i don't regret anything. i did all that i could, gave him all that i could, loved all that i could. i didn't hold back. and i think that is going to let me be at peace with the whole thing. and i think i'm on my way there. i couldn't have done any more. so it's over... and i think that it is ok.

ouch... my heart hurts again. i think that if your heart hasn't been broken for a while you actually start to forget how much it physically hurts. i did... but now i remember... and i think this time it is worse than ever. i really loved him a lot

• × •I N F O R M A T I O N ( Read more... )

i wish things could be simple again. i remember a day when i was 16. everything just seemed so easy. exams had gotten out early and the day was just amazingly beautiful outside. i was in love... and it was the kind of 16-year-old love where anything is possible. ben and i went back to my house and down by the lake to sit on the dock. it was ( Read more... )

i think that right now i am the loneliest that i have ever been in my life. it is so strange to come home to no one every single day. i guess that i always took that for granted. most of us do, i think. it might be that we get home late at night almost every night. sometimes our dad is there, sometimes sleeping, sometimes not. but he is there ( Read more... )

when is this ever going to stop? i don't deserve all this doubt that i have for and in myself. i keep thinking that all this is my fault, that something is wrong with me. well it fucking isn't. i'm fine just the way that i am. i don't have to change for someone, sacrifice things that i shouldn't. and i fucking keep clinging onto this hope ( Read more... )

soooo... basically i am convinced that chris has either cheated on me in the past or if we weren't together, lied to me about sleeping with someone... amanda. his best friend's old girlfriend. even my friend marissa thought that they did. i mean, come on dumb ass... do you really think that you can keep fucking around and me never find out. i ( Read more... )

i think that i'm realizing that chris never loved me at all. maybe he just thought that he did because i was what he thought that he should want in a girl. i don't know. i'm realizing now that is has to be over. that this is going to hurt so much. that i don't know when i'll recover.

it hurts to breathe. i hate that feeling. i can't eat... everything i try to comes right back up. i can't sleep... i had to take sleeping pills last night. i burst out in tears every second it seems like. i want to be stronger. but i don't think that i can do it on my own. sometimes i wish i was a cold person. that i could just turn of my ( Read more... )

i miss chris so much. last night we slept apart for the first time when we weren't fighting. usually, even if i am mad, he will come into my room and wake me up. now it is just ok for us to sleep apart. how sad is that? i miss the person that i know he is. i don't know who is sleeping in his bed at this very moment. it isn't the boy that i ( Read more... )