SAM'S ADVENTURE with SURGERY!
THIS ACCOUNT CONTAINS DETAILS OF SURGICAL PROCEDURES ON MY SKULL. Just. Fair warning.
So, yes. I indeed had an adventure today, which is why I was lolgone. All day.
I was mostly in the car.
My hearing implant surgery was today (I’ve been deaf in my right ear for a year now). And Johns-Hopkins (where I was having the procedure done) is three hours away so, yeah. That took awhile.
When I actually got there, though, checking in was actually relatively painless and had a minimum of paperwork. They did ask for my driver’s license in exchange for this beeper…pager thing that they never actually used, but more on that later!
And after that was pretty much standard surgery procedure. Take off your clothes-yes, everything-put them in the bag, put on this gown and these nonslip socks with what looks like Johns-Hopkins medical campus on the bottom. Then you get to sit there. And wait. And we’ll ask some potentially awkward questions.
The actual surgery was…well, not that terribly exciting. (Did I mention it’s chilly in the operation rooms? Because they are D: ) The whole thing took maybe thirty minutes, but the anesthesiologist only knocked me out for a few minutes. This time I was trying to stay awake!
I’ve found that it is quite frankly impossible! Or I am clearly not as badass as Bill. D:
I tried to count down from ten and got halfway to eight. “Hm, my nose is feeling tingly and I feel sle-wait what why is there a bag on my head.”
…it wasn’t actually a bag, but still. It was one of those blue plastic sheet things. And I was awake, but…felt nothing. And felt really calm. Which was a good thing because what I heard next would have made me panic if I had not been in a drugged state of mind.
The surgeon asks for a screwdriver. Yes, a fucking screwdriver. WHATCHU GONNA DO WITH THAT MISTER.
Sam’s Rational Brain: AFSDKLJASDFASDA;FDLK
Sam’s Brain on Drugs: Hm. A nap seems like a fabulous idea.
And I can hear them scraping away at my skull (it’s a BAHA implant, so yes it is a titanium screw that goes in my skull). It’s kind of annoying. Then the drill comes in.
What, you can’t see the word “screw” and not expect power tools!
I didn’t feel anything, really. Some pressure, but no pain. It was like the loudest dentist’s drill imaginable. Times five.
The surgeon seemed like he was instructing a student a few times, though; the drilling felt a bit less confident twice before he presumably finished the job. Then someone else stitched my head up and they wheeled me out to recovery! Which is basically where they put all the post-op patients from this ward until they’re lucid enough to go home or they get assigned a room elsewhere in the facility.
I just bled all over my pillow and my gown because lol head wound D: I was completely awake, just kinda sleepy. They held me over for about half an hour and then discharged me with a prescription for antibiotics and some pain pills and A Health Kit with gauze and things and instructions for later care when the dressing comes off. (It has a smiley face sticker on it.)
My dad picked me up after I had changed (and stopped bleeding. My gown did look a bit scary. Like I had tried to kill someone by headbutting them with my ear.)
It was only about fifteen minutes down the road that we noticed this annoying beeping sound. We had taken the stupid pager with us :| They never even used the thing; it was supposed to be for getting my dad’s attention in the waiting room, but they just sent an aide out to get him. I had used my ID as a deposit (we got it back) but still. What is this new technology D:
…and I think I’m still kind of loopy and drowsy from the pain drugs, so I apologize if this is failing to make sense.
THAT WAS MY ADVENTURE.
…oh. And I can’t wear my glasses because this dressing is in the way and it has to stay there for two days. I HAVE A PLASTIC CINNAMON BUN ON MY HEAD and no glasses. I need my glasses I am horribly nearsighted D:
So, yes. I indeed had an adventure today, which is why I was lolgone. All day.
I was mostly in the car.
My hearing implant surgery was today (I’ve been deaf in my right ear for a year now). And Johns-Hopkins (where I was having the procedure done) is three hours away so, yeah. That took awhile.
When I actually got there, though, checking in was actually relatively painless and had a minimum of paperwork. They did ask for my driver’s license in exchange for this beeper…pager thing that they never actually used, but more on that later!
And after that was pretty much standard surgery procedure. Take off your clothes-yes, everything-put them in the bag, put on this gown and these nonslip socks with what looks like Johns-Hopkins medical campus on the bottom. Then you get to sit there. And wait. And we’ll ask some potentially awkward questions.
The actual surgery was…well, not that terribly exciting. (Did I mention it’s chilly in the operation rooms? Because they are D: ) The whole thing took maybe thirty minutes, but the anesthesiologist only knocked me out for a few minutes. This time I was trying to stay awake!
I’ve found that it is quite frankly impossible! Or I am clearly not as badass as Bill. D:
I tried to count down from ten and got halfway to eight. “Hm, my nose is feeling tingly and I feel sle-wait what why is there a bag on my head.”
…it wasn’t actually a bag, but still. It was one of those blue plastic sheet things. And I was awake, but…felt nothing. And felt really calm. Which was a good thing because what I heard next would have made me panic if I had not been in a drugged state of mind.
The surgeon asks for a screwdriver. Yes, a fucking screwdriver. WHATCHU GONNA DO WITH THAT MISTER.
Sam’s Rational Brain: AFSDKLJASDFASDA;FDLK
Sam’s Brain on Drugs: Hm. A nap seems like a fabulous idea.
And I can hear them scraping away at my skull (it’s a BAHA implant, so yes it is a titanium screw that goes in my skull). It’s kind of annoying. Then the drill comes in.
What, you can’t see the word “screw” and not expect power tools!
I didn’t feel anything, really. Some pressure, but no pain. It was like the loudest dentist’s drill imaginable. Times five.
The surgeon seemed like he was instructing a student a few times, though; the drilling felt a bit less confident twice before he presumably finished the job. Then someone else stitched my head up and they wheeled me out to recovery! Which is basically where they put all the post-op patients from this ward until they’re lucid enough to go home or they get assigned a room elsewhere in the facility.
I just bled all over my pillow and my gown because lol head wound D: I was completely awake, just kinda sleepy. They held me over for about half an hour and then discharged me with a prescription for antibiotics and some pain pills and A Health Kit with gauze and things and instructions for later care when the dressing comes off. (It has a smiley face sticker on it.)
My dad picked me up after I had changed (and stopped bleeding. My gown did look a bit scary. Like I had tried to kill someone by headbutting them with my ear.)
It was only about fifteen minutes down the road that we noticed this annoying beeping sound. We had taken the stupid pager with us :| They never even used the thing; it was supposed to be for getting my dad’s attention in the waiting room, but they just sent an aide out to get him. I had used my ID as a deposit (we got it back) but still. What is this new technology D:
…and I think I’m still kind of loopy and drowsy from the pain drugs, so I apologize if this is failing to make sense.
THAT WAS MY ADVENTURE.
…oh. And I can’t wear my glasses because this dressing is in the way and it has to stay there for two days. I HAVE A PLASTIC CINNAMON BUN ON MY HEAD and no glasses. I need my glasses I am horribly nearsighted D: