”

“Jin, where are you?” Yamapi asked.

“I'm at the police station.”

“What?!”

“I turned myself in.” Jin explained. “I should've done it already a year ago. Maybe if I had we could still have worked something out.”

“Jin, what the hell?” Yamapi asked, still having trouble digesting the new information. “You're in- You turned- And above all that I can’t believe you’re still thinking of dating him!”

“I can’t live another year without him.” Jin said.

“If you go to prison you’ll live plenty of years without him.”

“Listen, Pi. Don't tell my gang until I'm sent back to prison.” Jin said. “And don't come for me.”

“Are you insane?” Yamapi argued. “There's no way I won't come for you.”

“Are you going to help me out of trouble now when the last time you're the one who made sure I got caught?” Jin asked and the other leader was quiet for a while there. “What changed? You should be out celebrating and laughing at my misfortune the way I'd do if it were you in my place right now.”

“No, you wouldn't.” Yamapi finally answered. “You'd come and get me too. I know we've both had enough of prison and you know what changed.”

Jin didn't reply.

“You brought it into our lives.” Yamapi added. “I'm coming to get you and then you're buying me beer.”

“I owe him this.” Jin replied.

“Get real, idiot!” Yamapi shouted through the phone, so that Jin was tempted to remove the receiver from his ear. “What good will it do if you let him catch you now? You’ll be sitting in jail while Masa and Johnny have complete influence over him! How do you expect to save him from their grip from in there? If you give yourself up now, you lose. If you’re really right and he is doing this for some reason that is out of his control then he will try to continue to keep you from finding out why and you’ll make that job ridiculously easy for him if you walk back into prison yourself! The only way you’ll save your whacked up princess is by staying here with us and not giving up!”

There was a moment of silence, during which one could mistake Jin considered his best friend's words, but then Jin stubbornly replied, “Stay out of this.” And he hung up.

As soon as the phone was out of his hand, he was taken to a holding cell and he sat down on the small, uncomfortable bed, grimacing at the familiar hardness. Silently he wondered how he had gotten himself back to this position.

Prison.

He had never imagined himself to be truly capable of falling in love, and even less had he seen himself walk voluntarily back to prison for that love. Where had the cold-hearted bastard in him disappeared to? The last time he had been in this position, awaiting his doom, he had been surrounded by his gang, all of them cursing and plotting futile escapes to avoid the destiny that awaited them. He hadn’t known then what other destiny awaited him in there.

When stepping into that godforsaken place, Jin had felt as if the society, from which bonds he had thought he had broken free, had won again. They thought they had regained a bit of dignity and respect as they had started to do what they wanted to, rebelling and ignoring rules that had led to lives as gangsters, but in reality they had simply turned their backs on the society that had already turned its back on them. Now it seemed society had screwed him over a third time, at least, after being the one thing standing in the way of Kame and him.

Or so he had thought.

Jin lifted his eyes to the cell bars a few feet in front of him, as if he couldn't believe he actually sat on this side of them.

Society hadn't screwed things up between him and Kame. He had. He could blame homophobia and he could blame the law, but in the end the society had just been an excuse - nothing they couldn't have overcome one way or another. He had thought he would be able to firmly stand beside Kame as a partner, but he had underestimated how deep his phobia of commitment really ran. The fact that he could still remember how he had held a crying Kame down on Kame's own bed only a few nights after they met, didn't help the situation much either. In a desperate attempt to deny he could ever have been capable of doing something like that to the person he had come to love, he had pushed those memories away into the back of his head, where they had always shadowed his thoughts, but in the mean time he had let Kame bring out the good sides in him, allowing him to forget about the bad. But it didn't make him a good person and deep down he had always known he wasn't. It had made him more phobic to commit to Kame, pushing the boy away so Kame wouldn't see the real him again. But despite how hard or how roughly he had pushed, Kame had kept slipping closer and the curious boy had kept asking question, wanting to see the side of him he was so desperately trying to hide while part of him wanted Kame to see it and accept it so maybe he would be able to do the same. But Kame had given up before that had happened and he had won, succeeding in keeping his potential partner at a safe distance until the boy had tired enough to give up.

So there he was again. He could run all he wanted from cops and detectives, even from Kame, but he couldn't outrun himself. He was sitting there right now because he was every bit as bad of a person as always before. Nothing had changed as he had been released. He had still been up to the same things as before. There was no use in denying it anymore - he was a thief, a gangster, a leader, a former player and a former master. Part of him wanted to go back to prison in order to deny all that, but it wouldn't change who he really was, just like he hadn't been able to change into a better person playing Kame's boyfriend. In the end even Kame hadn't been able to save him from himself, despite how much the boy had believed in him and affected him and everyone around him, and he hadn't been able to save Kame. It was the least he, as a former master, could've done, but instead Kame had fallen into the hands of Masa and Johnny.

He thought momentarily about what Yamapi had said over the phone, but disregarded it then. He couldn't even save himself, Yankumi had tried and succeeded for a while, but as soon as he had graduated and she had stopped watching his back constantly, he had fallen again. As she had once told him, there would always be stronger people than him. Still, he hadn't imagined he was this weak.

Now at any moment he was the one who would be saved. Despite he had told Yamapi to stay away, he knew more than well that Yamapi was on his way.

He turned his gaze in the direction of the door, as someone turned the lock and the door opened with a deep sound.

He hadn't expected Yamapi to use the door, but more like smash the wall of his cell. It all cleared to him, when the one who stepped into the otherwise empty section of cells was not his rival.

“So, when are your friends coming to spring you free?” Kame asked, as if having read his mind.

“I told them not to.” Jin replied, honestly. “So we probably have an hour at the most before they do.” he added, standing up and grabbing one bar as he leaned against what was separating him from the boy stopping on the other side of the cell. “I would've gone to prison for you. But you have only yourself to blame that I won't be.”

“How's that?” Kame asked.

“You got involved with us.” Jin replied and Kame didn't understand what Jin was getting at.

Jin's eyes trailed over the shape he had both loved and abused. He wasn't sure which he had done more and some part of him still wanted to do both. Maybe it was time to face the truth.

“You should've kept saying no to me.” he added, eyes trailing back up to Kame's. He wondered how long they would've played cat and mouse in his cell if Kame hadn't given in by the third night and instead continued being his stubborn self. “I've always lived by the rule that the only way to get rid off a temptation is to yield to it, but seeing as how long I've been lusting over you and repeatedly yield to that temptation my theory clearly isn't working.”

Kame wasn't sure what Jin was talking about now either and Jin let go of the bar, walking back to the small bed.

“Run.” the leader said then and Kame frowned, eyeing Jin confused as the leader met his eyes over one shoulder. “Escape while you still have the chance, and do it better this time because I will get out of here and when I do I will hunt you down. Not even Johnny and Masa will be able to save you from me then. I'm done playing nice.”

Kame met his eyes for a while and he could see the boy hold his breath, probably wondering whether Jin could pick the lock as easily as Jin had the handcuffs and finally Kame heeded his warning, turning on his heels and walked back to the open door, where he stopped.

“By the way, you going to prison and me not going isn't meeting halfway since we have both broken the law. But I guess that won't matter soon.” Kame said without turning around and with that the boy continued his way out.

As Kame was gone, Jin sat down on the bed and pulled out his pocket knife. The cops could never find something on him he didn't want them to find. Bringing the knife to his hair he cut his long hair that was pulled up on top of his head.

It was time to stop pretending he was someone better than he really was. No one bought it. Not Pi or the other guys, not Masa, not Kame and he didn't even buy it himself anymore.

Upon hearing another noise he lifted his head, knowing already what was going down and a few seconds later Yamapi appeared in front of his cell, keys in his hands.

“You left the door open for me.” the other leader said, nodding towards the door Kame had just walked out through and Yamapi had slipped in through. “I didn't tell your gang.”

Jin stood up. “Get me out of here.”

Yamapi grinned at him, twirling the key in the lock and the cell door opened.

“You're not here alone, are you?” Jin asked, as there was no one else in sight.

“No. Toma, Ryo and Uchi tagged along.” Yamapi replied, as they snuck out of the holding area and met up with Toma.

“Your effects.” the gangster said, throwing Jin his jacket, phone and the weapons Jin had let the cops find so they would think they had completely disarmed him.

“Uchi, Ryo, we got Jin and we're heading out now. Get the hell out too.” Yamapi said through his phone.

“Copy that. See you back at the blocks.” Ryo answered, where he and Uchi were in a second holding section filled with small cells. “They found Akanishi. Let's go.” Ryo said to his gang mate and Uchi gave him a nod, about to walk out of the room when a loud sound behind was heard. As he spun around he found the cell Ryo and he had just looked for Jin in had suddenly shut its cell door.

“Managed manually with a computer...” Ryo solved the mystery, grabbing the bars of the door, but it wouldn't move. “They've noticed us. Uchi, get out of here.”

“I won't leave you here!” Uchi insisted, grabbing the bars as well and pulling madly on them, as if they would open with sheer strength.

“This was a trap... They knew we were coming.” Ryo realized. “Uchi, go! You have to leave!”

“No!” Uchi replied, more stubborn. “We barely got Akanishi out. We won't be able to sneak in a second time! I'll get you out and then we'll escape together. I'll just get the key-” He never got to finish his sentence, as suddenly a shape from behind him grabbed him tightly with one arm, pressing a smelling piece of fabric against his nose and mouth with the free hand.

“Masa!” Ryo yelled, grabbing the bars tighter, as he could see the face of the attacker. “Release him!” he demanded, seeing how Uchi slowly lost consciousness until he dangled from Masa's grip.

“Chloroform.” Masa said, as he removed the clothing from Uchi's face. “I didn't think I would be able to get you a second time like this.”

Ryo knew the detective was referring to the time he had held onto the bars of Uchi's cell stubbornly, trying to get his gang mate free from prison and ended up joining him instead.

“Back away, face the wall.” Masa ordered and Ryo shot one look at Uchi before stepping backwards, involuntarily turning his nose to the wall and he heard the cell door open and then shut seconds later.

“I was expecting some sort of an attempt to rescue Akanishi.” Masa said and Ryo turned back again, finding Uchi lying on the hard and small bed of the cell. “Now instead of one, I have two, and soon I will have eight.”

Ryo just stared as Masa picked up his phone, re-dialling a number. “You were right. We’ve got them. The rest of the gang will come running as soon as they find out what happened. We need to set up another trap.”

“Who are you talking to?” Ryo asked and Masa shut the phone.

“I’ll have Kame block all signals here, so don’t bother trying to warn your buddies.” Masa said, as he headed for the door. “And get used to the cell. You two will be cellmates again.”

~*~*~*~

“Finally back.” Yamapi sighed, as he, Toma and Jin crossed their border. It had in every way possible been a very trying day. “I'm really in the mood for a beer now.”

“TTUN are going to find out about what happened sooner or later, so I'll go talk to them.” Toma offered, eyeing both Yamapi and Jin, and sometimes Yamapi really thought Toma knew him too well.

He turned towards Jin, as they were left alone to do some quality male bonding in the Pin style. “So are you going to buy me that beer or not?”

“I didn’t think you’d want to drink with me for a while.” Jin had to say.

“You’re a pitiful rival right now, but you’re still my best friend.” Yamapi replied. Besides Jin had made improvement so a reward was in order.

Jin was still surprised, as Yamapi strolled off ahead of him. Their favorite bar was closed due to certain circumstances that had been plaguing their blocks lately such as Kame and his computer games, but that was hardly something two gangsters couldn't overcome and soon Jin and Yamapi sat together in a dark, empty bar that now too had a broken lock on its front door.

Jin guessed the News leader was probably fed up with him royally this time, but when he was miserable, really miserable, Yamapi still took him out.

“Oh yeah, I forgot, we don’t have any electricity.” Yamapi sighed, as he served himself a beer and sent a glass over towards Jin then. “You okay?” Yamapi asked, after letting Jin take a first sip.

“Great.” Jin replied. “I've been both threatened to be arrested, almost arrested and arrested. Not to mention the failure at court. And Kame doesn't seem to want to meet me halfway either.”

“Well, failure has never put you off before, only made you more eager to win. You don’t want to lose him to them, do you?” Yamapi asked, giving him a knowing look. “But there’s only one way he’ll break.” Yamapi continued and Jin knew what Yamapi was going to say next. ”You’re past the point of begging. That’s what he had expected you to do in Korea. He wanted you to stop him from leaving, but when you didn’t he drew his conclusions. It’s what’s been irritating him about you all along. You showed up because of this gig, not for him. You can’t ask him to stop anymore. He won’t listen. You have to defeat him in this game.”

“I know.” Jin said and Yamapi shot him a surprised look. “You were right all along.” Jin confessed, playing with the glass in his hands. “I didn’t set him free back in Korea. I let him slip right through my fingers because I was too ashamed of what I had done to him. I was scared he’d stop loving me, wake up and hate me like he should. And the only solution I thought there could be was if he returned back to me like he did the previous times, but this time he didn’t come back.”

Yamapi didn’t say anything, waiting for Jin to continue.

“You were right. I set myself free that day, not him.” Jin admitted. “The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him not to leave. I should’ve gone after him a long time ago. It wasn’t as if I ever gave him any hope either, but he always sought me up, coming to find me even inside our blocks. Now it was my turn and I blew it.”

Yamapi thought Jin was worth the drink that Jin lifted to his lips.

“He set you free in hope you’d get over your past, but you couldn’t. He moved on from it, you didn’t, and he could tell.” Yamapi added and Jin accepted it to be the truth this time. “He forgot about your past, but you never could. I think it is partly why he took that setback in Korea, too. You were expecting him to snap to his 'senses' and realize he didn't love you but hate you. You expected it to happen much sooner, like when he was released, but when it wasn't you made it happen by hiding away from him and pushing him away, confirming the idea of him being nothing to you but a boy toy. Your past always haunted you and it made you do some stupid moves and you’ve come so close so many times to losing him for good because of it. You felt guilty so you kept him at a distance one way or another, giving him the impression you didn’t love him and in Korea you once again let him believe that way.”

“And I sealed my fate. I lost him.” Jin finished for him. “I broke so many promises I made him and then I couldn’t even ask him not to go, just letting him leave.”

“He was waiting to see the real you.” Yamapi said.

“But I didn’t give him that. When he tried to leave that New Year I told him that he had to stay and face me. That it was the only way for him to move on, but I never let him see me and instead I hid behind this image of a perfect boyfriend, which I wasn't.” Jin chuckled miserably. “It’s like he’s making me live through everything he’s had to suffer because of me, step by step. He's keeping things from me, going from hot to cold to hot and cold again. I never know what's going on inside his head. He tried to walk away from me a couple of times and the last time I let him. Now he’s doing something hard on his own and I want to help, but he won’t even tell me what’s going on.”

“I guess you could say I’ve had some things coming over the years, too.” the News leader admitted then and Jin looked at him, surprised Yamapi would say that. “I’ve sort of toyed with him a couple of times too, so I shouldn’t complain about him ranting out on Toma or beating us in court today.”

Jin smiled and Yamapi eyed him.

“You never stopped believing in him.”

“Did you stop believing in Toma even after finding out all the things he did as a bully?” Jin pointed out. “You’ve known him since kindergarten. You always said he wasn’t happy at home. You knew that whenever he’d bully someone he was letting out the frustration of the pressure he felt from his father. You made him laugh and forget about it and he stopped bullying, but when you got caught up in your own problems and you couldn’t be there for him he turned worse again and someone got killed.”

Yamapi didn’t reply, drinking some more.

“When you picked up the pieces while not knowing why he was so shattered you didn’t even ask because you believed in him.” Jin continued. “And you kept believing in him even when he finally told you the whole truth.”

“So you want me to believe in Kame-chan too?” Yamapi concluded.

“Please don’t turn your back on him.” Jin said. “I didn’t leave you alone with Toma or turned my back at you when you were in trouble. We might not be model citizens and we screw up more than regular people, but we know how to stick together through times when people usually would just abandon each other. That’s perhaps our only true strength, a strength Kame found in us, believed in and made stronger. He's the reason you didn't just let me get busted this time. In these blocks everyone has screwed up at least once, so can’t we just forgive him and do what we can for him?”

“Fine, I get it and I’ll believe in him and help you under one condition.” Yamapi said and Jin eyed him curiously. “Forgive yourself and stop pretending you're someone you're not. That’s the only way you’ll ever get him back. You’re not what you were in prison anymore, but you’re even less the person others can manipulate like Masa has, so give Kame-chan finally what he has been asking for all along: a taste of the you he met in prison.”

“You don’t need to tell me that anymore.” Jin replied, turning back to his beer, still feeling Yamapi’s eyes on him as he brought the glass to his lips. A smile appeared on the News leader’s face, which Yamapi then wiped off.

“Then allow me to ask instead,” Yamapi said then and sighed, looking around him, “why does he always get you into trouble?”

Jin smiled too, knowing Yamapi was still secretly doing the same, and he drank up his beer. It was actually kind of cosy without the lights on and only the candles they had lit was illuminating the space around them, apart from the occasional lights that came from the street whenever someone drove past in high speed. Sadly though Yamapi wasn’t with the person he would feel like getting cosy with.

He placed his empty glass onto the counter, standing up.

“Done already?” Yamapi asked.

“Yeah, for now.” Jin replied. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, later. But don't get caught!” Yamapi called after the other leader, watching Jin go before adding for himself, “Finally.”

Jin walked down the familiar streets in fast steps. He had grown up in these blocks to be the man he was today. He was irresponsible for a gang leader, but selfish enough to want to be one. He loved challenges, games and rivalled with anyone who dared think they could match his level. To add to it he was short-tempered. After meeting Kame, Jin had discovered some more bad sides about himself. He was quite the jealous type, possessive and something of a relationship-phobic, but he had also discovered that he could love and if Kame was going to love him then Kame would have to love him for everything he was, including all of his bad sides and there was a whole bunch of them. Their love might be doomed to fail. He might not deserve it, but he’ll pursue it anyway because he wants it.

This was the only way he’d ever get answers and the only way Kame would get his and he’d finally be able to keep one promise.

He crossed the border, not wanting to slow down and the person who'd try to catch him would know just what he was capable of. He was not weak. His guilt had made him weak. Now he was determined to get what he wanted and he justified it the way he always had.

Life is just a game and everyone is in it.

What we do won’t matter when we’re gone. When it really comes down to it everyone just watches over themselves. Everyone cares the most about themselves no matter how much people try to deny it.

The only one you can really trust is yourself.

People, who are bound to contracts with a society, can never be this free. He will take advantage of them all and they won't be able to do anything being tied down like that. Contracts exist because of a desperate attempt to control life and especially the lives bound to the contract. People sign on, expecting safety, which they can never have. No one can change the game that is life, but if you’re determined enough, you can see it for what it really is and master it… The way he thought he had.

Jin crossed the big lawn and entered the locked campus building without a problem, hurrying up its stairs.

It all came back to him a bit too easily. All he had to do was stop holding himself back. Kame had been trying his nerves and he had been trying to keep it together, but this time he would not stop himself. If Kame would tempt him he would take.

He stopped to pick a last door. He was faster and better at it now that he had seen Kame master the trick. It was the gang leader and the master in him that wanted to keep ahead. The door opened with a silent click and he pushed it open only to slam it shut behind him. The noise he made caused the person who lived there to curiously lift his head from where the boy was once again sitting by his desk, nose in his books.

Sex was just for fun.

Love was overrated.

“What do you want this time?” Kame asked, eyeing him a little taken aback as he strolled over to the desk.

Most of the time it didn’t even exist…

“Jin?”

It was just something people wanted to believe in, because they needed it. They needed to feel loved and accepted, but someone like him would never need acceptance through love. He would earn all his respect the hard way - with the raw power in his fists and the strength of his back.

“I’m back.” he finally said and Kame wanted to sigh, gaze escaping to the books again.

“I noticed that…” the boy replied, but failing to appear as nonchalant as he was aiming to as Jin could spot a little uncertainty in Kame’s voice. Kame seemed unsettled, probably due to their previous encounter. He circled the table as Kame continued to talk with that same tone, “You can’t just keep coming here even if the trial is over. If you haven’t forgotten I still work for Masa and Johnny, which means you'll have to deal with them if you bug me, and I really meant what I said tonig-”

Kame stopped talking abruptly as Jin half sat down on his desk, brushing a few books aside to make room for himself.

“How could I not come when you’ve wanted to see me so badly?” Jin said and Kame peeked up at him, their eyes locking for a few long seconds.

“You turned yourself in, then you escaped and now you're here again?” Kame said, trying to make sense out of Jin, though to be perfectly honest he had expected Jin to show up. He had just been waiting for Jin to come there after what the leader had said in the holding cell. He had seen something then he hadn’t seen in a long time. But he wouldn't let it show. “What makes you think I won't call the cops again?”

“Simple. I won't let you.” Jin answered. “Wanna try and see who is faster between the two of us?”

He could tell from the look on Kame's face that Kame wasn't going to challenge him this time. Kame didn't know what he was capable of right now and Kame was playing it safe, still heeding the warning he had given the boy a few hours earlier.

“You didn't tell anyone the guys were coming to get me, did you? To add to it, you seemed to have forgotten to lock the door behind you when you left.” Jin said. “That's why I was able to escape so easily. You wanted me free.”

“I don’t have time for this.” Kame replied, making an attempt to ignore him and focus on the open books again, but Jin shut them in front of his nose and sent them off the edge of the table so they fell onto the floor into a messy heap.

“I’ll pretend for a minute I didn’t hear that.” Jin said then and Kame met his eyes. “It’s late.”

“So you should go home and pick someone up who'll actually sleep with you.” Kame replied and Jin smiled, amused at Kame’s attempts to get on his nerves. He reached to trail his fingers down Kame’s blond hair, making Kame the one clearly unsettled.

“Haven’t I forbidden you over and over again not to act on your own?” Jin said and Kame was taken aback by the unexpected comeback that didn’t even feel like a comeback as Jin had said it as if that was how the world worked - which was according to Jin’s will. “Now you’ve gone and done something troublesome and stupid again. Do you ever stop to think about what a mess you cause me while you’re doing the right thing? Your righteousness keeps giving me headaches.”

Kame just stared at him as his fingers danced down Kame’s smooth cheek next.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be so obsessed with doing the right thing.” Jin added and the startled look upon Kame's face clearly stated the boy wanted to know what he had meant by that. “I know you. You’re still the same beautiful boy I made into my pleasure toy in prison. You don’t betray me, you don’t seek glory or get bribed…all you want is to save people and have justice and all that shit, and that’s really what this is all about, isn’t it?”

He could see everything now, like he had used to. Every move even the smallest one Kame made, the tone of his voice, the truth behind every word…

Jin had convinced himself Kame must hate him to betray him since the boy was continuously pushing him away instead of letting him in, but he realized now that had just been his own insecurity he had developed over the years because of the guilt he had been living with.

“I’m getting tired of this.” Kame said, but Jin knew better. Kame was really tired of keeping up this façade and it was crumbling before him.

Kame made an attempt to get up and get past him, but Jin didn’t allow him that freedom, trapping the boy against the desk as soon as he was up on two feet. Kame leaned backwards a bit, obviously having forgotten about the few books still on his desk.

There was no way Kame was betraying them for real. His feelings had blinded him from seeing Kame this directly, when he should've followed the feeling in his gut. Then he would have found out what Kame was doing much faster and he could’ve stopped Kame.

“Do you think you can out me in a game?” Kame jerked back in the slightest as he said that and Jin leaned forwards. The boy almost flinched as he reached out a hand to touch the corner of Kame’s lips. “I love games. I’ve played so many of them and I’m tired of seeing you act so arrogant, thinking you can match me. I can see right through you.”

Kame didn’t reply, but avoided meeting his eyes.

“You’ve had it easy in this showdown so far, thinking you stand a chance against me while I’m behaving and you were so sure you wouldn’t awaken the true me again.” Jin continued and this time Kame’s eyes showed a bit of that fear and respect Jin was used to seeing.

His grip tightened on Kame and the boy gave out an almost inaudible protest, part of Kame still trying to keep on his role, while the other part was starting to understand it had long failed as the real Jin had stepped up to play.

Yamapi had been right all along. He should’ve let Kame face that past a long time ago for both of their sake. Maybe then Kame wouldn’t have run. Maybe Kame would’ve consulted with him first before even considering Masa’s offer.

“But I admit, it’s my fault too. I let my guilt come in the way of us to the point I even pretended to be your pet rather than facing the selfish bastard I am.” Jin added. “Now I’m done apologizing.”

He leaned into Kame and Kame thought Jin would kiss him, but instead he drew in Kame’s scent. How he had missed that addictive scent of Kame mixed together with the sweet smell of the Burberry Weekend cologne Kame used.

“Honey, I’m home.” Jin whispered into one ear, feeling Kame not move away, but clearly wanting to. “Did you miss me?”

That made the body trapped in his arms suddenly tense and he could imagine Kame’s blood freezing in his veins, as the boy seemed to finally admit to himself Jin was serious.

But even then Kame didn't give up. Stubbornly using what he could to take back some lost ground and maybe chase Jin away by replying, “Welcome back, master. The usual service as always?”

Jin couldn’t deny that hadn’t stung, but this time he knew why Kame said those things. Kame did it to gain control over him. Jin highly doubted Kame would’ve come up with that kind of a defence himself, so this was Masa’s doing. Masa had taught Kame how to control him.

“You shouldn’t put ideas in my head.” Jin warned and as he had expected it had just been a tool of defence as Kame seemed upset with the outcome of that. Jin brushed the last books off the table, seating Kame further onto it and Kame was suddenly afraid Jin was considering doing just that. “Because it sounds delightful and I just might take you up on that offer.”

By behaving like the master he took the ground of Kame's master-comebacks. Besides in this state of mind, Kame couldn’t even be sure Jin wouldn't do what Kame taunted him to do.

He wondered if Kame would take upon himself the role of a boy toy if he pressed on with the master role. He almost had in Korea and back then Kame had reverted back to the position of a boy toy, their apartment had turned into their cell and the gangster blocks Kame’s prison. They had fed off of each other, when one behaved like his role the other followed. He wanted to see if Kame would follow this time too.

“Remember how I told you, back when you were down on all four begging me not to throw you out, that I would never give you up.” Jin said, deliberately sounding amused. “What can I say? I’m a man of my word...when it benefits me, of course.”

Kame didn't answer, didn't move away, only leaned backwards in the slightest every time Jin leaned forwards.

“You know, you’re more beautiful without that mask on.” Jin murmured, fingers dancing over Kame's face again, removing his glasses and dropping them onto the floor, adding, “Take it off.”

Using Kame’s disadvantage in position to his advantage, Jin put some pressure on the boy, pinning him slowly lower and lower on the desk and at first Kame didn’t resist so much, didn’t push him away, counting on the fact that Jin would stop himself, but little by little the smaller boy was starting to understand that wasn’t going to happen.

“Now, I should really be interrogating you…asking you what good intentions you have this time to give me such a headache and depending on how honestly you'll answer, I’ll decide what tactics to use and also how hard to punish you afterwards. But~” Jin sighed, running a hand down Kame’s stiff body that lay so deliciously before him. “In celebration of our happy reunion, I’ll just do that later. Pleasure before business has always been my motto.”

Kame finally made resistance, pushing Jin’s hand away and supporting himself up on his other arm. “No.”

“No what?” Jin asked, face stopping inches from Kame's. “This is what you’ve been wanting, isn’t it? Me. Here. That's why you didn't try to run anywhere...this time.”

Kame wasn't sure whether he was protecting his deal with Masa or his own pride as he made an attempt to escape, pushing Jin off and stumbling out of the leader's way. It wasn't as if he hadn't thought of running. It had occurred to him immediately by that holding cell. He wasn't so stupid he didn't recognize it when Jin turned back to himself, but where could he have possibly run that Jin wouldn't find him? Besides Jin was right, he hadn't truly wanted to run. He hadn’t wanted to go the last time either.

He tensed as Jin took a step in his direction, which unfortunately for him was also the direction of his bed that took up a great deal of space in his small apartment. He had nowhere to go, but backwards as the leader, slowly but surely, corned him right where Jin wanted him and as Jin stopped at an intimate distance before him, he couldn't bring himself to even lift his gaze at first.

“You’re just…” Kame said, trying to compose himself before continuing, “taking it out on me that we beat you in court.”

“Actually I’m just horny.” Jin replied and a little too easily grabbed him and put him on the bed.

“Jin!” Kame let out as Jin climbed up on top of the struggling boy. Kame's fingers fisted themselves into the leather jacket, but Jin didn’t stop, hand continuing in under his clothing. “J-Jin?” Kame asked again, this time less loud and adding a little more power he let out a loud, “Jin?!” to get the leader’s attention.

Jin knew he was pushing the boy too strongly now and it was time to take a few steps back, but he had no intention of doing so.

“You have no idea how much I’ve craved for you all this time. I’ve dreamt about you, Kazu.” he said, pinning Kame down hard. “I've wanted to do precisely this.”

“W-wait!” Kame let out, aiming to sound less shaky.

“Relax.” Jin murmured into the boy’s ear, hands locked tightly around Kame's wrists as he pushed his body into the one beneath him, eager to have it and relieved he wasn't entitled to care whether he was allowed to or not. “It’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“Get off me-” Kame insisted, struggling to get free.

“Sch…I’m not in the mood to fight tonight.” Jin murmured, placing a finger on Kame’s lips to shut him up and letting that finger then trace over them before disappearing down Kame's chin to his neck and down his torso.

“Stop it.” Kame said, grabbing with his freed hand for the first thing he could find on the bed table, but Jin caught the attack in mid-air.

“Let’s not get violent.” Jin said, forcing Kame to let go off the hairbrush and it fell off the bed.

“Why are you doing this?” Kame had to ask and Jin gently led a strand of hair away from Kame’s ear, lowering his lips to it. Why had Jin chosen to revert back now when there was nothing left to save?

“Sch...” the older boy whispered. “Don't worry. You know I can't be rough on you no matter how much you drive me out of my mind.”

“Jin, please, stop this.” Kame practically pleaded, not being able to break out of the forced embrace, eyes searching Jin’s. “Jin, why are you acting like-”

“I said hush.” Jin murmured again, putting on a small smile. The other fingers not on Kame’s lips stroked the boy’s cheek soothingly. “I’m not going to do anything bad.”

His free hand found Kame's knee somewhere under him and pulled it up against his hip. Kame made a muffled sound under his thumb.

“You don’t have to do anything.” he continued in that same gentle tone. “Just let me in.”

That made Kame go from pleading back to self-defence, kneeing him in the side and making him wince in pain, allowing Kame some time to crawl almost out from under him, but before the boy could he grabbed a tight hold on the smaller boy, tugging him back under him on the bed, and Kame gave out something that sounded like a yelp.

“Now, now, don’t be like that.” Jin chuckled, as much as he could with his abused side still the aching. “You’ll enjoy it, I promise. So don't fight it. You know you can't win over me anyway.”

He didn’t feel all that superior saying things like that anymore, feeling Kame so desperately fight to get free. Nothing about this situation made him proud of himself. He tried to ignore the fact that he no longer simply wanted to pin Kame down and have his way, and instead tried to remember why he had enjoyed this superiority he had over the other boy right now.

“Stop it! Jin!” Kame let out under him, wriggling and trying to get loose.

“That's no use. You know I like it when you resist me.” Jin said, locking one of the boy’s arms above his head.

“Jin, you’re hurting me!” Kame let out under him and Jin hated the way that made him freeze, his heart clenching inside his chest and he made sure not to look at Kame’s face as the boy said, “Please, stop!”

“Then don’t struggle.” Jin managed to chuckle.

Oddly he was reminded of how vigorously Kame had fought for freedom those first few nights and then he noticed something had definitely changed. Kame wasn’t breaking into fear the way Kame had in Korea. He was only making Kame pissed off.

“No, I won’t let you!” Kame said, fighting harder now to push him away. “Get off of me! Get off!”

“I'm planning to.” Jin replied and took a tighter hold on the boy beneath him, making Kame wince.

He pushed harder to keep up his appearance. “What?” he asked as amused as he could. “Why do you fight back? Don’t you like me like this or is it because you’re scared of me?”

To his surprise that made Kame suddenly stop struggling altogether and part of him was convinced the boy had finally given up the fight and been taken over by the role of a boy toy he had enforced on Kame. He found it difficult to meet Kame's eyes.

“What are you waiting for? Do what you've been wanting to do then.” Kame said as their eyes locked on each other's and Jin feared he had been right. He forced a smile.

“Surrendering finally?” he asked. “Good boy.”

“I'm not surrendering.” Kame corrected him. “I don't need to do anything, because you won't hurt me.”

Jin was taken aback by that answer. “No, I promise it won't hurt a bit.” he murmured, but Kame didn't seem interested in fighting back at all, not verbally and not physically, as the boy relaxed his muscles completely and Jin felt Kame's body soften under his.

“I may not know everything about you as you've hidden from me all these years, but I know what you're playing now isn't you anymore.” Kame said. “You've changed since I met you. Something in you changed during the first couple of months I spent with you. I saw it although you didn't want me to.” The boy lifted a hand to his face, trailing fingers over it. “I chased after you for so long, but you never let me catch you and when I sought you up you wore a mask with me. Now I will catch you, but it's not the way I would've wanted.”

Kame retreated his hand, letting it fall back by his side.

“If I'm wrong about you now it won't matter if I resist. You always get it your way, why should this time be any different?” Kame continued. “So go on if that's what you really want. But I still trust you won't. ”

His grip on Kame grew weaker until he released the boy, who remained on the bed, watching him sit up. They were silent for a while, before Kame spoke.

“What you did to me in prison...was the most painful thing I've ever had to go through.” He could feel Kame's eyes on his back. “You humiliated me. To every prisoner in that building I was known as your boy toy and you'll never understand what that was like. I hated you at first. I hated what you did to my body and I hated that you were so good at it. I hated myself too for giving in to you, for liking what you did to me, for actually starting to want to be in your cell for the rest of my sentence even if it meant to be your boy toy. I even begged you to keep me, that's how low I sunk.”

Jin had wanted Kame to speak his mind all this time, but now when Kame did he wasn't so sure he could bear to listen.

“That night...I could’ve fought you off, you probably would’ve let me go just like you had the two before, but I didn’t dare to.” Kame continued and Jin fisted his hands tightly into the sheets. “I was afraid of what consequences I would have to face if I didn’t submit. That day it had dawned upon me just how alone I really was and how many people were willing to do your bidding. No one took my side.”

Jin wouldn’t turn his head to meet his gaze and Kame preferred it that way. Otherwise he wouldn’t be able to say the things they still hadn’t talked about, the one subject still hanging over them, haunting them and in the end ruining them.

“I guess I sort of did let it happen, or at least I didn’t refuse you like I had done the nights before. My image of you was different from who you really were.” Kame continued and swallowed, vividly clear remembering that night. “It hurt. It was humiliating. I thought…it was about putting me down and showing me who was in charge.”

Every word was really difficult for him to say, even though Kame knew Jin would listen to it all and maybe even wanted to hear this. Either way he couldn’t keep silent about this anymore. The irony in it was that it had been eating on Jin more than him. He had never realized it before Masa had laid it out so bluntly for him. At that moment he had understood just why he never seemed to be able to have a real relationship with Jin.

“It wasn’t exactly what I had imagined my first time to be like…not that I had really thought about it so much before. I really hadn’t expected it to be with another guy…” Kame said. “But then, at the same time I felt something I had never felt before. I didn’t…know that my body was capable of reacting like that and it scared me. You made me tremble and you brought me pleasure even though I didn’t want any of it.”

Jin shut his eyes, memories flashing through his mind as vividly as through Kame's.

“I remember.” Kame looked at him surprised. The tone in Jin’s voice was different from before. “You weren’t willing. You cried. Your body was tense and had I let you go of you, you would’ve tried to crawl away from me in an attempt to escape. You hated it and I forced you to it. Some part of me even enjoyed seeing you like that, seeing you admit defeat to me. It was just a game to me and all I wanted was to fulfil my own needs even at the expense of you and those before you.”

Kame just stared, unable to get a word out. He couldn’t believe Jin had just said that.

“Sometimes I don’t feel worth touching you, and then the thought of me being your boyfriend feels really ridiculous.” Jin added, turning to give him a look. “But for all it’s worth…I’m sorry.”

Kame had only once before seen Jin’s eyes like that, the only time he had seen Jin cry. The gangster turned his head away.

“I just wanted to forget all about it. Why did you have to bring it up in Korea?” Jin heard Kame say in a weak voice. “How did you expect us to ever be able to have a relationship if you brought that up? Or did you know we would never have that, because you sure always said we couldn’t…” Kame swallowed hard. “Was that why you just let me leave?”

Kame had been terrified to bring the subject of their past up, fearing it would doom all attempts at a relationship if he talked about it. After what Jin just said it truly seemed impossible and it was such a bitter feeling to know no matter what they would've done nothing could've made them happy together. Why was it then that the only time Kamenashi Kazuya could really say he had felt happy was the time he spent with Jin, who by all logic should be the source of his misery like he seemed to be to Jin? All he had wanted was to love Jin. Why couldn't it have been as simple as that? Was he really just naïve to think that way?

“You and your friends, you may all find it laughable I fell in love with you while being your boy toy. You may say it was my way of trying to deny the truth about what you did to me every night or that I mixed love with sex, but I really did fall in love with you.” Kame said. “No matter how laughable you find it since you didn't let me see who you really were most of the time, but I did see something. I was around you day and night. Tell me what I saw was really you, that you did let your guard down from time to time, that who I fell in love with really exists!”

“You want to know who I am?” Jin asked and Kame didn't answer, but he felt the boy's eyes still on him and Kame was definitely waiting for an answer of some kind. “I’m the person, who forced you to serve me night after night, who enjoyed seeing you try to resist me with no power whatsoever, who never wanted to let you out of my claws, who broke your heart time and time again, who is so sorry for everything I did to you and who…who fell in love with you.” Jin paused, before adding, “I’m the one, who should’ve come after you when you left. I should never have let you leave in the first place.”

As he turned his gaze to Kame's again he could see a tear rolling down Kame's cheek.

“I’m not repeating that mistake again. I’ve been doing stupid things myself, causing you headaches, but that all stops now. You'll know exactly who I am and it’s up to you if you’ll be able to love me as I am or not.” Jin said. “Either way, you’re going to be seeing a lot more of me and I of you whether you like it or not because you’re not getting rid of me.”

He stood up and walked over to the door, hand already on the handle when he paused.

“It wasn't all a lie.” he said, not turning around. “It wasn't all just pretending or a game. I just tried to emphasize the good sides so you wouldn't see the bad ones...so that you would love me if only for one day longer, before realizing just what I had done to you and what I was. But it all went terribly wrong. I hurt you in order to avoid getting hurt myself and that was never my intention.”

Kame had known since the start that was the truth. When Jin had thrown his long-term boy toy out with an excuse that didn't even sound remotely plausible, Kame had sought the truth, but he had offered only lies and cruel words meant to scare Kame off. Kame was too stubborn for that to happen and so the words only got crueller each time they faced each other. In the darkness of one of the endless tunnels Johnny had dug, Kame had told him “you would rather see me hurt than tell me how things really are” and that was the truth even though it had never been Jin's intention. He had meant to protect his ex-cellmate, but had ended up being the one Kame really would've needed the protection from.

“I'll give you one day.” Jin spoke again. “Make a run for it if you like. Tomorrow night I'll find you again.”

Having said that he walked out of the apartment, leaving Kame still on the bed and Kame didn’t get up for a long time even after he had left.

Jin walked down the streets, heading back to his blocks, but far less determined than he had left them. He was sure his feet would take him there eventually even if his mind didn't.

He really had sealed his doom, following the logic of 'getting rid of temptations by yielding to them'. Every time he had been tempted to have his way with Kame, he had, and afterwards his commitment-phobic self had returned along with a load of guilt and he had broken free, only to wait for Kame to come and tempt him again.

Had he kept Kame just for one month, things could've been different. But he had been satisfied with things as they were. Why change them?

That was exactly the kind of thinking that had been his doom.

Jin smiled for himself, as the scenery around him turned to a very familiar one and he crossed their border and was home again.

He was glad he had failed as a player.